Have you ever gone on a surprise date and been shocked? Badly?
He asks you out on a date, you stress about the clothes and makeup you will wear, then boom…. he takes you to a bar.
The experience twitter user Malaika went through is so mesmerizing as she shared in a Twitter thread below:
Imagine being told you’re going on a surprise date, he says you should look extra nice. You’re excited, you call your friend to help you pick between the flowy red dress you bought last week for Yvette’s birthday this weekend (the theme is burgundy) +
+ and the white one that makes your bum look nice. She says red, you’ll get another one on Friday.
Off you go into your 3 hour prep…he says he’ll pick you up at 7pm, so at 4 you’ve decided to do a spa day level shower…you’re using your nice body wash and scrub that you got for Christmas…
Skin glistening and the heels of your feet pumiced raw, you go into 2 hours of hair and make up. Half an hour of that time is taken deciding if you really want to go with the red or if the white is more becoming.
You choose the white and send your friend a picture, it looks nicer with the heels you like too. The ones that look nice but really aren’t meant for walking…
The “house>cab>sit>cab>back home” heels
You’ve got your playlist going and sip on some wine as you powder your face.
Possibly doing a little twerk cause you’re having a good skin day and everything’s blending divinely…
He texts, “Hey beautiful, will let you know when I’m close by, 😘”
You have a big, stupid smile on your face.
An hour later, hair done, make up done, you’ve done your panty line check and taken a roll of pictures because you look fine AF.
He says he’s at your gate.
You spritz a bit more perfume on your neck, smooth your dress and walk out.
The watchman opens the gate and smiles “Uko smart leo,”
You smile and say thank you.
Of course you are…you’ve been at this for 2 hours.
Your date is in a leather jacket and Timbs. You’re a little confused but smile anyway…maybe that’s just his style. Seems he’s showing out today too, he’s wearing Invictus. It reminds you of your problematic ex but that’s a story for another day…
He seems genuinely blown away. You look fantastic. He says he really hopes you enjoy the dinner date he’s planned. You’re excited again and curious about where you’re headed.
On the way, you talk and he shares why he thinks the locust invasion is a ploy by the government to distract Kenyans from big embezzlements happening.
Eyebrow raised slightly, you ask why he thinks so and how he would know that…
He gives a brief, confident chuckle “I just know, you get this kind of intel when you know people up there,” he looks to your side anticipating an impressed expression.
You change the topic and sweetly ask what the plan is for the night.
He says it’s a great place, he sealed a business deal with his boys there last week. That you shouldn’t worry, you’ll love the scene.
As you go down Langata Road, you start to guess, Mombasa Road, maybe Eka?
It is in fact not Eka or Sereni or wherever you thought dinner could be. He stops at a familiar parking space by the road.
Does he need to pick something up?
No, he calls someone to ensure your table is still reserved.
You text your friend as he’s on phone. “Babes we’re near 18, do you know any dinner places around here? I’ve tried to guess but nothing’s coming to mind.”
She says you should relax and just enjoy the date. You guys have been talking for a while, for a fact he has something good planned.
You decide she’s right and breathe out. You need to relax.
He’s off his phone now, he unbuckles his seatbelt and gives you a sheepish kiss on the cheek. “You look so nice,”
You are confused. Why is he not backing out of the parking lot? Why is his seatbelt off? Why is he giving you romantic eyes in a dingy parking lot at 8pm?
He gets out and opens the door for you. With your heels that you can’t really walk in, you dodge potholes and cracked tarmac to find yourself outside 1824.
He waves to the bouncer and guides you by the small of your waist.
It dawns upon you that this is the dinner date as Yemi Alade’s- 911 booms from the inside of the place. He looks very pleased with himself.
You have been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amuck and flat out deceived.