Things you need to know about your love life

As complicated as dating is,sometimes things don’t go as we plan yet we keep on holding on.

For some people it’s a pattern that they are accustomed to that leads them to such situations.

However instead of ignoring certain signs, its important to ask yourself these questions in order to know where you are headed.

Do I deserve this? – When we are in love we are bound to overlook certain things that our partners do. I get it and agree that we should compromise but let’s not get this twisted because taking crap is another story all together.  Analyse what it is that you are getting from your relationship, is it what you bargained for or are you getting less? If you are, discuss with your partner and let them know how you feel. If things don’t change then make a decision. If things are good then maintain that relationship and build something better for the two of you.

Do we have boundaries? In a healthy relationship a “NO” means no and a “YES” means yes. If you find yourself in a situation where you constantly have to explain your decisions then there is no respect. You need to know that sometimes your partner may not want to do things or they may not agree with your opinion but that does not mean that you coerce them into agreeing.  You should allow your partner to have an opinion and respect it and vice versa.

Did I lose myself? Before you started dating who were you? What did you like? Did you lose yourself in the process of dating? If you stop having an identity once you start dating someone it means that you have abandoned yourself to be another person or to live the life of another person. Dating should be interdependent whereby each person has their own separate lives besides their relationship. That way you can support each other as opposed to it being one sided.

Is this a pattern? – Look back at your previous relationships and see what they have in common, are they all destructive or are the impactful? You may be in bad relationships but there is always one constant thing in all of them. Maybe you blame yourself or you entertain partners who are abusive. Check yourself and draw the lines to what you expect and what you can take, if its abusive kill that pattern and find someone who appreciates you.

Am I happy? – Are you struggling to be happy or are you genuinely happy? There is a different because in struggling you are pretending to be something that you are not. In being genuinely happy there is not forcing or pretending, you genuinely enjoy your relationship and how it makes you feel. If you are not happy, discuss with your partner and find a way forward.

The Author, Ms. Chituyi is a relationship expert.

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