What Daddy Owen does to reassure his wife about female stalkers

Gospel artiste Daddy Owen has revealed that he has had to come up with creative ways to deal with female stalkers for his sake and that of his marriage.

Speaking in an exclusive interview with a local blog, Owen who has been in the music industry for the last 15 years says

Having female stalkers as a male artiste is normal.

I have been in this industry for 15 years and I know how to talk people and handle such things like stalkers.

Stalking is not something new to me and I do not feel like it’s a challenge.

He adds

Before we got here I had to make my wife comfortable on how we handle such things.

Daddy Owen and his wife Farida enjoying a vacation

Daddy Owen who married the love of his life Farida Wambui in 2016 says

What has kept my marriage is me understanding that I must work on myself first.

This is because your wife is someone you are not related to.

In conclusion Owen reveals that marriage is a two way traffic

The way I used to see my dad behave is not the same way I behave in my house.

Marriage is more about communication, marriage is a transition.

Also read more here

The late Ken Okoths ‘other secret’ wife emerges

A fresh controversy has rocked Ken Okoth’s family as a second ‘wife’ emerged with his five-year-old son.

The Star has established that the woman, a Jubilee-nominated MCA, approached Okoth’s family on Tuesday evening and demanded that her son be recognised before his ‘father’ is interred.

The family was meeting on Tuesday at Silver Springs Hotel along Vallely Road with the ODM leadership to give funeral details.

 The son, whose pictures with Okoth have been shared online, is well known among Okoth’s close circle and family members.

The MP’s European widow, Monica, is said to have got wind of the boy and opposed the idea of publicly recognising him. She and Okoth had no biological children but adopted three.

The widow is said to have protested attempts to have him mentioned in the MP’s funeral advertisement.

The advert was to be published in Wednesday’s dailies, but the push and pull on whether the child should be listed delayed the plan.

The details of the ‘second family’ emerged as the controversy persisted over whether the lawmaker’s remains will be cremated or buried.

Opposition chief Raila Odinga on Wednesday chaired a crisis meeting with the family but only told the press, “The body will be handled in the same way as that of Kenneth Matiba.”

A close Okoth confidant, who requested anonymity, told the Star of the existence of the ‘second’ family and how the MP never shied from making it known that he is the father of the boy.

The source, who accompanied Okoth to Tetu, Nyeri county, to meet the woman’s parents, said the existence of the boy was an open secret known to both Okoth’s and the woman’s parents.

“Both the paternal and maternal grandparents have met the child and have lived with him for days. Ken loved the son very much and there is nothing in question,” the MP’s confidant said.

Okoth and his secret lover are said to have met in 2011 while the woman was working as a nurse at the Aga Khan Hospital, Nairobi, before she was nominated to the county assembly during the 2017 General Election.

At one time, the MP is said to have stayed together with the woman at a house along Ngong Road in Nairobi.

The revelations came just hours after Okoth’s mother Angelina Ajwang’ warned that her son did not father any child outside of her marriage with Monica.

“Ken did not sire any child. I know many women will come out to claim they have at least a child with Ken,” she told a local television station on Tuesday.

But the Star is in possession of an exclusive picture of Angelina with the five-year-old son at her Kibra home. Close family friends confirmed that the child is a  regular visitor to her home.

In the picture, Angelina is seen in a jovial mood showing her ‘grandson’ a story in a newspaper as the child kneels on the chair and looks on.

The source — who has been part of all funeral arrangement meetings — dismissed Angelina’s claim alleging she might have been coerced into making the statement.

“We are not in any way disputing whether the child will be given anything. What we want is that the family should not push this child into the background as if Ken never left any child. Let it be known that Ken left a son whom he loved very much,” he said.

He disclosed that the late MP included the child in his will and the family should respect his wishes.

“Ken has put that in the will. Ken has a will, and as I told you, I am Ken’s confidant. I am privy to the will. And the child is catered for in that will,” he added.

Another family source corroborated to the Star that Okoth had been taking care of the child’s upkeep, including paying for his school fees at a high-end school in Nairobi.

I stabbed my husband after he told me to leave our six year marriage

Maina Kageni was caught in a situation and found it so surreal.

A woman over the weekend got into a domestic fight with her husband after he asked her to leave. He actually wanted her to leave her, after six years of marriage and he said ‘I’m done with you, get out of my life’.

So she took it easy and on Sunday when she was supposed to pack and leave, she went absolutely crazy. She stabbed him in the arm, twice. Luckily, the neighbors heard the commotion and came and rescued him. She was taken to the police station where she spent two nights. and is now out on bail.

And when Maina met her he asked her just one question – Why didn’t you just go, he doesn’t want you anymore?

She responded,’I am going nowhere and this relationship is not ending. Siendi mahali.

In her mind the weekend incident did not happen. That man is not leaving her.

Maina sought to know from listeners what they mean when they say they are not leaving regardless.

‘What do you mean by you are not going nowhere ladies?’ Maina continued.

stabbing

He opened up the discussion to listeners and those online.

Others were of opinion that the guy could have looked for a better way to tell her woman that the relationship was over. Most of the ladies were of opinion that they could not walk out of the relationship without having a place to head to.

How the murder suspect of Parliament cop Helen Kwamboka was tracked down

When they are in a relationship they tend to be settled hence when asked to leave they cannot. One male caller said that when a woman wants to kill you they can without hesitation hence the lady in question should be talked to before killing the husband.

Kenyan woman found dead in Australia a week after her murder

Among the callers were men with different opinions on the same. The comments were;

Women should understand that were are nothing but strangers and if I asked one to leave she should because she is not my mother and I will inform the security not to allow her back to my house.

Do these women understand that at times we are not in love with them. We just marry them to have children and thus all so they should leave.

When someone is not interested in you anymore and asks you to leave there is nothing you do to change their mind.

One caller was of opinion that if you want to leave a woman you should tell her in a more passionate way. When you just wake up one morning and tell someone that you have been staying with you wanna leave them it really breaks their heart.

Read more:

Jua Cali reveals what he would like his son to avoid (Exclusive)

Jua Cali was at our offices yesterday. The rapper spoke about many things in his life. One of the questions we asked him was a major lesson he had learned about marriage? He replied that one should never keep secrets from their spouse wife, as those secrets always get out.

Juakcali and his wife Lilly
Juakcali and his wife Lilly

He also said that the things that he would never want his son to be or do that include: do drugs, be a liar or a wishy-washy person. What did he do before he was famous?

Jua-Calis-son
Jua-Calis-son

He said that he had been lucky that he had never needed to be employed, adding that he and Clemmo used to fix electronic items. He also said that he was happy with the current crop of musicians like Ethic and Ochungulo, defending their style of music.

Jua Cali
Jua Cali

Jua Kali said that he didn’t believe that Wasafi controlled the Kenyan music market, although he did agree that they have good music. He thought the gong for dominating the Kenyan media industry should go to the aforementioned Ochungulo family and Ethic groups.

In a quickfire section with our interviewer, the celeb said the one thing he would never do was do drugs. He also explained that a place he would not like to visit again in Africa was Nigeria. He did not give his reasons as to why.

Jua Cali
The rapper on the phone

And what was the cheapest thing that he has purchased in his wardrobe? He said that his boxers cost 100 shillings. He also revealed that the toughest time in his life was when he and Clemmo were trying to make Calif a big recording studio.

Read here for more

How to pamper your husband in 12 easy ways

 

If you were to be honest with yourself, how would you rate your relationship on a scale of one to ten?

We were having a conversation between men and women about this topic in the office and someone shared this tweet that the fellas said was the realest sh*t for men.

how to treat a man tweet(1)(1)

Here are simple things all girls can do to keep the fire burning, as published on pairedlife.com.

1. You can never be too busy to whisper sweet nothings to him. A text a day or better yet a call to check up on him will prove how crazy you are abut him.

2. We all have reasons why we fell in love with and eventually married bae. Put this down in writing and share the list with him. Let him fall in love with you all over again by reading this list to him.

3.  When you were dating, you considered yourselves bestfriends. Be THAT BEST FRIEND you were. Remember how you would drop at a heartbeat whatever you were doing to be with him? Yup, that’s what I’m talking about.

He needs you to be there to listen, Ladies also have a problem with men needing space. Don’t catch a feeling if he wants to be left alone. Be compassionate.

4. Remember back when you made an effort to dress up for him? Be pretty for him. Flaunt your femininity. Dress in clothes he wants you to wear at home. Who knows where this will lead?

5. Pay attention to his needs. Most of us women are guilty of putting our children’s needs first, completely forgetting our husbands. So when this happens what is he supposed to do? Make a conscious effort to take care of your husband and the little things he needs.

6. On weekends when we all have time, wake up earlier and make him that special breakfast. On weekends we are not in a rush to beat traffic. It’s true the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

7.  Tell his parents about how good a man your husband is. Praise them for raising him the way they did. This will not only please your husband, it will create a bond between you and his family.

8. Make time for date nights. It is important to keep the romance alive. If this is not possible, find time at home to be alone. Listen to a romantic song together, or just be with each other and be lovers again, when the kids are asleep.

9. ABSOLUTELY STOP whining. Find ways to talk to your husband about your needs without making it sound like you are complaining. Do not make your husband feel inadequate with your grievances, criticism and fault finding.

10. When he makes a mistake or gets insecure about losing his hair, say kind words of encouragement and reassurance. Declare your devotion all over again. Remind him you married him (your wedding vows will come in handy here).

11.  Pray with your husband especially when he is worried about something. He needs to know you are there for him.

12. Find reasons to be together. Run errands with him. Take him to the carwash, or to see the latest gadgets. He doesn’t really need you, but will appreciate the company.

 

MUST READ: Reasons why more Kenyan women are marrying two husbands

This situation was brought into the spotlight when cases of two Kenyan women with co-husbands was made public.

The term to describe the situation of women with two husbands is polyandry.

 

No such relationship was public in Kenya until the disclosure by Makueni resident Rael Mukeku that she is married to two men, and the arrest of a Migori woman, Maurine Atieno, and her two husbands following public outrage.

These incidents, both in September, sparked a debate on whether women should be free to marry more than one man.

Mukeku got married to her first husband, then the second man moved into their compound to join that marriage as a second husband.

Atieno and her husbands were rounded up due to public demand after neighbours discovered she was living with the two men in her first husband’s home.

She was first married to Robert Ochieng, siring two children with him before they separated and she got married elsewhere. She later returned to Ochieng’s home with her second husband, John Ochola, and the three continued to stay together as a wife and co-husbands.

Although only Rael and Maureen have opened up to having two husbands, lawyer Jemimah Keli says it is possible there are more women in such unions, despite the risk of public condemnation.

SOCIAL ENGINEERING

And Keli says there could be many almost similar arrangements, especially in cosmopolitan areas like Nairobi, where women could be with several men supporting them or living with them in certain arrangements, but not in the same house.

The lawyer says polyandry is a social engineering caused by changes in the society over time, and it doesn’t amount to a marital union.

“When a society evolves, all manner of dangers will arise, and there is good and bad about it. Women can say they are more empowered now, to the extent they can accommodate two men, while men may feel like they require help. For example, the second man in the Makueni case said he moved in because the other man was weak or was sick,” Keli says.

“So, since traditionally the role of a man is to provide for their family, the question is: could it be that men would want other men to assist them to perform that role? Would it make their burden easier? Those are the questions the society will ask itself.”

However, Kiambu woman representative Gathoni wa Muchomba and Rev Vincent Mulwa of the Christ Pilgrimage Restoration Centre say men in such unions are abnormal and devoid of manliness.

“But there is another problem I’m seeing today. More women are choosing to be single mothers with multiple s3x partners, and that could be the reason men are lacking wives. Not because women are not there, but because they don’t want to get married,” Rev Mulwa said.

“That could be the origin of the situation of two men finding themselves loving the same woman who has been cheating on them. And because no others are interested in being their wives, they agree to keep this one.”

Keli says polyandry is not an arrangement known either by the law or in any customs in the country. The Marriage Act defines all the marriages as a union between a man and a woman or between a man and women. Consequently, she says, polyandry cannot be called a marriage; it can only remain a relationship between several parties.

“Even polygamous marriages are recognised under that law as where a man is married to more than one woman. Maybe in another generation, we may want to recognise that a woman can marry more than one man. Then we will have to change our laws to accommodate that relationship as a marriage,” Keli said.

“But as the society evolves, different challenges will prompt law changes with time to address those challenges, to accommodate the new lifestyles, and then the law will decide whether that lifestyle fits to be a marriage.”

However, Keli rules out any criminal acts in women marrying more men. She says Mukeku, Atieno and other women in polyandry are not committing any offence punishable by the law, because it is just a relationship that is not defined under the penal code, and an offence has to be defined by the law.

ERODED MANLINESS

Mulwa says it is an inversion of God’s order of nature when a man ceases to be in control and the woman is the one calling the shots in a marriage, with the “subdued men” under her authority.

The cleric says there is no rationale for polyandry, and a woman advancing it is basically full of the notion of equality.

Wa Muchomba says men accepting to be co-husbands are grossly inept because “no cock wants to share”, while Mulwa says only men with severe mental problems can contemplate such unions.

The woman rep says manliness in Kenyan men is getting eroded so much that the boy child is under siege.

“To see a man in such relationships means they have no ego. We need to train our men to be men from when they are young. They are victims of erosion of manliness. The socioeconomic pressure we are exposing men to is what is making the male esteem and male personality get eroded,” she says.

She says the fact that the girl child is more empowered is one of the contributing factors, but it is not the only factor. The legislator called for more emphasis on boy child empowerment, not only financially but also culturally.

“The moment you see a boy child being told to go and cook, that is the beginning of the problem,” Wa Muchomba said.

“Today you will hear mothers assigning their sons domestic chores, like cleaning utensils and preparing vegetables. That boy is being raised as a “male girl” because the things we expect from them are not the male expectations but are for females.”

 

MATRIARCHAL SOCIETY

The MP said the rise of women in control of their homes and society, and the lack of role models in society for the boy child, is also a factor in declining masculinity.

“This is the issue of a matriarchal society, where the woman is in more control of her sons and husbands. The child is growing up with a house girl and is already being taught how to plait hair. When they go to school, most teachers are female. The boy child lacks exposure to manliness,” she said.

“Recently I was at Ndumberi Primary School, where I was celebrating victory of a team that had excelled in dancing competitions at the national level. To my shock, I found only one male teacher at the school, the headmaster. So tell me, who are all the children in that school looking up to? Just the female teachers,” she said.

The MP said the problem is how the boy child in the society is being socialised, “making our men lose their male esteem and behave and act like women”.

Rev Mulwa says the problem started with the discriminate empowerment of girl child, leaving the boy child disadvantaged.

He says it is all about women wanting to be equal to men, doing everything a man is doing.

“The problem is in the continuous empowerment, where women are easily in access of resources and jobs. And because we have made the marriage to be about resources, now women want to command a man who has no resources, and misuse them,” Mulwa says.

“That makes a new challenge to men, and where to get a wife from, and agree that since she has been managing us secretly, let’s continue in it. And all this is out of empowerment of women to make them equal to men, which is very wrong.”

By Joseph Ndunda for the Star