Most hilarious messages from fake pastor Ng’ang’a Twitter accounts

Pastor Ng’ang’a is one of the most interesting and charismatic church leaders in the country. Each month the man will always have an interesting snippet that will get Kenyans talking.

Yes, he might be controversial but his antics still leave a person with awe and surprise. Since the Neno Evangelism pastor’s rise to infamy/fame (depending on who you ask) among Kenyans, several parody accounts have opened off the “Man of God”.

Pastor-James-Ng’ang’a with one of his cars

They are funny and downright hilarious, trying to match the shock value that the real pastor Ng’ang’a metes out occasionally.

Your mom is my GF! Kenyans react after Pastor Ng’ang’a disses King Kaka

I have decided to compile a list of some of the best and most rib-cracking posts from several of these accounts. Enjoy:

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Read a dad’s cute answers after kids blocked him on Twitter

A social media user has left many envious after sharing her conversation with her dad after she blocked him on twitter alongside her brother.

The lady identified as TemTem says,

Lmao Just remembered that time my brother and I blocked my dad on here. I felt so bad,. 

Like many of us, the woman and her brother had blocked their dad so that he won’t snoop on their lives.

Below is their conversation


‘Pay dowry or give us back our daughter,’ Diana Maruas family warns Bahati

The dad is further shocked on learning that not only did his daughter block her but that she also shared their ‘private’ conversation to the public.


‘I am being asked for Ksh 4.9 million dowry,’ cries shocked Kenyan man

Below are some of the reaction comments on the conversation between father and daughter.

Ahhh your dad is so sweet and warm-hearted .

Another adds,

You are a sweet young lady and your Dad is superb. God bless you all

Another social media user adds

Lmao your dad is all shade of savagery mhen. 

Just when you think you have read enough another adds

This is so cute . I teared up a bit when I read “I thought we were friends” it is so good to see a father that truly wants to be in every part of his kid’s life. It’s a blessing girl. 

Another twitter user confesses that he would want such a relationship with his kids in the future.

Just so cute!  This is the kind of relationship and closeness I want with my future children; that care and concern.

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Kenyans on Twitter demand to know president Kenyatta’s whereabouts

Kenyans on Saturday took to Twitter to demand answers on President Uhuru Kenyatta’s whereabouts.

Uhuru has not been seen in the public eye for two weeks since he departed the country for China to secure various trade deals.

Apart from securing an avocado deal with the Chinese, Uhuru witnessed the signing of two project delivery agreements totalling to Sh67.5 billion through concessional financing and Public Private Partnership (PPP).

Using the hashtag #FindPresidentUhuru, KOT in their typical satirical norm created funny memes while others tried to guess the reasons why the Head of State has been missing in action for a fortnight.

“First, he deleted ALL his social media pages and then left Kenya for China to borrow some mulla & that’s how our President went MISSING! Where is Uhuru Kenyatta?” @SueKE254 wrote.

“Why should we #FindPresidentUhuru We have been ok without him. I hope China are holding him until we repay the loan,” @MbuthiaAmina said.

Political scientist Mutahi Ngunyi wrote, “SILENCE annoys EVEN the DEVIL. Leading Kenyans is like HERDING needy Cats. Uhuru should GIVE them the CONTEMPT CARD.”

“Maybe the President is hidden in some local Pub pale around Juja Boys. The President with those guys there have same characteristics,” @theImwene tweeted.

@ItsMutai tweeted, “President Uhuru Kenyatta is missing since he left China. No one has a clear record of him appearing in public. If you can see this tweet, retweet to help #FindPresidentUhuru. KENYANS should never go 24hrs or beyond not knowing where their president is. Umemwona mahali? Tell us.”

“His brother Raila should confirm to us our president didn’t returned back as counterfeit.I don’t trust these Chinese people, never,” wrote  @MoyalePundit.

@opiyok87 wrote, “Missing President!! NAME: Uhuru Kenyatta AGE: 56 years. OCCUPATION: President Of the Republic Of Kenya. -He Speaks Pure Swahili, English, Chinese & Sheng -Last SEEN: 9:59:59 PM Around Hong-Kong And Macau Cities In China Report to the nearest Kenyan!”

Outrage over Lord Sugar’s ‘racist’ image tweet of Senegal’s World Cup squad.

Lord Alan Sugar today sparked a huge race row after he posted a racist tweet comparing the Senegal World Cup squad to black beach sellers.

As reported on Daily Mail, hundreds of people immediately slammed the 71-year-old Apprentice host, but he initially failed to back down, calling the reaction ‘OTT’ to what was a ‘bloody joke’.

The tweet was eventually removed 23 minutes later – but Lord Sugar insisted this was only because it was ‘interpreted in the wrong way as offensive by a few people’.

However, 82 minutes after posting the initial message, he admitted the tweet was ‘misjudged’ and his ‘attempt at humour has backfired’, saying he was ‘very sorry’.

Lord Sugar’s position as host of the popular BBC TV programme – which has run for 13 seasons so far, with another on screen this autumn – could now come into doubt.

2234649158_2034267553559098_601338371112960000_nLord Sugar wrote above the image: ‘I recognise some of these guys from the beach in Marbella. Multi tasking resourceful chaps.’

But the post was then deleted – and Lord Sugar said: ‘Just been reading the reaction to my funny tweet about the guy on the beach in Marbella .

‘Seems it has been interpreted in the wrong way as offensive by a few people. Frankly I can’t see that I think it’s funny. But I will pull it down if you insist.’

alan sugar

However, 82 minutes after posting the first message, he tweeted: ‘I misjudged me earlier tweet. It was in no way intended to cause offence, and clearly my attempt at humour has backfired. I have deleted the tweet and am very sorry.’

He had also tweeted, to a follower who asked when he would apologise: ‘I can’t see what I have to apologise for… you are OTT… it’s a bloody joke.’

In another post in response to someone who had said it was ‘not an OK tweet’, Lord Sugar wrote: ‘why not, it is meant to be funny… for God’s sake.’

Sugar later told Mirror Online: ‘It was meant as a joke. Someone sent me the picture and I tweeted. People know I have fought against racism for years .


‘I sincerely didn’t think this could be interpreted in any other way other than funny. However, due to the comments on Twitter I pulled it down.’

The BBC, who broadcast The Apprentice, were preparing a statement today. It is not yet known whether Scotland Yard are investigating the tweet.

Some Twitter followers compared Lord Sugar to Roseanne Barr, the US sitcom star who was dropped by her network after an outcry following a racist tweet.

Others were urging the public to complain to the House of Lords Commissioner for Standards over the tweet. Lord Sugar joined the House of Lords in 2009.


Among the 23 players in the World Cup squad for Senegal, who beat Poland 2-1 yesterday, seven are based in England – including five in the Premier League.

They are Idrissa Gueye of Everton, Cheikhou Kouyaté of West Ham United, Alfred N’Diaye of Wolverhampton Wanderers and Sadio Mané of Liverpool.

The other two Senegal players based in England are Badou Ndiaye and Mame Biram Diouf, who both play for Stoke City in the Football League Championship.

BBC World News presenter Babita Sharma said it was a ‘shocking, vile tweet that you take a screen grab of because you know it will soon be deleted’.


Kayode Modupe-Ojo, a British-Nigerian entrepreneur, tweeted: ‘If that Alan Sugar tweet was real then ladies and gentlemen… you just had a small insight into the type of ‘undercover racism’ black people face daily. As a black African man I am genuinely upset, offended and disappointing in you, Lord Sugar.’

Bookmaker Paddy Power slashed the odds on Lord Sugar to not appear on the next series of The Apprentice from 20/1 to evens today.

Lord Sugar is also now rated at 5/1 to delete his Twitter account before next year.

Daily Mail

‘I almost ran him over then he asked me out!’ People reveal surprising ways they found love on Twitter

Some people believe in love at first sight, and that you’ll know instantly when you meet the one.

But some couples’ real life tales of falling in love are far more interesting than the fairytale – as a new Twitter thread shows.

Among the people from around the world to have shared the story of how they met their partner online was a woman who said she narrowly avoided hitting her now partner with her car – only to hit it off with him when she took him for coffee to apologise.

Another person said they hated their husband when they first began working together, only to find herself falling for him as time went on.

Many met their partners in very unromantic settings, including at the supermarket doing the weekly shop, or in one case while playing World of Warcraft online.

One tweeted: ‘Went to Trader Joe’s for the first time ever. I’m in the frozen aisle trying to figure out what vegan ice cream is and a woman walks up and says ”Are you Ethiopian?”’

‘Been married for 2 years.’

Another posted: ‘At a yard sale. He bent over to grab something and I saw how nice that a** was… 11 years later, we still going strong.’

Others said they met when they were very young and are still together years down the line.

One said: ‘We went on the worlds worst date in high school that literally was so uncomfortable. Like y’all he shook my hand when I went in for a hug. I got sick from dinner. Like holy s***.

‘But then we fell in love so like worth it.’

Another tweeted: ‘I was outside in the front lawn with a friend. I was 15 years old. We watched a family move in next door. I saw him.. he saw me. I told my friend (yes at 15) that I was going to marry him.

‘Last month we celebrated our 32nd Wedding Anniversary and have been together for 39 years!’

However, others had hilarious tales of romances that got off on completely the wrong foot.

One said: ‘I was texting & driving in a parking lot…Omw to meet a different date & almost ran over this HOT guy, I slammed my brakes…He came to my window, I thought he would yell at me…but he asked me out for a drink…

‘I quickly bailed on the other guy, & been w/hot guy since,8 yrs.’

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Millennials are quitting Facebook, Twitter – Research

Millennials are quitting social media and spending less time on Facebook, according to a new report.

Platforms such as Facebook, TwitterInstagram – and even the popular dating app Tinder – are seeing droves of users switch off permanently.

While many platforms struggle to keep their users, it seems picture-based messaging app Snapchat is still holding the attention of the younger generation.

Most people said they were quitting because they felt it was a waste of time and social media was making them think negatively.

A Boston-based market research company called Origin collected data on 1,000 members of Gen Z — people born in the year 1994 or later.

The report looked at how the ‘social-native’ generation is affected by the virtual world.

As well as finding that 34 per cent of Gen-Z had deleted social media permanently, the study also found 64 per cent are taking a break.

According to the Origin report, people are choosing to quit social media for a variety of reasons.

Forty-one per cent of respondents believe they waste too much time on social media and 35 per cent found there was too much negativity.

Other reasons included not using it very often and no longer being interested in the content.

22 per cent of users said they wanted more privacy and couldn’t cope with the pressure to get attention.

Just under one in five users said social media platforms made them feel bad about themselves.

Whilst the Facebook-owned apps and Twitter have all struggled in retaining users, Snapchat has been less affected by the cull of social media by Gen-Z.


Tech: Twitter Scraps 140 Character Limit For DM’s

Twitter has always had a character limit of 140 words for DM’s, hence many people could either commit a grammar crime or tweet severally to convey a message.

Many people complained about it and even recently Kim K tweeted to the man in charge of twitter to protest about it and he promised to work on it just as he has always done when other people complain.

It  seems they are considering it as they have removed the limit for the direct messages.

Twitter’s product manager Sachin Agarwal explained that the change was intended to make ‘the private side of Twitter even more powerful and fun’ however the tweets will still have the limit.

This information is available on their blog 

Trending #IfAfricawasabar

The world of social media is one that can give you humour, information and alot of things that you may need or not. Someone thought of Africa as a bar and hence the trending topic #IfAfricaWasAbar came up.

It was set to describe the various characters in our continent and how or what duties we would have if it were a bar.

Here are some of the tweets:

#Trends Geekpickuplines

Social media is an avenue that has made the world better in so many ways, if you wish to laugh, cry, air out your opinion,look for love, hate on others, get service delivery etc, all that can be done there.

Depending on your needs there are various sites that are at hand to sort your every need.

Twitter, Facebook , Tinder, Snap chat etc for example have been used to achieve your goals.

That aside social media and especially twitter has been used to get various topics trending worldwide and sometimes it’s purely fun.

The current trend is about #Geekpickuplines made in complete jest about how they would woo women seeing as they are so much into books.

Here are some of the funny pick up lines.

US President Obama Finally Joins Twitter

Six years into his Presidency, US President Barrack Obama has joined twitter.

His official handle is @potus. Within a few hours of joining he got over a million followers, with the number now standing at slightly over 1.5 M.

His first tweet read :

 And then he went one to joke with former President Bill Clinton


“I will not apologise to Zari”, Maina declares

Classic 105 morning presenter Maina Kageni is appalled that people have created a mountain out of a molehill simply because he stated that well known Ugandan socialite Zari Hassan who happens to be dating bongo artiste Diamond  is 41 years old. 

According to Maina, the matter is of no consequence.

“I don’t know who Zari is personally , all I know is that she is 41 years old and is dating Diamond and so what’s the issue if I say that?” he said when probed on the matter. 

A number of Zari’s fans were up in arms after Maina mentioned Zari’s age soon after playing a song by Diamond during his Morning show. 

Zari claims that she is 34 years old and proud of it, but many people and mostly bloggers from her home country Uganda vow that she is well over 40, and Maina agrees with them. 

“I can understand why Zari and some of her fans would be up in arms over the remarks, but the fact remains that most women hide their real age, I just don’t quite understand the logic behind hiding one’s age. I mean aren’t all humans supposed to age at some point in their lives? So where is the shame in that?” Maina wondered.

Maina is adamant that he will not give in to demands for him to apologises for his remarks. “Why should I?  My apology will do nothing for her age” he said. 

Below are some tweets between Zari and her fans on the matter.


Trends: #2yearsofsuccess

The jubilee government marked two year since they came to power on the 9th of April. Unfortunately it came days after Kenyans were mourning the death of 147 people most of them students, a security guard and policemen who were killed at the Garissa University college.

The government that came to power with loads of promises has faced various challenges and security is at the top of the list.

With the 2year celebration came the government sponsored hashtag #2yearsofsucess to inform on the progress of the things they had done since coming to power.

However this did not go down well with the Kenyan online fraternity as they thought it was inappropriate given the timing, and so a war of words ensued. The hashtag was countered by #2yearsoffailure and a bashing of the #2yearsofsuccess.

Here are some of the opinions expressed by KOT.

trend1 trend2 trend3 trend4


Twitter follows suit and gives rules just like Facebook

Twitter has changed its rules and has banned some behaviours.

This is good news for people who get cyber bullied, this means that it will be much easier to roam the cyber streets without fear.

Here’s is a list of things that is bound to get you banned

Threats – You may not publish or post direct, specific threats of violence against others.

Harassment In the past Twitter has been accused of turning a blind eye to harassment, especially of women, and the rules should mean that online abusers get booted off the service.

Users aren’t allowed to create multiple accounts for ‘disruptive or abusive purposes’, will be banned if the sole purpose of their account is to send abusive messages to others, and those bans will be permanent.

Aggressive behaviour  –  These  include aggressive retweeting, following and favouriting of tweets.

That’s the online equivalent of people who don’t like you constantly getting in your face. Your account may also be deactivated if you’re on lots of people’s block lists.

Name squatting Accounts that don’t do anything will be shut down after six months, and accounts will also be closed if Twitter reckons they’ve been set up to impersonate others or to sell on.

It’ll also block people who send the same content to lots of different people, and people who only post promotional messages or links.

Spamming– That’s not the only type of spamming that’s unwelcome under the new rules. Aggressive following and unfollowing is banned too. That’s when people follow stacks of strangers in the hope that those people will follow them back for no other reason than to boost their follower numbers. In some cases the person then unfollows everybody again, and that’s banned too.

On a related note, repeatedly following and un-following people to try to get their attention is a no-no.

Blogger Robert Alai to appear before court today for sharing Uhuru’s contacts on Twitter

Blogger Robert Alai will this morning appear in court to answer to charges of misuse of social media. Alai was arrested Tuesday by CID officers from the Cyber Crime Unit after he tweeted President Uhuru Kenyatta’s cell phone number and that of his PA Jomo Gecaga last Sunday.

Selection_166Screenshot of Alai’s tweet confirming he is locked up

Alai also tweeted the cell phone numbers of Deputy President William Ruto and noted in his tweet that the public can call the President and his aides about protests in Kainuk, Turkana.

Sources at the CID said Alai was to spend the night at MUthaiga police station.


Instagram overtakes Twitter with 300 million users

Instagram has reportedly reached the milestone of 300 million users, putting it ahead of rival social network Twitter.

Twitter’s user base currently stands at 284 million, putting Instagram ahead by a considerable margin.

Facebook-owned Instagram recent introduced advertising in the form of sponsored posts, a move that Systrom insists was essential as the platform continues to expand.

“The reason why we’re doing this is as a growth engine for Instagram,” he said. “When you get to 300m users it’s not cheap to run that service and you need to make sure to be able to hire more people.”

Other recent changes to Instagram include the introduction of blue ticks to show an account has been verified, a policy that has helped it achieve growth and brought it in line with Facebook and Twitter.


Social media told to simplify terms and conditions

Social media firms such as Facebook and Twitter should be forced to display ‘health warnings’ detailing how they use people’s personal data.

Users are being warned that they need a law degree to understand the terms and conditions used by most companies.

Millions of people sign away control of their private information and pictures because they do not understand how they might be used, the committee added.

A group of mps from Britain calls for social media groups to display much simplified notices on their websites – comparing them to the health warnings on cigarette packets.

Mistress pursues lovers wife on twitter

New York woman claims she was duped into a ‘money-for-sex’ confidentiality agreement by New York investor after ‘four-year affair’ and  therefore decided to Twitter taunt to his art curator wife.

In the social media age, it appears that Twitter hath no fury like an alleged mistress scorned. The self-proclaimed lover of a billionaire New York investor is not only suing the financier in court but she has confronted his wife on the popular micro-blogging site.

In an explosive lawsuit, the lady Katherine Nelson alleges that the man  Robert Rosenkranz, a fixture in Manhattan social and philanthropic circles, tricked her into signing a “money-for-sex” gagging deal after a four-year affair conducted in high-end hotels, restaurants and at charity events.

But Ms Nelson also apparently taunted his wife, Alexandra Munroe, 57, the senior Asian art curator at the Guggenheim Museum, on Twitter with a message that all users can read.

She tweeted an image of cream-coloured stationery bearing the printed words: “With compliments of Robert Rosenkranz” and the hand-written note: “For me, two is a remarkable number”. She sent the image to Ms Munroe with the message: “You must have known”.

Four days later, Ms Munroe responded with an empty tweet back to Ms Nelson, an indication that she had received the message.

That brief Twitter exchange played out as the alleged affair with Mr Rosenkranz was ending in acrimony, according to the timeline of a lawsuit filed at the Manhattan Supreme Court.

According to the documents, the relationship began after the two met in 2010 at a black-tie dinner.

The two later embarked on a “long-term intimate loving relationship”, the lawsuit claims, as Mr Rosenkranz stopped wearing his wedding ring and attended high-profile public events with Ms Nelson, even introducing her as his wife.

However, the relationship turned ugly in September when she confronted him in tears as he was “flirting” with another woman in a restaurant and the two argued in Central Park.

In the same month, Mr Rosenkranz obtained a temporary legal order of protection against Ns Nelson based on the document that, he had assured her, did not need to be reviewed by a lawyer, according to her filing.

The agreement, as appended to Ms Nelson’s filing, stated that Mr Rosenkranz would pay her $100,000 in return for her agreeing not to contact him or his family, not to discuss their relationship and not making any claims against him.

Mr Rosenkranz has 30 days to respond to a petition by Ms Nelson seeking unspecified damages and for the “agreement” to be declared null and void. Ms Nelson’s lawyer and a representative for Mr Rosenkranz and Ms Munroe did not return a request for comment


Source : Telegraph