Have you ever wondered what kind of skills we should apply in our everyday affairs and especially dating?
Well wonder no more. This is what you can do as you go about exploring a new relationship
1. Read your date’s clues
When you go out with someone you just met and really like, you tend to focus on yourself and how nervous you feel. You may worry whether or not you’ll be asked on another date, or about how to ensure your date doesn’t contact you again. Either way, you are not fully present in the moment. You’re not being mindful.
Do you pay attention to people’s faces, eye movements, vocal patterns, gestures, posture, and other nonverbal clues about who that person really is? It all helps form your perception of the other person. To be a Sherlock, you need to learn to read people.
For starters, try reminding yourself before you go on a date to observe these kinds of clues. And keep doing it periodically throughout the date. Now, you might be thinking, “Not one more thing to remember! That will just make me more nervous.” But the paradox here is that focusing mindful attention on another person can actually have a calming effect.
2. Relax yourself
Observe your own nervous system. Be as cool as the proverbial cucumber. To find this sort of stillness yourself, scan your body for muscle tension. Notice where you are tight, and breathe into those areas to relax them.
You can begin to do this on your drive (or walk or cab ride) to meet your date. If you are driving, for example, focus on the act of driving itself. Feel your hands on the wheel, your foot on the pedal, your legs on the car seat. Wherever you notice tension, mindfully release it.
When you meet your date, periodically redirect your attention to relaxing yourself. The trick is to do this without making it visible to your date, as though you were practicing an exercise. See if you can let it be natural.
Relaxing yourself while also observing your date’s clues might take practice.
3. Put together the clues you find
All this effort is ultimately only worth it if you can use what you discover to help you find and create the relationship you want. You have to put the clues together in a meaningful way. Obviously, this will take practice. But a lot of it is common sense.
For example, if you observe that your date doesn’t meet your gaze, you can deduce something is preventing closeness between you. This clue alone may be enough to halt the date, or at least prevent future ones. Or it may be information you can combine with other clues — such as blushing or sweaty hands — that tell you your date is overly nervous.
That fact by itself may not be reason to break things off with an otherwise attractive date. In that case, use the clues to gently ask your date about his or her shyness. See if the problem has a solution. In this way, you can potentially save a relationship that would crash and burn if you didn’t use your Sherlocking abilities.