Valentine’s Day Survival Guide For The Singles

So you’re single on Valentine’s day? Don’t worry you are not the only one there are many ”survivors” out there and its nothing to be ashamed about. Incase you are wondering about what to do, here are a few suggestions.

Love yourself – The thing about love is that it has to start from within, love yourself first. So today love yourself a little bit more. Treat yourself to some extra sleep, enjoy a heavy breakfast, go to the spa , buy yourself wine etc Be your own Valentine.

Spend some family-time – Go over to your mother’s place and spend time with your siblings and parents. Cook, drink, talk and have fun.

Do your own thing – Spend the whole day in bed, watch a series or have a movie marathon, go swimming, eat a whole tub of icecream etc. Just do you and be happy.
Indulge in retail therapy – Go shopping, be it Toi market, Mr. Price, The Junction or any other place you want to be. Go have fun and buy what you want.

Throw a singles’ party – The best part is about being is single is that you don’t have to plan an outing, buy gifts or strive to make someone’s day special. Kick the Valentine blues and have fun this Sunday. So, gang up with other single friends and have a rocking singles’ party. Believe it or not, it’ll be an awesome experience.

-TOI

Keep Your Chin Up: 13 Thoughts To Help You Recover From A Break-Up

As with love at first sight, the pain of rejection affects the same areas of the brain as cocaine.  Love can bring on cocaine-like high in a fifth of a second. Brain wave studies reported by Stephanic Ortigue, Ph.D., identified “the cortical networks associated with passionate love.” But the reaction to the break-up can last for days.  In addition to emotional highs and lows, it can even include symptoms so severe that women in particular may find themselves in the emergency room with symptoms mimicking a heart attack.

Heartbreak pain is triggered by a hormone experienced after the loss of a loved one, a traumatic ending to a love affair, or  divorce. This sends the heart’s pumping ability into a type of freeze mode affecting the left ventricle. Dr. Elizabeth Mostofsky in the cardiovascular epidemiology research unit at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston and Harvard explains that after the death of a loved one, the heart-attack risk is 21 times higher within 24 hours.

 After a breakup, long-term couples might feel as if they have lost a sense of self. Research by Dr. Celia Harris and colleagues at Macquarie University found that in terms of remembering by long term couples may develop interconnected or collaborative memories such as the names of musicals, vivid descriptions. Even if you are in a short term relationship, being left alone can  trigger anger, pain, and sadness. What is the solution?

13 Tips to Overcome Break-up Blues

After a breakup, even if you initiated the good-bye, you may find yourself crying more than usual and wishing you could crawl under the covers and stay there.  On the other hand, you may want to reach out to your friends and complain bitterly.  You may feel that you can never love again.  But love is always possible.  Here are some thoughts:

1. Start your days with gratitude:  By expressing gratitude you remind yourself of the good times you shared and how you have been freed to find a love who values you, a love whom you value.

2. Resist the temptation to talk unkindly about your ex-love: Speaking kindly will encourage you to maintain a positive focus.

3. Practice image replacement: If you find yourself feeling alone and falling into a dark hole, find a photo of yourself when you were happy and in love.  Focus on the inner you, the person you know to be lovable and deserving of new love.

4. Consider social media: If you go to a social media site and see someone who interests you, connect and be positive rather than recounting all the reasons for your recent break-up. Smile broadly and flirt.

5. Try using a gratitude journal:  Research from Gary Lewandowski (2009) has found that writing about positive aspects of a break-up increases feelings such as comfort, confidence, empowerment, energy, happiness, optimism, relief, satisfaction, thankfulness, and wisdom.

6. Be careful about expectations: When you meet someone new, be careful that you do not impose expectations upon the person. For example, if you wanted a more loving relationship because your previous relationship lacked warmth, do not see a romantic in someone who simply squeezes your hand.  And also watch for too much by way of public displays of affection.

7. Make a new relationship checklist:  Know the qualities you would like in a new partner. Think in terms of weighted averages.  If you find a new person who has everything you ever wanted on your wish list, but he/she is married for example, that one factor outweighs all the positives and that person should come off the list.

8. Guard against repeating the past:  A new person may have a different profession or different looks, but still have certain traits or characteristics of your past love, traits that precipitated a break-up. Look beyond looks.

9. Hug and be hugged:  Research has shown the value of hugs. If you have a friend in your life who gives good hugs — extend your arms, reach out, and ask.  That person may not be “the one” for you, or even “the one for now.”  However, the warm and loving arms of someone who is sensitive and caring by nature is like the sunshine – a little goes a long way.

10. Remain open to infatuation or even love at first sight with a careful eye: Keep in mind that you want a new friend or a new relationship rather than becoming what one friend refers to as “another notch on the bedpost of life.”

11. Make plans with friends who are upbeat, those who will encourage you to smile and embrace a new life about to unfold before you.

12. Embrace laughter: Before brooding about “alone on the holidays call a friend who makes you laugh until your sides ache. Keep in mind that laughter is attractive to both sexes.

13. Try mindfulness exercises: In “Three Mindfulness Exercises to Improve Your dating Life,” Ken Page who writes “Finding Love” at PsychologyToday.com advocates approaching dating as an adventure of self-discovery.
Psychologytoday