Don’t Look The Other Way! 4 Easy Ways To Help Your Friend Save Their Marriage

Doesn’t your heart breaks whenever you hear of a marriage ending. I always wonder a few things like.

Did both partners do everything possible to keep that marriage alive?

Or, did that couple seek counseling when they felt like they were in trouble?

And lastly, did they have family and friends in their life to support them?

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams.

According to Tiya, the last reason above is huge for her for several reasons.

Our marriages won’t benefit by having people in our lives who only tell us what we want to hear. We need the truth. As difficult as it may be to hear, we need to know when we are messing up.

Marriages require effort, and it’s important to have family and friends who support your relationship and will let you know when you don’t seem to be putting forth the effort. While it may hurt to hear, you need that truth.

If it were left solely up to us, many of our marriages would be in trouble. We sometimes need an honest, outside of the marriage perspective, to challenge us to be better spouses.

Family and friends want to see us happy. So friends shouldn’t let friends ruin a marriage. It truly does take a village, not just for raising children, but also in keeping marriages alive and well. Here are a few ways friends can stop friends from ruining their marriage:

Do a check-in

I’m not talking about being nosy and getting all up in folks’ business, but just asking “How are you? Are things good?” is enough. Sometimes, couples who are in trouble are waiting for someone who cares about them to ask that question.

If they say things are fine, respect that, but do pay attention to the energy and body language when they say it. It’s also okay to remind them that you’re always there for them.

Don’t be afraid to push back and challenge

When your married friend does come to you with a challenge he/she is having in their relationship, don’t be afraid to ask them what role they played.

While they may be taken aback by the question, they will appreciate your asking. It will shift their approach to the challenge and cause them to think what they could’ve done better.

Don’t encourage or support their infidelity

Occasionally our friends can get caught up in that grass is greener mentality, and it’s okay and necessary for us to reel them right back in. Just reminding them of what they have at home and how infidelity ruins families should do the trick.

Do listen and encourage them to fight for their marriage

Couples don’t need friends who are quick in encouraging them to leave their marriage. If the relationship is worth saving we must be quick to tell them just that.

Marriage has it’s ups and downs. It’s even harder when a couple doesn’t have support surrounding them. We need people who are going to love us enough to help us be the best spouse possible. Will you be that friend?

BlackandMarriedWithkids

Is that friendship necessary?

Everyone has friends but not everyone is meant to be called one.

Friends are people who are there for you when you need them, they support, encourage and most importantly help you grow.

In our lives we have people we call friends but they are undeserving of the title, this may be due to various reasons but their lack of support being at the top of the list.

Have a look at this scenarios and gauge your friendship, but if they are all positive then its time to dump your friend.

1. They’re critical of you – Do they criticize the way you dress? Do they put you down for not doing something “perfect”? That being said, do they talk badly about you to other people?

2. They seem  to “compete” rather than support – Do they make comments to you that highlight how they “did that better”? Did they manage to accomplish something, but then put you down for not doing the same? Do they try to take up your interests or hobbies in a way to try to “beat you” in some way?

3. They’re users – Are they always asking you to do them a favor? Do they owe you quite a bit of money, but keep making excuses to not pay you back? Are they always coming to you looking for help but they are never there for you when you need help?

4. They try to make moves on your partner – or they start dating your ex without discussing it with you first. Actions like this are a reflection of how much they truly value your friendship.

5. They lie to you – A few little lies is one thing, but when there are many, it can really negatively affect the genuineness of the friendship. If you are the type of person that values honesty, vulnerability and creating depth in your relationships then having a friend that chronically lies isn’t going to support you in that.

6. They don’t really support you –  When you are going through a difficult time, are they there for you? Do they provide you with a good listening ear? Do they support you in your goals? Do they “cheer you on” in your endeavors and ask you how you’ve been doing?

This article was originally published on Jennifertwardowski.com  

Nigeria calls for support after ‘deadliest’ Boko Haram attack

Nigeria’s military has called for support in tackling Boko Haram after a major attack on a key northeast town that is feared could be the worst in the bloody six-year insurgency.

There are still no independently corroborated figures for the huge numbers said to have been killed in Baga, on the shores of Lake Chad in the far north of Borno State.

But defence spokesman Chris Olukolade said in a statement issued late Saturday that the description of the assault as “the deadliest” was “quite valid”.

“The attack on the town by the bloodhounds and their activities since January 3rd, 2015 should convince well-meaning people all over the world that Boko Haram is the evil all must collaborate to end, rather than vilifying those working to check them,” he said.

Nigeria’s military — West Africa’s largest — has faced repeated criticism for failing to end the six-year Islamist insurgency, as well as allegations of human rights abuses.

Soldiers have complained of a lack of adequate weapons and even refused to deploy to take on the better-armed rebels, who want to create a hardline Islamic state in northeast Nigeria.

With elections set for next month, Nigeria’s government has also been accused of playing politics with the insurgency, as most of the areas worst affected by the violence are main opposition strongholds.

But Olukolade said: “The Nigerian military has not given up on Baga and other localities where terrorist activities are now prevalent.

“Appropriate plans, men and resources are presently being mobilised to address the situation,” he said on defenceinfo.mil.ng, in the military’s first detailed comment on last weekend’s attack.

The military and government often makes such statements, without giving specific details, yet there are reports of attacks on an almost daily basis.

On Saturday, two explosions rocked northeast Nigeria, including one by a suicide bomber at a crowded market in the Borno State capital, Maiduguri, by a young girl thought to be just 10. Nineteen people were killed.

Photo Credits : AFP