Doesn’t your heart breaks whenever you hear of a marriage ending. I always wonder a few things like.
Did both partners do everything possible to keep that marriage alive?
Or, did that couple seek counseling when they felt like they were in trouble?
And lastly, did they have family and friends in their life to support them?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and a Career Coach/Trainer. She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams.
According to Tiya, the last reason above is huge for her for several reasons.
Our marriages won’t benefit by having people in our lives who only tell us what we want to hear. We need the truth. As difficult as it may be to hear, we need to know when we are messing up.
Marriages require effort, and it’s important to have family and friends who support your relationship and will let you know when you don’t seem to be putting forth the effort. While it may hurt to hear, you need that truth.
If it were left solely up to us, many of our marriages would be in trouble. We sometimes need an honest, outside of the marriage perspective, to challenge us to be better spouses.
Family and friends want to see us happy. So friends shouldn’t let friends ruin a marriage. It truly does take a village, not just for raising children, but also in keeping marriages alive and well. Here are a few ways friends can stop friends from ruining their marriage:
Do a check-in
I’m not talking about being nosy and getting all up in folks’ business, but just asking “How are you? Are things good?” is enough. Sometimes, couples who are in trouble are waiting for someone who cares about them to ask that question.
If they say things are fine, respect that, but do pay attention to the energy and body language when they say it. It’s also okay to remind them that you’re always there for them.
Don’t be afraid to push back and challenge
When your married friend does come to you with a challenge he/she is having in their relationship, don’t be afraid to ask them what role they played.
While they may be taken aback by the question, they will appreciate your asking. It will shift their approach to the challenge and cause them to think what they could’ve done better.
Don’t encourage or support their infidelity
Occasionally our friends can get caught up in that grass is greener mentality, and it’s okay and necessary for us to reel them right back in. Just reminding them of what they have at home and how infidelity ruins families should do the trick.
Do listen and encourage them to fight for their marriage
Couples don’t need friends who are quick in encouraging them to leave their marriage. If the relationship is worth saving we must be quick to tell them just that.
Marriage has it’s ups and downs. It’s even harder when a couple doesn’t have support surrounding them. We need people who are going to love us enough to help us be the best spouse possible. Will you be that friend?