Signs That You Are Clingy

Clingy people don’t always show the signs at first when you start dating, OK.. maybe they do but most of us ignore the signs. The signs slowly creep up, and most of us end up thinking it’s a little bit of love and “jealousy but in the long run we discover that they are insecure. Many people don’t know and won’t admit to being clingy, but if you display these signs then ……

1. Checking the phone – There is an old saying that goes like “ when you go looking for trouble, you will find it” . Your phone is your business and your partner’s phone is their business. If you have to snoop around its something to do with you, not them as you think. Going through their messages and call logs to single out “suspect” friends is just plain clingy!! Be rest assured that even a friendly text will appear “flirty” because it’s what you expect. Also checking your phone all the time to see if they have called or sent a text is another sign of being clingy. They have work and other things to think about besides you.

2. Questioning their moves – When you’re walking in the streets and they meet a friend of the opposite sex, you will move aside to let them catch up, which is ok. But later on you will go all jicho pevu on them wanting to know who that person is , and what they discussed. We all have friends of the opposite sex and it doesn’t mean that we want them or are interested in them.

3. “Checking up” – It’s fine to call on your partner and check on them, see how their day is going and so forth. However calling all the time, sending endless smses , whatapp messages, inboxes  is tiring and choking. Stalking them on social media  to see “last seen” on whatsapp, their last update on Facebook is just wrong. Get a life outside your partner, because you will soon become obsessed.

Signs That You Are Ready To Move In

Many couples think of when it it appropriate to move in together. But this is not something that you decide overnight, you have to think about it because it entails more than just sharing a house. If you have dated for a while and have been thinking of moving in together, here are afew things you should consider.

1You spend most of your days/nights together Sometimes you sleep over or she sleeps over and each one of you have their things at each others places from toothbrushes, inner wear, clothes etc . You are both comfortable with each others morning breath, no make up face and other strange habits.

2. You are on the same page You both want the same things out of the relationship. You have the same views and compliment each others inequities.

3.You know how to fight fair – Your conflict resolution skills are on point. You don’t call each other names when you fight. Your fights are about the issue not the person.

4. You’ve talked about finances You know each others finances and are comfortable talking about it. You can agree to how to make things work without having petty issues.

5You’re ready to sacrifice some independence Living together comes with certain adjustments, you both are comfortable making the adjustments and are ready to move in. You understand each others individuality and are considerate of each others feelings/ needs.

6 You can communicate openly and honestly – You are open with each other and share your concerns and dreams for the relationship. You are comfortable with each others vulnerability.

-eharmony

Is He Taking You For A Ride? Here Are The Signs

Dating means a different thing to different people. However before you decide to date someone it’s important to ensure that you are on the same page with them. Sometimes we stay will people for long yet they are not interested in us the same way we are interested in them.

Here are signs that you are being taken for a ride:

1. He says he doesn’t want a relationship – When a man says this he usually means it. Unfortunately for women this is a reason to stick around because you believe you can make him change his mind. You stick around hoping he will eventually want you. He won’t and you are making a mistake. Take his word for it.

2. Never asks you out – You hang out, go out, talk, chat, have fun together and he makes you feel good but he has just never asked you out. He also doesn’t talk about long term plans with you. If a man wants you he will say it, if he doesn’t he’s not interested.

3. He doesn’t have time for you – You always chat, call, whatsapp and more but he doesn’t have time for you. He doesn’t request for dates or meet ups. You guys are in a text relationship.

4. Isn’t ready for anything serious – One of those red flags people ignore. He has already said he doesn’t want anything serious. You can’t make him change his mind about that so don’t take a chance on it. The line “I want to see where this goes” doesn’t cut it because he simply doesn’t have a direction to work with.

5. You always set up dates – If you meet it’s because you have initiated the plan, not him. He will never call you to meet up because he’s not interested that way in you and may just be enjoying the fun times.

Signs That He Is Controlling You

When you fall in love it’s unlikely that you will want to hear anything negative about the object of your affection. It is also important to note that some of the information may be coming from jealous exes.

However, in some cases it may be good to heed advice from friends and family, especially when your partner becomes abusive. In such cases, many people fail to read the early signs which often include controlling tendencies.

 Here are the signs;

 1. They say they like controlling – There are men who are bold enough to actually tell you that “it’s his way or the highway”. In most cases the woman takes it as a joke until things start going crazy.

2. Google aka Know-It-All – These kinds of people know everything and are always correct and you have to accept it and deal with it. They have a way of making you see how wrong you are; in fact you dare not challenge them because you will end up looking like a fool.

3. You change for them – You will most likely find yourself having to drop some habits just to please your partner. If he doesn’t want you to hang out with Shiro, then she has to go even if she has been your friend since childhood. While it is ok to compromise on a few things, a controlling person will take charge of your life literally telling you what to do and what not to. In extreme cases, he will even tell you what to wear.

4. Repeated patterns– They say history tends to repeat itself. So when your man’s ex approaches you, don’t be too quick to dismiss her. It won’t hurt you to listen because she may have insight that you lack. If he treated her with disrespect he will do the same to you. And also don’t go around believing that “my ex was a psycho vibe”, there are two sides to any story and there is always a trigger to the “psychotic” behavior.

Signs You’re Going To Break Up

Sometimes people wonder why their relationships ended yet it was clear that things were heading south only that they chose not to pay attention. The signs present themselves but we chose to ignore or we brush them off…. Once you notice these signs, you can make the decision to address your issues before it’s too late, or you can turn the tables and end the relationship first, on your terms.

1. Distance either physically or emotionally – The first red flag is any kind of distancing behavior, either physical or emotional. “Physical distancing” occurs when your partner seems to be making less and less time for you. All of a sudden, he may seem to be avoiding the typical “couple” activities you’re used to doing together.

Emotional distancing” is a much stronger indicator that things are heading south . Have you noticed any changes in the way that your partner communicates with you, such as a lack of eye contact or a different voice tone? Does he avoid discussing future plans for the two of you? These are all good signs that your partner’s emotional investment in the relationship is starting to rapidly deteriorate.

2. Big changes to his daily routine – One of the most obvious signs of a troubled relationship is when your partner has rearranged his entire schedule in order to spend less time with you. Now, sometimes a promotion at work, for instance, might be to blame but if you find that he’s consistently “stuck at the office” until the wee hours of the morning, there might be something else going on.

Another thing to watch out for is when your partner starts spending time with a new group of friends.

The bottom line is our friends have more influence over us than we might think, so beware when your man starts hanging out with a bunch of womanizing ex-cons who are prone to nosebleeds and take frequent “business” trips to Thailand.

3. You notice a change in the frequency of your arguments – Constant fighting hardly has any perks or benefits. But don’t be so quick to rejoice when your daily arguments seem to disappear completely. A sudden reduction in the amount of fights and arguments in your relationship could mean that your partner has started to minimize his emotional investment. Withdrawing quickly from confrontations is a common behavior of those who are either incredibly frustrated with their partners or have stopped caring completely.

And of course, the exact opposite can also be a warning sign. Since most people dislike the guilt that comes along with being “the bad guy,” one very common behavior is the act of purposely starting petty fights and pushing your partner’s buttons in the hopes that they’ll flip out and say or do something that would make them look like the bad guy. Once this happens, the instigator will have an excuse to justify their desire to leave the relationship.

-Tosin

You Know It’s Time To Break Up When…

Relationships are not the easiest things to deal with and sometimes they end up dying slow natural deaths yet we either choose to hold on.
How do you really know when it’s time to break up? Are there valid reasons to run in the opposite direction? If your relationship has one or several of these problems, you may need to end it sooner rather than later.

1. No support for your goals – A major part of a relationship, especially a marriage or one that is heading towards marriage, is supporting each other. If you have a goal that your significant other is not supportive of, you may need to look closely at the rest of the relationship. Long-term romantic relationships generally lead to getting married, but if they don’t want to help you achieve your goals, you’ll be missing the person who should be your number one cheerleader. And they will more likely be a roadblock to your future.

2. No Trust – This is a huge red flag. Trust is one of the most important factors in a relationship. If you suspect he’s lying to you about where he’s been or how he spends his time, he probably is. If you can’t trust your girlfriend or boyfriend, you’re always going to be suspicious, and that will hinder your relationship.

3. Cheating – If you think cheating is a “one-time thing,” you’re more than likely wrong. Cheating is habitual. If you can’t be loyal when you’re dating, you won’t be loyal after you’re married either. The reason for cheating has very little to do with you, and everything to do with the cheater. Nothing you do is going to make him or her stop — that decision has to be made by him or herself.

4. Abuse – If you are being abused in any form in your relationship, you need to LEAVE — NOW. You don’t deserve to be hit, yelled at, defiled or belittled. Relationships demand mutual respect and love, even if you have occasional arguments. Do not think for a minute that you deserve to be abused or that it’s your fault. Find a friend or family member who can help you escape this terrible situation. Do not be fooled into thinking an apology is the end of abuse. It WILL happen again.

5. You don’t share goals – If you want a family and she doesn’t; if he doesn’t want marriage and you do; or if any of your most important life choices don’t line up, the two of you may not be a good match. One of you will always end up disappointed and unfulfilled. You can’t change someone to bend to your will and you shouldn’t have to sacrifice those things that are most important to you.

6. Gut feeling – Listen to your own inner voice. If it’s telling you something is off, or doesn’t feel right, that’s probably the case. Maybe it’s not really love or perhaps you feel like you’re settling out of fear that you will be alone for the rest of your life. Maybe there is some other unknown factor that your intuition is trying to warn you about. We have our intuition to protect us from potentially dangerous situations. It’s best to listen to it even if you can’t see a valid reason right now.

-Tosin

Signs He Is Going To Break Your Heart

Dating isn’t the easiest thing and sometimes when we think that we have it all figured out, things come crashing and leave us feeling down and under. However where there is smoke there is fire, so more often than not there are always signs that one will not be there for the long run. Below is a list of things that should raise the red flag.

1. He asks for your number, but never calls – Sometimes a man will take your number down and never call you. Some just do it for fun and others well, for reasons best known to themselves. That kind of person is not one you should spend your time worrying about.

2. He just wants to play games – The thrill of the chase is what drives him to do such things. He will lead you on, take you out, spend time with you, shower you with compliments and make you fall for him. Such people do not have time for relationships and just like running around in circles.

3. No commitment -This kind of people will make you see heaven, in fact even touch it, everyone will know that you are a couple because of how they treat you. But the truth of the matter is they will never commit to you so you will just be ‘that girl’ nothing more.

4. He says he doesn’t believe in marriage – A person who tells you that they do not believe in marriage will not change their mind even if you date them for how long. Believe them when they tell you so and do not stick around if you want to settle down and marry.

Here’s Why You Are Not Ready For Marriage

You may have dated someone for the longest time and then decide that you want to marry them. A marriage is different from a relationship and is a lifetime commitment. How do you tell you are ready to marry? There are things that you need to make things work. However if all you have in common with your partner is any of the traits below then think again:

Good sex is all you have in common – As great as sex is, if your relationship isn’t built on a stronger foundation, it will crumble. No matter how much your toes curl and your eyes roll back in your head, there will come a time where you will need more. Make sure you have that “more” before getting married!

Holding on to the past – If you are bringing up the past issues of your relationship every time you get into a disagreement, then it probably means you haven’t gotten over them. It also means you don’t need to get into a marriage while still holding on to unresolved issues. Let it go!

You don’t have a religious or spiritual plan – Spirituality will be crucial in holding your marriage together because it provides the necessary tools along with an effective game plan to make it successful. If you aren’t on the same page spiritually, the foundation will crumble.

No compromise – If you are still very selfish and stubborn and you believe there is only one way and that’s YOUR way then you won’t survive in a marriage. Learn to compromise before the wedding.

Poor communication – You always hear people say that communication is the key to marriage, yet so many times people enter marriage without knowing what good communication really looks like. If you still believe that confrontation, criticism, and conflict is “communication,” then you might want to brush up on those skills first because you WILL need them.

You’re insecure – In a marriage, trust is everything. If you don’t have it, then find it before you say “I DO.”

You aren’t financially stable – to get that way going into a marriage financially strained can be the beginning of the end to a marriage. Financial struggles cause emotional struggles which lead to mental and physical struggles. Get your finances in order and have a plan to succeed with your dollars and cents.

-BMWK

He’s A Keeper If He …

A relationship that has lasted for long will probably end-up in a marriage or a longterm commitment, if both partners are up for it. However before you agree to it, how can you tell this man will hold you down in the long run? There are traits a man will possess besides what we are normally told, these are some of the things we should look out for:

1. He is not intimidated by you – A man worth his salt will not be intimidated by a woman in his life. Her success and accomplishments will not be a bother, if anything he will offer support to her and help her grow in areas where she is weak. He will also share in your triumphs and not put you off or discourage you.

2. He’s fun – Life is already too hard, the best you can do is just chill and enjoy it in the company of your man. He can joke about things, laugh at himself and you but make sure that it’s not something that will be offensive . You can both just play and have fun together.

3. He values equality – A man who can help around the house is one you want around. Not the type that feels its a woman’s job to cook, clean, and handle all the work in the house.

4. He’s observant – Would you like your partner to help with household chores? If so, look for a man who is observant. Men who aren’t so great about doing their fair share around the house claim that they don’t see dishes in the sink, scattered toys or clothes on the floor. Men who notice details in their environment have that extra bit of awareness needed to be full contributors in a household.

5. He’s a dreamer – This means he has goals, he has visions of a good home, family life, business and many more. Don’t settle for someone who cannot see beyond today.

6. He uses the word “we” – This simply means that he has future plans and sees you in them, for him it’s not about fun times and YOLO !! Its more than that, its building a life together.

7. He’s helpful – He doesn’t just watch you struggle when he can do something small to help you. He will offer whatever assistance he can and he won’t expect anything in return.

Signs You Are Ready To Date

Being in a relationship is something many of us are constantly thinking about especially when single and surrounded by couples. These thoughts bog us down, so you question yourself and want to know if you’re really ready for a relationship.

Here are some pointers you might want to consider before you venture into the playing field.

1. You are financially stable – You can do your own things like pay bills, buy gifts etc without requiring money from any potential partner, and you have enough money coming in to split the bills with your partner if needed. It’s 2015, no one wants to deal with a liability.

2. You have emotional maturity – You are grown up enough to handle yourself without help. This means while you might want emotional help sometimes, you do not need it. Emotionally matured adults can cheer themselves up when they are down and can keep themselves entertained and stimulated without the aid of other people. Being an emotional burden on someone else can be very tasking for them.

3. You have clarity of priority and purpose – In the individualistic world we leave in today, it has never been more important to know who you are and what you want. This way you can best identify potential partners that want similar things and can work together with you.

4. You have realistic expectations – The idea of happily ever after as proposed by Disney films and way too many romantic comedies will have you thinking relationships will take you away from the misery of being alone to this perfect world of love and harmony. The reality is far from this. Relationships are difficult and require a lot of work. If you don’t know what you are going in for, stay away.

5. You have dispelled ‘the one’ theory – The notion that out there we all have this one soulmate created to perfectly fit with us like a glove for a hand. This person is supposed to understand us intuitively and know how to handle us in every situation. The reality is that we don’t even understand ourselves completely and can mismanage ourselves in so many situations. So why would we expect someone else to understand and manage us perfectly?

6. You have understood the honeymoon phase – Even scientifically it has been shown that the feeling we associate with falling in love is just a hormonal reaction caused by the secretion of oxytocin. Understanding that after the honeymoon phase love becomes something we need to work on and grow with emotional intelligence is important if we hope to succeed.

-Pulseng

Signs Of Emotional Abuse

Many times when we are in love we tend to have our heads in the clouds that we hardly see when we are being played or abused. Emotional abuse may not be seen as much as physical abuse is, and that’s why many people hardly admit to being abused.

Here are some signs that you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship:

1. You have to think before you speak – Do you think before you speak? Not in the “I’m thinking before I’m speaking’ kind of thinking, but the I have to think, because if I say the wrong thing I’ll get in trouble or be screamed at. Are you being called names like victim, sensitive, cry baby or any other derogatory pet name? If that’s the case then ….

2. You can’t remember the last time you had a good time – Your friends are always talking about the good times with their mate. All the times that seem to happen in your house are bad — yelling, fighting, arguing, name calling. In fact, you don’t even like going out anymore because you know exactly how the night will end: badly.

3. Your words are constantly twisted – Do you find that when you’re upset at your partner or call your partner out on the abuse, he/she flips the story? And by the time they’ve finished, you’ve become the bad guy? The abuser is so manipulative with their words that you can start a conversation with one intention and your words will be twisted until you end up in tears.

4. Your voice in the back of your head tells you something is wrong – Does that little voice inside your head tell you to run in the other direction? Does that voice tell you that you’re being treated unkind? Does that voice tell you that something is wrong, even if you can’t quite put your finger on it? That little voice is right. It’s your guardian angel, your inner voice. Listen to her.

5. You’re subjected to passive-aggressive manipulation – This abuser thinks he’s clever and can always fall back on the, “I’m just joking!” line. You hear things like, “Why are you getting so upset?” and often find yourself confused for someone with “your past,” even though he’s “sorry you feel that way.”

I want to give you a mantra until you understand that emotional abuse is wrong: “It’s not me, it’s YOU!” Say this over and over again until it sinks into your brain. Never sacrifice your self-esteem or self-worth for someone who doesn’t respect you and treat you kindly.

Yourtango


Signs You’re Dating An Insecure Person

When you first meet a man and he’s extra attentive ,caring and loving, it is so easy to fall for him because it’s rare to get such a gem especially if the last relationship you were in was with a self-centered and narcissistic man.

In as much as he may be appealing, it may be a sign of an insecure man. This is something that will manifest itself in the relationship later on. But before you get in too deep, here are some of the signs you need to look out for:

1. Smoothering– The honeymoon phase will last a few weeks maybe two months tops, you will want to be by each others side doing things together, chilling, hanging out etc. However four months down the line, six months on and they still want to be with you all day everyday!! This is something else and it’s definitely not love.

2. Likes attention – They constantly want to be the center of everything and the moment they feel ignored it will be an issue. They do this mostly by fishing for compliments while using negative portraying statements like “im such a loser, not the type of guy you should be with” in an effort to get you to pity them and reassure them of your love.

3. Questioning you – “Why are you late’, ‘who were you with” “ who was that you were talking to?” Etc At first it may seem sweet because they are jealous but once you realise you will have to answer fro your every move, phonecall, greeting etc then you will know its jealousy on steroids.

4. They want to change you – At first they were head over heels with how you looked, dressed, the make up, weaves and would often commend you on how stylish you were. But months down the line, he wants you to tone down on your dressing, lose the weave, make up and become more “homely”. If this is not a wake up call then stay on for more..

5. You report to them – At the begin it was cool to just hangout seperately and just feed each other with info on your whereabouts, what you are up to and who you’re with. But now you have to report to them about your every move. When you go to the salon, to class, work , shopping, church etc. It’s not that they are checking up on you, they want to know your every move which is a sign of insecurity.

6. They always try to end the relationship – All couples have fights every once in while and it’s very healthy. However not every couple gets threatened to be dumped after they fight. If your partner says “ it’s over” everytime you have a small argument and they threaten to leave let them!

7. They are petty –  When you walk up the street and meet with an old friend of the opposite sex of course you will greet them and catch up for a minute. However they will stand away from you and later begin questioning who that person was and why you spoke for so long creating drama where they should be none. 

Signs Of A Troubled Marriage

We fall inlove and get excited as days turn into months the honeymoon phase is over and the marriage is at it’s peek. Then suddenlt things start going downhill, It happens in the most unexpected way.
However there are always warning signs that we often ignore, yet they indicate trouble in your marriage:
1. Digging up the past, name calling, verbally abusing and belittling in-laws have almost become common for you two.
2. Both look for silly excuses to fight. You try avoiding each other and don’t look forward to coming back home anymore. Even a trivial complaint turns into a bitter fight. You feel there’s no workable solution in sight.
3. Nothing is a joint decision anymore. There’s no logic behind your explanation. It’s simply a matter of ego to prove what you feel is right.
4. Jealousy creeps in. There’s no healthy competition anymore. It’s not at all fun to ask for guidance as you are belittled for your complete lack of knowledge or ignorance. You can’t take your spouse into confidence.
5. Your spouse can’t think beyond himself/herself. You feel like an outsider being neglected and unwanted. You don’t feel part of the family at all. It is no more our family but ‘my family’. This means danger!
6. One of you cheats. Extra-marital affair is a strict no-no and ruins family life. It’s an unpardonable mistake and means the end of a marriage.
7. Neither of you are inclined towards sex. It kind of becomes mechanical with absolutely no passion. Sex is something that keeps the marriage going.
8. You don’t seem to sort out issues then and there. Either of you is an escapist and avoids confrontation. You have bottled it all up and can’t wait for it to burst so you can put an end to your relationship.
9. No communication of any sorts. Forget the mushy notes and flower bouquet, your partner doesn’t bother asking ‘how are you’ in a mail or text message. When there’s total silence between the two of you and you run out of topics to talk, then your relationship has reached a dead end.
-TOI

Is Your Man Into You? Find Out Here

When you are dating, separate your head from your heart , logic from emotion. In ‘honeymoon’ stage of the relationship, we tend to see  everything as exciting and romantic. But this is the period that should be used to analyze similarities and differences between you and your partner.

If you are paying attention to more than the butterflies in your stomach, you might see that you aren’t getting his full attention or devotion. Now is the time to see if this relationship would be worth it or not.Pay attention and see if you see these five things in your relationship:

1. You have different goals – Even though both of you have independent lives and personalities, there should be some goals you share as a couple. If the someone in your life isn’t sharing his achievements, applauding yours, looking to participate in any sort of goal you and him can reach together be warned; he’s not that interested.

2. You are your own support system – If he really loves you, he will be there with you as you make decisions about your future. He should be someone who is your partner through joy and pain, seeking to find ways to help and support you. Love is all about give and take. Be sure that the person you are with is giving, not just taking.

3. Things are too independent – There needs to be a balance in all things, especially in a relationship. While you need to spend time doing your own thing, if your partner is constantly choosing other activities over you, please reconsider. Television, sports, and video games are fine hobbies to have, but they shouldn’t be where he spends all of his time.

4. You both are on different wavelengths – Having your own thoughts and opinions are a part of being your own person, but there should be some shared qualities between you and your partner. If the two of you are pulling in different directions, that will cause conflict and disagreement in your relationship. While some disagreement can be good in a relationship, if he is unwilling to compromise in what he thinks is right, that will spell trouble for later on.

5. There are affection and intimacy issues – Even if your partner is very affectionate, make sure he respects you. If your relationship is purely based on physical attraction, then he’s not really into getting to know you and having a relationship. If there is a lack of respect in your relationship, move on. You deserve someone who respects you and wants you by his side.

-Tosin

Top Three Signs That He’s Using You

When we are in love or too much “in like” with someone its highly unlikely that one will notice that the person they want is using them. Friends will notice and tell you but in most cases it will be a fight because you feel that you know this person better and your friend is ‘jealous” . We only come to discover this ugly truth much later on… But here are simple ways to tell:

You pay every time you go out 
Even though he might be well off, if you often find yourself paying every time the two of you are out on a date, it’s time you got the hint that he is just using you. While it’s okay to split the bill between the two of you, make sure you do not make a habit of pulling out your wallet every time you are out with him.

He is only available when he needs you 
If he speaks to you or meets you only when he requires something, you should get the hint. Sometimes, girls fail to understand this habit of men and end up thinking that the guy is asking her for advice.

He is financially dependent on you 
Not only do you pay for your dates, but you also help him pay his bills. This is probably one of the greatest signs you need to watch out for. If he doesn’t even bother paying his own bills, it’s time for you to walk out.

– TOI

Signs That Its Lust, Not Love

Many people often confuse love with lust and end up feeling “played” when whatever feelings they thought they had comes to an end. Unfortunately lust is never satisfactory and you quickly lose interest in your partner after thinking what you felt initially would last a lifetime.

How does one tell the difference between lust and love? Here are signs that you are “in lust” not in love:

1. You are your partner never have heart to heart conversations.

2. You’ve never really known what it’s like to be friends with your partner.

3. Having sex with your partner is all you do and think about.

4. You love your partner’s status and not their inner self.

5. You are obsessed with owning your partner.

6. You only care about what you can get out of the relationship and are insensitive to your partner’s actual needs and wants.

7. You are in love with their outward look.

8. You fantasize more on what your ideal relationships should be like rather than what it is.

9. You get angry when they don’t focus all their attention on you.

-Times of India.

Here’s How Your Body Will Tell If He’s The One

There are so many ways to know if someone is right for you, from the way they treat you, how they make you feel, to the things they do for you. However there is also a way that you can tell if they are the one for you by listening to your body.

Your body will tell you what you need to know about the person who you have feelings for and if they are good for you, here’s how:

Listen to your stomach – If your gut is telling you something isn’t working, it probably isn’t. Your core is where you feel the most powerful emotions in a condensed, isolated way. The butterflies are powerful, but you would do well to question them. When you’re with someone you’re infatuated with, there’s no mistaking the pit in your stomach as something other than the butterflies.

As science has shown, being in love is akin to being high on cocaine. It delivers that same intense adrenaline charge and high. Timothy Loving, assistant professor of human ecology at the University of Texas at Austin, told CNN: “Part of the whole attraction process is strongly linked to physiological arousal as a whole. Typically, that’s going to start with things like increased heart rate, sweatiness and so on.” In the end, the butterflies are just the product of chemicals released from your brain.

But is he really “the one” if he isn’t making your stomach flip every day… regardless of the length of your relationship? The right love will give you the butterflies forever. It should always make you feel slightly nervous and woozy but never in any way sick or repulsed.

Listen to your eyes – When we’re in love, we experience a euphoria that completely floods our hearts and minds. We’ve all heard that “love is blind.” But does that saying have any substance?

According to BBC News, love really does have the power to make you blind, or at least blur your vision and trick your brain: “Once we get close to a person, the brain decides the need to assess their character and personality is reduced.” We no longer feel the need to analyze the person’s behavior or character.

BBC News reports that people in love “suppress neural activity associated with critical social assessment of other people and negative emotions.” This can easily cause us to fall into bad romances. We are unable to see the person for what they are. We start to make excuses for bad behaviors and are unable to be objective.

I know that analyzing a love affair kind of destroys its romance, but if you can’t step outside of yourself and look at the relationship, flaws and all, in order to properly quantify its worth, it’s probably not right for you. We’re told that over-analyzing our relationships puts us at risk of ruining everything. But if you’re going to allow yourself to be blinded by love, you’ll never really see that love for what it really is (or isn’t).

Listen to your brain AND your heart… in sync – When you’re wrapped in the warm arms of romance, don’t forget to listen to your goddamn brain. The two are inextricably linked. Your “heart” is just a manifestation of your cerebral functions. You need to take a minute to really FEEL in your heart if this person is bad. Our hearts can’t always tell, but intuition can be a very powerful thing.

“My heart rate picks up when someone has bad energy. Feelings are all physical. Certain people just make you clam up. Our bodies are reacting negatively,” my friend told me. “I always listen to my heart, but not in a cheesy way, in an energetic way.”

You can just sense when someone is bad or good. Don’t let that love blindness completely overtake you. Listen to your heart as it absorbs your beloved’s energy. Is that energy making you stronger, or is it breaking you down?

Listen to your nose – I think we can all agree there is nothing in the entire world that smells as wonderful as a person you’re in love with. It goes SO much deeper than liking his cologne. It’s literally his SKIN. Even when he’s gross and back from the gym, you just can’t get enough of him. It’s the scent of his body.

The laws of attraction are complicated, of course. But there are genetic and biological reasons why you just can’t seem to satiate yourself on your boyfriend’s delicious man-scent.

A bunch of molecules called the major histo-compatibility complex (MHC) “influence the genetic makeup of our immune system, including the smell of our body odor.” It’s the MHCs that affect how you smell. There is a scientific reason behind all of this. According to a 1995 study, researchers resolved that women are attracted to men who have different MHC compositions than their own. The reason your boo smells so sumptuous may also be your body’s attraction to his immune system makeup, which is slightly different from yours.

According to Psychologist Rachel Herst, “Body odor is an external manifestation of the immune system, and the smells we think are attractive come from the people who are most genetically compatible with us.” You want to sniff the hell out of your partner because your body is telling you to make babies with him. If you have compatible immune systems, you will breed healthier little wee ones. If you’re with someone whose scent doesn’t completely intoxicate your mind, body and soul, you’d better look elsewhere… because your body is telling that this is not the match for you.

-Tosin

Eight Signs They Are Playing With Your Mind

Few things are as frustrating as the mind games when it comes to dating. It’s hard to prove and hard to personally believe because we want to be exceptions to rules. Except we’re not because then the rule itself would just not exist.

Here’s how to tell the difference between your own issues and a partner’s deliberate, purposeful mindgames.

1. You’re reading this article – You wouldn’t be concerned about a man playing with your mind you if you didn’t think it was already happening, would you?

2. You’re always struggling to get the upper hand – Fun fact: The “upper hand” is nonsense. The only people who care about it are players, not people who are actually concerned with building a healthy foundation for a relationship to last. If you’re trying to figure out how to get the upper hand, you’ve already lost it.

3. You’re working hard to make him like you – What you should be focusing on is whether or not you like him. If you have to strive to prove yourself worthy to someone constantly, that’s too exhausting and impossible to keep up.

4. He insults you if you reject him – Seriously, if you’re only ever be called a whore by someone you never entertain anymore. Roll your eyes, keep your composure and move along. Don’t go down to their level.

5. He “forgets” to call or stands you up… You wait by the phone or at the bar, because you’re a decent person who has faith in humanity. He never calls and he never shows.

6 … But then he texts you a week later- You really don’t think he was testing the waters with another broad during that time? You’re smarter than this.

7. He insists you’ll never find anyone better-This is the clearest sign that you will. Because honestly, does it get much worse than this? 

-Tosin