Gospel singer Bahati is the talk of town after he revealed that he has a two-year-old daughter but has never bothered to publicly acknowledge her, yet he publicly shows off his four adopted children, while heaping lots of praise on them.
Bahati, his current prayer partner Diana Marua and his baby mama are now all embroiled in a social media beef, and it’s not looking pretty. Everyone is saying he is so shady, but who knows what their drama is all about.
There are so many instances of Kenyan baby mamas who do a good job co-parenting but there are those who truly serve as a reminder that this is something you must think long and hard about.
You need to understand your place to avoid too much baby mama drama in this man’s life.
So girls, to avoid putting your ex lover on blast, here are some of the mistakes many Kenyan baby mamas keep doing that you need to save yourself from:
Holding on to the fairy-tale ending.
Well it’s important to remember just in case you forgot that a child is not a guarantee of marriage. If he wasn’t compelled to fully commit before you gave him the booty for free, it is unlikely he’s in any rush now. Don’t waste your years waiting on your child’s father to “come around” simply because he’s the dad. You deserve the type of love and companionship that makes you happy, too. If you were actually in a relationship, go ahead and give it a solid try, but don’t hold on to a dead relationship or wait on him forever. Now, if you were just a “buddy,” well, you already knew the deal. Be honest with yourself and move forward.
Playing the fool just to make him happy
Well you need to know that some men can be very manipulative especially men who know it is in their best interest to keep custodial and child support payment arrangements outside of the courts by making a deal with you. So, what do they do? Say whatever they need to say to keep you satisfied not happy but not angry enough to file papers either. As we know in our society, men still refuse to take the father title and ask you to find the father. Just save yourself from being his puppet by showing him that you can also be independent otherwise you always doing what he wants can really get you frustrated all in the name of money and him accepting the child and you as his wife.
He has to pay all his child’s bills.
You need to work hard and get your child’s money, as well. Children don’t raise themselves for free and fathers, custodial or non-custodial, should be legally obligated to contribute. It is not about what you can or can’t do for yourself and your baby or what you do and don’t need. A portion of his earnings are owed to your child. Child support is the business side of separate parenting and should be addressed in a business manner. It’s nothing personal.You look stupid when you start telling him how he can not see his child if he doesn’t send money, it actually hurts you more when the child gets to an age where they ask, where is daddy?
Holding your family accountable for things that are not their responsibility.
When the “I-want-I-want” Kindergartener in you comes out and thinks your family and friends are obligated to help support your decisions to rely on an unreliable baby-daddy and they would rather allow you to learn the hard way, it is not because they are bad people. In fact, they would be doing you a disservice by picking up his pieces. Be grateful for the people doing all they can to help and be sure to take heed of the advice.At the end of the day, your family did not send you to get pregnant and therefore you have no right to make everyone miserable because baby daddy is not doing what you expect him to do.
Using the child as a bait.
It is very possible for him to love the child and not care a thing about you. Hurts to hear that but it’s true sometimes. Limiting his time to every other Saturday for two hours but insisting the door is open for him to come over and hang out anytime is a pathetic attempt at creating an imaginary family unit. If not for your pride, do it for your child. Be fair to fathers who want to be involved.
Argue and continuously threat the father, always.
You are the mother and lawfully retain the right to do whatever you choose so long as it does not harm the child physically or mentally. Therefore, you have nothing to argue about. It’s not a democracy but, rather, a dictatorship open to suggestions. And if you have moved on and feel like everytime he comes around he’s trying to start trouble for you, do what is necessary to minimize contact and conversation between the two of you as much as possible while still allowing him access to his child.
All these nonsense needs to stop as when you got pregnant you knew what you were getting yourself into so you are equally accountable for that child and you need to stop being miserable and making everyone’s life miserable.