Why is it that girls find the outgoing football stars most attractive? Why does a charismatic ‘bad boy’ have beautiful girls falling all over him? Could a nerdy introvert ever measure up to a sexy bad boy?
Extroverted football heroes and other heartthrobs deeply impress some girls. Without knowing it, girls get “stamped” on the inside with WOW. Once a girl is smitten with a bad boy, she chases that type for years.
The fact is, savvy women know a secret. A man who’s an introvert is very hot. Even though outgoing guys get all the great girls, introverted guys have a lot to offer. Smart, nerdy guys are usually better students who achieve more in school and have more successful adult lives.
What does that mean? With adult eyes, introverts look a lot more desirable. Success is sexy. Even if a guy isn’t a manager at his company, if he has a good job that pays well, that’s hot.
Introverts might need a little assistance from you, though. You might need to actually approach shy men and make it easier for them to connect with you. It’s worth it, because successful introverts have exactly what women are hungering for.
When you accept the hidden treasure in your introverted boyfriend, you can maximize the connection by boosting his natural strengths. Here are five reasons why introverts make great boyfriends:
1. They Listen More Than They Talk
Introverted lovers think before they speak. It’s natural for them to consider all options before they respond. Some women get frustrated or hurry over the silence. It’s super important to remember that introverts process information by listening and not talking. You may need time to get used to your introverted lover’s pace.
An introvert’s natural calm doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, though. In fact, the strongest person in the room is often the quietest. Because an introvert doesn’t waste words, he says only what he means. We love when a man listens AND hears what we say.
Girlfriend Tip: Ask your introvert when his best time to talk is. (Some guys are better in the morning over coffee, others at the end of the day.) Plan a chat time that’s good for both of you and put a limit on it. A 20-minute chat over coffee gives your guy the assurance that you will cut to the chase and cover the basics of whatever is going on. Be sure to leave him plenty of time to respond to a question. Once you ask something, do not speak until he answers. (But that’s easier said than done.)
2. They Like Deep Issues
Introverts tend to enjoy meaningful conversations. Superficial chatting isn’t really on their menu — they tend to ask great questions and really tune in to the answers. Once a chatty woman decides she can settle down and show her real self to this man, she can build a deep connection with him. Introverts really do want to know what a woman is thinking and how they can support her.
Girlfriend Tip: Pay attention to the things that fascinate your introvert. He may have political, technical or financial interests. Ask sincere questions about something he’s interested in. Show interest in what attracts him to his passions. Again, if it takes him time to formulate his answer, wait. The best gift you can give him is time to process your question.
3. They Are Experts At Staying Calm
Introverted lovers are low-key. During stressful times, they project a reassuring, calm confidence. It’s natural for an introvert to speak slowly and softly to make a point. They prepare for confrontations and may even rehearse before talking to their partner. A mature introvert may also coach himself internally by dismissing negative thoughts. Able to see the big picture because of standing back and observing, an introverted lover projects security — and that’s sexy.
Girlfriend Tip: Compliment your introvert on his calm nature. Affirm that you feel safe and comfortable because of it. His emotions may not go to the extremes of the spectrum, and he’s probably had someone call him boring. Assure him that his steady nature is very soul-soothing. Value his quiet nature, and he will thrive when he’s with you.
4. They Prefer Texting To Talking
Introverts text more than they talk. Introverts are sometimes very happy barely even speaking after work. If he has a job where he interacts with people all day, he’s probably drained when he gets home. It’s way easier for him to text you a cute flirty text than to talk on the phone. One couple I know uses a shared journal kept on the living room table. Each member of the couple writes what they appreciate about the other as a daily practice. Their evenings are quiet because they agree to spend time together without speaking. I love when my guy texts me from the other room. Romantic texts are always sexy.
Girlfriend Tip: Set some parameters with your text expectations —some introverts feel overwhelmed by a lot of texting. Try to mimic your guy’s ideal texting length and frequency. Be sure to respond right away when he texts you (no games). Be fun and playful. It may surprise you that your introvert is a bit more flirty and light-hearted than you expected through text. Be sure to praise him for how fun he is! It’s a real heart opener for an introverted guy.
5. They Love Their Alone Time
Introverts find that spending time alone is energizing. Being with a high energy girl is exhausting for them. If you have a heavy social schedule, he may need to withdraw to recharge. Part of what makes an introvert such a great partner is his tendency to respond instead of react. When he withdraws to process something, it’s a good thing. A confident introverted lover knows he needs alone time. He understands what he needs and communicates it clearly and consistently with his partner. When you adjust to his needs for alone time, he will thrive and you will benefit from his recharge time.
Girlfriend Tip: Whatever you can do to help your introvert take his alone time when needed will really pay off. Many women are insecure and feel abandoned when a man goes dark for a few hours. But let him rest and recharge. If his downtime habits take more time than you’re comfortable with — like an 8 hour video game marathon — see #1 and plan a time to talk about your needs.