Women who dramatize everything

How do you deal with a wife/girlfriend who is a drama queen? During the morning conversation with Maina and Mwalimu King’ang’i, a man called in and said that his wife once took their baby to his workplace and started causing drama, yelling and even went to his boss to say that he doesn’t provide for his family.

Ladies, why do you dramatize everything was the big question this morning. Does causing drama accomplish your objective or is it therapeutic?

For the men, have you dated a drama queen and how do you deal with her? What is that one thing your drama queen wife has done to embarrass you in public?

Listen to the confession of a drama queen wife who stripped down to her bra at her husband’s office

The pain of dating Mr. Hot Guy

Apart from other women making sure that you know how lucky you are for dating Mr. Hot guy, dating that man who has every woman falling over for him has its pitfalls.

During the morning conversation with Mwalimu King’ang’i, Maina had one question for the ladies ‘are hot men a no go zone?’ According to a discussion he was having with a friend yesterday there are insecurities that come with dating/marrying a freakishly attractive man.

The woman is  beautiful with a successful career to boot but she is always paranoid about her relationship thanks to her overly attractive man. She said that if she sends him a text and he doesn’t reply, her imagination goes wild. She is a very confident woman until she starts talking about her man.

Men, did you even know that your women have such insecurities? Listen to what the women had to say

Top reactions from Facebook

Grace Oluoch Wah!..hata akitoka amevaa short ya jeans na leather open shoes..nawaza sana coz i don’t want other women to see his nice feet and hairy shapely legs..gosh!..thanks leo alivaa trouser..nkt!

Diana Nyanzi Why would you marry that which you call hot guy only for you to live with all those insecurities and trust issues.women aki

Lucy Dass Just like men who want trophy wives those insecure women are stuck to their ‘hot’ husbands because they want that. the insecurity is not about the hotness but the infidelity

Plainly Lucas Wacheni kutuingilia…they come running because they want the genes. hehe…

Wendy Osteen Maina, I would urge young ladies to not date super hot men, there are cheats and I can guarantee you, you’ll never be happy. they will give you every thing but you’ll share him with every woman. I once dated a hot Kikuyu guy from Kiambu, and I spent all my nights crying. but thank God I am married now to a nice man, who is handsome to me even though people think he is not. he has given me intelligent kids and I can never think of another man. Leave hot men alone.

Drunk Dial: Why You Shouldn’t Try To Make Sense Of His Late-Night Texts

Do you ever think back to a time when men had to go through more of an effort to mess with women’s minds than they do today?

When they had to write letters, instead of being able to just pick up the phone and press a contact name to talk to someone they are missing at the moment? Those are the days when pen and paper saved a lot of heartache, by being able to misspell an address.

Fast forward 100 years and five generations of iPhones. It’s 12:30 am, and “Ignore” is calling. Although you promised yourself you were going to ignore the call from your ex, you answer the phone. Somehow, you manage to convince yourself it will only be a five-minute conversation, just to see what he wants.

Five minutes turns into 15 minutes. He’s letting you know he’s “in town,” and could really use a “ride home” from the local bar right down the street. You give in, because your will power for love sucks.

You’re stuck picking him up, dropping him off and left to wonder what the hell the point of it all was. You don’t hear another word until the next time he needs help.

In the meantime, you’re stuck listening to some sad, broken-hearted country song, trying to pick apart lyrics to relate to, in the hopes of feeling somewhat better.

So ask yourself: Is it really your ex calling, or is it just the whiskey he reeks of?

There’s no getting around the inevitability of the call you’re going to get from your ex, who is missing you, but not really “missing you,” after a late night of sins. Although he claims to be “ovur” you and make the fact that you’re “jusch friens” abundantly clear, the fact he’s calling you is truth within itself.

Quite frankly, you should feel bad for him and his liver.

The next morning, he’ll feel guilty, but his pride will tell him it was nothing. The truth will catch up with him like the many nights of Jack and Coke, and eventually, he’ll realize it’s not the buzz he’s craving. It’s just you.

Men are easy to read, believe it or not. They revolve around two major emotions, pleased and proud.

As long as they are pleased, they are proud. If ever these two emotions fall short, they will do just about anything to make sure their pleasure and pride, under their circumstances, always lead the way. With their domineering nature, men take pleasure in feeling needed.

When they feel as though they aren’t wanted or not getting the attention they think they deserve, that’s when they start missing whoever was giving them that power (you). Control is a man’s adrenaline rush for the ego, and the tables turning (him starting to miss you, not you missing him), sends his emotions crashing.

Their pride will then try to make up for their lack of pleasure by looking for it in other areas: the bar, the bottom of a bottle of whiskey and then you, once the whiskey hits.

When the phone starts ringing with late-night calls due to alcohol consumption, you’ve become just another place for his hurt pride.

These calls do not mean he’s missing you. If he’s only calling you when he’s drunk, his pride is still too big to really miss you enough to call when he’s sober. He doesn’t miss you: He misses you missing him.

-Elite Daily

The Surprising Secret To Flirting Like A Pro

It’s not HOW you flirt … it’s WHO you flirt with, why? The onene key rule when picking who to focus flirtatious attention on is this — flirt with someone of similar attractiveness.

Why? Because research tells us that most successful relationships are between partners of more or less equal good looks. There is some leeway, of course, and other qualities are also important, but statistically, relationships where one partner is much more attractive than the other tend to be less successful. This will also give you the best chance at compatibility, which is a requirement for a new relationship to last long term.

Teena Evert a licensed marriage and family therapist and love relationship coach tells you 3 key things to remember when looking for people of similar attractiveness to flirt with:

1. Attractiveness is not just about good looks or someone’s physical features
Attractiveness is also about one’s attitude and energy, influenced by personality and experiences. Some attitudes are positive and productive, others are negative and unproductive.

Here are a few examples of positive attitudes that can support you in looking for people of similar attractiveness to flirt with:

“Focus on connecting. A partner is someone to love, not an object or a goal.”
“Take responsibility for the outcomes by taking initiative in your life and relationships.”

2. Avoid “the attraction trap”
You interpret a strong physical attraction to someone as a sure sign that the relationship is a good choice and “meant to be.” This happens when our intention to flirt turns into instant infatuation and your choices become unconscious and result in repeating unproductive past patterns.

Your attraction to someone is like a radar system that helps you find your target, but the attraction trap occurs when you mindlessly, blindly follow this radar. You are then no longer flirting for fun, you’ve slipped into the zone of infatuation.

There is nothing wrong with infatuation, however, in the process of finding new love, it can cause you to lose yourself or compromise your goals and values. Thus sabotaging any chance of that flirtatious connection turning into a long-term relationship

3. Don’t fall into the mindset that there’s only a limited supply of equally attractive partners
If you adopt the “I need to take what I can get” mindset, you’re tempted to settle for less right away because you believe you can’t get what you really want. Flirting is fun and fundamental to dating, it is not a numbers game. When you expect less, you get less.

Trust that if you apply yourself, you can get what you really want in your love life. Happiness is absolutely available to you, but must go after what you really want in life and choose to flirt with people of similar attractiveness as you.

What might go wrong while people practice this advice? Well, you won’t get it right every time and you’ll most likely end up attracting some duds who you initially thought had greater potential. But don’t worry, this is part of the dating process.

Use your feelings of attraction as information. The chemistry must exist, you can’t just get together with someone you’re not attracted to. But, please remember that flirting based solely on physical attraction often results in repeating unproductive past patterns and failed relationships.

5 Reasons Introverted Guys Make The BEST Boyfriends

Why is it that girls find the outgoing football stars most attractive? Why does a charismatic ‘bad boy’ have beautiful girls falling all over him? Could a nerdy introvert ever measure up to a sexy bad boy?

Extroverted football heroes and other heartthrobs deeply impress some girls. Without knowing it, girls get “stamped” on the inside with WOW. Once a girl is smitten with a bad boy, she chases that type for years.

The fact is, savvy women know a secret. A man who’s an introvert is very hot. Even though outgoing guys get all the great girls, introverted guys have a lot to offer. Smart, nerdy guys are usually better students who achieve more in school and have more successful adult lives.

What does that mean? With adult eyes, introverts look a lot more desirable. Success is sexy. Even if a guy isn’t a manager at his company, if he has a good job that pays well, that’s hot.

Introverts might need a little assistance from you, though. You might need to actually approach shy men and make it easier for them to connect with you. It’s worth it, because successful introverts have exactly what women are hungering for.

When you accept the hidden treasure in your introverted boyfriend, you can maximize the connection by boosting his natural strengths. Here are five reasons why introverts make great boyfriends:

1. They Listen More Than They Talk
Introverted lovers think before they speak. It’s natural for them to consider all options before they respond. Some women get frustrated or hurry over the silence. It’s super important to remember that introverts process information by listening and not talking. You may need time to get used to your introverted lover’s pace.

An introvert’s natural calm doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, though. In fact, the strongest person in the room is often the quietest. Because an introvert doesn’t waste words, he says only what he means. We love when a man listens AND hears what we say.

Girlfriend Tip: Ask your introvert when his best time to talk is. (Some guys are better in the morning over coffee, others at the end of the day.) Plan a chat time that’s good for both of you and put a limit on it. A 20-minute chat over coffee gives your guy the assurance that you will cut to the chase and cover the basics of whatever is going on. Be sure to leave him plenty of time to respond to a question. Once you ask something, do not speak until he answers. (But that’s easier said than done.)

2. They Like Deep Issues
Introverts tend to enjoy meaningful conversations. Superficial chatting isn’t really on their menu — they tend to ask great questions and really tune in to the answers. Once a chatty woman decides she can settle down and show her real self to this man, she can build a deep connection with him. Introverts really do want to know what a woman is thinking and how they can support her.

Girlfriend Tip: Pay attention to the things that fascinate your introvert. He may have political, technical or financial interests. Ask sincere questions about something he’s interested in. Show interest in what attracts him to his passions. Again, if it takes him time to formulate his answer, wait. The best gift you can give him is time to process your question.

3. They Are Experts At Staying Calm
Introverted lovers are low-key. During stressful times, they project a reassuring, calm confidence. It’s natural for an introvert to speak slowly and softly to make a point. They prepare for confrontations and may even rehearse before talking to their partner. A mature introvert may also coach himself internally by dismissing negative thoughts. Able to see the big picture because of standing back and observing, an introverted lover projects security — and that’s sexy.

Girlfriend Tip: Compliment your introvert on his calm nature. Affirm that you feel safe and comfortable because of it. His emotions may not go to the extremes of the spectrum, and he’s probably had someone call him boring. Assure him that his steady nature is very soul-soothing. Value his quiet nature, and he will thrive when he’s with you.

4. They Prefer Texting To Talking
Introverts text more than they talk. Introverts are sometimes very happy barely even speaking after work. If he has a job where he interacts with people all day, he’s probably drained when he gets home. It’s way easier for him to text you a cute flirty text than to talk on the phone. One couple I know uses a shared journal kept on the living room table. Each member of the couple writes what they appreciate about the other as a daily practice. Their evenings are quiet because they agree to spend time together without speaking. I love when my guy texts me from the other room. Romantic texts are always sexy.

Girlfriend Tip: Set some parameters with your text expectations —some introverts feel overwhelmed by a lot of texting. Try to mimic your guy’s ideal texting length and frequency. Be sure to respond right away when he texts you (no games). Be fun and playful. It may surprise you that your introvert is a bit more flirty and light-hearted than you expected through text. Be sure to praise him for how fun he is! It’s a real heart opener for an introverted guy.

5. They Love Their Alone Time
Introverts find that spending time alone is energizing. Being with a high energy girl is exhausting for them. If you have a heavy social schedule, he may need to withdraw to recharge. Part of what makes an introvert such a great partner is his tendency to respond instead of react. When he withdraws to process something, it’s a good thing. A confident introverted lover knows he needs alone time. He understands what he needs and communicates it clearly and consistently with his partner. When you adjust to his needs for alone time, he will thrive and you will benefit from his recharge time.

Girlfriend Tip: Whatever you can do to help your introvert take his alone time when needed will really pay off. Many women are insecure and feel abandoned when a man goes dark for a few hours. But let him rest and recharge. If his downtime habits take more time than you’re comfortable with — like an 8 hour video game marathon — see #1 and plan a time to talk about your needs.

-informationng

5 Types of Emotional Abuse

Are you a victim of emotional abuse? We are all vulnerable to manipulation whether it is from friends, parents, employers and even in romantic relationships. However, there are ways to spot an emotional manipulator from a mile away and stop their desire to control your emotions especially in relationships.

An emotionally manipulated relationship is one-sided and the highly skilled manipulator will always use you as a puppet at their own free will. Though emotional abuse doesn’t leave us with physical scars it hugely impacts on self esteem and self worth. So how do you know you are in a toxic relationship with an emotional manipulator.

What are the 5 types of emotional abuse in a relationship?

1. Silent treatment
A manipulator will always play the silent treatment card. He knows that you obsess over your relationship and if he doesn’t talk to you then you lose your cool. You will helplessly try to figure out what you did wrong for your partner to be silent on you when in real sense you did nothing wrong. Then you will begin to apologize so that he can start speaking to you again.

2. Name calling
This is also another type of emotional abuse. He will call you names in public trying to put you down. He will blame you for everything that is going wrong in your lives and you will believe every word of it. If he is humiliating you in the presence of other people then he doesn’t value you and you would rather be alone.

3. Controlling
An emotional manipulator will want to control all aspects of your life. He will dictate what you should wear, eat, how you should spend your money, when you should visit your friends or family and even control your phone.

4. Blame game
If you are dating an emotional manipulator then you better be sure that he will blame you for his mistakes. If he came home drunk or didn’t come home at all the previous night then you are to blame. He will refuse to explain himself by making belittling statements because he does now want to take responsibility for their actions. If he does take blame he will place blame and claim he was just reacting to something you did. If he is blaming you for everything then he is abusing you emotionally.

5. Threats
A man abusing you emotionally will always make threaten you. He will threaten to leave you if you do not bend over for his needs and you will feel a sense of guilt for being forced into it. He will also threaten to hurt you or your family if you leave him. You feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner, carefully controlling your words and actions

Some scars of physical abuse may heal but emotional abuse is not the case. The abused person may often be suicidal, anxious, depressed and loose their confidence.

How to win back someone’s trust when you’ve really messed up

Your relationship broke up. Maybe you lied or cheated. No matter what happened, getting your ex to forgive you is a little bit of work. But listen, it’s not completely impossible. First, a warning, however. Your ex’s forgiveness is never guaranteed. You might never get your ex to completely forgive you.

Here are tips to convince your ex for a second chance

1. Decide what you really want.

Sometimes all of this striving won’t really get you the kind of relationship that you want in the end. It’s important to take a step back and think about whether it’s your ex who you miss or it’s the act of being in a relationship with them that’s really bothering you. You can do everything under the sun to get your ex back, but if your relationship with them isn’t right in the first place, it’s a huge waste of time and energy.

2. Take complete responsibility for your part and apologize sincerely.
So often we think that providing a genuine apology is a weakness, when really it’s the first step in getting things between the two of you to where they’re good again. Think of your sincere apology as opening the door and clearing the way to a better future between the two of you.

3. Accept that they might punish you for a while.
Sometimes we hope that we’ll say the magic apology and our ex will immediately jump back into our arms, ready to forget about everything that happened. Unfortunately, this seldom happens. Depending on what you did, your ex is possibly still angry with you and will have a difficult time treating you the way you wish they would treat you.

4. Give them time and space to forgive you.
Knowing that they’re still upset or hurt can make us feel guilty and bad in our ex’s presence. We yearn for things between us to go back to how they once were, and we just want to get the whole process over with so things are happy again.

The problem is that often we want all of this way too soon. It can take a long time for someone to feel better around you, and you have to recognize this when looking for forgiveness. Let them process their feelings and give them some space to do it.

5. Avoid becoming defensive.
It’s up to you to maintain a clear head in the face of whatever they might toss your way. Avoid the temptation to roll into an emotional ball, re-apologize, or launch into more explanations for your behavior. Stay calm, accept that they’re still emotional about what happened, and make them feel heard.

A good statement like “I completely understand why you’re upset about that,” works well. Let them get it out, and then gently move the conversation on or remove yourself from it.

6. Continue trying to make it fun, even though it’s not fun right now.
The biggest mistake that people make with their exes is that they let negative patterns continue while they’re trying to get their ex back. What I mean is that instead of using their actions to remind their ex how amazing things were in the beginning of their relationship, they go back in and rehash all of the old, negative emotions.

If you really want your ex to forgive you, this is the wrong thing to do because it reinforces the negative pattern between the two of you. If they’re going to forgive you and repair your relationship, breaking that negative cycle is absolutely crucial.

5 Sure Signs You Are Dating A Loser

He doesn’t exhibit any of the telltale signs you are dating a loser, does he? He’s never late, he makes you cups of tea and he doesn’t mind watching all the soaps… it can be hard to see who you are actually dating during the honeymoon stage, when everything is so perfect. So how can you tell if he is really Mr. Right, or if he’s just a loser? Here are my top ten signs that you are dating a loser…

1. Temper, Temper!
Most of the time, people with incredibly bad tempers are losers. There is nothing worse than a grown man or woman throwing the same tantrums as a five-year-old who doesn’t get what he or she wants at the store. If they throw things around, let their temper get the best of them all the time, and are easily enraged by simple things that a grown person should be able to handle, then they aren’t mature and aren’t worth your time. They will eventually start taking their temper out on you. Don’t waste your time with them. You don’t want to have to tell your mother that your significant other is cooling off in the car because you didn’t text them back within two minutes.

2. They Don’t Have A Plan
Many would say that not having a job makes someone a loser, but we disagree. A person can have a job and still be a loser. The key thing is they have to have a plan. If they don’t have a job or are stuck in a dead-end one with no plans to get out of the situation or don’t care to, then you’ve found yourself a loser. Any driven and determined person will find out how to get where they want to be. Losers will stay where they are and blame others for their misfortunes.

3. They attach themselves quickly
If it’s been a month and they have already said they love you, they are getting too attached too early. They are just looking for someone to be attached to. These are the desperate dates that are just looking for someone, anyone, to spend time with. Psychologist Joseph M. Carver says, “”The Loser” has very shallow emotions and connections with others.” They will quickly have feelings for you that could just as quickly fade away.

4. They Put You Down
Losers don’t want you to know they are losers, so they make you feel like one. They will attempt to put down your dreams because they can’t do it themselves, or they will make you feel unattractive so that you think you can’t find anyone better. This leads to him or her treating you badly and you thinking you deserve it. Well, you don’t. Remember Eleanor Roosevelt’s fantastic quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

5. They’re Super Controlling
Losers are paranoid and terrified of being broken up with so they will do everything to prevent it, especially if they know you are better than them. They will try to pull you away from your friends so that you only spend time with them, they will watch your every move, and they will do some rather stalkerish or insecure things so they have control over you. They want to know where you are at all times, who you’re with, and they don’t want you to go out with friends. Don’t let someone control you. Relationships are meant to be two independent people coming together to take on the world together, not to control one another.
Losers are all over the place. You may not be able to see it as easily in the beginning, but you will eventually take notice. These tips will allow you to spot losers much faster. Beware, being entangled in a loser’s web can turn you into one yourself. Don’t settle for a loser.

Source: Healthyliving.care.

Top 6 conversations couples tend to avoid

Any two people in a romantic relationship are bound to have these conversations, whether you just started seeing each other or have been together for a decade. However, according to a study by Female First, there are topics that couples would rather steer clear of.

Here are the top 6.

1. Jealousy- Will your partner think you are clingy? Over-protective? Resentful of them having friends of the opposite sex? Every couple needs boundaries so each person knows not to overstep them. So how or when do you put them in place? Is a little jealousy flattering? Will your partner see it that way?

2. Finances- Being brought up to never ask another person’s wage, proves to be quite difficult once you settle down with someone. Some argue it’s none of their partner’s business while others believe that nothing should be kept secret within a relationship – not even income.

Sharing spending habits, savings, and earnings makes some people uncomfortable, especially if they have something to hide. Each couple is different; however signing up for something like a house together is a big commitment if you are unaware of each other’s monetary situation.

3. Marriage- Do you want to get married? You want to know if your paths are going in the same direction. So when is the best time to talk without coming on too strong? Do you both want marriage but on different timescales? Are you both religious or is one of you an atheist?

4. Having Kids- Another deal breaker if a couple doesn’t agree on future aspirations such as having a family. Asking might come across as rushing things but no one wants to waste their time with someone who is heading in a different direction.

5. Health- Couples often bury their heads in the sand when it comes to the impact on their bodies through diet and lifestyle. Do you talk about it and worry each other of the potential harm or recent diagnosis, or do you quietly get on with it and tell them afterwards? What if it’s more serious than that? When is the best time to tell them your world and theirs is about to seriously change?

6. Moving in together- Perhaps one is ready to share space with a lover; maybe the other partner is not quite there yet. Then there is the question of who’s place to move to or if you will find a new home together. If so where? Will it suit both of your work and family needs?

 

7 Things Women Say Vs What They Really Mean

Men are from Mars..women are from Venus! How often do you hear this phrase especially when it applies to how the two genders communicate. Women have always been termed the complicated gender.  Everything they say seems to have a deeper meaning or no meaning at all.  She will either beat around the bush or drop subtle hints hoping that her man will interpret what she really means.

The men have to bear the responsibility of decoding what the things women say mean and what is the cause of action afterwards.  To be fair not all women are guilty of this.Reading in between the lines may never come naturally to men as it does to women and here are a few tips to help men translate many common phrases women use in the day to day

1. When she says ‘I am not mad’
When she tells you that she is not mad she is actually really upset. She is just not in the mood for an argument or discussion. Trust her to bring up the issue later when she has finally calmed down and she has all the facts to confront you when you are least expecting.

2. When she says ‘Five minutes’
Every man must know by now that when a woman says she will be five minutes she doesn’t actually mean it. Five minutes is just what women say to keep you calm. If you are waiting for her in your car as she is doing makeup, you can bet she will be another 30. If she is meeting you for a date five minutes could mean anything from half an hour to even top of the hour.

3. When she says ‘you don’t need to get me anything’
You are busy doing house shopping and you call her up asking if she needs anything don’t fall for I am fine I don’t need anything. She is secretly hoping that you know her well enough to buy a surprise gift no matter how small it is. Whether it is a simple chocolate or ice cream, you will definitely earn points for this one.

4. When she asks if an outfit makes her look fat
If a woman is fat or she has gained some weight, she already knows it and she knows that the outfit she wore brings the fat side of her so she doesn’t need you stamping approval on it. It’s a test, assure her that you love her no matter what she wears and she will always be beautiful in his eyes.

5. When she cheats and says the sex didn’t mean anything
If she cheated on you and uses this line as an excuse….two things, she realized the man she cheated on you with wasn’t worth the time. Or she slept with the man because you were bad in bed. Sex means something for many women and there must be a reason why she did it.

6. Let’s just cuddle
She may have had a bad day and just needs a reassuring hold by the person she treasures the most. She is feeling vulnerable and sex is the last thing on her mind. When she says let’s cuddle please don’t misinterpret it as she means let us have sex. Sex is the last thing on her mind.

7. When she says ‘I am sorry I should have told you’
She will often say this when she is about to reveal something shocking and more often than not she is usually not sorry. The apology is a way out of an argument or to get something she really wants from you.

8. When she asks ‘what was your last girlfriend like’
She definitely does not want you heaping praises on your ex. She just wants reassurance that she is the best match you ever had and your ex is nothing compared to her. If you do no talk from a neutral point then your woman gauges how much grip your ex has on you.

Reading Can Improve Your Love Life, Here’s Why

It would seem that a single man or woman who likes to read has a distinct advantage as many people think it’s an attractive quality. Two-thirds of dating readers admit that they would like to meet someone who reads according to Elite Singles.

Reading is firmly placed in the top ten most attractive hobby list, making it to number seven! Furthermore, when going to a date’s house for the first time, a bursting bookshelf can be quite the boost. This link between books and attractions means that reading is in fact- sexy. If this is your hobby already, then you are well on your way, but if it’s not it might be time to place an order at your local bookshop.

Reading is sexy, there is no doubt about that but for men and women it’s not that simple.

1. Men like women who embrace their sensual side
Men sit up and pay attention if they learn their date likes to embrace erotic reading. For one in five men, there is no sexier reader than a woman who reads erotica, placing this streets ahead of thrillers and biographies which they might like to read themselves.

2. Women like men of mystery
Women are not as impressed by men reading this genre unfortunately- with only 6% who find it appealing. Women fancy men who read thrillers and biographies and care more for books that stimulate the mind rather than the genitals in their prospective partner.

3. Like attracts like
Although a genre can influence a single man or woman, it’s not the subject but the act that’s ultimately sexy. According to EliteSingles psychologist Salama Marine, there are many reasons why singles love those who love books but, mostly, it’s because ”people look for those who have interesting hobbies – and reading is one of them. Why? Because a great book leads.” She adds ‘ ‘also, your taste in books can highlight aspects of your personality: are you curious, romantic, dreamy? By sharing your tastes you can show and share your inner world.”

Doomed to Be Single? 5 Reasons You Probably Miss ‘The One’ Every Single Day

What if “the one that got away” slipped through your grasp before you even realized it. “On any given day, you could walk right by your true love and never even know it. You could sit next to each other on the subway and never exchange a word,” says Didier Rappaport, founder of Happn — a new dating app that matches you with the people you see and run into every day.

The most terrifying possibility in love is not losing the one person you were meant to be with — it’s them never knowing you existed in the first place. How do you avoid it?

1.As unromantic as it sounds, finding true love is a numbers game.
Think about how hard it is just to find a halfway decent guy these days. There’s a reason the term is “the one.” While the odds are slim that there is literally only one person you can live happily ever after with, it conveys just how rare true love is in this world.

Now think about how many people you pass by every single day. They vastly outnumber the people you’ve dated or even considered romantically in your life. If you date 20 people in your life, but pass by 20,000 on your way to work every morning, which group do you think is more likely to contain your dream partner?

Think of finding “the one” as hitting the lottery. When it’s such a longshot to begin with, do you want 20 tickets, or 20,000?

2.We’re psychologically wired to fall for the people we see every day.
It’s called the Mere-exposure Effect and it’s why coworkers so often fall in love, despite the potentially disastrous consequences. In the simplest terms, “the more often a person is seen by someone, the more pleasing and likeable that person appears to be.”

3.People are more likely to form a relationship with someone who lives near them.
They say love isn’t an exact science, but that hasn’t stopped psychology researchers from trying.
Based on the findings of an MIT study, The Proximity Principle reveals that the closer they are, the harder they fall.

And most people on your commute are exactly that — people who live near you, work near you and travel with you. What it comes down to is your chances are better with a person that’s within arm’s reach, instead of trying to force a long-distance relationship work.

4.We tend to fall in love with people who are similar to ourselves.
You can call it a twisted form of narcissism, but the researchers would prefer you call it the Similarity Attraction Effect. Whoever said opposites attract was fooling themselves.

Simply put, the more a person is like us, the more we find them attractive. You’re off to a good start in terms of similarity with someone who lives in the same city, works the same hours and sees the same sights as you do every day.

Even before you’ve introduced yourself, you have shared stories about your community and “that crazy guy who sings to himself on the bus.”

5.It’s hard to approach strangers out of context.

The points above are considerable evidence that you could be bumping into “the one” every single day without realizing it.

But even if you’ve convinced yourself that the guy you see everyday on the bus to work is a worth a shot, it’s so hard to initiate romantic intentions when people aren’t expecting it. Sure, if you’re at the bar or browsing your online dating matches, it makes total sense. But it can feel so weird trying to flirt. “There’s just never the right opportunity,” says Happn founder Didier Rappaport.

There are so many ways that conversation could go awkwardly that it discourages you from trying in the first place. And reducing your opportunities is not how you win at a numbers game.

Dating rules you need to break

Dating, as with all human activities, includes rules. Some rules are actually just common sense. Some rules exist only in Hollywood movies. And there are some rules that need to be broken.

While it’s true that life doesn’t come with instructions, we do pick up plenty of them along the way. So if a neatly bound owner’s manual isn’t available, perhaps we should all be issued with a loose leaf binder for all those rules we collect.

That binder would need to be divided into two parts. The writ-in-stone, never-to-be-broken rules section: no murder, no stealing, no socks with sandals etc. And the section of more what you’d call guidelines than actual rules.

1. Men take the lead
It’s the 21st century. Anyone scandalized by a woman asking a man out needs to get off their fainting couch.

2. Don’t seem eager
Friends debating how long to wait before calling after a first date is a well-worn movie trope. Today we have apps, social media and FaceTiming.So waiting a couple of days before getting back to someone is just, well … rude.

However, that doesn’t mean you have to use every communication platform all at once. No one wants to be smothered.

3. Don’t kiss on the first date
Making this a rigid rule makes as much sense as don’t have a pudding. When it comes to first date kissing, you should apply the same thinking you would to going for a meal: if you fancy it, have it … and try not to drool.

However, don’t push things if your date doesn’t share your appetite; just because you want sticky toffee pudding doesn’t mean they’re equally peckish.

4. Spend it
Dates don’t need to be supported by the International Monetary Fund to be special. Hollywood would have us believe that the bar for a first date is set at dinner on a roof (spectacular view and paper lanterns obligatory), preferably with at least one musician nearby, and if possible the food supplied by an exclusive and/or far-flung source. In real life, honesty, respect and kindness impresses more people than showing off.

5. People have types
This is actually a rule many of us impose on ourselves. If we’ve had a good time with one sort of person, we may think that’s our type. Or if we’ve had a bad experience with a particular type of person, we may decide to stay away from similar people. However, imposing a blinkered view of the people around us limits our opportunities. After all, Crocs don’t make someone a bad person; and they slip right off.

Who picks up the bill? Who holds the door? Who gets walked home? Who gets invited in for coffee? When do they stay the night? There are countless questions associated with dating. And there are countless rules to help you answer them. But remember that you don’t have to be limited by those rules. And you can always make up your own.

-Originally authored by personal communication expert Manj Weerasekera

11 Reasons Why you should date a weirdo

Are you dating someone utterly out of his or her mind? Do you find yourself thinking about how crazy and “all over the place” your significant other is? Do you find yourself describing your girlfriend as weird or your boyfriend as absolutely insane? Well, you don’t even know how lucky you are.

If you’ve found someone brave enough to be him or herself in this world of standardized proportions and fixed ideals, adore that person. If you’ve found someone strong enough to hold on to his or her childlike sense of wonder, to be completely and utterly free and uninhibited, cherish that person. If you’ve found someone liberated enough to be a complete and utter weirdo, never let that person go.

You’ll know when you’ve found a weirdo. If you’re lucky enough to be with someone crazy enough to let you into his or her weird world, cherish him or her and make sure never to let that person go.

Because relationships with weirdos are always better than with anyone who’s trying to be “normal” and here’s why

1. The weirdo will never let the fight be the same one.

Weirdos have feelings and opinions that will clash with yours like any significant other. With them, however, it’s never about the same issues Because your relationship isn’t the same, it’s new things, new tastes and definitely new points of view.

2. The weirdo will never expect the relationship to be a certain way.

They don’t have expectations of you or the relationship. Weirdos let the relationship coast the same way they coast through life — hoping for the best and going with the flow. They don’t go into things with preconceived notions because for them, a relationship is as random and unknown as life.

3. The weirdo will introduce you to the freak inside you.

You think you know yourself, and then you meet someone who challenges every part of your being. Weirdos make you rethink your life, your passions and what the hell you’ve been doing this whole time. You go from who you were to who you could be.

4. The weirdo will never be replaced.

You know you can’t let them go because everyone after them will never live up to the force your weirdo entered your life with. No one will ever show you as much, teach you as much and challenge you as much. Everyone will just make you wish you were with your weirdo again.

5. The weirdo will never question when you need to take time for your own adventure.

Not only do weirdos support your personal endeavors, they push them. They don’t just want to be there for you; they want to show you the way. They believe in everyone as much as they believe in themselves, and that support will change your life.

6. The weirdo will make you forget about the outside world.

Until you’ve met a weirdo, you’ve never understood the only world you need to judge yourself by is the world you create for yourself. You also never experienced what it’s like to live in your own world, to never have to enter society again. Weirdos bring the only world worth caring about into yours.

7. The weirdo will catalyze every single creative interest you have.

Any weird, obscure or crazy notion you pondered then let go of is now thrown back into your face. It’s molded and nurtured and praised. Those tiny thoughts you never gave any light to are suddenly magnified and urged to be chased and expanded. Those tiny dreams you never let yourself think about are all a weirdo wants to talk about.

8. The weirdo will never make you feel weird about your own weird self.

They want you to be weird. They long for you to open up that side you refuse to show the world. They’re ready to explore your inner workings and most obscure neuroses. They’ll thrive on your quirks and your idiosyncrasies… just make sure you don’t hide anything.

9. The weirdo is always worth the drama.

Yeah, weirdos are not always the easiest people to deal with, but they’re always worth it. They’re going to bring with them drama and intensity, but that’s what’s going to make your life worthwhile again.

Those days when you were just going to work, the gym and going to bed will seem like a fate worse than death after finding someone who won’t let you be bored ever again.

10. The weirdo will teach you to laugh everything off.

They’ll show you what it’s like to not take anything seriously, including yourself. Life is too short and too weird to judge anything, and if you can’t get serious about it, you may as well laugh about it. Embrace those who know how to embrace the moments that shouldn’t be anything but funny.

11. The weirdo is going to be the best sex you’ve ever had.

Weirdos are uninhibited, and their sex follows suit. They aren’t nervous or scared; they’re down to try anything.  They want their lives between the sheets to be as spontaneous and crazy as the one outside.

They’re not scared to show their true, naked selves.

Why you should marry your friend- Wahu Kagwi

Sultry songstress Wahu Kagwi is back with her new song ‘Nenda’ after her long music hiatus. Wahu has been a household name for her music hits such as,sweet love,liar and sitishiki

Thanks to her music she has several awards under her name winning the best female artist at the MAMAs in 2008 she also won the best song at the Kisima music awards.

She is currently doing her media tour promoting her new song and we caught up with her to talk about marriage to celebrity husband Nameless and what she does to keep fit.

You still use your two names Wahu Kagwi even after marriage why?
Wahu Kagwi is my brand name in music, my husband and I are okay with me not picking up his name. Some people want to have a discussion with their spouses because there are some guys who take it personally

wahu3

Wondering how she managed to get back her pre-pregnancy body after popping two babies
I don’t have the snap back into shape body so i have to work. I pace myself for the first six months the priority being watching what i eat in moderation and breastfeeding the baby. After the 6 months I ease into the gym and workout slowly till i get into shape.

wahu

What are the top tips for any successful marriage?
I do not think there is one template that successful homes should follow or read from the same book. Marriage is between two people and you will find for example there is a happy couple whereby the husband stays at home taking care of the kids and the wife being the provider. People will complain that the man should be out there working ……who said and made these rules?

Wahu says that she believes that there are two things that are key for any relationship
1.Marry your friend
Take time to know the person you are marrying because there is no rush because marriage is forever. Your friend doesn’t judge you, put you down and they build you up and you need to be like that for each other.

2. Talk
Not just talk, communicate because it is a two-way thing. Act on what you are talking about and be very honest on whatever you are feeling at a particular time.

 

Check out the video to her new song with Moti Ice

Are Young Men Trapped Into Dating Older Women

A study of 450,000 online daters released in February 2015 showed that men between the age of 20-29 preferred to date older women the age gap ranging from a minimum of just 11 to 40 years.

During the morning conversation with Maina and Mwalimu King’ang’i one caller sought to dispute this research saying that the young men dating the older women have been trapped. She is between the age of 45-50 and a baby is out of question so how does she trap these young men?

We sought answers from our listeners and the women do not seem to share these sentiments. One woman says that the young men dating older women are just looking for financial security. According to her, these men are only after the wealth of the older woman.

And the men seem to disagree saying that the older woman is really out there to trap a young boy for a relationship with? What are the charms she uses, you ask….listen to the confession below as told by a man who escaped the claws of an older woman

 

15 Ways to rid yourself of the ‘control freak’

Ever dated a control freak? They try to take over the decision making on who you see, what you wear, what you eat, how you spend your time, how you act and it’s quite frankly exhausting. They like to think they’re right and are no stranger to pointing out what they deem to be your ‘mistakes’. But that’s just their opinion.

If you’re dating such a person, here are eHarmony’s tips for escaping their grasp.

1. You can’t change them- As cliché as it might sound- the only person you have any control over is yourself. Trying to change your partner is always going to end in disappointment. So stop trying.

2.It’s only short term- If you decide to go along with what they want for a little while; it won’t get them off your back permanently.

3. Think about yourself- Make decisions that you think are right and maintain your dignity.

4. You have rights- You have the right to be treated well, to personal choice and to speak up for yourself. Don’t forget it.

5. Personal space- Ensure there is space between you two so you can have both physical and emotional distance. This can often help ease the situation.

6. Have individual expectations- You make your own guidelines not anyone else, if they try to control you in a particular area of your life consider your standards over theirs first.

7. Don’t be silent- If you avoid it, bottle it up and hide your frustration it’s never going to mend your relationship. Speak up so they know where you and they stand.

8. Speak directly- Avoid the drama and talk plainly- what is getting to you and why?

9. Find a good listener- A friend, family member or counsellor to hear your side of things and help you find your way out. Often someone who has no involvement in your relationship can offer the best plan of action.

10. You will never have the respect of your partner- Being controlled is not respect, they may like you or respond positively if you do what they want but it’s far removed from respect.

11. Protect your strength- Make sure that you find other ways to boost your self-worth to counteract their constant put downs.

12. What are you sacrificing?- If they control you- they crave power and bullying rights- by letting them do this, you are giving up independence, self-worth and emotional stability- do you really want to offer this up to them?

13. Change your reaction- You can’t change their behaviour but you can alter how you respond to it. You can avoid being drawn into the drama and see it for what it is rather than what it could be.

14. Know your limits- Know when enough is enough- it’s one thing to understand what they are but another to use that as an excuse to be pushed around. Know when to say- ‘I can’t take any more of this- you need to stop now.’

15. Turn away- And walk in the other direction. If you can’t change them- don’t join them- just leave.

 

5 Ways to a woman’s heart

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, how does one win over a woman? Below are five helpful hints, even if you or she thinks they are out of character, you are showing her how you are trying to please her and that you are willing to change to maintain the intimacy of your relationship.

1. Paying her a compliment – Most women enjoy a compliment, but when it comes for your partner it makes you feel sexy, loved, wanted, lusted after and all round amazing!

2. Doing the dishes – The last thing anyone wants to do while nursing a food baby is clean up after themselves. When a partner does you are almost getting restaurant treatment- bliss.

Offering to do the supermarket shop – It stops you from succumbing to impulse buys, which can only be a good thing!

3. Buy her a gift – Knowing that your partner thinks of you while you’re not together, enough to buy you a gift is one of the best compliments a woman can receive.

4. Whisk her away for the weekend – Most women like a surprise, but when you come home on a Friday night and think there is nothing planned other than cleaning, only to find out that you are going away- it’s a feeling that’s hard to beat.

5. Speak well of her in front of other people
Hold her hand. Pick-up artists recommend saying backhanded compliments, but nothing beats a genuine and sincere compliment. A backhanded compliment might work for a one-night stand, but come on, this is a poisonous ingredient in trying to form a long-term relationship. Treat her just as kindly in front of friends and family as you do when you are alone.

-female first