‘My wife bought me a car and I cheat with it’ Luo man confesses

 

 

The saying hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, does not apply to this story.

A cheating husband who has been found multiple times with a side chick in the car his wife bought for him, is counting his blessings.

Mzungu opens up on why he married dark skinned luo woman

The wife who has been busting her cheating husband is so forgiving, he feels guilty about it, but won’t stop cheating.

The man told Classic 105’s Maina Kageni that

if I carry a girl, I feel guilty and when she finds me she forgives me, she confronts me but forgives me

This confession arose from the morning conversation where Mwalimu insisted that Kenyan women never uplift their men.

‘Vichwa ngumu’ men reveal reasons for not marrying Luo women

Apart from your mother you won’t find a women to uplift a man, from zero. Never!!! 

The Luo man called in to disprove Mwalimu’s theory with his personal account.

Ladies help men and they help a lot, they don’t shout about it. I am driving a car she bought for me, even sometimes when I drive a mpango wa kando I feel guilty. I think about what I am doing, but I can’t stop it. She doesn’t complain about the girls in my car, and forgives me every time.

I men how lucky can a man be? Isn’t he worried that perhaps her silence means something else?

Also read more here

 8 Things couples do everyday to build a successful marriage

 
Here are some of the things people who want to help their partners be more successful– and make their marriage stronger–do for each other:

‘She’s old and not going anywhere’ Mans reason for avoiding marriage

1. They ask for help

People who want a successful marriage are willing to ask for help. For two reasons – they need help and know it will build the esteem of their partner.

2. They’re patient

Showing patience is an indication you care deeply for and have confidence in your spouse.

3. They set a great example

A good partner sets a good example and makes it possible for you to be a better you.

Stunning female celebrities who we think would make cute babies (photos)

4. They compliment, they recognize, and they praise

When you see a positive trait in your spouse, tell them, praise them and push them to do positive things with that trait. There is nothing as good as praise and appreciation from the person you have committed your life to.

5. They allow space and privacy

This means we share some things, others we keep private until that spouse feels the need to share their thoughts, hopes and feelings.

He took dowry by force after I said ‘No’ to marriage

7. They find happiness in their partner’s success

Great marriages work by teamwork. While one leads, the other follows.

8. They’re sincere and genuine

Sometimes we forget to say nice grateful words, or even go the extra mile for our spouses.

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8 sweet ANSWERS when bae asks ‘why do you like me’

 

No one and nothing can quite prepare you for this question.

Your mind races, your heart pounds really fast and the silence is threateningly loud.

Guys, when a woman asks you’ why do you like me’, what is your answer?

Is there a correct answer that a woman wants to hear?

Here are some really sweet answers to say when your girlfriends asks why you like her:

You are beautiful: You are like sunshine itself, and I feel better when I’m with you.

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You are funny: You make me feel more alive than anyone ever has.

You are smart: You teach me how to be a better partner. You encourage me, support me and let me know how I can best support you.

You know how to get things done. 

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You are passionate: I love you for your passion for life. It’s contagious.

You inspire me: You make me want to be a better person.

I can see a future with you by my side: You accept me for me. I don’t have to hide. You let me be myself, and I thank you for that. It’s amazing to be loved by you.

You complete me: Before I met you, I never felt whole. With you in my life, I am.

Also read more here

7 sacrifices every man must be willing to make to keep his family happy

 

 

To start a family and keep it happy men need to make some genuine sacrifices for the greater good. Here are the ten sacrifices a man must make to keep his family happy:

1. Change of lifestyle
It should come as no surprise that your lifestyle will change drastically after marriage. From staying out late at night, to going away on long weekends, things change when you start a family. You will also have to take care of  your health especially things like smoking, because you need to be there longer for your kids.

2. Practice tough love
It’s much tougher raising kids in this day and age, unlike our parents who didn’t have to worry about the digital age. A man must play this role especially for teenage children who are easily influenced by the outside world.

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3. Putting in time and werk
Time is probably the most important thing all men have to make to keep their families happy. Taking time off from your regular schedule to attend school functions, or even something as simple as taking your son to a football game. A father who doesn’t spedn time with his children willl never be able to recover lost time, once the children are all grown and have moved on with their lives.
4. Providing just like in the old times
Money or lack of it affects many marriages. A man may need to stop spending on some unnecessary things to now include his family’s new needs.

Watch video of Alicia Keys encouraging her 4-year-old son to put on nail polish
5. Giving up the dream job
Sometimes some men expect their families to always be ready to pack their bags as he chases his dream job wherever it may be. Children need to stay in a stable environment to be productive.

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6. Putting your hobbies on hold
It starts with simple things like giving up use of the TV to kids to watch cartoons, to maybe using a matatu so that the wife uses the family car to do some hopping.

‘Fight for what you love’ Ben Kitili´s wife says about her religious critics

7. Learning to let go
As a father you taught your son to ride his first bike, but now he as a grown up and is moving on, ca you learn to let him go? Other fathers have this need to hold on to their daughters, and watching her now dating and moving on with her man can be heartbreaking. Learning to let go is a sacrifice a man has to do.

Also read more here

5 painful signs you’re in a one sided relationship

 

The big problem of a one-sided relationship is that the person who is more committed in the relationship becomes less satisfied over time due to their needs not being met.

Here’s how to tell if you’re putting in too much effort

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1. They constantly bail on you
Do you find yourself making plans for dinner or lunch and then at the last minute, they don’t show up?

2. Your priorities are different from theirs

If the only way you can see them is if you fit around their schedule, then you might in a one-sided relationship.

Should you also have to travel long distances to see him, yet he never sacrifices to come to you, then it’s one sided.

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3. They never return the favor

Some people take more than they give, and it’s a sign you’re in a one-sided relationship.

4. You apologize when you shouldn’t have to

Do you apologize for things that aren’t even caused by you or for simply being yourself? If your partner is making you feel bad and putting you down for simply being you, then that’s a bad sign that they’re too controlling over your life.

 

 

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‘She’s old and not going anywhere’ Mans reason for avoiding marriage

 

A man has been putting off getting married to his baby mama because he wants her to age, making sure she’s out of the market after wasting her time.

couple-talking-e1425549393892

Wanting to “test” the relationship a little longer before taking the plunge is a situation many Kenyan couples find themselves in today.

One of the main reasons your man may be uninterested in marrying you is because he wants to marry you when you are older and can’t move on.

They want you to commit to him for so long that you will have no other choice when you hit past 40 years.

The man called in to Classic 105 confirming this truth

What is the purpose of a wedding, as long as my heart wants you what else do you want?What’s the need of showing the public that I love you in a wedding yet after a few years we will divorce, si as long as my heart knows! 

couples-music-min

He continues

Look at the rate of divorce in Kenya. Look at today’s weddings, how many people are holding Sh2million weddings, then divorce soon after? What is the value of a wedding? 

So what is his solution or alternative to marriage?

It’s very simple he argues. Come we stay together, have kids and in ten to twenty years we will see how things are. At that point I also know she has nowhere to go, coz who wants a woman with all these children? Which man will marry her? 

t this point ladies I fail to see the logic behind staying with someone who doesn’t want to marry you if you want to marry. Perhaps some men want to wait for the right person, not you.

 

 

Also read more here

He took dowry by force after I said ‘No’ to marriage

 

Not many Kenyan women are hesitant about marriage, and so a confession by a city mum about her reason for rejecting a proposal sticks out.

I met my husband 12 years ago. I really didn’t want to formalize anything, and after nine years together and three children, he took the cows by force. He had to call my parents and take them there.. Personally I’m not a fan of formalizing

What’s the big deal you ask?

Weddings to the woman’s family are a big deal and in her case a proud dad’s moment to see his daughter walk down the aisle is about to be crushed.

Married

She told Maina Kageni on Friday that

‘I don’t think I care for it’.

But what then are her expectations in the relationship?

I think I will be comfortable at 50 because as a woman we should also learn to value ourselves because formalizing is like tying me putting me in a prison

couple pics
couple pics

When it comes to getting married, there’s no right or wrong answer since every person has to choose what’s best for them.

Fellas, here are other reasons some women choose to remain unmarried:

  • Maintaining a sense of independence
  • Freedom
  • Control over one’s one life and finances
  • A lack of desire to have children
  • The lack of belief in “The One.”

Also read more here

 

10 things to stop doing if you’re unlucky in love

 

You have kissed 1000 frogs and not met the one yet.

If you feel unlucky in love, avoid doing any of these ten things:

1. Stop pitying yourself

It prevents you from finding someone else because of feelings of unworthiness. Many of us have and continue feeling this way. You are not meant to be alone.

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2. Don’t try so hard

We immediately jump back into the game with promises to do better next time. When you push yourself too hard you dont allow a genuine person to come into your life. People for your information smell a desperate person a mile off.

 

3. Hold no expectations

Having too many expectations of someone leads to disappointment.

Expect nothing and you’ll always be pleasantly surprised.

4. Don’t call him up

Listen sis, if a guy is done with you, let him go. Men should do the chasing, they love it..

5. Stop crying over them

Don’t waste your time crying over spilt milk. Crying over someone isn’t going to get you anywhere. Say thank you, next!!.

6. Keep some mystery

This is called TMI (too much information) A little mystery goes a long way. Keep yourself a little mysterious, that’s what keeps people’s attention.

Njugush reveals why he thought his wife Celestine and Nyashinski were dating

7. Stop blaming it on men

It’s not them. It’s you. This is all on you, because you keep going for the wrong person.

8. Stop going after the wrong guy

You may have a set mind what type of guy you like, however it is possible, you are focused on what shouldn’t be. Give another type of guy a chance.

Diamond announces name of newborn son

9. Be yourself

Simple.

10. Take a chance

You may surprise yourself with how well it goes.

11. Let go babe

Weka shida chini, mikono juu. It’s not worth holding on to for all the negative energy.

 

Also read more here

‘ My man loves me yet I met him while procuring an abortion’ Brags woman

Does where you meet a man determine whether he will marry you or not ?Well this is the dilemma one woman has found herself in.

They say you can meet the love of your life in a bar, church or at a bus stop but for * Nelly she met him as she was visiting a clinic to carry out an abortion.

Yes you read that right. The problem is that every time Nelly gets pregnant he takes her for an abortion and she feels he is using her past to judge her.

“My priest tried to penetrate me from behind,”cries city woman

Narrating her sad ordeal on a social media platform, she says

” I met him on my way to go and do abortion, because he was so nice I opened up to him, told him everything and he loved me for me.

I wanted him to taste my body before I take out the pregnancy so we had S#x in the car that same day , after s#x he drove me to the place I did the abortion and even paid and bought me drugs . 

Since then we have been dating and he is so sweet .

Photos of Beril Ouma woman allegedly killed by her husband in Kahawa

black-couple-on-date(1)

He does everything for me but I am scared he might not marry me I am scared because anytime we get intimate and I tell him I am pregnant, he will just drive me straight to where he met me and pay for the abortion

He even collected the docs number, I have 3 of his pregnancies since we met and I feel that he is judging me with my past .

Do you think he will marry me or should I ask just  him?”

Woman narrates how man used and abused her body during s#xual ordeal

Below are some of the comments some full of wisdom while some are straight to the point

doyinsolatolulope:Some ladies eh,they r just a disgrace.. Mumu, he will marry you you think he is so stupid like you. Uncle is using you as a mopping stick. When u r not useful again then you will know whatsapp

goldshuga_zika:Helping you destroy your future & you ask if he’s gullible enough to wanna be part of what he destroys?….Hell no! You’re just a tool for distraction & evacuation. He ain’t dating but using you. I’m sure his real gf is somewhere prolly still a Virgin. Please grow up.

posh_alicia:Seriously!!! You don’t need to cos he will not marry you gosh!!! Wake up

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A list of famous people who just love getting married

 

Do you get shocked to hear some of our favorite celebrities have been married 3 to 4 times? No? Me either. Some of them have even expressed their feelings that they don’t like being lonely and so need to be with someone all the time.

Yet there are those who have wed 8 to 9 times, and British American actress Elizabeth Taylor comes to mind here.

That’s way too many times if you ask me. Perhaps they should just chill out for a while.

Check out this list of such famous people who have made headlines with multiple marriages:

Kim Kardashian: Kim Kardashian is currently married to Kanye West. Together, they have 4 children. But Kanye is actually Kim’s third husband. She had a short 72-day marriage to NBA star Kris Humphries. However, Kris was her second husband – before she was famous, she was married at a young age to music producer, Damon Thomas from 2000 – 2004.

Kim Kardashian at the MET gala
Kim Kardashian at the MET gala

Jeniffer Lopez: Jenny from the block has walked down the aisle three times. Her first husband was Cuban waiter, Ojani Noa, they were married for just under a year. Second husband was back-up dancer Cris Judd. They were married September 2001, to June 2002 – even shorter this time. Then she married singer, Marc Anthony in 2004. Together they had twins, but the couple did not live happily ever after. Their divorce was finalized in 2014. She is now planning her wedding to Alex Rodriguez, who’s divorced.

jeniffer lopez

Angelina Jolie: Angelina Jolie has been married three times. Her first husband was British actor, Jonny Lee Miller. The wedding ceremony saw Angelina wearing rubber pants and a white T-shirt with her husband’s name written on the back in her own blood. Her second marriage was in Vegas to actor Billy Bob Thornton after dating for only 2 months. Her third marriage was to Brad Pitt – they have recently filed for divorce.

86th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

Kenny Rogers:The country legend has been married 5 times. His first wife was Janice Gordon; from 1958 till 1960. Then came Jean Rogers; from 1960 till 1963. Third wife was Margo Anderson from 1964 till 1976. His fourth marriage was to Marianne Gordon; they married in 1977 and divorced in 1993. It cost him $60 million. Finally, his fifth marriage is to Wanda Miller. They married in 1997 and are still married. Looks like he finally learned when to hold ’em.

1383350444000-Kenny-Rogers KennyRogers-FTR
Larry King: Former CNN talk show host has been married eight times to seven different women. In 1997, he married his last wife, Shawn Southwick. On King and Southwick’s 10th anniversary in September 2007, Southwick joked she was “the only wife to have lasted into the two digits”. Larry and Shawn King filed for divorce in 2010 but reconciled, and filed for divorce again in 2019.

larryking

Nicholas Cage: Cage has been married four times. His first wife was actress Patricia Arquette, his second marriage was to singer and songwriter Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis Presley. Very fitting, seeing as Cage is an Elvis fan. His third wife is Alice Kim together they have a son, Kal-El. In March 2019, Cage married Erika Koike in Las Vegas, only to file for annulment four days later.

nicholas cage and new wife
“There was a recent breakup,” Cage, 55, said in an interview with The New York Times Magazine. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I was pretty upset about that and the way things happened.”

also read more here

5 ways to handle jealousy in a relationship

 

 

There’s a general idea that a little bit of jealousy in a relationship is a good thing. It just “means your partner cares” or “shows that they don’t want to lose you.”

It should never be considered healthy. Jealousy is almost completely founded in insecurity or doubt, either in yourself, in your relationship or in your partner.

Because insecurities are always going to exist, the best you can do is manage your jealousy and make sure it stays under control, but you should never assume that jealousy is a healthy aspect of your relationship.

Here are some tips on how to deal with these feelings:

1. Try Journaling
Writing out your feelings in a journal is a good way to help move past the jealously you’re experiencing. Journals should not just be about your achievements, but also low moments in life and dealing with the outcome. It also helps you keep tabs on your jealous for future concerns.

2. Is it making you a negative person?
If jealousy is negatively affecting you, that you find yourself hating those around you, you must consider the ways it is negatively affecting you.By coming to terms with how it is making you behave you might be able t figure out future incidences and let it go.

3. Have a sit down with a friend
Talking to a friend about your situation helps alot. Our close friends are there for a reason — to be there for us when we really need it. Use these friendships to your advantage here, and talk out your jealously issues with someone who can provide an outside perspective to what’s happening, according to Psych Central. The outlet reiterated, though, the importance of making sure you’ve also discussed the issues with your partner, too.

4. Talk to your bae
If you’ve been overcome with jealousy lately, it might be time to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling and why you might be feeling this way.

5. Get professional help
Sometimes, jealous is as a result of our insecurities.

 

Also read more here

4 relationship habits most people think are normal

 

Read about these habits that we mistake as healthy but are actually dangerous patterns we develop in our relationships.

1. Keeping score of who’s doing what

Some spouses find petty ways of upsetting their partner to justify complaining about the others behaviour.

Because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. A person will never feel a need to drop “hints” if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for it.

sad-black-couple-in-bed
2. Holding the relationship hostage
Blackmailing your partner to stay in a relationship is pretty common behaviour that people don’t think alot about. When one person complains and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship, that is a problem.

Relationships

It’s emotional blackmail that brings about alot of unnecessary drama. Any small challenge in the relationship is used as an opportunity to tell the other person they are not committed. This ‘crisis’ results from negative thoughts and feelings that are not being communicated to each other, and so make it out to be a threat to the relationship.

Married

3. Blaming your partner for your own negative emotions
Let’s say you’re having a bad day most probably from work related stress, and your partner isn’t exactly being sympathetic or supportive at the moment. Yet you want them to pay attention to you.

So you lash out at them for being what you call insensitive.

young-couple-in-love-jealous-friend-horiz-640x431

4. Displaying a loving jealousy
When your spouse or partner gets mad when you talk, touche, call, text, hang out, with others and then takes the anger out on you, and attempt to control their behavior. This often leads to taking extreme action like hacking into your partner’s email account, looking through text messages while they’re in the shower or even following them around town and showing up unannounced when they’re not expecting you.

Also read more here

‘I’m Jinxed’ Kenyan man in four failed marriages cries out

 

Do you find yourself jumping from one bad relationship to another?

It starts off well, then hits a snag and again you find yourself left feeling angry, disappointed and hurt.

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Same script, different cast and there is no happy ending.

A Kenyan man made this confession on Classic 105 admitting he is jinxed.

He has been in four relationships and none has worked to his liking.

He said,

These four relationships have been full of challenges

Terrible and disappointing experiences have left a bad taste in his mouth.

‘I’ve been in four relationships until today I don’t feel like having any. I feel comfortable being single. Relation hip number one was bad, this lady ran away with my money. Then I found the second one that one was full of drama, we had a business and she brought someone in and the business failed, we parted ways. The third girl involved her mother in our relationship. the mother used to make all the decisions about our life. I saw she wanted to control me so I left her. The fourth one was another problem. We were together for some time, in fact I wanted to marry her, but she later met a military man and took off with him.

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These dating experiences have made him lose hope in finding someone to be with.

I am not the problem in these relationships, because I provide, I give them platform, I have property, so what is the problem? 

If this sounds familiar, ask yourself if you have slipped into a bad relationship pattern.

Also read more here

6 things not to do when your partner is threatening to break up

 

We’ve all been in the heat of the moment when angry words are said or actions are taken that we later regret.

Later, once both have cooled off and are seeing things more clearly, breaking up isn’t so appealing.
This leads to even more confusion and disconnection. When your partner claims that he or she will break up with you and then doesn’t actually end the relationship, you might feel unsettled, angry and wondering what your relationship status actually is.

breakup_7

Here are a few we do NOT recommend:

1. Don’t call your partner’s bluff about breaking up unless you’re ready to really follow through.

2. Don’t call your partner a liar or other names that might pop into your head out of frustration.

3. Don’t ignore it or pretend that the threat wasn’t made.

4. Don’t leave and then go hook up with your ex or someone else to get back at your partner.

5. Don’t complain about how “crazy” your partner is to your friends.

6. Don’t play games too.

Breakup
There are all kinds of reactions that might seem tempting when your partner threatens to break up with you. It can feel manipulative and upsetting to hear the words “I’m going to break up with you” and not be sure whether or not your partner is actually ending the relationship.

Also read more here

 

3 signs you can’t fix a toxic relationship

How many time shave you heard someone say that you should fight to keep your relationship?

That anything you are going through can be fixed?

Toxic relationships cause feelings of low self-worth, helplessness, fear, anxiety, depression, insecurity, paranoia, and even narcissism.

conflict
Fighting to keep this relationship won’t change anything because one or both people have emotionally moved on. Perhaps they were never really there in the first place, or not in the way you needed them to be anyway.

Even worse, if your relationship is toxic, you will be more and more damaged by staying in it.

Fighting to hold on to something that is not fighting to hold on to you will ruin you. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go with grace and love and move on.

Here’s how tell you can’t fix it:

  • moodiness, anger, unhappiness become the norm
  • you avoid each other more and more
  • work and relationships outside the toxic relationship start to suffer

Also read more here

What women wear that men dislike and don’t tell

When you want to please your man, your appearance matters a lot. There are some pieces of clothing that women wear that men dislike but they never tell. They include;

Hair extension and weaves. Most of these men prefer seeing their ladies in natural hair. How mortifying would it be if for instance your busy with your man then the wig falls off exposing matutua’s? Embarassing! What’s worse is if your weave or wig isn’t customized and there’s nothing as bad as an ill fitting tress.

When with your man try as much as possible to wear natural hair styles that suit your appearance.

UGG boots. These are the type of boots that ladies like especially in cold seasons. They are made from skin sheep with fleece attached to it which men say is animal cruelty. They prefer other decent boots to this.

Tokeo la picha la ugg boots

Excessive makeup. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder they say. Most men prefer natural appearances. Some ladies apply too much makeup yet less is more.

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 The 80 s outfits. This includes baggy long dresses and faded baggy jeans, that are making a comeback currently. This to men hides ones curves yet dudes want to adore.

Fake contacts. Many women are now spotting cosmetic contact lenses. While not bad, men find it weird to hang out with someone with blue, grey or yellow eyes.

They expect to see the real beauty of ones eyes.

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Leggings. Unless you are slim, this outfit is not good for you according to men. If it is necessary for this, then one should wear long tops or shirts to avoid looking like a person going for some workout.

Painted eyebrows. Ladies tend to shave natural eyebrows completely then draw on, leaving them with surprised expressions.

The painted on eyebrows leave a funny look which men describe as a cartoon look. Some are even not balanced because you find one is higher than the other.

Here Are 8 Times Femi One Has Made Heads Turn With Her Outfits (Photos)

 

Fake eye lashes. It will be really embarrassing that you are talking with someone whose lashes are about to fall. Oops.

Excess perfumes. It is nice to have a nice scent but don’t over do it. What happens when the man is asthmatic? You don’t want to be blamed for his health complication.

perfumes

Ladies, do you call your man ‘daddy’?

 

Men do you like your woman calling you daddy?

Ciara’s husband Russell Wilson is trending online and all because of his ‘daddy loves you’ comment to her on her birthday.

Ciara over the weekend turned 34, and her cute husband chartered a yatch, where a sumptuous feast was laid out.

He gushed about Ciara saying, ‘Since the moment I met you you’ve gifted me with nothing but Love, Joy, Peace, and 2 Beautiful Children.
No gift is worth as much as the Eternal Gift of Love that you have given me and our family. Daddy Loves You. Happy Birthday Baby.
I Love You to Heaven and Back.’

The reactions were swift and furious with many saying they don’t like the pet name ‘daddy’
@shadesbysteff..
No I actually don’t. To me that’s kinda weird. Honey, baby, babe anything but daddy

@mojohnsonspeaks..
Errr no, I have a dad, daddy, father….

@KamekaKeller..
No!!! I hate that whole Zaddy thing too

@mzcorona10..
Yup, I could visualize the awkwardness ,, 😩😩
@ohthats_Her..
Yes I call my man daddy randomly & especially when we’re talking freaky as hell to each other & in the bedroom. He loves it.

Olivia’s Doll 🔱..
Uhm no I’m not calling my boyfriend no damn daddy. It’s uncomfortable 😖😖😖 Issa no!
@Broadway914..
Hell no! Not a turn on for me. It’s a little weird. Plus I already have two daughters.

@LolitaVazquez20…
No. To me, it’s weird unless I’m telling our kids something like ”daddy said to do XYZ.” I’m a daddy’s girl so there can only be one and I don’t want him in mind when doing anything with my boyfriend if you get what I mean.

@I_am_lynnsane..
Nope I have a daddy & my husband is a father & thinks it’s disgusting & a turnoff 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also read more here

‘The memories kill me’ Late Joyce Laboso’s husband in tell all interview

His caught the country by surprise when he announced at Nairobi Hospital on July 29 the death of his wife, Bomet Governor Joyce Laboso.

It was only hours after doctors had switched off life support machines on Laboso but Edwin Abonyo hardly betrayed any emotion.

The man who had spent decades working behind the scenes would during the period before his wife’s burial to worm his way into the hearts of many by his dignity in loss.

joyce labosos husband

Laboso succumbed to cancer after along treatment both in Nairobi, the United Kingdom and India.

Exactly three months on today, the father of Ted, Brian, Marco and Mina told the Star in an exclusive interview that he has been living in hell since his wife’s demise.

Abonyo said his family is still struggling to come to terms with the loss.

Describing a difficult phase of his life strength and humour, Abonyo told the Star that though he appear the strongest when the grief was fresh, he was the most affected of his family.

joyce labosos in hospital
joyce labosos in hospital in the U.K in a file photo

Abonyo said watching his wife endure the pain and see life slowly ebb away from her body sapped strength out of him, leaving a gaping hole in his heart.

“I have cried a lot in private. Whenever I step in our house, our room, in particular, the emotions come fresh. I remember everything and the memories kill me,” Abonyo said.

At some point, his eldest son Brian and his foster daughter walked in to join the conversation with the Star.

“June and July were the hardest as her situation got worse. Organ failures, swelling of the leg, her inability to walk and being bedridden went in quick succession,” Brian said.

Joyce Laboso in a file photo
Joyce Laboso in a file photo

Even more excruciating, he said, was watching her choke in pain with intravenous tubes all over her as the aggressive tumour grew, undeterred by the rigorous chemo and radiotherapies.

Even more gut-wrenching, Abonyo added, was the fact that he knew his wife had a slim chance of making it “as science records very few treatment success rates for second-time relapse of cancer.”

“In fact, at some point, I told the doctors not to actively resuscitate her as the pain became overbearing and her chances were growing negligible. I did the same for my mother, mother in law,” he added.

Abonyo said that he has not re-arranged the house and even the wardrobes in his city, Sotik and Fort Ternan homes.

In fact, there is still a picture of the former governor, a condolence book and four reddish candles sitting on a small table at the entrance corridor leading to his living room, depicting a mourning mood in the Kilimani, Nairobi home.

Even at Fort Ternan home, they put fresh flowers every time they travel back, which is every weekend, he said.

Joyce Laboso and Millie Odhiambo as guests on JKL
Joyce Laboso and Millie Odhiambo as guests on JKL

Abonyo said when Laboso’s cancer recurred, he was a fearful man, knowing that her survival chances were rapidly dwindling.

“When my wife first got diagnosed in the early 90s at Nairobi Hospital, I stopped all I was doing and drove to Nyalenda in Kisumu where my parents were living to cry at their feet,” he said.  “I told them Joyce was dying.”

Though Laboso survived this, he relived the experience when Laboso gave him a call from the US that she had been rediagnosed with it, only that this time, he did not run to cry to his parents.

Abonyo and his son Brian Ochieng’ said Laboso’s relapse was detected at MD Anderson Cancer Centre in the US when she went there on an official trip, sourcing for medical equipment and areas of partnership for her Bomet administration.

“She then just decided to take advantage of the trip to the facility to check herself. She was not feeling any pain at the time but I had observed she would complain of being tied frequently while here,” Abonyo said.

“When I got that call, I was devastated. I told her to wind up her trip and travel home so we start treatment,” he said.

As his wife received care from medics, he would feel a part of him was waste away.

“I had been away for 15 years and I thought coming back would allow me to be with mum and the family for a good time. This was not to be. It’s been a tearful period,” Brian said.

After the burial, Brian said, he remained at their For Ternan home for two weeks after everybody had returned to the city, an experience which left him lonely, only accompanied his mother’s grave.

“Every time I would see the grave, I would be broken. But we have tried to smart out of it because we are not the first to be bereaved,” he said.

For Mina, entering her parent’s room and seeing the belongings of the former governor brings back the pain afresh.

“It has been a traumatic experience. All of us lost weight and I, in fact, got white hair,” Mina, who served the governor as her private secretary in all her public life, said.

Sh2 million bill 

Abonyo said while he tried to clear all the hospital bills with the help of the state and friends, it is not yet done.

He said with his son Brian, they were recently surprised to receive communication from the London hospital demanding Sh2 million arrears.

“Together with my son, we cleared with the hospital, so we were surprised to have the bill,” he said.

“I however told them that we actually lost the patient, and since then they went silent. So we don’t know whether they will pursue it or let it slide,” added.

Expressing his profuse gratitude to friends who helped, Abonyo said, however, that not all the platitudes at his wife’s funeral were truthful.

“Politicians are notorious liars. In fact, when we heard what they would say, we sometimes just retreated with Brian to laugh,” he said.

“But [President] Uhuru is a good man,” he added.

“The state must be well appreciated. It afforded us much help. Joyce also had numerous friends who were loyal, genuine and true,” he added.

Among the friends he mentioned were Nairobi speaker Beatrice Elachi who, he said, visited them in London and spent nights with the governor at Nairobi Hospital.

CAS Rachel Shebesh, governors Anne Waiguru and Charity Ngilu, he said, also proved genuine friends.

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