In many marriages or living situations, spouses go the extra mile for their loved ones.
It is not uncommon to hear a man or woman say they paid for their spouse to get a better education. The motivation being that things will get better financially for the family.
A female breadwinner revealed on Classic 105 that she put her husband through University, but he is ‘ungrateful’.
She explains her predicament
When I met my husband we both had diplomas and were employed in the same place, so when an opportunity arose for him to go to school, I supported him to go to campus.
She worked hard to support her husbands through school
I was paying fr his campus, I gave him Sh240k lumpsum money, coz he was going for regular courses to cater for fees and accommodation, so when he finished campus and he came back home, he wanted a better paying job.
He wanted to move into another job, and once again the loving wife helped him out
There was a job, but he didn’t get through, so he asked me for a favor to get it. I helped him get the job. In his former job he was earning 30k but the new offer was 170k,
The strategy of supporting her man did not work in her favor, as he soon showed his true colors
and the thing is when it was my turn to go to school, he didn’t support me, he didn’t even attend my graduation, but we are still together, I still love him, and now we are even building a house.
Girls, do you expect a big pay off later when you help your man?
Apart from your mother you won’t find a women to uplift a man, from zero. Never!!!
The Luo man called in to disprove Mwalimu’s theory with his personal account.
Ladies help men and they help a lot, they don’t shout about it. I am driving a car she bought for me, even sometimes when I drive a mpango wa kando I feel guilty. I think about what I am doing, but I can’t stop it. She doesn’t complain about the girls in my car, and forgives me every time.
I men how lucky can a man be? Isn’t he worried that perhaps her silence means something else?
4. They compliment, they recognize, and they praise
When you see a positive trait in your spouse, tell them, praise them and push them to do positive things with that trait. There is nothing as good as praise and appreciation from the person you have committed your life to.
5. They allow space and privacy
This means we share some things, others we keep private until that spouse feels the need to share their thoughts, hopes and feelings.
To start a family and keep it happy men need to make some genuine sacrifices for the greater good. Here are the ten sacrifices a man must make to keep his family happy:
1. Change of lifestyle
It should come as no surprise that your lifestyle will change drastically after marriage. From staying out late at night, to going away on long weekends, things change when you start a family. You will also have to take care of your health especially things like smoking, because you need to be there longer for your kids.
2. Practice tough love
It’s much tougher raising kids in this day and age, unlike our parents who didn’t have to worry about the digital age. A man must play this role especially for teenage children who are easily influenced by the outside world.
3. Putting in time and werk
Time is probably the most important thing all men have to make to keep their families happy. Taking time off from your regular schedule to attend school functions, or even something as simple as taking your son to a football game. A father who doesn’t spedn time with his children willl never be able to recover lost time, once the children are all grown and have moved on with their lives.
4. Providing just like in the old times
Money or lack of it affects many marriages. A man may need to stop spending on some unnecessary things to now include his family’s new needs.
7. Learning to let go
As a father you taught your son to ride his first bike, but now he as a grown up and is moving on, ca you learn to let him go? Other fathers have this need to hold on to their daughters, and watching her now dating and moving on with her man can be heartbreaking. Learning to let go is a sacrifice a man has to do.
Some people take more than they give, and it’s a sign you’re in a one-sided relationship.
4. You apologize when you shouldn’t have to
Do you apologize for things that aren’t even caused by you or for simply being yourself? If your partner is making you feel bad and putting you down for simply being you, then that’s a bad sign that they’re too controlling over your life.
A man has been putting off getting married to his baby mama because he wants her to age, making sure she’s out of the market after wasting her time.
Wanting to “test” the relationship a little longer before taking the plunge is a situation many Kenyan couples find themselves in today.
One of the main reasons your man may be uninterested in marrying you is because he wants to marry you when you are older and can’t move on.
They want you to commit to him for so long that you will have no other choice when you hit past 40 years.
The man called in to Classic 105 confirming this truth
What is the purpose of a wedding, as long as my heart wants you what else do you want?What’s the need of showing the public that I love you in a wedding yet after a few years we will divorce, si as long as my heart knows!
Look at the rate of divorce in Kenya. Look at today’s weddings, how many people are holding Sh2million weddings, then divorce soon after? What is the value of a wedding?
So what is his solution or alternative to marriage?
It’s very simple he argues. Come we stay together, have kids and in ten to twenty years we will see how things are. At that point I also know she has nowhere to go, coz who wants a woman with all these children? Which man will marry her?
t this point ladies I fail to see the logic behind staying with someone who doesn’t want to marry you if you want to marry. Perhaps some men want to wait for the right person, not you.
Not many Kenyan women are hesitant about marriage, and so a confession by a city mum about her reason for rejecting a proposal sticks out.
I met my husband 12 years ago. I really didn’t want to formalize anything, and after nine years together and three children, he took the cows by force. He had to call my parents and take them there.. Personally I’m not a fan of formalizing
What’s the big deal you ask?
Weddings to the woman’s family are a big deal and in her case a proud dad’s moment to see his daughter walk down the aisle is about to be crushed.
She told Maina Kageni on Friday that
‘I don’t think I care for it’.
But what then are her expectations in the relationship?
I think I will be comfortable at 50 because as a woman we should also learn to value ourselves because formalizing is like tying me putting me in a prison
When it comes to getting married, there’s no right or wrong answer since every person has to choose what’s best for them.
Fellas, here are other reasons some women choose to remain unmarried:
We immediately jump back into the game with promises to do better next time. When you push yourself too hard you dont allow a genuine person to come into your life. People for your information smell a desperate person a mile off.
3. Hold no expectations
Having too many expectations of someone leads to disappointment.
Expect nothing and you’ll always be pleasantly surprised.
4. Don’t call him up
Listen sis, if a guy is done with you, let him go. Men should do the chasing, they love it..
5. Stop crying over them
Don’t waste your time crying over spilt milk. Crying over someone isn’t going to get you anywhere. Say thank you, next!!.
6. Keep some mystery
This is called TMI (too much information) A little mystery goes a long way. Keep yourself a little mysterious, that’s what keeps people’s attention.
He does everything for me but I am scared he might not marry me I am scared because anytime we get intimate and I tell him I am pregnant, he will just drive me straight to where he met me and pay for the abortion
He even collected the docs number, I have 3 of his pregnancies since we met and I feel that he is judging me with my past .
Do you think he will marry me or should I ask just him?”
Below are some of the comments some full of wisdom while some are straight to the point
doyinsolatolulope:Some ladies eh,they r just a disgrace.. Mumu, he will marry you you think he is so stupid like you. Uncle is using you as a mopping stick. When u r not useful again then you will know whatsapp
goldshuga_zika:Helping you destroy your future & you ask if he’s gullible enough to wanna be part of what he destroys?….Hell no! You’re just a tool for distraction & evacuation. He ain’t dating but using you. I’m sure his real gf is somewhere prolly still a Virgin. Please grow up.
posh_alicia:Seriously!!! You don’t need to cos he will not marry you gosh!!! Wake up
Do you get shocked to hear some of our favorite celebrities have been married 3 to 4 times? No? Me either. Some of them have even expressed their feelings that they don’t like being lonely and so need to be with someone all the time.
Yet there are those who have wed 8 to 9 times, and British American actress Elizabeth Taylor comes to mind here.
That’s way too many times if you ask me. Perhaps they should just chill out for a while.
Check out this list of such famous people who have made headlines with multiple marriages:
Kim Kardashian: Kim Kardashian is currently married to Kanye West. Together, they have 4 children. But Kanye is actually Kim’s third husband. She had a short 72-day marriage to NBA star Kris Humphries. However, Kris was her second husband – before she was famous, she was married at a young age to music producer, Damon Thomas from 2000 – 2004.
Jeniffer Lopez: Jenny from the block has walked down the aisle three times. Her first husband was Cuban waiter, Ojani Noa, they were married for just under a year. Second husband was back-up dancer Cris Judd. They were married September 2001, to June 2002 – even shorter this time. Then she married singer, Marc Anthony in 2004. Together they had twins, but the couple did not live happily ever after. Their divorce was finalized in 2014. She is now planning her wedding to Alex Rodriguez, who’s divorced.
Angelina Jolie: Angelina Jolie has been married three times. Her first husband was British actor, Jonny Lee Miller. The wedding ceremony saw Angelina wearing rubber pants and a white T-shirt with her husband’s name written on the back in her own blood. Her second marriage was in Vegas to actor Billy Bob Thornton after dating for only 2 months. Her third marriage was to Brad Pitt – they have recently filed for divorce.
Kenny Rogers:The country legend has been married 5 times. His first wife was Janice Gordon; from 1958 till 1960. Then came Jean Rogers; from 1960 till 1963. Third wife was Margo Anderson from 1964 till 1976. His fourth marriage was to Marianne Gordon; they married in 1977 and divorced in 1993. It cost him $60 million. Finally, his fifth marriage is to Wanda Miller. They married in 1997 and are still married. Looks like he finally learned when to hold ’em.
Larry King: Former CNN talk show host has been married eight times to seven different women. In 1997, he married his last wife, Shawn Southwick. On King and Southwick’s 10th anniversary in September 2007, Southwick joked she was “the only wife to have lasted into the two digits”. Larry and Shawn King filed for divorce in 2010 but reconciled, and filed for divorce again in 2019.
Nicholas Cage: Cage has been married four times. His first wife was actress Patricia Arquette, his second marriage was to singer and songwriter Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis Presley. Very fitting, seeing as Cage is an Elvis fan. His third wife is Alice Kim together they have a son, Kal-El. In March 2019, Cage married Erika Koike in Las Vegas, only to file for annulment four days later.
“There was a recent breakup,” Cage, 55, said in an interview with The New York Times Magazine. “I don’t really want to talk about it. I was pretty upset about that and the way things happened.”
There’s a general idea that a little bit of jealousy in a relationship is a good thing. It just “means your partner cares” or “shows that they don’t want to lose you.”
It should never be considered healthy. Jealousy is almost completely founded in insecurity or doubt, either in yourself, in your relationship or in your partner.
Because insecurities are always going to exist, the best you can do is manage your jealousy and make sure it stays under control, but you should never assume that jealousy is a healthy aspect of your relationship.
Here are some tips on how to deal with these feelings:
1. Try Journaling
Writing out your feelings in a journal is a good way to help move past the jealously you’re experiencing. Journals should not just be about your achievements, but also low moments in life and dealing with the outcome. It also helps you keep tabs on your jealous for future concerns.
2. Is it making you a negative person?
If jealousy is negatively affecting you, that you find yourself hating those around you, you must consider the ways it is negatively affecting you.By coming to terms with how it is making you behave you might be able t figure out future incidences and let it go.
3. Have a sit down with a friend
Talking to a friend about your situation helps alot. Our close friends are there for a reason — to be there for us when we really need it. Use these friendships to your advantage here, and talk out your jealously issues with someone who can provide an outside perspective to what’s happening, according to Psych Central. The outlet reiterated, though, the importance of making sure you’ve also discussed the issues with your partner, too.
4. Talk to your bae
If you’ve been overcome with jealousy lately, it might be time to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you’re feeling and why you might be feeling this way.
5. Get professional help
Sometimes, jealous is as a result of our insecurities.
Read about these habits that we mistake as healthy but are actually dangerous patterns we develop in our relationships.
1. Keeping score of who’s doing what
Some spouses find petty ways of upsetting their partner to justify complaining about the others behaviour.
Because it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. A person has no reason to be passive-aggressive if they feel safe expressing any anger or insecurity within the relationship. A person will never feel a need to drop “hints” if they feel like they won’t be judged or criticized for it.
2. Holding the relationship hostage
Blackmailing your partner to stay in a relationship is pretty common behaviour that people don’t think alot about. When one person complains and blackmails the other person by threatening the commitment of the relationship, that is a problem.
It’s emotional blackmail that brings about alot of unnecessary drama. Any small challenge in the relationship is used as an opportunity to tell the other person they are not committed. This ‘crisis’ results from negative thoughts and feelings that are not being communicated to each other, and so make it out to be a threat to the relationship.
3. Blaming your partner for your own negative emotions
Let’s say you’re having a bad day most probably from work related stress, and your partner isn’t exactly being sympathetic or supportive at the moment. Yet you want them to pay attention to you.
So you lash out at them for being what you call insensitive.
4. Displaying a loving jealousy
When your spouse or partner gets mad when you talk, touche, call, text, hang out, with others and then takes the anger out on you, and attempt to control their behavior. This often leads to taking extreme action like hacking into your partner’s email account, looking through text messages while they’re in the shower or even following them around town and showing up unannounced when they’re not expecting you.
Same script, different cast and there is no happy ending.
A Kenyan man made this confession on Classic 105 admitting he is jinxed.
He has been in four relationships and none has worked to his liking.
These four relationships have been full of challenges
Terrible and disappointing experiences have left a bad taste in his mouth.
‘I’ve been in four relationships until today I don’t feel like having any. I feel comfortable being single. Relation hip number one was bad, this lady ran away with my money. Then I found the second one that one was full of drama, we had a business and she brought someone in and the business failed, we parted ways. The third girl involved her mother in our relationship. the mother used to make all the decisions about our life. I saw she wanted to control me so I left her. The fourth one was another problem. We were together for some time, in fact I wanted to marry her, but she later met a military man and took off with him.
We’ve all been in the heat of the moment when angry words are said or actions are taken that we later regret.
Later, once both have cooled off and are seeing things more clearly, breaking up isn’t so appealing.
This leads to even more confusion and disconnection. When your partner claims that he or she will break up with you and then doesn’t actually end the relationship, you might feel unsettled, angry and wondering what your relationship status actually is.
Here are a few we do NOT recommend:
1. Don’t call your partner’s bluff about breaking up unless you’re ready to really follow through.
2. Don’t call your partner a liar or other names that might pop into your head out of frustration.
3. Don’t ignore it or pretend that the threat wasn’t made.
4. Don’t leave and then go hook up with your ex or someone else to get back at your partner.
5. Don’t complain about how “crazy” your partner is to your friends.
6. Don’t play games too.
There are all kinds of reactions that might seem tempting when your partner threatens to break up with you. It can feel manipulative and upsetting to hear the words “I’m going to break up with you” and not be sure whether or not your partner is actually ending the relationship.
How many time shave you heard someone say that you should fight to keep your relationship?
That anything you are going through can be fixed?
Toxic relationships cause feelings of low self-worth, helplessness, fear, anxiety, depression, insecurity, paranoia, and even narcissism.
Fighting to keep this relationship won’t change anything because one or both people have emotionally moved on. Perhaps they were never really there in the first place, or not in the way you needed them to be anyway.
Even worse, if your relationship is toxic, you will be more and more damaged by staying in it.
Fighting to hold on to something that is not fighting to hold on to you will ruin you. Sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go with grace and love and move on.
Here’s how tell you can’t fix it:
moodiness, anger, unhappiness become the norm
you avoid each other more and more
work and relationships outside the toxic relationship start to suffer
When you want to please your man, your appearance matters a lot. There are some pieces of clothing that women wear that men dislike but they never tell. They include;
Hair extension and weaves. Most of these men prefer seeing their ladies in natural hair. How mortifying would it be if for instance your busy with your man then the wig falls off exposing matutua’s? Embarassing! What’s worse is if your weave or wig isn’t customized and there’s nothing as bad as an ill fitting tress.
When with your man try as much as possible to wear natural hair styles that suit your appearance.
UGG boots. These are the type of boots that ladies like especially in cold seasons. They are made from skin sheep with fleece attached to it which men say is animal cruelty. They prefer other decent boots to this.
Excessive makeup. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder they say. Most men prefer natural appearances. Some ladies apply too much makeup yet less is more.
Leggings. Unless you are slim, this outfit is not good for you according to men. If it is necessary for this, then one should wear long tops or shirts to avoid looking like a person going for some workout.
Painted eyebrows. Ladies tend to shave natural eyebrows completely then draw on, leaving them with surprised expressions.
The painted on eyebrows leave a funny look which men describe as a cartoon look. Some are even not balanced because you find one is higher than the other.
Ciara’s husband Russell Wilson is trending online and all because of his ‘daddy loves you’ comment to her on her birthday.
Ciara over the weekend turned 34, and her cute husband chartered a yatch, where a sumptuous feast was laid out.
He gushed about Ciara saying, ‘Since the moment I met you you’ve gifted me with nothing but Love, Joy, Peace, and 2 Beautiful Children. No gift is worth as much as the Eternal Gift of Love that you have given me and our family. Daddy Loves You. Happy Birthday Baby. I Love You to Heaven and Back.’
The reactions were swift and furious with many saying they don’t like the pet name ‘daddy’
No I actually don’t. To me that’s kinda weird. Honey, baby, babe anything but daddy
Errr no, I have a dad, daddy, father….
No!!! I hate that whole Zaddy thing too
Yup, I could visualize the awkwardness ,, 😩😩
Yes I call my man daddy randomly & especially when we’re talking freaky as hell to each other & in the bedroom. He loves it.
Olivia’s Doll 🔱..
Uhm no I’m not calling my boyfriend no damn daddy. It’s uncomfortable 😖😖😖 Issa no!
Hell no! Not a turn on for me. It’s a little weird. Plus I already have two daughters.
No. To me, it’s weird unless I’m telling our kids something like ”daddy said to do XYZ.” I’m a daddy’s girl so there can only be one and I don’t want him in mind when doing anything with my boyfriend if you get what I mean.
Nope I have a daddy & my husband is a father & thinks it’s disgusting & a turnoff 🤷🏽♀️