When dating we usually want to see the best in the object of our attraction and sometimes it ends up clouding our judgement. We end up with manipulators in the name of partners but we are too “in love” to notice until someone mentions it.
If you suspect that you are in an emotionally manipulative relationship, these habits should confirm for you. Manipulators are not interested in communicating — they’re only interested in being right.
1. They downplay your feelings – If you are hurt by something your partner said and you tell them, instead of acknowledging the issue they will simply point out your mistake. They will tell you why you were wrong, what you did and dismiss your feelings by saying you are overreacting and taking things too seriously. This will all be said in a calm manner that will make you question yourself. With time you will believe that you are wrong and they are right.
2. They Deflect Their Behavior Back To You – Once in while you will be able to stand up for yourself and tell them the things that you feel aren’t right. But instead of addressing the issue, it will be turned against you. They will state the reasons behind their actions and turn it around to you, accusing you of having done this or that, which led them to behave the way they did. “if you hadn’t done A or B I would not have insulted you” sounds familiar right? This will make you reduce the need to communicate and they will always be right because you have become “dumb”.
3. They are two different individuals – When you are in public they seem loving and fun, until you become the topic of discussion in front of friends all in the name of fun. It’s all jokes and laughter until that deep personal comment drops and you have to keep the plastic smile because it hit deep down. You mention it later in private and suddenly “you’re too serious, have a laugh sometime” “ or are you on your period” comments surface. They will blame it on someone and make themselves appear innocent.
4. They don’t Explain Themselves – Emotional manipulative people do not like to explain themselves because they like to make you feel dumb and stupid, plus they are not exactly being honest and don’t know how to communicate effectively. They will not say what they need then blame you for not providing it. They will then make you feel like you are beneath them by claiming you cannot understand them. It’s a futile attempt to ask them to try to explain it, too. This is a failed exercise on your part.
Do yourself a favour and walk away because you will be drained.