Most of us want to be good to our romantic partner. We want to show them love and respect and make them happy, but sometimes our emotional issues get in the way of our doing the right thing.
If any of the following behaviours apply to you, you’re relationship my be in serious trouble:
1. Selfishness: putting your needs and feelings ahead of your partner’s will not endear you to them. Being selfish leads to alienation and disconnection and breaks down the intimacy in a relationship.
2. Contempt. The reason to be with someone is because you care about them. This means that you should also like them, respect them, enjoy their company and be glad to know them. Ideally, you should be best friends as well as lovers.
3. Shaming. People are very sensitive to shame. Being in a relationship is supposed to build each person’s sense of self-worth and increase their confidence, and if you humiliate your partner in front of other people, consider this to be the kiss of death for the relationship.
4. Nagging. People want to feel like their relationship is their refuge, their “safe space.” If you continually nag your partner, they’ll feel harassed and will want to withdraw from you.
5. Lack of Support: Your partner should feel like they can depend on you. They should trust that you’ll encourage them when they need a boost and that you’ll be there for them when they’re down.
6. Controlling Behaviour: One of the advantages of being an adult is that we finally get to be autonomous and self-regulating. Most adults relish this independence and don’t want it taken away. If you’re very controlling toward your partner, they’ll feel oppressed and become resentful.
7. Unfavorable comparisons. Your partner wants to believe that you’re with them because you see them as a unique individual with wonderful qualities. When you compare them unfavorably to other people, they become demoralized. It’s unlikely they’ll want to stick around with someone who makes them feel this way.
8. Never being satisfied with anything. One of the nicest things about a relationship is the feeling that someone gets when they realize they can make you happy. It gives your partner great pleasure and a sense of empowerment to know that something they’ve done has lifted your spirits or has improved the quality of your life.
9. Lack of commitment or cheating. A major reason for being in a relationship is to feel loved and secure. If you refuse to commit, you’ll cause your partner to feel vulnerable and unsure of your true feelings. Their growing anxiety will lead to conflict.
10. Abuse (verbal or physical). Some people believe that being in a relationship gives them license to take out their hurt or angry feelings on their partner. Loving someone means that you should treat them at all times with consideration and respect.