Tips On How To Be A Good Listener

Many couples complain about their partners not listening to them. They say that they are often ignored or whatever they say isn’t taken into consideration. Listening isn’t as hard as people make it seem.. Here are afew tips on how to be a good listener to your partner.

1. Be responsive to each other’s talk: Simply nod your head, words like ‘uh huh’ and ‘that makes sense’ would work in this case. This your ill make your partner feel better since they know that you’re acknowledging them. 

2. Avoid multi-tasking: Divided attention never works in communication because you’ll never be able to focus on either of them well. If you can’t do that excuse your partner and focus one, then when you are done, put your attention back on them.

3. Simply listen, clear your mind of any agenda: During conflict, couples listen to each other with the intent to reply not to really understand. Always do one thing in this case – listen.

4. Listen to learn: Couples don’t to learn, they listen to point out mistakes. When you listen to learn, you understand many things about your partner including body language and moods.

Bruce Muzik 

Here’s A List Of Things That You Don’t Owe Your Partner

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you stop being yourself and start being someone different. A relationship should allow you to be yourself and even make you better. Your partner should respect you, but that can only happen if you learn to value yourself. There are things that people do in relationships that end up enslaving. There are things that you don’t owe your partner, the same way that they don’t owe the same to you … here is a list

1. The right to repeatedly break your heart – You cannot keep staying with someone who has repeatedly cheated on you, abused you or is physically abusive with you. You can forgive them yes but you don’t need to stay, you owe them nothing.

2. Me time’ Everyone deserves and likes to have their time alone by themselves to just sit, enjoy and embrace themselves. A time to collect your thoughts, plan things, work on you, enjoy your hobbies etc. You don’t need to be with your man 24/7/365 and vice versa. People who like being together always are controlling, that’s not love so don’t get it twisted.

3. Saying NO – It’s not a must for you to agree with everything your partner says or does. You should not be afraid to speak your mind and you should not say yes all the time. If you feel like saying no puts you in an awkward position with your partner then you need to re-analyse your relationship. If your partner loves you he doesn’t need an explanation every time you don’t want to do something.

4. The right to control your goals and dreams – Your partner doesn’t want to see you excel at work, climb up the social ladder, grow your business, chase your dreams? If at all there is no support from your partner in things that matter to you then wake up and smell the coffee. You are the only person who can kill your dreams, don’t let anyone else kill them for you.

5. The right to control your money – In as much as you may share finances, each one still needs to have their own cash aside. Sadly many people will have their partners control every little penny including what’s not theirs. You work hard for your money, it’s your right to control it, not your partner.

6. Eternal love – Times change, people change, life goes on. Sometimes even love fades away and we may meet new people. It’s only fair to you both if you’re honest. Don’t lie, don’t cheat, be honest about it because you both deserve happiness even if it’s by other people’s sides. You don’t owe anyone forever and vice versa.

This Is What People Look For In An Ideal Partner

What do you look for in a relationship? You want someone who will make you laugh, share in your dreams, push you to success, love you etc. Everyone has what they are looking for.

Many studies have shown that there are factors that all of us look for, and ones where men and women differ according to preference.

According to a study by Shackelford, Schmitt, used data from a survey of 4,499 men and 5,310 women from 37 cultures located on six continents and five islands, with an average age of 22-23 years showed that preferences can be aligned on certain “trade-offs” seen in four different “dimensions”:

Love vs. Status/Resources – People make psychological trade-offs to either seek out a partner who is ambitious, with good financial prospects and high status, or who is loving and attracted to them.

Dependable/Stable vs. Looks/Health – A person looks for a lover who is primarily either stable and mature, or good looking and healthy.

Education/Intelligence vs. Desire for Home/Children – Individuals pick a mate who is either more highly educated and intelligent, or more oriented toward desiring a home and children.

Sociability vs. Similar Religion – People seem to either focus on finding a partner who has a sociable and pleasing disposition overall, or someone who has a similar religious background.

Shakelford’s research highlights how men and women often differ on how they choose between different aspects of a person’s appearance, personality, education and dependability.

Men were found to regularly seek a loving partner who is physically attractive and healthy, while women tended to opt for a partner with status and resources, as well as someone who was educated, dependable and intelligent. The researchers found no difference between the sexes when it came to preference for sociability or matching religion.

The results suggest that, while we desire a unique combination of traits and characteristics in the person we choose to spend our lives with, it could be helpful to keep the most basic criteria in mind from the beginning, and then decide on the more specific attractive qualities.

-Independent

Tips On How To Introduce Your Partner To Your Parents

After being in a relationship for sometime, one will want to take things to the next level, naturally they would want to meet each other’s families. For most couples, they usually introduce their partners to their siblings first then later on the parents.

This step is usually a bold one and many are usually unsure of how to handle it especially because they are afraid of their reactions or the lack of chemistry between them. Here are tips on how to go about it:

1Talk about the things that attract you to your partner – Parents will always want to see you happy, so they would be curious to know why you chose your partner. The best way to bring this point home is by focusing on your partners good qualities and how they make you feel, their generosity and finally how you would like for your partner to meet them and vice versa.

2.  Convince them – It will not be a walk in the park trying to make your parents see how great your partner is. They will have their reservations about them and you will have to respect that. However since you know your partner better and is worth the effort, convince them why this person is your choice.

3. Keep calm You will be a nervous wreck because it’s like going before the jury, but keep calm and collected. These are your parents and they want the best for you, they might grill you but it’s nothing too hard. Make sure you clear their doubts: that’s all they need.

4Do not copy what your friend did People are different and relationships are not a one size fits all. What works for someone else might not work for you, be unique to your own situation and it will work just fine. You might try what your friend did only for it to backfire on you.

 

Here Are Some Of The Nice Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Partner

As poet, T.S. Eliot put it, “Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.” With that saying in mind, did it ever occur to you that sometimes nice things aren’t that nice to hear especially when we don’t really mean them? Yes you may think it’s nice to say them, but your spouse doesn’t want to hear them daily.

Here are three well-meant remarks that end up wasting relationships:

  1. The automatic “Yes, dear.” – It’s ok to agree with your partner’s ideas or suggestions but it’s annoying to not have your own voice. You are not expected to nod to everything your partner says because it’s not an act and if you are expected to agree with everything then that is not a relationship. You have to agree to disagree sometimes because it will help you build your relationship as opposed to just “agreeing” yet deep down you are slowly resenting your partner.
  2. Insincere praise: Are you setting the bar too high, dooming your spouse to a lifetime of trying to match or outdo old triumphs? Or are you setting the bar too low, dooming yourself to a lifetime of pretending to like something you don’t? Telling your hubby he looks really good after shedding a few kilos at the gym is good, however do not focus so much on it, the same way you don’t want him to say “you look so amazing” after shedding weight for baby number two but the compliments disappear once you are stuck with baby fat after baby number three. Truth be told you will be hurt.
  3. The innocent insult: “I feel like you’re…” – It feels bad to be insulted whether directly or indirectly so there’s really no difference between saying “I feel that you’re being stupid” and calling someone “stupid” . Using “I feel” is just sugarcoating which doesn’t reduce the impact on your partner because they will not take it lightly. Use “I feel” statements appropriately — to talk about your emotions, not to label your spouse as unfair, silly or irresponsible. Instead, address specific issues or problems that bother you, finding fault with actions not your spouse’s character. Remember, while understanding each other is good the only true way to repair hurts is to take action!

Here Are Simple Ways To Build Trust With Your Partner

Trust is built by both partners and takes work and effort in maintaining it. There are small things that can get a marriage or even a relationship to suffer because of trust issue. In order to have your spouse secure you have to go the extra mile and ensure that they feel secure the same way you would want to.

Here are just a few things you can do today to make your spouse feel more secure in your marriage:

1. Answer the phone whenever your spouse calls – This may be easier for some and harder for others due to work responsibilities but it is a simple way to improve the communication in your marriage. Don’t ignore your spouse’s calls! If you can’t answer right when he/she calls, send him/her a quick text to let him/her know that you saw the call and will call back when you have the chance. This keeps the line of communication open and is a kind and courteous way to build feelings of security in your marriage.

2. Get off the phone or computer when you are with your spouse – For most of us, find this harder than it seems. We use our smartphones to chat with our loved ones, check social media, and even read our Bibles…all good things, but we still need to put our devices down when we are with our spouses, as much as we possibly can. When we give our spouse our full attention, which means “giving them our eyes and ears” (yes, just like your teacher would say), we are showing them that they are more important than whatever else is on the other side of that screen. This instills a feeling of security and helps us to be better listeners. We also need to do away with any passwords or devices that our spouse is unaware of. Nothing builds insecurity more than secrecy.

3. Watch where your eyes wander – Let’s face it. We are going to notice an attractive person walking by, and that is okay. We can’t cover our eyes in public places, but we can control the amount of time and thought we give to each glance. Let me be specific, when you see that hottie walking by, your eyes don’t need to inspect them top to bottom or follow them to where they are going. When we are constantly staring at other men or women or if we make sly comments about how “cute” or “fit” or “pretty” someone else is, we are digging a hole of insecurity in our marriage. You might be telling yourself that this is harmless or innocent simply because you aren’t having a physical affair with that person. This is a dangerous lie because when we let our glances become lasting glances, lasting glances turn into thoughts, thoughts become fantasies, and fantasies, outside of your own spouse, destroy marriages.

4. Keep God as the center of your relationship A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”- a strong marriage in which the husband, wife, and God each represent a strand of the cord, with God being the heartiest strand. This kind of cord is hard to break and extremely secure, but the cord as a whole is only as strong as each strand. If one strand is compromised or cut off, the cord looses some of its strength and with enough weight it will eventually fold or break down completely.

-Information

Five Things That Make You A Lousy Partner

Have you ever wondered why you seem to try to make things work in your relationship and they aren’t? Well has it ever occurred to you that you might be the problem? Yes you might be the problem intentionally or otherwise.

Here are five ways to tell if you are part of the problem:

You keep a log of every mistake – People makes mistakes every other time but having someone who will remind you of what you did on Saturday January 2015 at 6pm will really put you off.
This will make your partner feel extremely belittled, badgered and miserable. They wish you’d disappear when you behave like that, and the longer it goes on, the less they even want to try to please you (or put up with your self-centered crap)

You are too busy for your partner – There’s work, school, business name it. However when you are in a relationship you have to figure a way out to spend time with your partner no matter how busy you are.
The health of “the relationship” is just as important as your individual wants or concerns. Ignoring your partner or telling them to give you time because to do your things fuels resentment, driving a deeper wedge between you and your spouse. After all, no one wants a partner who continuously pushes them away.

The sound of their voice (or chewing, or breathing) grates your nerves – You cringe when they open their mouth, because you just know they’re going to say or do something you find annoying. You pretend you can’t hear them, walk away, or do just about anything to avoid them.When your partner acts as if you merely breathing is disgusting to them, you feel tortured and humiliated. Why would anyone want to open their hearts to someone who so clearly despises them? Doing this is just mean. And if it keeps up, your relationship won’t last long.

You insist they “never change” – All you talk about is you and what you want. You’re have been assuming your partner is exactly the same person yet you haven’t spent time with them and you talking about yourself the whole time doesn’t help. They feel diminished and unimportant to you. They constantly wonder whether trying to make things work is even worth it your selfishness drowns out any effort they make in favor of the “relationship.”

You feel like you own them- According to you a relationship means you “own” your partner and their undivided attention, unless they’re doing something you gave them permission to do. Nobody wants to be controlled in any way. Your partner having a life of their own is not betraying you. You trying to micro-manage their existence, however, is a betrayal to them.

So how did you fair? Are you a lousy spouse?

 Informationng

How To Deal With A Dominating Partner

How do you deal with a partner who makes everything about them? They basically want everything to go their way. It’s always a push and pull situation and it can get frustrating.

Here is how to deal with a domineering partner.

 Do not ignore this behaviour: Once you start ignoring it, they feel that you are okay with them controlling your life and will start tormenting you all the more. It’s like how you let a baby do whatever they want, when you deny then that privilege they throw a tantrum.

Be clear and assertive – Ensure you let your partner know that you do not appreciate his/her bossy behaviour. Most controlling partners respond to those who stand up to them and fight back. You should deal with them head on and never leave things unresolved. Be clear and assertive while you are communicating to your partner. Let him/her know that it is okay for them to express concern, but not go overboard with it.” Let your feelings known.

Stop giving in to everything – You get the treatment that you allow. To stop your partner from controlling you, you have to stop giving in to everything he/she wants you to do. Ensure that you tell them that you can take some decisions in your life on your own. Once you let your partner enter every aspect of your life, he/she will automatically start controlling you. And with you allowing them, it won’t stop.

Work on your relationship mutually – As a couple you need to sort things out together. If you feel that your partner is not understanding, it is better to work on the relationship before it starts falling apart. You can discuss the issue and come up with ways to better your bond. Seek help from family, friends or an expert if need be.

-TNN

Characteristics Of A Partner Having An Emotional Affair

Many people think that cheating is always about the physical aspect, that’s not always the case. Sometimes cheating is just emotional.

Here are characteristics of someone having an emotional affair.

Criticism – Often when someone is an emotional affair they become critical of their partner. Comparing their current partner to the one that they are cheating with and try to find things that irritate them or that they don’t like about their partner is one of the things they do. If they hear  someone is saying something bad about the person that they are cheating with they will become extremely defensive, especially if their current partner is the one saying these things.

Distance – As they grow closer to the other person that they are cheating with they will grow more and more distant from their partner. Conversations between them will slowly start to become non-existent or they will only answer questions in short sentences. They will make excuses as to why they cannot go out and do something with their current partner because they do not feel connected to them anymore.

Gut Feelings – When the person who is being cheated on has a feeling deep down that their partner is having an affair it should not be ignored. Usually when you have a deep gut instinct, there is a reason.

Secrets – When someone is having an emotional affair they become very secretive. They will change all of their passwords to emails and such if their partner knows what they are. They will take phone calls in a different room. They will keep their phone on them at all times so there is never a chance that their current partner may see who is calling or who they are texting.

Social Media – Some people are not really into the social media craze. They may have Facebook or Twitter account but until they start having an emotional affair they never really use it. This could be their only way of communicating with this person and they will begin to be on these social media sites constantly. They may also be glued to their cell phone like never before.

-K.Crossman

Here is how to track you partner for free (Video)

If you suspect that your spouse is cheating or just  want to know where they hang out just check their phone.

If your partner has an android phone and uses gmail, it is possible to tell where they have been in the past 24 hours or even a month.

However to be able to access this information you will need their google password.

Once you log in go to maps.google.com, then maps.google.com/locationhistory .

This will show the  venues/stops that have been made within the past 24 hours to 30 days depending on what you want to know.

Remember that this information is only available  if you have a gmail account and if your location services are tuned on.

Location history will then be  automatically  tuned on.

You may also use maps to check the name of a venue you went to but might have forgotten the name.

10 Relationship Deal Breakers

Most of us want to be good to our romantic partner. We want to show them love and respect and make them happy, but sometimes our emotional issues get in the way of our doing the right thing.

If any of the following behaviours apply to you, you’re relationship my be in serious trouble:

1. Selfishness: putting your needs and feelings ahead of your partner’s will not endear you to them. Being selfish leads to alienation and disconnection and breaks down the intimacy in a relationship.

2. Contempt. The reason to be with someone is because you care about them. This means that you should also like them, respect them, enjoy their company and be glad to know them. Ideally, you should be best friends as well as lovers.

3. Shaming. People are very sensitive to shame. Being in a relationship is supposed to build each person’s sense of self-worth and increase their confidence, and if you humiliate your partner in front of other people, consider this to be the kiss of death for the relationship.

4. Nagging. People want to feel like their relationship is their refuge, their “safe space.” If you continually nag your partner, they’ll feel harassed and will want to withdraw from you.

5. Lack of Support:  Your partner should feel like they can depend on you. They should trust that you’ll encourage them when they need a boost and that you’ll be there for them when they’re down.

6. Controlling Behaviour:  One of the advantages of being an adult is that we finally get to be autonomous and self-regulating. Most adults relish this independence and don’t want it taken away. If you’re very controlling toward your partner, they’ll feel oppressed and become resentful.

7. Unfavorable comparisons. Your partner wants to believe that you’re with them because you see them as a unique individual with wonderful qualities. When you compare them unfavorably to other people, they become demoralized. It’s unlikely they’ll want to stick around with someone who makes them feel this way.

8. Never being satisfied with anything. One of the nicest things about a relationship is the feeling that someone gets when they realize they can make you happy. It gives your partner great pleasure and a sense of empowerment to know that something they’ve done has lifted your spirits or has improved the quality of your life.

9. Lack of commitment or cheating. A major reason for being in a relationship is to feel loved and secure. If you refuse to commit, you’ll cause your partner to feel vulnerable and unsure of your true feelings. Their growing anxiety will lead to conflict.

10. Abuse (verbal or physical). Some people believe that being in a relationship gives them license to take out their hurt or angry feelings on their partner. Loving someone means that you should treat them at all times with consideration and respect.