While most have room in their heart for just one partner, one woman has fallen in love with two men at the same time.
In a letter to New Zealand-based sex and relationship columnist, Jennifer Souness, the woman said she had become ‘insanely attracted’ to a man she had worked with for the past year.
However, she said she also has a boyfriend of two years – a man she is still attracted to and happens to love very much.
In the letter the women said her dilemma was whether or not to broach the question of a polyamorous relationship with her partner as she felt convinced she was in love with both.
In a bid to untangle the complexity of the situation, Ms Souness said there were two issues which needed to be considered.
The first– the question of polyamory, the advice columnist said generally speaking once a couple has established feelings for each other within the confines of a monogamous relationship, it’s usually too late to negotiate an open one.
The second – the perception of the woman’s feelings towards her co-worker – was a little more complex.
Ms Souness said, developing an attraction for a work colleague wasn’t an entirely uncommon scenario – especially with pheromones at play. However, she added, it was also entirely possible to keep things in check and stop them from spiraling with an awareness about the nature of romantic attraction.
According to Daily Mail, Ms Souness said although the young woman described her relationship with her partner as ‘happy’ she said feelings for others can develop if at any time the relationship had been through a troubled patch.
‘Was there a period when you didn’t feel so positive?’ Ms Souness asked. ‘A moment when things went flat, when you felt unappreciated or misunderstood, allowing your co-worker’s attention to quietly slip in through a side window?’
The relationship expert said at times like these people were most susceptible to flattery – when we believe our wants and needs aren’t being met.
She also added that’s when another can start to seem more attractive – and the cycle begins.
Also added was the reality of the young woman’s situation as she was unavailable, was probably driving the intensity of her suitor’s feelings and in turn making her feel ‘irresistible and completely invincible’.
But she said, in the event she did leave her partner for this other man and after the initial attraction waned, this new relationship would eventually end up in the same place as her current one.
‘All relationships end up travelling down that same road to familiarity, putting you right back where you started.’
Previously speaking to Australian sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein, said an office romance – irrespective of its nature – is a fairly common occurrence these days.
However, this was a complex territory and the situation always needed to be handled with care.
‘If you’re working and your roles overlap there are going to be some issues. The problem is being able to differentiate those two lives,’ the expert said.
‘It’s going to be very hard to decipher that line between knowing which feelings are professional and which are feelings are being influenced by the fact that there’s a relationship there.’