Where The Smart Persons At? 5 Mistakes Smart People Will Never Make

Sometimes we make mistakes in life and vow never to repeat them because they make us better people and smarter than we were before.

The truth is, not everyone learns from their mistakes and they repeat it over and over again. You can stop yourself from repeating a mistake when you first acknowledge that it is one and find ways to avoid making them.

But, only smart people can achieve this feat. Here are some of the mistakes smart people never make:

1. Starting a project without a budget
A smart person will never embark on a project without a budget in mind, because financial planning is the most important thing for a project. A smart person knows how to plan too.

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2. Attempting to please everyone
Smart people know that this is unachievable because trying to please everyone makes no sense. Rather they choose the right thing to do or the right people who will always have their back.

3. Losing sight of the main goal
Smart people do not deviate from an original plan. They work hard in order to reach a particular goal and although it may not happen immediately, they weigh their priorities and never loose sight of the big picture or focus.

4. Believing in something that’s too good to be true
Smart people ask serious questions and think twice about a deal or people that sound too good to be true. They don’t judge a book by its cover and neither do put their trust on people that first.

smart-woman-on-phone

 

 

 

PulseNg

Common Mistakes That Show “Disinterest” To Your Date

There are some mistakes that we make subconsciously while on a date that shows we are not interested. Many of these mistakes are made unknowingly, and unfortunately they are common.

Here is a list according to R.Yosef of Eharmony

Closed Body Language – Keeping your arms crossed over you chest, looking away, checking your phone all the time etc. If you are on a date, you need to sit and look/lean towards your date when they talk to show that you are listening and paying attention.

Monotone Voice – A flat tone shows that you are not really into the date. Your voice can tell whether you are bored, excited or pissed off. Ensure that your tone variates to the information relayed. If it’s a joke, laugh, don’t just put a serious face on. Plus, it will help in matching your date’s voice tone.

Answering Questions Generally – Standard answers like those given by customer care reps do not apply on dates. Details are important, they make you connect and give off a positive vibe. Sharing vibes will make you comfortable.

Avoid RBF (Resting B$#*& face) –  This is an expressionless face , where you don’t smile, frown, flinch etc. Using this face makes people think you are not interested at all and are even bored or pissed off. Instead.. smile.

Using Absolutes – Using words like “have to”, “right now”, “never”,  and “can’t” when it applies to circumstances in life and reaching your goal vs. being in a relationship convey that you’re not ready or open to a relationship. You are simply closed off to anything.

Setting A Negative Tone – When you are bitter from previous relationships, it will show. You will complain and feel like you deserve more, your confidence is beaten and you appear self loathing. Listen to what you say to your dates and what you’re saying to yourself. Scan for negativity and leave it at the door.

Common Dating Mistakes Kenyan Women Make

Dating has evolved over the years and a lot has changed. Back in the day, it was mostly relatives who did the matchmaking. They looked for what they deemed suitable for their children and hooked them up with deserving mates.

Fast forward to the current situation where inter tribal/racial relationships/marriages are thriving as people make their own choices on who to date. That aside, many men have complained about how women behave during the dating period. Some of the habits they detest about SOME Kenyan women during dates include:

Bringing your friend/s to a date – When someone invites you over for a date it simply means that they want to spend time with you, to know you, understand what you’re about and maybe see how things will go forward. Tagging along your friends is not acceptable as it shows your lack of regard for the person who invited you and also shows your lack of interest in them for lack of a better term. Unless someone asks you to bring a friend or it’s a double date then go alone. Should you feel uncomfortable, meet the person in a public place and inform someone of your whereabouts.

Asking for money – Unless it’s official that you are dating, it is not polite to ask for money; and even if you are dating PLEASE do not make it a habit. Your man is not De la Rue. Women with the habit of asking for money for airtime, salon, fare and other petty things are giving others a bad name. You are at liberty to decline a date/meeting if you do not have money to get there and back home and you are free to reschedule to a later date when you can afford the “fare”. Also, you need to remember that just because you’ve been invited for a date doesn’t mean you go with an empty pocket… Have some money for emergency.

Asking for expensive things – Just because someone is paying doesn’t mean that you should ask for the most expensive meal/drink on the menu. A rule of thumb is, “always ask for what you are used to and what you can afford”. There is a reason why you’ve heard of men bailing out on bills and leaving people embarrassed. If you are used to Guarana stick to that, don’t start asking for Johnie Walker Platinum yet you cannot afford it and even worse you chase the drink with fanta!!

Too much make up – Unless you are going to shoot a video please drop the goth, barbie doll and drag queen look!! The date is not about color schemes or make up shades. however, A little make up doesn’t hurt. On that note too many accessories are a turn off too.

Not dressing the part – If you are invited for a cocktail dinner for the love of God please don’t go dressed in tights or ripped jeans.. dress the part. Also there is a fine line between dressing sexy and dressing indecently .If you keep on pulling that dress down, or you have to keep adjusting it because you’re uncomfortable change the dress.

Random dates – Just because he works in town and you are around doesn’t mean he will be available for lunch or coffee all the time. If you’re in town sometimes just call and say hi and even offer to buy him lunch or something. Don’t always think he has money to spend on you always.

Drama – You go out for dinner then decide to go to the club for abit and he’s stopped by another female…You roll your eyes and catch feelings. The whole night will be about him trying to convince you that was his childhood friend or neighbour. Sometime jealousy might kick in but take it home not in public.

Looking at your phone – We all have phones but very many women are addicted to checking their phones even when its not necessary. Looking at snapchat, instagram, facebook, whatsapp among others is rude behaviour. When on a date it’s important to concentrate on the person who brought you there. Engage in conversation unless  you are both chatting via phone during the date. Did  I mention taking pics of the food?? that too is completely unnecessarily.

Common Mistakes Brides To Be Make

Once he puts a ring on it, the excitement is enough to make any woman lose her mind with joy. Granted, it does feel good to be chosen, but the excitement is bound to drive you into making mistakes. Instead of announcing straight up about the wedding plans, you should take a moment and think things through.

Here are five common mistakes a would-be bride should avoid according to Jen Glantz.

 Doing Too Much Too Soon – You need to know that all decisions for the wedding should not be made straight away. Take a deep breath, relax and write up a to-do list and draw up a budget. This should be the first thing that you need to do to set sail.

Rushing Into the Wrong Things – The pressure will get to you but it is important that you have a sitdown with your fiancée and plan everything together. Think about the type of wedding you would like to have, the honeymoon, colour scheme etc.

Not Asking For Help – You need help from people who have done weddings before. In as much as the wedding is yours, turn to people you trust for advice because you cannot do It alone.

Doing All Things Wedding, All the Time – It is exciting to plan a wedding but remember to stay balanced and carve out free time to do other things — relaxing things that don’t involve excel spreadsheets and folding down pages in wedding magazines.

Mistakes Women Make While Pursuing Men

If you want a man to stay in your life there are habits that you should shed off. As a woman you need to realise that you have to maintain a certain standard at all times. There are mistakes that women make while pursuing a man, that work to your disadvantage:

1. Sex If you use sex and your body as charm and keep complaining that men only want sex, the big question is..what are you offering? Using your body to attract people will only result in having men who want sex alone. Use your mind because personality lasts more than a good body and it leaves a lasting impression.

2. No ambition – No man wants a woman who has no dream or ambition. You need to be smart, intelligent and have an active mind. Keep your standards high and you will attract such men. You attract people with similar interests to yours.

3. Neglecting your body – Do your best to remain in shape. You don’t have to be a size 8 but you don’t have to be overweight and unfit. Try as much as you can to be comfortable in your skin, maintain weight that you are comfortable in because if you are not it will show.

4. Being too shy – It’s not bad to be shy but if you keep hiding your face every time someone tries to start a conversation, it will make it hard for anyone to approach you or keep up with an existing convo. It can also make you appear immature and insecure.

5. How You treat others – You cannot be treated as a queen if you treat others like slaves. How you treat others is how you will be treated.

6. Controlling him – Do not bark orders at your man or any other person. Men will disappear from women who like to micromanage them and try to force changes on them.

7. Being jealous – A little bit of jealousy is good, but being all over someone’s phone, work and wanting to know every detail about them is just crossing the line. It also makes you possessive and clingy.

8. Having no opinion/Being a yes person – You can’t always agree to everything he wants and disagree with everything he disagrees with. If you cannot speak your mind then no man will want to stay around because you cannot think for yourself.

First Date Mistakes That Prevent You From Getting A Second Date

You went on a date had fun and was hoping that you could have many more dates ahead. But after the first date, no invite for a second meeting came through. It’s not the first or second time this has happened to you and it’s now becoming a concern.

Here are reasons why you don’t get a second date:

1. Talking About Yourself Too Much – Talking about yourself too much is a huge turnoff. It makes you seem narcissistic and caring less about what your date thinks or cares about. Talking about yourself can make you seem arrogant or egotistic. If you want to build a connection, do as much listening as you do talking.

2. Not Asking The Right Questions – You want to get to know the other person, but don’t make this seem like an interview. Only ask questions you would want to be asked yourself. If you think the question would be annoying or pointless if someone asked you, then don’t ask your date.

Try to stay away from bland, one-dimensional questions that won’t foster conversation. Use questions as a way of getting to know your date in a way that will be fun and enjoyable for both of you. To spark good conversation, ask questions and talk about things that are of interest to your date.

3. Not Listening – Regardless of whether you are genuinely interested in what your date is saying or not, act like you are. You would think being polite and appearing attentive is intuitive and fundamental while on a date, yet many people get lazy and overlook it. Try not to let yourself get distracted when your date is talking. Make sure to keep eye contact when your date is speaking, and never interrupt. If your eyes are wandering around the room, it will make you seem uninterested. This will make your date uninterested as well.

4. Not Being Genuine – Don’t say things just to impress your date. If you lie or otherwise mislead your date to make yourself look good, your date will see right through it. The best way to impress your date is to just be yourself. Sincerity is one of the most attractive qualities in people. Allow yourself to be vulnerable by telling the truth and being honest with your date. Bragging or being insincere will have a negative outcome.

5. Poor Body Language – Body language is just as important as what you say, if not more. In fact, some studies have found that up to 70 percent of charisma and connection people feel is due to physical rather than verbal communication. The way you smile, make eye contact, laugh and even your posture will have a significant impact on the vibe of the date.

If you are slouching in your chair, you will seem unconfident or uninterested. If you are yawning, you will seem bored. If your arms are crossed, you’ll appear closed off or cocky. Present yourself in a confident, yet not over-confident manner. To do this, stay engaged, sit up and relax.
-Jay Newfield

Mistakes Wives Make That Kill Their Marriages

When marriages fail many people will always look for someone to blame. Maybe your man cheated or just woke up and left without saying a word. You will probably absorb yourself off the blame in both scenarios but you are part of the problem and reason for the separation.

Before you get all defensive, here are the top four mistakes many women make:

1. Putting the children first – Having kids is great but sometimes it can be the sole reason why your marriage/relationship is breaking apart. Many women will more often than not use their kids as a scapegoat to avoid spending time with their spouses. They will always want to have the kid sleep in their bedroom or even in their bed meaning no sex/intimacy. They will want ti always take their kids out for fun activities and not involve their spouse because they assume “he’s always working” yet they never asked.

Granted your husband may be busy with work but every once in a while ask him if he wants to hangout with you, leave the kids with a nanny or relative and get to spend time with him.

2. No set boundaries with family – You married your man for a reason and you are supposed to build a family and future with him. That being said, it doesn’t mean that you abandon your family, it just means that you need to set boundaries. Many women let their family and especially mothers and aunts to dictate what happens in their homes. Infact some allow visitors to show up whenever they want and do anything they want basically they run your household and marriage.

3. Emasculating him – A man likes his ego stroked by his wife, but instead you walk all over it. How you ask? Talking about his shortcoming to other people besides him, putting him down, dismissing his efforts, belittling him, controlling the house and finances etc. You think he’s too low for you especially when you realise that the marriage is failing, you make it seem like everything is his fault. This means that you will lose all respect for him.

4. Not fighting fair – All couples fight no matter how happy they seem, however how you fight is what determines how your relationship will be. You either keep silent when he talks or go crazy and yell !! None of the two is effective communication. If something is off, take a deep breathe think about it and address when you are calm so that you may talk it over. And another thing is blaming him for everything, that’s not right or fair.
Read more : How you emasculate your man unknowingly

Three Mistakes That Will Ruin Your Marriage

It’s only human nature to make mistakes, it happens to all of us every once in a while. However to those within the institution of marriage, some mistakes could lead to the demise of your union.

Unfaithfulness is perhaps the most obvious one, but that is on the extreme. There are other things that you may do thinking it is “normal” but end up affecting the marriage in the long term.  Here are some of the mistakes:

  1. Lying – When you get to a point where you have to create “white lies” to cover up for something then there is a problem. If you think that it is ok to lie because your partner won’t find out then you’re heading towards ruining the marriage. At some point the truth will come out one way or another and your spouse will not be impressed. If anything it will create room for doubt in future because you will have broken the trust.
  2. Over reliance – Do not assume that your spouse is always willing to carry your burden. A marriage means sharing responsibilities. Do not overwhelm your partner with responsibilities as they will eventually feel “used”. The only time that one partner will carry all the burden is when the other is not financially stable but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do other things. Take care of the children, help them with homework, make sure the house is in order etc. Otherwise letting your partner do everything will at some point overwhelm them and the frustration may be released on you.
  3. Disrespect – You will get into each other’s nerves and get angry plenty of times. But you need to know that you still have to respect each other. Once you lose respect and start calling each other names there will be no going back. Going through each other’s personal effects, phone etc will only make things worse and will definitely get you what you are looking for as they say: if you go looking for trouble you will find it”. Do not throw the past in your spouse’s face. Do not take each other for granted. If you are in doubt about something, discuss your concerns with your spouse. Respect each other’s space, opinions and beliefs.

Mistakes That Keep You In The “Casual” Dating Zone

So you have tried dating but the number of times you date has always ended up in a casual arrangement and not a relationship as you would have wanted. You always wonder why no one has taken you serious enough to want to have a relationship yet you have all the right qualities or so you think.

It may not necessarily mean that you are not dateable , just that some of the things you do could be the reason why you are not taken seriously. Here are some of the reasons:

Talking about dating – Everyone has a past some fruitful others not so fruitful. However it is not advisable to tell it all to your new partner. Those funny stories will do nothing positive for you because you will look like you’re still “having fun” and not ready to be in a proper relationship.

You don’t ask – It’s 2015 so sitting around and waiting for the man to ask you out then you will probably wait longer than you expect. It’s not automatic that a man will know you like him, so sometimes you can take the initiative and invite him out for say lunch or coffee. Keep it simple and not in your house. But this doesn’t mean that you throw yourself on/at him.

You’re not cutting bait – So you have been sleeping together and hanging out for a while. Instead of beating yourself wondering where the two of you are headed, just ask!! whats the worse that could happen? He could either say you are dating or simply hanging out. Granted you may be disappointed but you will save yourself from a dead end relationship.

You’re not being demanding – I have said this before if you accept mediocre treatment then that is what you will get especially if you do not speak up about it. They cancel a date last minute with no logical explanation, doesn’t return a missed call, no response to a text or if there is one its a week later. Speak up and let them know it’s not ok and you will not accept such treatment.

You “turn up” constantly – This is a very shaky ground for so many reasons. Going out is not a bad thing and it shows you have a life besides them. However going out and turning up every other night and sharing pics on instagram , facebook etc will show that you are not ready to settle as you just want to have fun. Are you sure that’s the picture you want to portray?

Top Ten Reasons Why “Nice” Girls Don’t Succeed

If you are an avid reader then you must have come across or seen reviews on these books by Dr. Frankel; Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office; Nice Girls Just Don’t Get it; Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich, See Jane Lead and Stop Sabotaging Your Career. 

These books have one thing in common, getting women to know more of what they want from their lives and their careers and how to get it and mostly about dropping the habit of pleasing everyone and being a “nice” girl.

According to an article published on the Huffingtonpost by Emma Isaac, Dr. Frankel said that nice girls don’t aggressively pursue their goals because they don’t want to threaten others. They don’t ask for what they really want. They believe it’s their job to take care of everyone else. When given a compliment they say “Oh, it was nothing” instead of “Thanks for noticing.”

These are some of the things that make them stay down below as others scale the heights. She went ahead to state the top ten mistakes nice girls make:

1. They just don’t get it. They wait to be invited/asked. They don’t get that you have to act differently.

2. They work too hard. You’ve got to work up to the baseline (the average of your company’s work ethic/culture) but not above it.

3. They don’t set boundaries.

4. They always strive for perfection.

5. They ignore the ‘look and sound’ of success. 50 percent comes from how you sound, 40 percent comes from how you look, and only 10 percent of your credibility comes from what you actually say.

6. They are unclear about their personal brand or vision – what do you want people to say about you when you’re not around?

7. They stay too long in bad situations.

8. They wait to be given what they want instead of chasing it.

9. They use way too many words to articulate what they’re trying to say.

10. They entrust their financial security to someone else.

Cooking Mistakes We Should Avoid

It has been said time and again that people have different ways of doing things hence life isn’t a “one size fits all” situation. Things work differently for different people.

These sentiments are also echoed in the kitchen as people have different ways of cooking or preparing different foods.

That said there are common mistakes that one should avoid, yet to some they seem normal.

Washing veggies/Meat after cutting – Vegetables and meat should always be washed before cutting to maintain the nutrients in them. It’s not advisable to wash afterwards as you lose a lot of nutrients and also the cleaning is not thorough as pesticides and insects stick on to the leaves and once cut it’s impossible to see them well.

 Not tasting the food – We should taste food as we cook so that we may avoid over cooking it and over seasoning. While tasting take a small portion and pour the food on to your palm then eat from there. Do not use the cooking spoon to taste.

Filling the cooking pot – When cooking, use a pot that is big enough to leave space for stirring and for the food to cook evenly. Filling a pot with so much food makes it look clustered and unpleasant to the eye and it also heightens the possibility of spilling.

Overlooking the recipe instructions– Many people do this a lot and end up with food that isn’t as exact as it appeared on the recipe. When instructed to use warm milk then you use milk straight from the fridge or melted butter then you mix it since “the heat will melt it”, the result will obviously be different say lumpy instead of smooth.

Pan frying in oil that is not hot – Many people do this and end up having very oily and greasy foods. Heat oil well and then fry your foods.

Eating meat immediately after cooking – You should not eat meat after cooking. Allow it to settle for around 5-10 minutes so that the juices/ flavor can distribute evenly. Also when grilling avoid flipping it too much, let it heat slowly and evenly.

Cooking food straight from the fridge – This is especially bad for meat. Allow it to sit on the counter for atleast 30 minutes so that it can reach room temperature. This way it will be easier to cook and you will avoid unevenly cooked meat.

Over-seasoning – Happens to many people, you think adding more spices will make the food taste better. It might go horribly wrong and you may end up having to throw the food out.

Things You Shouldn’t Do While In A Divorce

For many people the moment a divorce is mentioned they will go into a panic attack, this is quite understandable however you should always remember to keep calm.

Divorce attorney Randall Kessler based in Atlanta has revealed the 6 biggest mistakes that women make in a divorce.

1. Women should not panic and should go online and find out everything that they need to know. They should meet a lawyer or more than one lawyer and find out what their rights are. Women should remember that they are not going to get kicked out of their home immediately just because their husband is not paying their rent or mortgage anymore and should not get intimidated into agreeing to a settlement before they are ready to.

2. They should not just go for a free consultation and its better if they can avoid it, as they will get better legal advice if they pay for it.

3. Women should not borrow money from family, as they should save those resources for another time. Instead, they should see if they can borrow against their home or get a credit card. If they are financially dependent on their husband, then he is responsible for paying for at least part of their representation.

4.  Females should not allow their former spouse to intimidate them, as when their husband tells them that their lawyer just wants to make money, that’s an intimidation tactic. Kessler said that their husband may know how to scare them, but he doesn’t know how to scare their lawyer.

5.  Women should not commit adultery even if their husband has been carrying on an affair, as starting one of their own will only add emotional heat to their divorce. Kessler says that he’s seen many times that wives feel lonely, but husbands get angry, and make everything difficult.

6.  Kessler advised that they should not demand money before they have made up a budget, as it is important to make one so that all their needs are addressed.

-ANI

Flirting Mistakes Women Make

Flirting  is a natural part of life but it’s easier for men to do it than for women to. However when a woman likes you she will flirt in subtle ways because by nature women are shy.

However there are things that women do while flirting that make them leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Being too confident and mean – When flirting with a shy guy, don’t be too confident and don’t try to show that you don’t have any insecurities. When flirting with a confident guy, though, don’t be too mean. Many girls tend to be mean with confident guys because they think it can help them look more confident too. In fact, this type of behavior can scare off any guy.

Constant laughing – Guys like to make jokes. This way, they try to boost a woman’s mood and show that they are funny. Well, laughing at his jokes is a must, but don`t go too far! Don’t start giggling every time he makes a joke, especially if you don`t really find it funny, because it`ll look unnatural and he will understand that you actually don’t like it.

Drinking too much alcohol – Taking a few shots of something will not spoil your date. What`s more, it can make you feel relaxed and even more confident. However, moderation is always important. You should avoid getting drunk when flirting, as you wouldn`t like him to see you rolling on the floor and speaking up all of your thoughts.

Being too much interested – Express your interest in what he says with questions and attentive listening. You shouldn`t pretend that his words are so much exciting that you are ready to become his girlfriend right now. The art of flirting is hard to master but one of the most important things to remember is to be yourself. After all, you can’t pretend all the time.

Lying – Lying is awful and it can ruin any relationship. Tracing whom you lied and what you lied about in order not to be caught is a heavy burden. Moreover, it’s a bad idea to start your relationship with a lie. If you want your crush to love you, not your lie, it’s better tell the truth only.

Flirting online only – When flirting online you feel so comfortable, brave and confident that you may start avoiding him in a real life. If he doesn’t ask you out on a date, it doesn’t mean he is not interested in you. He may be too shy to do it so be the first to ask him out on a little coffee date. If he rejects you, move on. You deserve a better boyfriend!

Facebook stalking him – Yes, Facebook may show you many interesting things about your crush’s life, but don’t make it a habit to check his account every hour in order to find out what he’s going to do tonight. Avoid commenting too much and sending dozens of messages. There are many better ways to attract his attention.

Being too cold towards him – Women love drama and like to test men. I used to follow the strategy “I don`t care about you, so love me” and I must confess that it was a mistake. When you make a man think you don`t like him just to find out if he`s straightforward enough to deserve your love, it may bring the desirable result. But think twice, would you like to be in a relationship where you`re loved only when you don`t like your partner?

-Womanitely