Facts about marriage that people tend to avoid

In order to overcome all those ups and downs you have to accept the following facts;

Your decisions affect both parties

When you are single or dating, anything you do does not affect anyone else but you. You make decisions on your own and handle them in the best way you know how. This changes when you get married. The decision you make should fit both you and your partner. You literary have to consult your partner before doing something and decide on how to handle the situation at hand.

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 Your partner’s phone should not be a bother

This has really been a challenge to many marriages. If you want to have a happy relationship, your partners phone should not bother you at all. When you start interrogating about the contacts and messages you may raise doubts that can be either true or false. You may either misinterpret or misunderstand some texts and this can kill your marriage especially if you suspect you are being cheated on which may not be the case.


Attraction to other people

This is one fact that you must live with. When you are married it does not mean that you will not be attracted to other people. It maybe to a celebrity or even your colleague at work but it does not mean you are no longer attracted to your partner. It is your responsibility therefore as an individual to control your hormones and eyes so as not to be lured into cheating. This also applies to you as an individual. Marriage does not mean you will not attract other people.

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 You will be married to the family too

The sooner you accept this the better for you. This mainly affects the ladies and their in-laws. When you get married, it is not only to your husband but also his family as you become part of them too. In-laws can be a headache especially the mother in-laws. The best thing is to study your in-laws and know the best way to handle them as you will spend the rest of your lifetime with them and you have to keep a good relationship with them.

No financial paybacks

This changes in marriage because you become one and so you should not expect a payback on any cash you spend on your partner. You will be expected to do all these things wholeheartedly because of love and not because it’s your turn to return the favor. This will make you to keep your marriage happy and longer with peace.


Oops! Top CEO Claims That Men Don’t Live As Long As Women Because Their WIVES Nag Them To DEATH

An NHS boss has sparked outrage after saying men die younger because “they are nagged to death” by their wives.

Sir Andrew Morris, chief executive of Frimley Health NHS Foundation Trust, was labeled a dinosaur for his controversial comment.

The remark was made just days after experts said life expectancy improvements are grinding to a halt because of the ailing NHS.

They noted how boys born today can now expect to live for 79.2 years, where as girls will be expected to reach 82.9.


He told a think-tank meeting: “Usually the blokes die off earlier because they’re nagged to death by the other half.”

In attendance for the “shocking” comment were Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt and Simon Stevens, chief executive of NHS England.

Overall, more than 150 leading experts in their field attended The King’s Fund briefing to discuss money-saving plans.


Delegates described the comment made by Sir Morris, who reportedly earns £220,000 a year – as “patronising”.

Sir Morris, knighted in 2015, has previously been named the country’s top health chief executive for his leadership qualities, The Sun reports.

He is also one of the longest-serving bosses in the health service, taking up the head role at the trust in 1989.


The 61-year-old apologised to the newspaper. He said: “I made a comment that I realised right away was completely inappropriate. I would like to apologise unreservedly for any offence that it caused.”

But Jon Rouse, from the Greater Manchester Health and Social Care Partnership, said on Twitter that “dinosaurs still roam in East Berkshire”.

Lizzy Dobres, from the UK Council for Psychotherapy, said the comment showed there was still ‘such a long way to go’.

She added: ‘Shocked to hear Andrew Morris say men die younger cause “women nag them”.’

Others branded the apology as meaningless. Andrew McCracken, from National Voices, said it was “rubbish”.



‘I Found Out That My WIFE Was a Prostitute’ Confesses a Troubled Kenyan Man (AUDIO)

A Kenyan man has come out to reveal he found out that his wife was doing dirty business at night when he goes out to work on night shifts.

This came out during Maina Kageni’s breakfast show, where the top radio presenter was asking why married men are always telling bachelors not to get married.

During his conversations in the morning, Maina Kageni revealed that he has realised that men who have settled down always advise their single brothers not to get married, and he couldn’t help but wonder why.

Ati Ki? Kenyan Man Reveals How His Wife Is Jealous To The Point Where She Doesn’t Trust Him With Her Mother (AUDIO)

So, as usual, Maina gave the opportunity to Kenyan men, so that they can finally speak out and open up on what really goes on in their marriages and why having a wife is apparently such a bad experience.

That’s when a troubled Kenyan man decided to share and talk about his ex-wife, who was apparently a prostitute. According to the man, he found his wife taking a shower at 2 am when he was coming from work.

GHAI! Kenyan Man Reveals How His Wife Of One Year CHEATED On Him With His Blood BROTHER (AUDIO)

When he asked the lady, she didn’t answer him, then he decided that he will do his investigation, and true to his doubts, he found out that the lady was actually leaving the house when he went to work at night.

The 33-year-old added that even his neighbors confirmed that the woman would go outside immediately he left the house for work, and after he had gathered enough proof and found out that she used to be a sex worker, he decided to call it quits.

Listen to all the shocking details below.



‘I’ve Had Three ABORTIONS With A MARRIED Man I’ve Dated For 3 Years And I Still Love Him’ Confesses a Kenyan Clande (AUDIO)

Ladies, would you agree to be a mistress and date a married man for 3 years, yet you know very well that he will never settle down with you or be your husband?

Maina Kageni recently asked women if they could handle the truth if men decided to tell them all the dirty secrets and lies that they hide, and it turned out that some women would actually handle it while others would walk away if they knew the truth.

Interestingly, some women came out to tell Maina Kageni that they have more dirt than their husbands, with one particular one even confessing that she had an affair with the husband’s close friend for three months after finding out that he was cheating on her.

Ghai! Kenyan Woman Reveals She Had An AFFAIR With Her Husband’s BEST FRIEND To Revenge His Infidelity (AUDIO)

Marriages are not easy, more so when a woman finds out that her man has another woman or mistress, which seems to be a norm now.

But what happens when the woman in question is the side dish or ‘clande’?


During Maina Kageni’s breakfast show, a particular woman called in, confessing that she has been a mistress for 3 years, and even confessing that she has aborted the man’s pregnancies. Yes, not one, but three.

According to the anonymous caller, she’s not with the married man for money but love, adding that she makes money with him, which is ‘their’ cash because they have a company together.

In fact, the woman goes ahead to say that everything the man’s wife has is because of her, including the car that she drives. The ‘clande’ feels that she has a better place in the man’s life more than the wife. What madness is this!

How about you listen to the full story in the short audio below.


“I Still Want My WOMAN To Serve Me Food And KNEEL Down” Declares Popular Singer

Ladies, would you kneel down when serving food to your man?

Well,a  popular singer by the name 9ice has gone ahead to reveal the issues with modern marriages and why marriages are not for this generation, comments that’ve since gone viral.

The renowned Nigerian artiste was speaking to TV personality Funmi Iyanda, and during the interview, they spoke about his broken marriage.

Funmi questioned him about his first wife, and whether he was planning to get married again, and in the process, 9ice denied settling down anytime soon, revealing the problem with modern marriages.


“I’m single but I’m not searching because it’s not part of my priority right now. I have dealt with this topic so many times and people just tend to take the negative side of it, but it’s like they don’t understand what I’m saying because they are not in my shoes,” he started off.

9ice continued: “Marriage is not for this generation. I have my reasons for saying that because, as a Nigerian, as a Yoruba man, there are some cultures and traditions that you’re being taught when you’re being brought up as a man. You want the same thing from your wife, but, you’re not going to get it from today’s woman.”

“Because then we had exposure. They are the ones that sent us to school. And I still want my woman to serve me food and kneel down. Who’s going to do that for me now”


The Living Things hitmaker went on to add: “But you’re not going to get that as a man, so we today’s men, we need to get that into our thick skull, that you’re are not going to get the same thing your mom is giving to your dad. You’re are going to get something different because who you’re are getting married to is quite different from your mom. But we are not ready. That’s why you see this generation are losing marriages, six months and it’s dissolved.”

9ice went to advise people to get married for the right reasons and because of societal pressure. He also warned couples not to go through with their marriages if they become uncertain before walking down the aisle.

“Before you go to the altar, like five to ten minutes, your mind will be telling you that this thing is not going to work. It happened to me. So we should hundred percent get married for what will make you happy.”


“I Found Used Condoms Under Our Matrimonial BED But I Can’t LEAVE Him” Cries Out a Married Kenyan Lady (AUDIO)

Girls, what would you do if you found used condoms under your matrimonial bed and it wasn’t you who used them with your husband or boyfriend?

This is the dilemma that one certain woman is going through after she found out used condoms in her bedroom and when she asked the man, he claimed that it was his friend who used the room. Funny I know!

Maina Kageni was discussing the issue of men who cheat, on his popular breakfast show, after some male callers revealed that it hurts more when their women cheat on them.

Different men called in to give their experiences where their wives were unfaithful as some of them took the chance to criticize women who stray, and in the middle of the conversation, a woman shocked listeners when she confessed that she knows her man cheats but she can’t leave.

According to the anonymous lady, she has severally found used condoms in her bedroom and when she questions her husbands where they came from, he gives lame excuses.

At one point, he told her that it was his friends who used the bedroom and left the condoms there, and another time, he found a woman in their house after he had lied that he’s with the cousins.

This woman has been married for 10 years and despite all the cheating evidence, she still can’t leave the husband after all the hurtful things he’s done to her. Find out why this is so in the shocking audio below.




GHAI! Kenyan Man Reveals How His Wife Of One Year CHEATED On Him With His Blood BROTHER (AUDIO)

The world is a cruel place at times, right?

Well, you have no idea what pain is until your wife cheats on you with your blood brother, and this applies to men.

During one of Maina Kageni’s morning conversations, a man decided to open up about a situation that made his trust in women fade completely.

This started when Maina Kageni brought about the discussion of women who cheat after a certain caller revealed that it’s more painful for a man when a woman cheats, compared to when a man strays.

The radio presenter did not understand why men feel it’s okay to be unfaithful to their wives or girlfriends and find it a big deal when the same women cheats on them, terming it double standards.

It was at this point a man decided to call in and confess how he found out that his wife cheated on him with his blood brother, a moment in his life where he felt betrayed by people he loved.

The pain he went through made him learn that when a woman cheats, it hurts more, no matter how many times the man has been unfaithful.

Other men also called in as they gave their experiences about how their women have cheated on them and how it felt, as others just wanted to give their reasons as to why a woman should never think about being unfaithful.

Well, listen to the shocking revelation from the heartbroken man below. It’s crazy!




Could Getting INTIMATE With a STRANGER Save Your Marriage? Find Out Here

Fidelity is upheld as the gold standard for a happy marriage.

But according to Harley Street relationship counsellor Louise Van Der Velde involving other people in your intimate life could be the key to a healthy relationship.

The 42-year-old widowed mother tells FEMAIL she believes ‘everyone should swing’ to save their long-term relationships.

Louise, who is known as the ‘Pleasure Professor’, hosts two-day seminars for ‘rich, good-looking couples’ – often culminating in group sex on plush cushions – in a London hotel for around 70 selected people at a time.

‘If I had my way the whole of society would be swinging together,’ Louise says.

‘We have an image of sex with strangers as sleazy and dirty, but this is about getting back to soul truth, that no one owns anybody else, we don’t own our partners.’


The relationship counsellor, adds: ‘It’s about stopping jealousy and replacing fears with love.’

Louise, originally from Harrogate, Yorkshire, has been in open relationships on-and-off since her doctor husband died 13 years ago.

The mother-of-two, who has a son, 20, and daughter, 15, splits her time between Camberley, Surrey, and Marbella, where she initially hosted smaller, ‘celebrity attended’ sex parties.

She argues sex with strangers will create a marriage no one would want to leave.

‘Doing this stops infidelity,’ she says. ‘If you explore your desires together, any fear about your other person cheating goes.

‘After our work together couples often go and play and experience things together. Why on earth would you think of having an affair when you ave a relationship like this?’


The sex guru invites single women as well as couples to the events, which involve a 70 per cent to 30 per cent ratio of women to men, ‘to ensure it does not become a sausage fest’.

The invites are also based on couples’ desires. ‘Most couples want a threesome with another woman,’ Louise explains.

‘The people who come are affluent, good-looking, professional couples. They are young – I don’t accept anyone over 45, and are mostly around 30 to 45.’

Participants, who are also vetted for attractiveness and reasons for attending before being accepted, then embark on 48 hours of tantric touching, phallic meals, emotional workshops and unleashing the ‘kundalini serpent’ of sexual desire.

Louise, who believes monogamy is a ‘lie’ sold to society as a whole, insists her sex parties are not purely about lust.


She argues they ‘deepen the connection’ between couples – and successful pairs even leave with a certificate.

‘In the seminar we start off very gently, we look at where people got their beliefs from about why they are monogamous. Mostly it’s a limiting belief. An “I got married so I expected to have sex with one person”, or “it’s what society and marriage say you should do”.

‘I loosen up this belief by going back to very first time they were sold the lie about being monogamous – which can be as early as when they were seven or eight years old.’

Louise says her own children know about and are comfortable with her work.

She explains: ‘They have very much been brought up to be mindful with sex. They are both selective about who they engage with and are well balanced.

‘I have taught them the opposite of what society does, that sex is not taboo.’

The sex guru, says her seminars culminate in, optional, sexual experiences in a ‘comfy, cushion-lined, candlelit separate space’.


Daily Mail

SHOCKING! Kenyan Man Confesses How He Found Out His Wife Had HIV And Still Forgave Her (AUDIO)

Just when you start to think that marriage is easy, more married people come out to reveal details that can make one think twice about settling down, that’s if you are still single.

On Maina Kageni’s breakfast show, a man came out to reveal that he settled down with a woman but when they moved in together, she changed, becoming a liar, and just wasting time in the house doing nothing, all the while accusing him of having affairs.

The interesting part is that they are still living together, and are ‘happily’ married.

The shocking part of the morning talk was when the married man called Maina Kageni to reveal that his wife is HIV positive while he’s not, something that happened a few years back when he started working out of town.

File Photo

The man disclosed that she was his college sweetheart and they now have a child together, however after a year together she cheated on him and contracted the virus. Inspite of this he forgave her for the sake of their child.

Maina Kageni was perturbed by this story of how this forgiving man continues to live with the wife knowing that she contracted the virus when he was busy toiling hard for them.

The caller confessed this on national radio, saying that he decided to stay because of the child and also so that he can take care of her because he feels it’s his obligation.

Men, would you forgive your wife if she did this to you? Listen as the man opens up about his situation below.





FORCED MARRIAGE? Unhappy And ANGRY Bride Refuses To Kiss Her New Husband In a Colourful Wedding (VIDEO)

What’s the worst thing that can happen at a wedding other than the bride’s gown getting torn? When you just got married and your new bride doesn’t want to kiss you back.

This is what happened to a certain groom on his colourful wedding ceremony which is supposed to be one of the biggest days in a woman or man’s life, right?

Everyone else in the wedding seems to be very happy and jolly, including the groom who was dancing and jumping around in excitement, as his new wife frowns, looking very sad and discontent.

In the video, the Nigerian couple seems to have officially exchanged vows and are in the process of cutting the cake as music plays in the background, with the guests cheering on as the man gives the lady a drink after toasting to their happy union.


The unhappy bride doesn’t seem thrilled and after sipping the juice, the man, who seems much older than her, tries to kiss her but the tall lady pushes him away. She continues dancing in a way that suggests that she doesn’t want to be in contact with him at all, but he smiled through the embarrassment as he danced.

A lady standing by the groom then goes to the other side of the bride, who looks like she’s been forced to be at the wedding, then whispers in her ear, pleading with her to hold her now husband, which she obliges, but still very miserable.

The man surprisingly is not discouraged by the woman’s behavour and still shows his dance moves as the crowd cheers on, while the lady only makes very unnoticeable and slow side-to-side moves.

From the video, it clear that the bride was not ready to be married as she looks younger than the man, and everything he did annoyed her, showing her dislike for the old folk. Could it have been a planned wedding?





“Should Women Get Half Of The Family Wealth After a Divorce?” Maina Kageni Asks (AUDIO)

There is a proposed amendment to the Constitution seeking to scrap a law that says wives are entitled to half of a man’s wealth if and when they divorce.

This would mean that in the case of a divorce a woman would not receive 50% of the family property as it is at the moment, having in mind that she is the one who will leave with the kids and be responsible for them.

Quite a shocker isn’t it?

This formed the basis of Classic 105 conversation this morning with Maina Kageni and Mwalimu Kingang’i, who sought to know the views of listeners.

ThinkstockPhotos.com Image Number: 78630827

Maina Kageni sought views from married couples asking them if they are in favor of this proposed amendment.

For some reason, most Kenyan men who called in said that they would want the bill to be passed because women don’t deserve all that money or property, coming out as selfish.

On the other hand, most women expressed disappointment at how the men don’t respect them to the point of not wanting to give half of the wealth in unfortunate case of a divorce.

Listen to the audio below as Kenyan men and women go head to head in regards to this proposed amendment.




HEARTBREAKING! Kenyan Woman Reveals The Agony Of a Cheating And Emotionally Abusive Husband (AUDIO)

Marriage seems to be getting harder and complicated by the day, if the rate of divorce in our country is anything to go by and at times it takes the effort of both the woman and man to make things work out and be counted among the few successful unions.

When a newly wedded couple starts a family, they are bound to get unsolicited  advice from their parents, grandparents or older aunties among other relatives and for some reason, this advice doesn’t always work, according to an unnamed Kenyan woman.

During Maina Kageni’s breakfast show, the woman revealed that the kind of advice old folk give young couples doesn’t fit todays marriages, because more often than not it’s irrelevant and outdated.

According to her, wives to be are not given advice like; “If your man beats you, walk away and don’t allow your man to hit you or if your husband is jobless for more than half a year, he’s becoming a parasite, or your husband should uphold standards that you grew up with from your father.”


“If your man beats you, walk away and don’t allow your man to hit you or if your husband is jobless for more than half a year, he’s becoming a parasite, or your husband should uphold standards that you grew up with from your father.”

Maina Kageni’s opinion on this discussion was that this kind of advice from the older generation about glorifying the man and putting him on a pedestal that he doesn’t deserve, is totally outdated and unfair to a woman.

During the discussion, a Kenyan woman called in and revealed that she recently walked out of her marriage after years of torture and neglect by her husband, citing how patient and persevering she had been, but eventually decided to call it quits in spite of her relatives trying to convince her to stick around for the sake of their kids.

Listen to the audio below as the lady narrates how she was providing financially for her man, yet he still abused and disrespected her.



OH NO! Married Men Express Their Disappointment After Poll Reveals That Women Trust Pastors More Than Their Husbands (AUDIO)

Looks like married life is not as easy as couples make it look from the outside.

So, a new online poll suggests that women trust their pastors more than they trust their husbands, and that’s not all.

Other than the women trusting their pastors more, the poll also suggested that men rank number four in this hierarchy of trust, with women trusting their pastors first, then their children, their male supervisors at work and then their husbands.

This came as a shock to Maina Kageni, who posed the question to caller on why women don’t have trust in their husbands at all, is it the man’s fault or is it the women who just want to seek attention outside?


One of the reasons people get married is because they have love and trust for each other, so what happens when you can’t trust the person who should be the love of your life or when you find out that your wife can’t trust you?

You would think that for a married woman, the only other person she would trust other than her parents, would be her better half since he is the one she decided to spend the rest of her life with.

When Maina Kageni revealed the results of this online poll, Kenyan men did not take it lightly, with most of them ranting about how their wives are ungrateful and show them, love, thus they end up cheating on them.

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But it was not just the men who were angered by this poll, there’s a certain female caller who defended the men, telling the women that even pastors are men and can also turn against them later on since they are also human beings.

Listen to the short audio below as married men candidly open up to Maina Kageni.




Women Reveal How Kenyan Men Have Become Only Providers And Not Lovers (Audio)

This week, Maina Kageni has been talking about single women and men who have rejected their children, but today’s topic took a different twist.

Yesterday, a female caller went on about how Kenyan men are only taught to be providers and bread winners but are raised to understand how to be romantic, caring and connect emotionally with their wives.

According to her, the husband is a very supportive man when it comes to financial support and providing for his family, but he is not emotionally attached to her and they don not even talk or agree mutually about some stuff in the family, even when she has issues, she can’t share with him.

Well, this got men contributing to the discussion which portrayed them as only providers and not lovers, as women revealed the pain they go through by having  husbands who are not sentimental and only care about bringing food to the table. Listen to the audio below to find out the

Listen to the audio below to find out the response they gave.




Men Take Note! 5 Things Your Wife Is Not Telling You

Are married women really happy in their marriages? Sometimes it’s the little things that make them really happy and content enough to keep their homes together.

According to Huffington Post, relationship coaches and marriage therapists were asked to share the most common complaints of women who are feeling discontented in their marriages.

Well, here are 5 things your wife is probably not telling you:

1. She wants to hear a ‘thank you’ for the things she does every day
Undermining her duties as a wife and home keeper will breed more resentment. Your wife doesn’t like to be taken for granted which means noticing the things she does and a little appreciation such as saying ‘thank you’ would make her day better.

2. She wants a partner who can be trusted completely
Your wife doesn’t want to worry as you go about your daily activities. She doesn’t want headaches over whom you are texting at night or who you flirt with when she’s not with you. A woman is secured when she completely trusts that her husband is faithful.


3. She wants a partner who is aware of her needs and wants
It’s not just about remembering her birthdays or anniversaries, but noticing the little things she does, you can tell when she’s in a good mood or having a bad day. You don’t have to read her mind to know these things and when you notice, you try to do something to make her feel better.

4. She wants to be seen as imperfect sometimes
Wives want to be seen as not being perfect all the time. She wants to be cheered up by her spouse when she’s falling apart. She wants to be reminded that there’s a shoulder to lean on. She wants someone who supports her through and through.

5. She wants you to help out with the kids without her asking
She wants combined parental upbringing for the kids. Wives want their husband to be willing to help the kids with their work or babysit when the need arises and do it with kindness and patience.






Pulse Ng

Here Is The Shocking Reason Kenyan Men Are So Frustrated With Their Mother-In-Laws

This week started off with an interesting conversation on the morning show with Maina and King’ang’i, about how parents are nowadays ruining the institution of marriage by encouraging their children to walk out at the slightest sign of stress or trouble.

This is in comparison to the old times when parents would advice their daughters or sons to stick in marriages through thick and thin, despite the challenges.

In regards to this, Kenyan men have now come out to reveal how mother-in-laws frustrate them by demanding financial support, yet they still have families to take care of. Maina Kageni’s big question today was: “what is wrong with a mother demanding that her son-in-law be financially stable?”

Well, this question sparked a lot of reactions from male callers. Listen to their rant below as they explain how they have to part with cash to financially support their wife’s family.

Kenyan Men Reveal How Mother-In-Laws Are Ruining Marriages For Them (Audio)

There was an interesting discussion on the morning conversation with Maina Kageni after a certain feature revealed that parents are encouraging their children to walk out of marriages at the slight sign of trouble.

This was in comparison to parents of the old times who encouraged their children to persevere despite issues or challenges that may arise in wedlock, because marriage in not a bed of roses.

Apparently, mothers are encouraging women to leave their husbands if they are not happy or stressed in the marriage, especially if they can support themselves financially.

This brought about a big debate as callers gave their two-cents about this worrying trend. Listen to the audio below to find out how it all went down on the Classic 105 breakfast show. Here, men made real life confessions about their mother-in-laws.

Tips For A Successful Marriage

Actor/Singer Tyrese and Reverend Run who co-authored the book Manology that is a relationship guide which gives lessons for different perspectives, have a show that is about matters relationship from a male perspective. One from a single man’s (Tyrese) view another from a married man and preacher’s (Rev. Run ) view.

The two tackle different issues and give advice to both women and men on some of the things that they do wrong and how to make them right. The two gave tips on how to have a successful marriage.

Know the person – Tyrese said that it is important to know whoever you intend to marry because love is just not enough. Once people get married they realize that they do not know who they are married to and begin to feel like they married a stranger. You may know this person by talking to them and asking them questions, chilling with their friends, family etc.

Marriage Mentors – Before marriage, it it important to find a married couple that could mentor you through the process. Allow them to share their wisdom on the roles played by wives and husbands and the challenges that they face together.

Conflict Resolution – Conflict is one thing no one can avoid, whether in marriage, work or school as it is part of life. Managing conflict is what is important. Rev Run says that you have to learn how to argue without hitting below the belt. It will take time before you can get to a point where you argue without taking time out because you will have to learn how to forgive. It should be a priority.

Fading sparks – Sparks fade as time goes by and it’s got nothing to do with any of you. But as a couple it’s important to constantly work on your relationship, intimately, emotionally and spiritually. If you ignore these things, they might end up killing your relationship.

Marriage Vows – Take your wedding vows seriously. Don’t gloss over them but take time to understand them and discuss how those vows will play-out in your marriage.

Understand your role – Ladies when you are at home you are not the CEO that you are at work. When you get home you are a wife so don’t be barking orders around. Men, when you get home you are the husband not the boss and your wife is not your P.A.