We all know motherhood is a sacred position, so it’s natural for any woman to inwardly and sometimes outwardly express some fear about losing her son to another woman. But rather than let this dynamic get the better of us, it’s best to acknowledge the shift that comes with marriage and be open about how you want your relationship with your mother-in-law to unfold.
Remember that she is still your husband’s mother.
Although her relationship with her son has changed, remember that she will always and is still his mother. Even though you are the woman in his life now, be considerate and don’t be so obsessed and behave as if he did not come from a family. It’s good to remember that you became part of that family when you married him.The fact is that his mother will always remain that woman in his life unless she is dead so while she is still there let her have her place and don’t try to separate your husband from his mother. If anything without her there would be no husband for you to marry and so don’t always demand for your way. So do her the favor of loving her son unconditionally because you have taken her spot and you are her son’s biggest fan.
Accept her for who she is.
I know this is hard but you are going to be a mother in law too someday and you will need your daughter in law to accept you as you are. She might not be like your biological mother but she is your extended mother and despite all her weaknesses, you need to learn to live with her and accept her. I know the hardest time is when she has to come and visit and she wants you to run your house like hers .You can talk to your husband about it and as well find a wise way of making both of you meet halfway. At times learn from her and in some other occasions ask her if she would like to learn from you. Don’t always be the boss, it will create a bad picture because you’ll fight a lot and hardly ever have peace, at times let her be in control and humble yourself. Please respect her age and experience.
Talk to her about hard things.
If she has offended you, find a respectful way to let her know instead of constantly reporting her to your husband. She may not listen at first because she might go like what is this small girl trying to tell me,but give it a try. Some of us want to keep grudges and assume that she knows she has offended you,you will be hurting yourself as she will never know her mistakes and she will keep doing them to an extent you will hate her and never want her around.YET THE PROBLEM IS YOU, because you have never told her, her mistakes. So remember she is not perfect. And as much as you are learning how to be a daughter in law, so is she learning how to be a mother in law to you. So let both of you assume that the other is doing the best she can. If you are feeling hurt by something she did or said, find a way to gently bring it up. You may even want to ask her if you could have done something differently. Then Try to understand. When there are problems in family relationships, each person needs to overlook with grace when possible, and when not, address the issues kindly. Reject bitterness and don’t judge. There are always two sides to any story.
Remember, you are family.
So find time to talk and watch movies or programs or even go out to the market and buy gifts as well as tell her about some of the family’s funny stories. This way you make her feel like part and parcel of your family. Please include her in some of the family activities and traditions. Trust me your husband will love you more because he will appreciate the bond you share with his mother and he will love you because you appreciate the woman who carried him for nine months and has raised him to be the man he is for you.
Take time to express gratitude.
Be the one who initiates the visit to her home and when you get there, shop for her the same way you would shop for your own biological mother. Once you’re there don’t just sit and do nothing, when you and her son visit, it means a lot to her, yes but when you offer to help with the meals and with clean up, it makes her feel happier that you came and you are now taking care of her. Well that is one way to get blessings. Instead of ganging up against her with the other daughter in laws. Appreciate her and keep telling her how you are grateful. Trust me even if she is a wicked mother in law, she will find herself having a soft spot for you. Just never give up on having a good relationship with her and avoid gossiping her to everyone as it never really changes the fact that she is and will always be your mother in law unless you divorce her son. You can as well call to say her and send her some money even if it’s 500 bob or some airtime every week.
And Finally…….Never take her son away from her
As much as you are married to him don’t separate him from his family please. I know you would love to keep him to yourself but that’s not going to happen especially if he is a family man. Keep him close to his family will always earn you a direct ticket to some family things even when he is not around. If he cant attend a family meeting, how up there and take his place and speak his words, don’t say thank God if he can’t make it, I also don’t have to show up. You are one and as much as your husbands’ family may not be the best, learn from them and make your family the best.
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