Endlessly entertaining! Kenyans say about DCI describing crimes

 

Police deal with serious situations in their career everyday and reporting incidences to Kenyans to inform or educate gets very interesting.

Kenyans on Twitter have taken note of what they say is the hilarious way the social media accounts DCI Kenya describe crimes and how officers on the ground dealt with it.

giphy(1)

Pendeni maisha yenu, is all I can tell you.

But really it is amusing how the DCI social media describe incidences.

From describing how they catch thieves red handed to approaching criminals to solve crimes, here are some hilarious reactions from KOT about the DCI comments.

@Owuorson
DCI twitter admin be like “He ran as fast as a cheetah and as swift a deer but our officers pursued him like a rat on highway!”

@oticero
Our boys, it’s always our boys!

@meljowi
“Our sleuths smoked out the perpetrators ” That’s blockbuster material right there

@E_nyatuga
The most incompetent department of I must say
then they use hearsays to solve cases I don’t if I am the one watching a lot of movies hence putting a lot of expectations in them

@dianakirui_
Anaandika kama composition bana

@KJMURIUKI
“Our hawk-eyed sleuths”

@TSetanei
“Our boys were too smart for them”.

If you aren’t following out, you are missing out on so much hilarious content.

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This girl who accidentally became a meme is all grown and stunning

 

She is a legend in the meme community and we need you to check out what she looks like now. I kid you not, you will look twice and say nope! that’s not her.

Her picture is used to portray when you are disgusted with someone or something and can’t quite figure it out.

She gave us a reaction face to fit so many situations and we thank her for that.

What was the context of the picture? She explains that she was confused when this picture was taken.

Now 8 years later she has shared her latest picture and she is stunning. She doesn’t look like the person in the meme and we are blown away.

 

Also read more here

 

Apologize like a Kenyan man! 30 painfully accurate ways bae says sorry

People are sharing examples of how Kenyan men apologize and it’s funny for those of us who continue to experience it.

The answers were prompted by a question from Twitter user @wamuyu_ke who asked her followers to tell how they “apologize like a man.”

This was not hard to do as the men gladly shared what they say to their bae, when ish hits the fan.

1. @MwakitawaRonny
Sasa unataka kulia

2. @Pinchezkn
Pole , ni shaitani ameniniingia …..ata sikuwa nataka kulala na yy , ile tu makosa hutokea

3. @Iggy82011847
Nimesikia

4. @mutangish
Leo mi ndio napika!!

5. @_o_tieno
Kam ivi mtaani

6. @Smarshmello2
Sawa imeisha,na haitaki makasiriko

7. @emmanuelxyze
lakini beb wewe ndio ulimtext wa kwanza na phone yangu

8. @EvansKe95777052
I’m sorry…nakaa utakikunisamee niambie

9. @StopSin3
Si unaniewa …wachanga za ovywo ….sa ni nn….si tuko fine. …

10. @Honmainanjenga
Sawa basi nimesema pole…tuta shinda kwa story moja..??

11. @FelixxAgolaa
Hautapata mwanaume kama Mimi

12. @JeffKaragu
Ati ile kiatu ulisema ni pesa ngapi?

13. @alexars254
Wewe nawe hutaki kunielewa,,si ukae

14. @Alekie72142248
Acha iyo risto ikae

15. @OkotsiCaleb
Am sorry, kelele sasa ni ya nini?

16. @MURIMINJAGI4
Ati ulisema shopping ni pesa ngapi

17. @gregwanjiru
Acha izo..unataka nini lunch?

18. @tonyeinstein6
“The devil made me do it”

19. @__ngatia_
Sawa nimeskia

20. @Itsdennohpap
Si imeisha

21. @mjbuguah
Ulisema unaenda salon when

22. @POKO_T_69
Okay nikubuyie nini nitume basi….

23. @_KariWayne
Wacha iyo iishie hapo

24. @Mourice57390340
Ni shetani tu tuache hizo

25. @kimotho_brian
Si uache ibaki story..

26. @TheEinsten
Na Btw mum amekusalimia

27. @Marlosteinfielt
Shida ni nini tena?

28. @mlevi_msexy
Babe hiyo ni story Mzee let’s focus on ourselves ndo tukue na future poa pliz

29. @kelvineleprints
Sasa utashindililia kitu moja

30. @RobertoNicholas
Iyo stori si tuimalize manze

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Queens worldwide taking over the internet with the Buss it challenge

A song from an American singer named Erica Banks dubbed Buss It, has inspired women worldwide to try out the Buss it challenge.

The beat in the song samples singer Nelly’s song ‘Hot In Herr’ in which he says “Girl, I think my bu*t getting big”.

Some more lyrics used in the video include

“Drop it down low and pick it up, ayy/You know I don’t ever give a f**k, ayy/N*gga lookin’ at me in the club, ayy/He gon’ have to throw a couple dubs, ayy,”.

How it goes is that you’ll first see the woman dressed down in either home clothes like a bathrobe or tshirt. She fools around a bit, then drops it low to the lyrics where Nelly says “Girl, I think my but* getting big”  and she shows of her glitz look, twerking of course.

The kweens are blowing away our mind and the idea is to show off the best outfit and makeup and hair transformation and that also includes your best dance/twerk move.

 

Also read more here

Body count back to zero! Jokes about 2021 that will amuse you

 

It’s back to reality for many of us Kenyans as schools resume and workers return to their offices after a long holiday break.

But we do envy those who are still sleeping.

Anyway Kenyans have already started sharing jokes and funny thoughts about 2021 and we are here for it.

To begin with many are saying since it’s a new year, the official body count – if you know you know- goes back to zero.

What was done in 2020, remains there. Are we together?

joke 1

2.joke 1(1)

3.joke 2(1)

4.joke 3(1)

5.joke 4(1)

Have an awesome day won’t you?

also read more here

 

“Tunaeka full tank leo ni ile siku” Fake Police account trolls Kenyans with New Years eve jokes

 

With hours before Kenyans rang in 2021, a fake Police account amused many of us with tales of how they will patrol the city.

The account impersonating the police was so hilarious that Kenyans engaged with it wholehertedly.

fake cop twitter

Here are some of the funniest tweets from the parody account interacting with KOT:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Also read more here

 

 

6 amazing New Year’s Eve party ideas to ring in 2021

 

From drinks to decor, this is how to get the party started.

1 Play a party game
Get the party going with something like Jenga. It has taken Kenyan homes by storm and what a time to show those who have never played it, how to. Also we also have old classics like scrabble, is always fun especially for kids.

2. Try your hand at mixology
Cocktails and New Years go hand-in-hand. Ask your guests before hand to come up with a cocktail recipe that they will make later at the party. A reward for the most fancy should be given to encourage people to think of something amazing. You can also do this over Zoom, since we are social distancing.

3. Recap the Year

A lot has happened in this covid year, and those nine months from March when lockdown was declared, have all of us experiencing different things we can all recap.

4. Dance

Have everyone you’re celebrating with choose one song, NOT JERUSALEMA! and then turn them all into one big dance party playlist.

5.Set up a fancy bar area. Everyone loves to see the bar all sparkly and filled with champagne glasses, makes them feel welcome and in a party mode. Set up cocktails like Mojitos, Cherry Bomb Fizz among others that are eye catching.

6. Have a New Year’s resolution container/hat/jar
Get everyone to start thinking about their New Year’s resolutions by encouraging them to write down their goals. Put a jar out with blank cards or pieces of paper so everyone can go home with it.

Also read more here

Reverend Natasha shrugs off criticism and online trolls over her lifestyle

 

Just like other celebrities, Reverend Lucy Natasha is cyber bullied and has alot to say about it.

In an interview with MC Jessy, Rev Natasha said she doesn’t pay them any attention and that is why she doesn’t respond to haters.

She said

New levels come with new devils.  I’ve heard some people say as a pastor why are you so active on social media, but that is where our generation is and we need to understand that times and seasons have changed, and it’s true on one hand  social media is so good, let me start with the positive side of social media, then I go to how we handle these keyboard warriors, people that are haters, first and foremost I appreciate everybody. The first advantage is we are able to preach the gospel more, we are able to win more souls, right now you will find that we are able to reach more people globally.

The second challenge of social media is now the haters, you know the critics and sometimes the problem with that is that people crucify you on the court of public opinion from a point of misinformation, some of these people they will just come based on one post they start criticizing. Recently I was flying to an event in a helicopter and I decided to do a small clip just to encourage people about December and it blew it out of proportion, they were like why should the sermon be on a chopper, and I was like where should the sermon be? you can preach anywhere, you know when we are giving charity donations and then people will be asking why should you be giving and then posting pictures is it glorification? what are you looking for but one thing that people don’t understand and I really need to clarify this is that you cannot be able to give and then you hide, why should you hide and it’s a good thing and there are millions of people that follow us and we are supposed to be an example?

A leader knows the way, goes the way and shows the way and even Jesus Christ who is our Lord and Saviour, he fed five thousand people and did it publicly and it was even documented in scriptures so that it could be a reference for us to know how to give. So if I give how will my spiritual sons and daughter know? but for me how I deal with haters is just ignore, because they are just one per cent. My focus is on people that understand my ministry and I’m not called for everybody. People should be able to know that everybody is called and anointed differently but those who are committed to misunderstanding me will always misunderstand .If there are people committed to misunderstanding you MC Jessy, no matter what you do, so for me I don’t explain myself to people that are committed to misunderstanding me there are people that will have a problem over everything yet they are doing nothing they have no results, so for me my focus is on those people that understand our our assignment our vision our mission and what we are doing.

Also read more here

 

 

Photos that caught our attention in 2020 and will forever be remembered

 

We are almost bidding goodbye to 2020 and while we have been preoccupied with its negatives, there were some funny moments that we will forever remember mostly because we were idle during lockdown.

1. A lawyer with eyes wide open and not blinking, looking all weird

2. President Uhuru’s facial expression during a dialogue forum between Kenya Private Sector and Govt

3. An Waiguru playing solitaire on her phone during a hearing

4. President Uhuru’s lookalike

5. Gov Joho in a private plane with a handbag that stirred debate about its owner

6. Eric Omondi showing off the results of a workout. He was wearing white briefs and let’s just leave it to your imagination shall we?

7. DP William Ruto looking hard as President Uhuru and Raila Odinga  had a bromance moment on stage at a function at the KICC. Woishe KOT felt bad for him looking left out of the moment.

8. President Uhur looking at his watch when he told KOT he sees all their meme’s about him. KOT use this photo when they know the head of state is about to address the nation. He tends to be late, so KOT share the picture and ask ‘Jayden ameanza?

 

Also read more here

 

Catchy phrases that went viral in 2020 and we loved them

 

2020 has been quite a year and through the pandemic we have witnessed new words coming up that we found quite catchy. While soem were downright annoying, others amused us and we are here for it.

Here is a list Classic 105 has put together. Enjoy.

1. Utawezana

I think that the most popular word for 20202 is Utawezana.

The phrase coined by Femi One and Mejja is from their song Utawezana that led to Tik Tok star Azziad beign unveiled to the public after her dance challenge for their song.

The old and the young use this phrase alot and not just in reference to bedmington.

2. Pandemik

Also from a song by Ochungulo family, KOT were obsesses by it and referenced it to anything that went wrong. There was even the pandemic challenge. Did you give it a try?

3. Tuko sherehe na haitaki hasira

Popularized through a gengetone son, any Kenyan who wants to party tells this to haters or waht we call kamati wa. Which brigns me to the next phrase

4. Kamati ya roho chafu

This refers to people who are roho mbaya and always gossip nastily about others wishing them bad

5. Tulisema mtaachana tuu

Used when Kenyans want to tell people who are showing of their baes that things won’t work out and they will split eventually

6. Hana any

This is used to describe a situation when you lack something or when wanting to diss someone when they don’t have money. It’s popularly used by Classic 105’s Mwalimu King’angi.

7. Fellow Kenyans

Who can ever forget this. President Uhuru Kenyatta was repeatedly mocked for using this phrase whenever he wanted to start addressing Kenyans to announce a lockdown or curfew extension.

8. You can gerrit, anybody can gerrit

Health CS Mutahi Kagwe has time and again gone viral with his statement when announcing figures of the latest covid tests. He used this when warning Kenyans not to take the disease lightly.

9. Oolisikia wapi? Coined by a Tanzanian lawmaker at a press conference when confronted with a question. The phrase went viral with KOT using it as an MPESA message one receives when money is sent to their phone.

Also read more here

 

Uggh Please stop! Kenyans beg about ugly sculptures

Absolutely horrendous pictures of sculptures of our leaders have gone viral on social media.

If your ribs are not cracking after seeing those sculptures, log off please.

The pictures have drawn hilarious reactions, and if you have an opinion please feel free by commenting below this story.

@Cassidyolwal said

Haha,I would have ordered for his immediate arrest if I were one of them . Look at Museveni and Margaret Kenyatta
Lolmargarett kenyatta sculputre

@or__kelvin
Whoever is doing these art pieces should be stopped. If possible arrested….

@oskkahplay
Margaret Kenyatta anakaa villain wa Marvel

@mwabilimwagodi
Kwani the sculptures by that Margaret Kenyatta artist are being released one by one like singlesraila sculputre

@s_tonui
Margaret Kenyatta…I can’t
. Na sasa sculpt ya Uhuru Kenyatta inaka aje!?

museveni sculputre

Dear Classic 105 fam, are you chuckling and coincidentally, does this remind you of the lion sculpture we were treated to by the Nairobi County Governor?

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Aki Kenyans! 11 absolutely hilarious tweets that tickled our ribs

These hilarious jokes went viral and we can see why.

As we get closer to Christmas, there seems to be alot on the minds of Kenyans from activating the party mode, to traveling ushago and a general sherehe mood.

So we are being treated to all sorts of jokes and we love it. Here are 11 tweets that cracked our ribs the past few days.

1.

joe 8(1)

2. joke 1(1)

3. joke 2(1)

4.joke 5(1)

5.joke 6(1)

6.joke 9(1)

7.joke 11(1)

8.joke 12(1)

9.joke 13(1)

10,.joke 14(1)

11.joke 15(1)

Also read more here

 

From Ngina Kenyatta to Pastor Ng’ang’a! Parody accounts we love

 

The Twitter handles may be fake, but they entertained us nevertheless especially when the respective people were going viral for their antics.

You may not like it, but they are here and we live by its rules. So with that out of the way let’s proceed.

1. Ngina Kenyatta: The first daughter has not been seen in public for a while, but that doesn’t mean her parody account isn’t active. It blows up whenever her  ‘dad’ speaks in public.

2. Pastor Ng’anga: The man of the cloth is hilarious in his own right and gets an added bonus in the parody account.

3. When the need arose, Size 8’s social handle made us laugh after the cheating scandal went viral. Whoever handles this account, mungu anakuona.

4. Former TV girl Esther Arunga’s account got our attention after it was revealed in Australia that she misled the police regarding the death of her child and her husbands role. The account to today is still active and makes comments here and there.

Also read more here

Kenyans savagely mock Ruaka residents over frequent power outages

 

Living in Ruaka is the absolute ghetto according to the assessment made by several KOT following frequent and unexplained power outages in the area this past weekend and most of the year really.

Are they being too harsh on the power monopoly? Here are some tweets from Kenyans telling of their agony while their counterparts make fun of their situation.

1.

ruaka 1(1)

2.ruaka 2(1)

3.ruaka 3(1) ruaka 6(1)

4.ruaka 7(1)

5.ruaka 9(1)

6.ruaka 10(1)

7.ruka 5(1)

Also read more here

I would rather sleep than read your comments! Uhuru tells cyber bullies

 

President Uhuru spoke out about online bullying while launching signature collection exercise for the BBI at KICC.

Uhuru clapped back at bullies saying he dumped social media because of mean comments from KOT.

“Mimi nilitoka Twitter kwa sababu huko ni matusi tu…afadhali nipige story na mama, nilale, niamke nifanye kazi”

He said

 

uhur walkign kicc(1)
Uhuru at KICC BBI/Courtesy PSCU

But one Kenyan wanted to know how he can possibly live without seeing the memes created about him. “How do you live without the memes?” this person said to Uhuru about avoiding Twitter cyber bullying

And for expressing these thoughts about Kenyans being nasty online, KOT once again came for him, making fun of him.

@DonBougie
sema ulipigwa facts ukalemewa ama ulikuwa unadhani huku tunafanya shoe licking ndio tuseme opinions zetu ka hao majamaa wako state house

@ItsRamah
you people bullied our president akatoka twitter

@battleofwitsent

Pia kuwa mwanasiasa ni kuomba matusi,toka kwa siasa pia ! Dissolve government and go pigs stories na mama

@Ruffin95560927

Hutatulazimisha kwa kitu hatutaki tulikucgagua kwa ile katiba, mpaka ukakalia kiti mwaka wa nnane sasa huu. Mbona hukugeuza before uingie?

@SankeiSaitoti
enyewe hizi streets hazina huruma,,, hadi mlimtoa Kamwana huku.

@kevowagah
Saa anaishi aje bila memes

Star-struck
Morio hupendi ukweli wewe

@olemutaka
Huku we don’t lick people. Utapigwa Facts useme ni matusi

@Kenrezzy
huku huwa Kosovo mse. I luv this app

@wakeritho
Kwa hizi streets tunaambianaga ukweli bazu

uhur and raila kicc bbi signing(2)
Uhuru and Raila at KICC/Courtesy PSCU

@Evacoms
Uku akuna matusi ni kuambiana ukweli…..ukweli huuma!!!!#RejectBBI

@Denise_tranquil
Enyewe niheri upige stoori na mama badala ya tweep

@PhineasImaana
Halafu kama matusi za Twitter zinamtisha, mwambie aingie Kilimani aone moto

@Ms__Shani
kwa streets unapewa ukweli tupu

Also read more here

10 absolutely hilarious memes shared by Kenyans that entertained us

 

It’s undoubtedly been a tough year for most Kenyans and the world of course. And as we near the end of 2020, Kenyans kama kawa take to social media sharing hilarious memes to entertain us all.

While some reflect the true nature of relationships others are just meant to make us LOL.

So here’s taking a look at some noteworthy memes that got our attention this November.

1.

meme 2(1)

2.meme 3(1)

3.meme 4(1)

4.meme 5(1)

5.meme 6(1)

6.meme 7(1)

7.meme 8(1)

8.meme 9(1)

9meme 10(1)

Also read more here

Kenyan woman warned against being a ‘mjuaji’ in encounter with cops

Police are King, and one should never ever argue with them’ was the advise KOT had for a woman about her encounter that led to a weekend in the cells.

They also warned that you will learn the hard way if you argue with Kenyan cops, and trying to be a ‘mjuaji’.

The Kenyan lady was arrested over the weekend shared her rather hilarious but somewhat serious experience in the hands of Kenya police

The woman on Twitter called Felicity got thousands of responses when she wrote that

@trizah_tee
If you ever get arrested by parklands police, never tell them that you know the law. I learned the hard way. Today I told them that and they told me to get into the van and help them find those people who dont know the law. Just getting home. Never again

“I was drunk and lost control of my tongue” Racist apologizes to David the Student

She was advised by sympathetic people on what to do the next time, and how it’s important to cooperate. Dear Classic 105 fam, what has been your experience in the hands of the Kenya police?

@walubengovich
Hahaha always tell them wewe ni “crew” it is a term for one of them hata watudrop nyumbani. If they ask station guess the furthest from Nairobi but close to an urban town sema hata Nyahururu lol

@mrkiprotij
Those fools are just there to collect bribes bodaboda guys are snatching women bags at parklands ringroad everyday but no actions

@IamBedan
Kenya usiwai ambia polisi you know your rights mara you know the law.. Tears tupolice uniform

@Micha3lBrian
Hehe niliwaiosha wall after hio sh*t
unaeza imagine all the names and signatures i had to scrub off …sikuizi nishikwe nawasho tu “enyewe sa tufanyaje wakuu” kukubali makosa mbio

@2015ArthurM

Yaani umepeleka mushene ya knowing the Law, kwa makarao..??You are lucky to be home now !
Unaeza chapa weekend nzima huko

Wueh! Shakilla talks dirty while praising Eric Omondi’s new muscular body

@TonyRouf
I keep on saying this to people again & again!! Stop teaching police about law..lest you will learn their own laws the hard way!

@DonBougie

Not just parklands police but any public service officer in Kenya. Never tell them you know your rights it’s adding petrol to fire.rogue-police

@peterobiene

One day we were released off the Landcruiser in Eastleigh just because two fellows who we were picked with brought the “I know my rights” narrative…

The karaos said ‘nyinyi shukeni tu muende, wacha hawa wakatufundishe maneno ya rights huko mbele’

@willygithu

Ukishikwa malizana hapo, nlishikwa na wa speeding called a friend county police commander akawambia waniache, wajinga walificha dl yangu from 10am mpaka 4 alafu alikua entourage ya president sasa simu hangepick..
@leengugi3
watu kama nyinyi mnakuanga wa kuokolea ma karao wakitubamba alafu msee kaa wewe ajitokeze na hiyo sentiment ama najua nani kwa serikali wengine huwachiliwa wana deal na wewe vile iko

A man is handcuffed in south Los Angeles, California, April 25, 2012. This April 29 will mark the 20th anniversary of the Los Angeles Riots following the acquittal of four Los Angeles police officers in the videotaped beating of motorist Rodney King. The 77th division of south Los Angeles, where the riots began, is an 11.2 square mile area. It has seen a drop from 162 homicides 20 years ago, to 16 so far this year. There are around 34 gangs operating in the division. REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson (UNITED STATES - Tags: CRIME LAW) CIVIL UNREST) - RTR318H5

@Cruyff45
·
I spent a weekend in a police cell because of that. Alafu the funny part of it, iyo kujua law hata haikunisaidia, mwishowe na kiburi yangu yote niliwachotea tu ndio nikatoka.

@AineaOjiambo
·
If you get arrested always know police are the king , don’t argue, don’t try to show them you even know anyone or else you will cry

@Bbghty2
ao wa parklands wakikudai dooh we tomboka roho safi,,,, ama utazitombokaaa zikiwa double

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