Kachai to showing up late: Here are typical Kenyan traits

I’m a proud Kenyan, not for the good things the country has to offer but I’m part of the larger mass that are defined by their peculiar habits. As a patriotic Kenyan, you must possess the following traits:

Fascinating reasons why Kenyans don’t read widely

1. Kachai

Leave alone the kachai we give the cops. This one is different. We have a culture of dishing out “kitu kidogo when someone does us a favor regardless on how small it is. Money is a way of saying thank you.

kakitu

The problem is giving a satisfactory amount to the recipient. How many times have you asked someone, “sasa unataka ngapi aki?” and they shyly said “niko tu sawa” but in their eyes you read otherwise.

2. Lateness

Most of us are guilty as charged. Kenyans have a difficult time observing time. We are busy doing nothing only to realize time is not on our side and rush to our planned destination.

saa

Not once nor twice have I seen someone show up late with an unapologetic face. We are not bothered with this as it’s basically an African issue and aren’t we part of Africa?

3. Deadline rush

From filling taxes to attending to assignment at the 11th hour, this is another vice we are struggling with as a nation. Remember Huduma number? Matiangi had to add an extra week after cries from the public who had not yet registered. During voter registration exercise, the government is always forced to add extra days as Kenyans rush to beat the deadline. Are we too busy or are we just a reluctant lot?

Here are reasons why Kenyans still find it hard to hit the gym

4. Bargaining excessively

Wakenya na kubargain, Yawa! We bargain on everything. The rule of the game has it that when a Kenyan hears the price of a product, they divide it by two and start bargaining from there. This is one of the traits traders have to deal with. We are also known for trashing a product we have eyes on to avoid the seller from hiking its price once they know we have deep interest.

Read more:

 

“We need a sheng dictionary, Google can’t translate” Kenyans cry out

 

 

Are you confused by some of the sheng words young people are using? What’s worse is the songs being released don’t make any sense to us and this is a discussion KOT are curious about.

For instance what does Tuki muok warazi wanabuya mean?

mbogi

The topic was trending online (actually it is an ongoing debate), with many Kenyans trying to share their interpretations of the words.

@FreddieOmany..
Tukimuok = tukikuom = tukikam
Warazi = watiaji
Wanabuya = wanaogopa
Tukumuok warazi wanabuya = tukikam watiaji wanaogopa

@Muuna_M_Nkari..
Hii sheng ya siku hizi unaweza shikwa na muscle pull ya akili kila time ukifikiria hawa maninja wanasema nini

@MonroseMurugi..
We also need sheng translators, a whole language in Kenya na hatujui meanings. who makes these new words everyday anyway?

@blastmathongost..
Let me guess:
Tukikuja wanaotudharao wanapenda(au furahi)…
Meaning, we are too good for a haters to go on hating us.
Courtesy:the resident thug..

Khaligraph Jones’ ex Cashy accuses singer of child neglect

mbogi1

@RistoKastori..
One Minute after some lyrics… and its a long day searching for “ki nangoz” from everybady around you.Smirking faceFace with hand over mouthFace with hand over mouthSmiling face with open mouth and cold sweat Talanta si Haba.

– Tunakudigi ki Churcholah, ….. ring ring si niki ngona kimezama!! Multiple musical notesMultiple musical notes

@JosephMucunu1..
Acha nikifika mtaani ntachapia magenge wanichanue, hii lugha sii yetu ss wenye tumegonga 40Face with tears of joyFace with tears of joy

@DebrahNjogu..
na bado hii ni sheng ama ni lugha gani juu Google haiwes mek …

@BambiDee11..
Am not Kenyan anymore,sielewi kitu

Also read more here

Niaje Kiongos: Clever BUT Annoying ways Kenyans ask for money

We are telling you this ndio usigongwe.

They say in Kenya if you want to know what a person will say next, pay attention to how they greet you or initiate conversation.

Most recently Kenyans found ways to charm President Uhuru in a bid to get him to relax lockdown and curfew rules.

They called him mkubwa, kiongos, baba lao among other names to get him to soften prior to announcing his next move. Sadly it failed.

A twitter user asked Kenyans to say their encounters with Kenyans who want to beg for cash.

Did she secretly speak to Mama Diamond? Zari comes clean

@garvin_mungai
How do Kenyans start conversations before wakuombe pesa !?

Here are resourceful ways people introduce the topic of a ka-loan.

@augustine_orina..
Hii corona inakupeleka aje arguea-about-money

@bonsoul_ke..
Siku hizi umetulia

@Itsjustnixon254..
Uko fiti bro..iko hivi…

@MakangawaKisii..
“Next week Niko na doh mtu wangu.!! Hamtaniweza..!”…. Alert, is a scam.!

@WachiaGrace..
“Na Leo umewezawoman-giving-man-money

@Eljijo1..
Oyaa cheki brooo…..

Otile Brown explains controversial album cover photo

@midivicky..
Uliolewa nini, huonekani skuizi

@machirabreton..
cheki, fanya aaajeeee, na usikatae

@FellMentKE..
Hey pal kwani tulikosana

@RonnyReagan10..
Hii maishaaaaaa

@zaqaddijah..
niaje kiongos…

@garvin_mungai
Person:Unaonaje maisha vile inatupeleka buana. Huku tunasurvivd tu
Me: Eeh ni ngumu tunapambana tu
Person: Na btw bro unaweza kua na kakitu uniokolee nitakurudishia.
Me: Si ungesema tu(silently)

Saumu Mbuvi reveals date set for wedding to baby daddy Senator Loitiptip

@WilsonIrungu2..
Chairman, sonko wangu

@Marc_ism..
Haya , umeskia nani….. (Moshene ) ……(More Moshene) …….{ Pause } ……. ( Still some more moshene )…….. By the way, I was wondering kama unaeza niskumia kasoft loan

 

Also read more here

And That’s On Period! 25 Threats that do not scare Kenyans in the least

 

Politicians know all too well the pain of issuing orders/directions/threats etc to Kenyans who in turn simply show they feel nothing nothing. For instance remember being told No huduma number no government services? Yes? Well, that’s one example of things that has absolutely no effect on and will never scare Kenyans ever.

1. Plot not for sale

2. Usikojoe hapa

3. No withdrawal without original id

4. Silence in hospital

5. Hakuna njia hapa

6. Park at your own risk

7. You will not be able to access Okoa Jahazi for 24 hours

8. This is a corruption free zone in Government offices

9. Do not litter

10. Do not walk on the grass

11. Switchoff engine

12. No huduma number no government servicesShocked

13. Alcohol not for sale to persons under 18

14. Mbwa kali happa

15. Bars  to be closed until further notice

16. Babe usimwange ndani

17. Trespassers will be prosecuted

18. We have CCTV

19. Do not seat here. This seat is reserved for makanga onlyshocked

20. Usiteme mate hapa

21. Keep off the grass

22. Parking for tenants only

23. I’m married

24. No phones in the exam room

25. No  U Turn here

Also read more here

CCTV footage of crime in Kilimani elicits craziest theories from Kenyans

 

If you’re into true crime stories that would be the envy of Hollywood, look no further than posh Kilimani according to KOT after the name of the residential estate trended for most of the weekend.

Never in the histry of residential areas has a place been more vilified.

One Kenyan on Twitter put it aptly noting that @KinyanBoy..Kilimani is an active crime scene. Either it’s a se3 scandal, business deals gone wrong. It’s like the headquarters of wash wash guys. Fake gold scammers who make it rush to Kilimani like it’s a right of passage. Cursed estate.

This is after a man Kevin Omwenga was killed in his Kilimani bedroom by one Robert Ouko in what seems to be a deal gone bad.

kevin omwenga
Kevin Omwenga

The gun used to kill him belonged to another businessman named Steve Oduk.

The DCI updated about this case saying

#DCI Detectives based at Kilimani have this morning arrested Robert Bodo and recovered a Mini Ceska firearm with 13 rounds of ammunition suspected to have been used in the fatal shooting of a 28-year-old man at Galana Suites in Kilimani.

 

CCTV footage showing the last minute moves at Businessman Kevin Omwenga’s house before he was shot dead by one his friends!

Here are the reactions KOT couldn’t help dramatizing from this sensational story elicited from the trending topic #Kilimani

@SimonOkello15..
Kilimani nig*as are always ready to seal a deal

@GiftMirie..
Kilimani Apartments are to die for.

@Olez
We need a crime series called ‘Kilimani’

@golden_crayons_..
Right??I swear whole time I watched that CCTV footage I kept telling my cousin This looks like a scene straight from a movie …damnBroken heartBroken heart

@irunguhoughton..
Not just police procedural drama
All genres
Sports
Adventure
Love stories
Soap opera
Political drama
Epic community organizing
#Kilimani is all rounded, full bodied.
#MyKilimani

@SnowfromSeattle..
Ki-money in Kilimani,
Killing for money,
and fine honeys,
JAMANI.

@oriengomathan..
It should be a whole season under the series called How to get away with Korapshon & other things in kenya.
“Kilimani” should be season 3

@ShockUpSober..
killing Kimani.

 Also read more here

‘Utamu wa mtura ni uchafu’ Kenyans react to disgusting cooking video

 

Let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment, very few of us eat mutura for a memorable culinary experience, that’s not really the point is it?

So someone has shared a video of how mutura is made and it’s disgusting.

The thing is from the responses to the video, no one is concerned about cleanliness, hygiene and food safety.

Neither am I, LOL. Tutakufa tuu.

The video has been viewed times since being shared by Twitter usrr @ Limorio_ .

Here’s what Kenyans had to say about the clip. Let us know your opinion if you haven’t already shared it.

 

The comments suggest no one really cares bora ni tamu.

@tinniextine..
Wait a minute hiyo green thing si chupa haimdungi

@jowyjowy..
Yuck! we don’t need to see the behind the scenes oh my! This is freaking gross

@General_Waitina..
Kuna Morio hukua one of the chips joints in town aliniambia hua wanaosha waru kwa kukanyangia kwa ndoo wakiwa na gumboots na hawaoshangi vile tu wanatembea nazo huko ndani ata wakiingia choo.

mutura seller
@yandaemejja..
Nikiona hii sufuria kwanza najua hiyo ni greatness package loading

@aricsjoe..
Ukiona movies behind the scenes pia huwa hivi, final product ndio muhimu.

@zippoglisia..
That’s how mutura is prepared? We will still eat it.

@Auren_ke..
Jana mse wa mutura alidai nimpitie mi utumia toothpick zake bila kuonja!

mutura
@j_irungu..
Hii ndio utamu boss

@WahomeJose..
Ukiona base ya mutura kisu inatoshana na chop stick ujue hao ni veterans..hiyo kisu unaweza kata waba nayo

Also read more here

These 2 are Kenya’s most haunted homes according to their tragic history

 

Warning – Nightmares are guaranteed.

Who ever imagined that a collection of scary haunted house stories could spook so many Kenyans.

The story of a haunted home along the Kisumu Kakamega highway stared trending on Thursday and some daring Kenyans urged netizens to donate money for them to spend the weekend in the mentioned homes.

hauntedkenyahome

Then someone else shared a home in Ruiru on Friday that they tried to convince us is also haunted.
@dancanodundo..
Hii story ya Ruiru ime appear kwa TL yangu around 4.20 in the morning imebidii ni switch on the lights bwana usingizi hivo ndivo ili lost adi sasa aii…

@RamzZy_..
Tutasponsor nani aende kwa hiyo haunted house ya Ruiru aingie live mchana then alale huko usiku? Me I will donate 1K for whoever volunteers to go as long as ako hapo kwa gate alreadyhaunted hosue 1

@elijahnokemwa..
My people, earn your livelihood genuinely. If you oppress folks just to feel good and live, utajikojolea! Even the hooligans in govt, endelea kuibia maskini na wafu.. when you run mad and be beaten by spirits,ndio utajua! Ask the folks from ruiru kiambu and sotik in bomet.

@DraeFrank..
Kuna a 4 storey flat hapa ruiru wataalam that has like 40 1 bedrooms and all are literally vacant.. Why? Ati The tenants are haunted at night.. Raped.. Beaten..choked.. The owner apparently killed someone to get that land

Also read more here

Waste My Time Zaddy! Photo of bearded men excites Kenyan women

WAIT. A .DAMN. MINUTE. Are they Kenyan? Someone blessed the internet with a single photo of a group of men looking ravishing.

The responses from girls are so insane. Fellas, is your wife here swooning shamelessly over these fine men? Scroll down to see her social media handle.

The photo has woken up some major feeling in Nairobi women expressed in their lusty comments below.

Umoinner sacco manager goes viral again matching his suits to face masks

@ShikoWAwanjish..
Is this what f**kbois graduate into? Because yes, let them waste all my time Weary face

@RookieKE..
Are these men Kenyan?

@waitheeee..
Kuja tupotezewe wakati

@Waitherando..

hii “kupoteza wakati” ndio imefanya niko na two babies saa hii. Beard gang ni hatari

Sauti Sol’s Bien explains reason he has never released wedding photos

@ItsD3bby..
Fine looking fellas

@AumaGeorgine..
Too much sauce.

@cynthiakokonya..
Well , i mean ..

My daughter called him daddy after a month, Njambi speaks about her husband

@Wamuyuzz..
Ghai Ghai Ghai Ghai Mercy!

@Shirley_Sein..
Damn

@Vannna_..
Whew

Also read more here

Kenyan impresses KRA after figuring out difficult ‘mazimatics’ log in query

 

Did you successfully file your 2019 tax returns by the set deadline 30th June?

Many did, except for someone who shares a screenshot of how difficult it was to log in to file returns.

A Kenyan tagged KRA with hours to go to the deadline telling them how ‘they got jokes’.  Why?

Because he had a difficult time filing out log in details onto the itax portal (see picture above)

As the infamous deadline drew closer, the Kenyan shared how his filing experience was on the Itax Portal. One of the steps required filing out a code to access the account.

Top music producer Tim Rimbui reveals that he and wife of many years have separated

 

 

So to help a brother out, a Twitter user Den Den Mushi responded saying he had figured out how to work out the math query.
@xysist
Say no More

kra pin 2

KRa responded through its official Twitter account saying
Kumbe kuna watu wa mazmatic? ^JM

KOT shared their amusement at the math problem:

@kamaujst..
You do all this math to file a NIL return
@KRACare

@ShakeelaSheila..
Hii napeleka photomath na mambo kwisha

Kenyans support Ken Mijungu following his shocking sacking from NTV

Makau F. Muli..
Really, KRA cannot be serious.

@ewaweru0..
Jeshi ya nil returns security question ni addition ya numbers between 0-9

@Oyier12..
What a deviation formula used by the KRA

@TheLeonMutoka…
That system can make you feel paranoid about your intelligence

@denis_jk1…
All this for zero returns.. Face with tears of joy Face with tears of joy

Maureen Waititu’s ex Frankie and Corazon slammed after pregnancy announcement

@Kush_Juma…
Mnapea mtu hesabu ngumu design hii then you expect me to go ahead and file my returns, how? You’ve every reason to waive subsequent penalties

@Martian_254..
Kama hii ndo ingekuanga security stamp, KRA wangekua washanichota all my assets including my fridge

@Salanoherbs..
After hii yote ulitakaje Sasa? Pouting facePouting face Mi hutanisumbua aki,. Lock account baas

How did you find the tax filing process?

Also read more here

Ghafla Bin Vuu: Photo of angry elephant chasing KWS rangers excites Kenyans

 

Truth be told if I saw an elephant charging at me this way, it’s every man for himself.

A photo of an visibly angry elephant chasing several KWS employees has gone viral. Everyone is trying to imagine what could have possibly gone wrong, and the way the employees are attempting to get into the vehicle is even funnier.

Were the rangers trying to tranquilize it and things backfired? We would love KWS to tell us more about this picture.

‘I want to be Diamond’s 4th baby mama’ Amber Lulu ready to fight Zari for singer

KOT have taken to Twitter to share how amused they are at the picture after one user posted that

‘Mkimbie hii yote halafu upate mwenye ako na funguo za gari amepanda nyuma ya gari pia yeye’.

The hilarious comments flowed freely and you can read some below.

@Keith_C_Pinto..
Ama mwenye Ako na funguo za gari amekimbia a different direction akawaacha hapo na gari

@LivahaOscar..Hawa bado ni Wale walikua wanatuambia ukiona Hyena usishtuke

@kairuwanyoike..
Gai, and they say with ears flared like that he’s not coming to play

@Samuelmmy1..
Na msee akona deni yako akue na elephantiasis ashindwe kukimbia

@B5Eugene..
Ghafla bin vuu

@BerylOduor..
Hahahahaa hope they made it safe

‘It wasn’t my intention to hurt him’ Bahati clarifies after Harmonize unfollowed him

@JoelmwaiS..
mimi naeza fariki!

@Ajogoodanger..
Hapo ndio wale wasee wa Ghana wanapata wera

@MartinMunyiri6..

Unaskia tu “get the coffin” tururutututurututu

@PeterBinxete..
Kwani nani aliwaambia wapeane dawa ya kumuasha wakiwa karibu hivo…

Also read more here

 

Alfred Mutua reacts to Ngong Road carpenter who went viral ‘I shop there’

 

Stephen Omondi, a fundi along Ngong Road went viral over the weekend for his functional furniture and Machakos Governor Alfred Mutua could be his loyal customer.

The garden seat he made has been shared widely onine. An interview done by Citizen tv says he now has more than 700 orders following the positive coverage online.

He told Citizen that

“Huwa naingia nyumbani six, nakuambia kutoka saa hiyo ilikuwa simu juu ya simu hadi kitu kama saa sita na nusu,” said Odhiambo.

Screenshot from 2020-06-15 11_47_44

 

Even Machakos Governor Alfred Mutua is impressed and revealed that he buys his furniture along Ngong road.

This looks like Dagoretti corner – Ngong road furniture place. That is where I like getting furniture made so that money circulates among my people. If you insist on quality & diligence, they give you what you can buy in imported furniture shops. I grew up nearby at Riruta.

The mans invention will surely see him rake in millions if the orders keep increasing. We salute hard work.

Also read more here

MehMeh! President Uhuru tells Kenyans he has seen all your silly jokes about him

 

Saturday June 6th was a tense day for Kenyans as they awaited President Uhuru to announce he was lifting the lockdown and curfew.

KOT shared praise messages to the President in a bid to soften his heart, but sadly it ended in premium tears.

To this end, many memes trended online to express the excitement Kenyans were anticipating with that announcement.

But lo and behold, he disappointed many. He instead extended the lockdown for another 30 days.

In his speech Uhuru said he was aware Kenyans had created memes about him, leading many to speculate if he has a parody account since deleting his official social media handles.

He told Kenyans in a State House Press conference that

nimeona mehmeh mingi ambazo mume tuma huko sijui ati freedom day ati independence day. 

Here are some memes that are taking over the internet.

 

 

 

 

 

Here are more hilarious memes to crack your ribs:

uhur curfew meme 5

Disappointment tupu according to the person who shared this meme below

uhur curfew meme 4

KOT have jokes saying ‘Uhuru ametupanga ukweli’

uhur curfew 3

Try and calculate to understand this meme below

uhur curfew meme 2 uhur curfew meme 1

Dear Classic 105 fam, are you disappointed or feeling meh, about the extension? Drop your comments below.

 

Also read more here

‘He was a thief. I cannot defend him’ Mother says of son killed in Komarock

 

Susan Wangui, the mother of a teenager lynched in Komarock on Tuesday, denounced the boy as a thief who specialised in snatching mobile phones.

Derrick Ndung’u, 19, was cornered by a mob soon after robbing a woman of her phone. His accomplices escaped on a motorbike.

“His work was stealing…he was a thief. I cannot defend him. He was snatching mobile phones…I once warned him he would die if he did not stop. I had tried my best to talk to him,” Wangui said.

She said Ndung’u’s crime base was Maili Saba in neighbouring Kayole.

She recalled posting a Sh500,000 bond for him three months after he was arrested after committing a crime.

“His uncle, aunts and grandmother pleaded with me to intervene and have him released. I paid the half a million bond for his release,” Wangui said.

She thereafter got him job offers but he ignored her and resumed his life in crime.

Before he was killed, Ndung’u had told his mother that he was going to see a girlfriend who had just called him.

The mother pleaded with his friends to reform or else they are killed like him.  “I’m telling his friends to change or suffer the same fate.”

Wangui was lauded on social media for her confession.

unnamed
Susan Wangui speaks about her slain son Image: COURTESY The Star

“This is the most sincere message I have heard all my life. Let them (criminals) say they didn’t hear. It’s so so clear.  The grave awaits you if you don’t want to work and sweat. Thanks to this brave woman. My condolences fellow mother,”  Rose Juma posted on Facebook.

Barely a day after Ndung’u was lynched, human rights groups were up in arms, accusing the police of extrajudicial killings.

Was Zuchu the cause of Diamond and Tanasha’s break-up? Singer comes clean

Police officers had on Wednesday gunned down four suspects along Kangundo Road after a botched robbery.

Two pistols and 14 bullets were recovered where the four – aged between 21 and 26 – were felled.

“Of late we have had a surge of cases involving young violent robbers, snatching items and vandalising vehicles in Umoja, Dandora, Kayole, Komarock and other areas…one of those killed had been on our radar,” Buruburu police commander Adamson Bungei said.

He said the gangsters escape on motorbikes after robbing pedestrians on their way home from the city centre and other places of work.

Also read more here

11 of the best ‘In Kenya we say….. And I think it’s beautiful’ tweets

 

Kenyans deserve an Oscar for getting things trending on social media. Whether positive or not, KOT have a way of catching the attention of netizens worldwide.

We also know that Kenyans have their wown jargon, and sometimes it’s hard for older folks to keep up.

There is this millennial trend of adding ‘And I think it’s beautiful’ to the end of anything that signifies our Kenyanness (is that a word?).

Eunice Njeri’s sister who looks like Mercy Masika excites fans

The thought starts by expressing ‘In Kenya we don’t say _, we say ….’ and finishing with ‘And I think it’s beautiful’ to drive the point home.

Here are some of the best examples:
Maisha MadrugadaFlag of KenyaFlag of EthiopiaFlag of Germany
@WirthMaisha
In Kenya we dont say “you’re tripping” we say “JIHESHIMU NANI” and I think that’s beautiful.

Sameer Bry Flag of KenyaFlag of KenyaFlag of Kenya
@Sameerbry..
In Kenya, mamas don’t apologise when they’re wrong they ask “Babe unaskia kukula nini”
KukuGbenduWazabanga
@Drewsky50030584…
In Kenya we don’t say “have a good day” we say “wacha nikucall baadaye” sounds cool.

Maombi yalifika! Maina Kageni updates fans on his quick recovery weeks after falling ill

@Daniel NgangaFlag of Kenya
@Nganga_Kimingi..
In KenyaFlag of Kenya we don’t ask for our balance in matatus, we say “nashukia hapo mbele” and I think that’s really beautiful
kk
@Banyo25…
In Kenya we don’t say we are running late, we say “Ata niko karibu kufika, 5 mins” and it’s OK, even though the person is yet to leave the house Face with tears of joy
MOSBY
@mosbyJMK..
In Kenya we don’t say “You’re looking sharp” we say “Budah! Umeamua uwakunywe uwamalize “ and I think that’s beautiful.
Judie Ngari
@JudieNgari..
In kenya we don’t say “you’re so funny” ,we say “ah taniua” and i think that’s really beautiful

A list of celebrities who have faced the terrible act of cyber-bullying in Kenya

KJ Muriu
@kjmuriu..
In Kenya we don’t say “Please buy me lunch / a bottle of beer” we say “ Gavanaaa” and I think that’s mildly beautiful.
Lil bien II
@mohbienqalid..
In kenya we dont say, “I’ll see you later ” we say, “nanda ivi nikam” and I think its beautiful Kissing face with closed eyes
Dr¡zzy
@yessir_ski..
In Kenya we don’t call her beautiful when she goes by, we say “nani huthongotha hii mali?” and in its own way, its kinda beautiful..
Qarantini
@gladgladness..
In Kenya we don’t say “Bye bye” we say “Nitukwaria or Tutaongea “ and I think that’s amazing!

Can you think of some more? Tag us on Twitter @Classic105Kenya. We want to see what you come up with.

Also read more here

 

19 hilarious things Kenyan mum’s say to their children

She is a phenomenal black mum, but sometimes her children get under her skin.

Kenyans on Twitter are sharing some hilarious but truthful responses they get from Kenyan mum’s whenever they ask something.

The responses are so quirky and creative it will have you nodding your head.

You know you have a Kenyan mum when she says this:

1. @muitunguvincent..
Me : Sitaki kuoga saa hii nacheza

Mum : mimi usiniletee aibu kwa nyumba yangu

dog terror tized by mum image
2. @Nivlake..
Ukieka vijiko mbili za shuge kwa cup… Mwaga Ata yote kwa kikombe si babako ndo manager wa Mumias sugar. 😂

3. @themalvin99..
Brings a friend with dreadlocks home

Mum: endelea tu kuonyesha wakora mkona tv. 😂😂

mummys boy
4 . @JemimahOdambe..
Eeeh kuleni yote nikama dunia inaisha usiku wa Leo na kesho mtataka kunikula

5. @OkumuKenleo..
Ever heard of “….. Kuna wakati mtanitafuta mnikose!” saa hyo umesahau tu kutoa sahani kwa meza.

6. @jaternreteeks..
Vunja vikombe vyote kwa hii nyumba,mkimaliza mnivunje roho Kama baba yenyu.😆

new.mum
7. @ayshaj00..
Unajigonga kwa meza unalia

Mum: Kati ya wewe na meza ni nani ako na macho?

8. @mcjoker6..
*starts crying after a beating*

Mum: acha tulete mitungi ujaze machozi ata hakuna maji

9. @KuleiJuan..
Mum:umekula sukari sindio eeeh
Me:hapana mum
Mum: aaah hebu fungua mdomo ng’ombe hii

two mums
10. @harrisonthuo..
Me: (breaking cups)

Mum: Vunja tu hizo vikombe, nazihesabu, nitazikujia tu ukianza kufanya kazi!

11. @Ami92689210..
Me: naumwa tumbo mum
Mum: nashindanga nikikwambia utoke kwa hio simu ona sasa
🤨🙄

12. @MikeyMzito..
Me: Mum mimi siendi na hizi nguo,hazikai poa

Mum: kwani unaenda kuolewa,utavaa hizo 😅

Single Mother Getting Kids Ready in the Morning.
Single Mother Getting Kids Ready in the Morning.

13. @ShyzloMike..
mum: sends me to look for something in the house
Me: shouting in the house ( mum sijaiona)
mum : wewe unaweza pata kitu kweli ukitumwa😓😓🤐🤐 na saa hiyo ndio anakishow place ameiweka😥😥😂

14. @justine_osiemo..
A spoon falls kwa floor

Mum:chukueni ata zile ziko kabati pasua yote si mama yenu anachuna pesa Kama matawi.
15. @KaiwaNzomo..
me: drops a spoon

mum:acha nikutolee vyombo zote kwa kabati uzimalize juu hivo utakua umenimaliza pia😂😂😂

shocked-meme
16. @RSpartaz..
Ukiangusha glass accidentally:
Mum: chukua nyundo umalizie zenye umebakisha

17. @Its_WambuiG..
When you leave the door open.
Mum: unawacha mlango hivo kwani uko na mkia utafinya ukifunga?

18. @Rosal_awake9..
Ukiangusha vikombe na zivunjike anaanza
Mom:Vunjeni kabisa alafu mkuje mnivunje roho kama baba yenu😂

19. @WangetheP..
Me: tupike nini leo
Mum: kuna sufuria nimebeba ama? Mnaeza nikatakata mnikule 🙄

 

Also read more here

Here are ways Chinese bosses discipline their employees worldwide

 

Violent “discipline” meted out by Chinese supervisors in Kenya formed the basis of the Classic 105 debate on Monday morning February 10.

Cases of Chinese bosses smacking their employees for ‘failing’ is not news, according to the horrifying accounts of many callers.

In Kenya this past weekend, K24 news shared a video of a Chinese restaurant owner giving his Kenyan employee a gruesome beating with a wire, for showing up late to work.

Maina Kageni asked listeners to give their take on what went through their minds, watching the clip.

‘In the video, the Chinese guy is telling the guy to kaa vizuri, and apparently that is normal practice at that restaurant,’ Maina added.

Kenyans were outraged, calling for the arrest and deportation of the man. The Chinese individual it turns out did not have a work permit, and was swiftly carried away with three other Chines men working as chefs, without legal documents.

Four Chinese nationals arrested after viral video of beating of Kenyan man 

Here is a list of terrible and humiliating things Chinese bosses have put workers through:
1. In October 2015, employees were forced to crawl on their hands and knees around a lake after missing their sales targets.

Employees were told to finish a lap around Ruyi Lake, a 23-acre lagoon in the city’s central business district, by crawling.

According to eyewitnesses, nearly everyone’s shirts and trousers were torn during the humiliating punishment.

I am not giving birth again, Kate Actress tells husband

2. A video in 2016, emerged on Chinese social network Weibo of a group of employees from Changzhi Rural Commercial Bank being publicly spanked for poor work performance in Shanxi, China.

According to reports, the video shows the boss of Shanxi Changzhi Zhangze Agricultural and Commercial Bank hitting eight employees – four men and four women – while other colleagues are seated at tables.

Users reacted angrily to the video, expressing their disgust with this action.

Footage showed the boss beating some employees with a stick, and according to reports, the employees had not been ‘working hard enough’.

The man speaks with them on stage before he begins the attack with what appears to be a giant stick.

Did Papa Dennis foresee his death? Read his last conversations on social media

3. Boss slaps a lineup of ‘bad’ employees in 2016.

In 2016, a video of a chines employer slapping his workers for performing poorly went viral.

4. Chinese bosses beat up employee for refusing to use own phone for work in Zimbabwe

In 2018, a Zimbabwean man sustained a fractured rib when two Chinese national employers punished him after he refused an order to use his personal money in topping up airtime meant for work related calls.

The suspects were said to be the owners of Empress Gold Mine in Mashava. One of the Chinese reportedly ordered the African employee to recharge his mobile phone using his own money to make work-related calls, but the latter refused.

The Chinese bosses punched him several times on the chest using his fists. Another Chinese also joined in the beating, resulting in the African employee fracturing a rib.

Also read more here

Kenyan men share how they would budget a Sh70,000 salary

 

 

Budgeting is important for everyone regardless of their life situation, but it’s even more important when you’re single. Every shilling you make should be accounted for, and you need to have a clear understanding of where that money is going and how you can allocate money to fund your financial goals.

That being said a Twitter conversation of how Kenyans are managing life on a Sh70k salary has taken centre stage.

A Twitter user @ArapTilingi prompted discussion asking peopel

70K salary. Budget for it as a single man.

Here’s how Kenyan men budget that kind of a salary.

@omondikevinokel..
Rent 10k
Savings/ investment 10k
Emergency fund 10k
Food and transport 15k
Utility Bills 7k
Personal development 10k
Family (dependants) 8k

I used to sleep with old men for money! Huddah finally comes clean

@collinsmutunkei..
Hapa hata unaweza saidia hii serikali kulipa hiyo loan ya China,ubaki ya Ku maintain your three wives and still manage to take your side chick to 1824 for random dates…alar!

Money
Money

What’s money!? Atwoli throws his Sh.170k IPhone during JKL interview

@Peterkiguta4..
Kaa tu bedsitter
Buy food like 5k
Transport 3k
Kunywa ka6 k
Savings tafadhali 15k p.m

@Just_a_KenN..
All expenses 40K
Savings 10K
Investment account 20K

@Babake_Lenny..
Savings 7k, Tithe 7k, Rent 10k, Food 10k, utilities 7k, Transport 4k, Health/insurance 3.5k, pension 2k, recreation 3.5k, personal spend 3.5k, investment 11k and miscellaneous 1.5k.

@gazatwita..
10k rent,5k food,5k transport,5k entertainment,2500 for tokens/water/wifi,2500 house hold shopping,5k parents,5k misc..
Save 30k

Money buys me happiness’ shouts Maina Kageni on lifestyle

money-family

@ChristieCayce..
for a single lady..
9k for an executive bdsitter
5k bills, water,tokens,wifi,gas
5k shopping food&household stuff
2k entertainment (hii ni once in a while for an indoor person)
5k mom
5k transport
14k emergency
25k invest
According to my area code calculation😁

@Ndeshmo..
5k rent. 7k food +electricity. 4k fare. 4k donations.
rest save kwa fixed account.

@evidentdavrian..
Rent 25k
Food 10k
Alcohol 20k
Weed 3k
Internet 3k
Airtime 3k

3 things you shouldn’t do if you want to save money


Insufficient, my man!

@FixItFredd..
Rent 15k food 10k weed 9k wifi 2500 po*hub premium package 10k, billzote 10 condoms 3k paros 6k

woman-giving-man-money

@MozDefinitely..
70K Gross Salary
Less Tax, PAYE @ 14,320) = 55,680K
Less NHIF @ 1,400 = 54,280K
Less NSSF (Half of 12% of pensionable salary; 3340) = 50,940K
Less any other deductions (Loans, self-pension, advance,etc)
Net Salary: Adjust working budget to approximately 50,000K or less.

@centie..
Rent -7k
Transport/food-5k
Wanawake- balance

@jrobah..
Girlfriend Allowance – 0
Rent – 12k
Power – 1k
internet – 4k
Phone – 1k
Food + shopping – 9k
spotify – 1k
digital ocean hosting – 1k
Enjoyment – 10k
Transport – 5k
Save what remains

arguea-about-money

@Don_Anesto..
Rent 5k Shopping 5k Transport 5k Konyagi 5k Mshwari Savings 50k

@bryankevo..
10k rent
60k tafuta bibi

@OAntony_..
Rent 3K.
67K enjoyment

Also read more here

Mama Fua: Lucy Gatimu has a perfect response to being job shamed

 

Her response to job shaming contains a lesson for all Kenyans.

An unexpected story about a Kenyan woman, her job and the value of work took hold of the public conversation this week. Lucy Gatimu has been sharing pictures and videos of her washing clothes and urging people to share widely on their timeline.

She has thanked supporters after photos/videos of her washing were mocked online.

A terrible comment job shaming her caught the attention of KOT, who shut down the source of the shame.

It also resulted in a flood of messages of support for Lucy.

Lucy on her Twitter told Kenyans that the messages and Mpesa she received from around the country quickly ended any sense of shame or humiliation she experienced.

Am not ashamed of my hustle so pliz stop making me feel bad about it with your negative words..am so blessed to have the best clients from here…thankyou guys for the support

A job offer was tweeted to her after the story went viral.

She added

Untill you wear my shoe and listen my story of what I have gone through with my kids to be where we are now and doing this job then you will stop judging me BT for now I will do what i do best to my clients home with my ears closed

Here’s how you can reach Lucy below:
Call me on 0776198670 or DM for laundry and house cleaning services…will not regret you called me…

clothes line

 

Eunice Vetu..
God will bless the work of your hands.

Yoye Wamalwa..
Keep up the hard work

Macan 2019..
And you, Lucy, shall never lack, in Jesus name.

Your Mind Coach🇰🇪..
You are a real G manzeee. Keep doing your stuff

lucy gatimu
Lucy washing clothes

Son of Soil..
May the LORD bless the work of your hands.

Oliver Tambo..
Strength of a woman indeed…respect all legit hustles

She has won hearts doing her hustle and now it’s paying off.

Also read more here