We are just cousins! A list of 39 lies Kenyans tell daily

A list of the most outrageous lies that Kenyans tell has gone viral.

From a phone call cutting off to a caretaker lying the apartments don’t experience water shortages,  here is a list of 39 lies courtesy kenyans on Twitter.

1. @cosmutt
Niko NA deal ikiiva nakusort pap….
2. @skull_kariz
Ata ni wewe nilikua nataka kukupigia
3. @Buba1_
Ata simpendi

cuc laughing
4. @Ronokibet11
Anakuanga mama wa kuosha,

5. @Mathreeculture
Nimetumia ungeniitisha jana

6. @NodesB
Kidogo l will call you back.

7. @LaKarythe
Kuna deal nangojea iivane .

8. @_kipruttoh
Nakam sai sai..

9. @FrateteF
Wacha nifikirie ntakusho

old-woman-laughing
10. @Nyaberih_
Kata kiasi ntakucall

11. @styles_liqour
Naenda hivi nacome

12. @muragurimaina3
Niko na tuploti kamulu
Face savouring food

13. @SadanMjomba
Nakupenda from the bottom of my heart, sitawai kuacha

14. @KaribaHazard
Umekosea no 1.. ngoja kidogo nikupigie

15. @MattMuhindi
Or “Manzeh Kuna mahali nimekwama.”

16. @k1riku20
Bwana yangu ni msitingy huwa hanisaidii.

17. @OpiyoEve
Hii kiatu ni size yako. chukua tu ukivaa vaa ita stretch ikutoshee poa

18. @Flex_Dan
1 minute nakupigia sai sai tu

19. @OpiyoEve
Fundi (tailor, carpenter, mechanic) :’aaah hii ni kazi kidogo kujia kesho itakuwa ready’

Barack-Obama-laughing

20. @bervonski
Kuna biz inaivana ,ikijipa ntakushow

21. @jadenke7
SITAMAKE LEO

22. @Dee_Kiluu
Achana na huyo…we are just cousins

23. @Marc_Sigu
Acha nikuekee sahii tu.

24. @wa_kitale
Kuna mpesa nangoja. Ikiingia nitakushtua

25. @_mulekani
Ni juzi tu ata

26. @Catherineachie
Tuliacahana lakini sisi huongea siku mmoja mmoja.

27. @B_isynger
Na by the way Mathe amekusalimia

28. @Kiptoo_TM
“Ukimaliza shule unishw nikufanyie connection ”

29. @TChuom
Dakika tano tu Niko karibu kufika

30. @isalex_m
“wacha tupange next time”

31. @HudelLogan
Relax nakushughulikia… Nitume

Maina laughing
Maina laughing

32. @dark_kenyan
“Wah na umefika tu time chakula imesha”

33. @ismamoha90
Niko kwa mat kuna kelele stakuskia

34. @Kihuria1
As soon as you finish campus, just bring your papers

35. @KaraniKaburu
I wish i met you before her

36. @Ericmutonga1
Nitumie CV…

37. @Abraham32554487
Tutaongea

38. @EmphyzHamo
iyo ndo bei ya leo customer …ata ni wewe tu nauzia ivoo…hehehe

39. @ElcapitanXVII
Huku maji huwa haipotei dugu Yagu

Resourceful Kenyans help find man running behind athletes in school uniform

A student running behind sportsmen in school uniform has impressed Kenyans who did their best to find out his identify and give him the garments and shoes to run like the athlete he appears to be.

This is after a video of the student trailing marathoners in Eldoret went vial.

KOT were happy that he was able to keep up with the athletes and said his determination showed he is a champion in the making.

So Twitter DCI did their thing and found him. A sportsclub has promised to outfit him.

Hongera KOT.

 

Where can I find this gentleman In Soy,Eldoret, @galseysportshub would like to help his dream come true. By gifting him with Running Shoes. pic.twitter.com/9RpEZPw8uf

@_ChepChep

The Boy is from Kiplombe Secondary School from Kiplombe Ward, Turbo Constituency, Uasin-Gishu County. His name is Denis Cheruyot. His teacher can be reached on:0728880203.

@BlackAF_Simz
You should try passing the Eldoret-Eldama Ravine road early in the morning. You will see more of such young and energetic boys and girls running Man running that could also use your help

@RobertsonKorea
anasomea kiplombe secondary school Uasin Gishu County

@pchirpchir
Upcoming champion.
@EliudKipchoge
look for this promising young athlete & sponsor him

@Galseysportshub
This could be a champion in the making

Also read more here

Photo of the day! Kenyans mock Ugandan female cops uniform 

 

A terrible picture of a Ugandan female cop wearing a hideous uniform is trending online.

The uniform is so bad that Ugandans are begging Kenyans not to start an online war. Someone has even confirmed that it is indeed the traffic police uniform and it’s so bad the trolling won’t stop. Read comments below:

IRON-BAR IN THE [email protected]
anakaa toolbox ya garag

@mule___
Smiling face with open mouth and smiling eyesSmiling face with open mouth and smiling eyes we wait for Twitter wars with Ugandans

@OpiyoEve
Na hii skirt ya firirinda atakimbisha aje mwizi?

@aki_shantu
Huyu anaeza kushika kweliFace with tears of joyFace with tears of joy

@Ni_ya_Keg

Hii ndio inaitwa kukua omudecentntreCrew
Anakaa wagithomoFace with tears of joyFace with tears of joy

@don_shal
museveni kwake huko ukifanana vibaya ndio yeye anafrai,sasa polisi anakaa kama kobe

@ItsMe88513882
All time nimeshinda nikiangalia belt na viatu zake mimi???….me ata nilikua nadhani ni mjalejo

@Switchkenya
Kwani ni la wokovu Loudly crying faceLoudly crying face

Also read more here

Photos and hilarious comments about bedsitters driving Nairobians insane

The things that renters have to deal with when house hunting is being discussed online.

And the photos of the houses are also being shared and funny comments about leaving us in tears.

One Twitter user shared her experience with a house in Rongai that elicited rib cracking comments. She expressed her agony at being a short girl who has to deal with ceiling drawers in the kitchen. Quite relatable for our short sistas.

User @Wairimuwraps wrote ‘Sasa mtu ataosha vyombo alafu aviweke wapi?
Nairobi landlords!!!’

 

She shared another house

 

 


@Wairimuwraps
Unapangusa na kutudisha pale juu.

You’ve never had to improvise?

@LeCaptainMo
Hii ni keja ya mutu moja,
unatumia ukiosha hapo na hapo.
Hako kanafasi ya kando inatosha kabla hauja panguza upange pale juu.

@YourTeaGirl
Unafungua dirisha, unakamua ukitupa nje one by one.

@kahiga_wanjiru
wachana na utaweka vyombo wapi,what the hell is that bathroom terrace doing on the kitchen floor?

@am_butterscotch
Hiyo sink haina chills Weary face

@Cornell_Kirui
Hapa unaosha vyombo na unazianika nje kama nguo

Also read more here

12 Things that Kenyans think sound like compliments but aren’t

 

Kenyans have a way of telling you things that they think are nice compliments but when you think about it, it is an insult.

Some common compliments aren’t actually that flattering when you really consider what’s being said. Here are some things you probably think are compliments but are actually subtly offensive.

Such a discussion was debated on Twitter and here is a list of 12 such statements:

[email protected]_Ke
You are too mature for your age.

2. @Ndubi_
Na umenona

3. @sheilakiguta_
naona unakula vizuri these days

4. @abelkirwa
Lady to a lady “looking cute babe
Smiling face with heart-shaped eyes
” . haha.

5. @NiKhOoOLe
you’re so civilized for a black person

6. @wuod__connie
Being called kiongoss

7. @Komboray
Usimuone hivo, he/she’s a doctor/lawyer/engineer/amesoma!

8. @SIMPLYMOSEH
Unakaa mtu ako na maringo

9. @Zee376
“Beauty with brains”

10. @limousine09
You don’t look your age

11. @alirubey4
You look good for a change

12. @itsalexkiluli
Huyu alikuwa na pesa sana

Also read more here

Kenyan man trends after hilarious explanation about the Queens husband

The British Monarchy and its rules is not easy to grasp. Even Maina Kageni had a hard time on Tuesday morning April 13 explaining some of the things Queen Elizabeth does that are strange. For instance if she wipes her mouth after eating, it signals that everyone must stop eating and dinner is a wrap. Huh?

This screenshot of a Kenyan man attempting to explain to a clueless person why Queen Elizabeth has her title yet her late husband isn’t referred to as a King has made us all laugh.

You will laugh so hard at the screenshot, you will go online to look for the original tweet and see the comments about it.

The man is popular on Twitter and  please follow him if you don’t already. See below and have a good day.

 

 

wife owns
@shikalim
Dominic your sense of humor is out of this world. This took the icing from the cake

@StemuliW
So why was Philip staying in the Palace,  Does it mean ni yeye aliolewa?

@ShiahiM
A screenshot brought me here. You are trending.

@EnyangeB
jameni Dominic !  This response is A+

@akinyimildren18
vile umetambaa pale status wacha tu

@sangswagyz
And if its your house she become a land lady sa iyo 50/50 wanayo taka hapa iko wapi???

@Qararan
We can’t help admiring your patient  wisdom

Also read more here

 

 

Those ‘ala’ memes of Atwoli on the JKL bench keep getting hilarious

Literally everyone agrees COTU Boss Francis Atwoli is a meme maker.

Most of his actions and words have been turned into memes and the latest is a short video cut from an interview he had with Jeff Koinange on the JKL show. Atwoli was being interviewed about the BBI and his role in it.

One fan @SonofTetu aptly put it
This “alaa alaaa” video with Atwoli needs to be made illegal
Nimeikumbuka nikiwa in the middle of a serious activity nikaisha and I can’t explain why I’m laughing

Let me remind you of another one. Do you remember that shot clip of him praying for maize scandals saying something to the effect ‘baba sis hatuna nguvu hatuna uwezo?’

The prayer said at a rally in 2019 quickly became a meme. So here are a few memes of the ‘ala’ video on JKL that everyone is using.

Dear Classic 105 fam, share with us your Atwoli ‘ala’ meme. We want to laugh.

Also read more here

#You had to be there! 6 Kenyans things to make you nostalgic

 

Kenyans are remembering the good old days by sharing what they did or saw when they were younger using the viral twitter hashtag #youhadtobethere.

From pop culture pictures of Prezzo and JuaCali landing in Carnivore with a helicopter to eating patco sweets, Kenyans are paying homage with funny pictures and tweets.

 

 

 

This explanation about mara moja will get you so captivated

 

For some reason Mara Moja tablets by Beta Healthcare has been trending since Monday March 1st. And it’s because a Kenyan on Twitter @mmmicheni shared interesting details about in in what he said was an unsponsored thread.

Another IMPORTANT disclaimer, btw, is that there’s tons of fake drugs out there, especially for drugs that are well known to work well like this one. That said, please be sure to purchase your medications from reliable pharmacies/chemists/shops.

If this was a sponsored thread I would have plugged those guys who are an online drugstore and I’d have said how their drugs are all original & said how they’re affordable & reliable & koso-koso but behold, I will not…

 So here goes screenshots of the thread. Bear with us, it’s worth your time.
mara moja 1
mara moja 2
mara moja 3
mara moja 4
mara moja 5
mara moja 6
mara moja 7
mara moja 8
mara moja 9
mara mpaja 12

 

10 funny memes about this ‘kidnapped’ dog to make you laugh

 

Kenyans are the most creative and funny while at it.

A picture of a dog squeezing its face while seated in the back of a car is being used creatively to depict a ‘person’ kidnapped, situation.

I mean the dog is cute right, and is doing something many Kenyans would do in a car, squeeze their face on the side of a seat to speak to someone in front.

Here are 10 memes about it that will make you laugh:

20210131_132941 (1)

20210131_133029 (1)

20210131_133051 (1)

 

20210131_132821 (1)

20210131_132840 (1)

 

20210131_132855 (1)

20210131_132927 (1)

20210131_133029 (1) 20210131_133051 (1)

Also read more here

Ifikie Warembo! Classic fans get nostalgic reminiscing the Kamisi

If you never wore a kamisi, then you might struggle reading this story but all the same it will be interesting.

Back in the day, women used to wear a kamisi/peticoat under their dresses or skirts. However as years rolled by, the clothing item was done away with as dresses now began to be made with inner clothing. It is extremely difficult to find kamisi’s being sold and the joke being told is that women of Kenya ‘wameangusha biashara ya kamisi’.

And this was something that Mwalimu King’ang’i brought up as he made insane jokes about how women favored a kamisi and how men now miss seeing it. He said the next item that will end is the baika ‘biker’. Do you agree?

He told Maina that

“Mko karibu kuangusha kampuni ya baika vile mliangusha kampuni ya kamisi. That kamisi or peticoat disapeared and now I think the baika is next. Why did they stop wearing? Aki mancheza, you are joking with women, they can close any job “

Listeners chimed in recalling the days when it was a favorite thing to wear.

@purity_ng
#MainaAndKingangi mimi sitawai sahao life ya kamisi…khai back in primary school

@gotieno52
#MainaAndKingangi During our old days kamisi was the best as you had not to struggle too much when on duty… Yaani the nostalgia was wow

@EveKoi2
kamisi bado zipo lakini mtush… very fancy by the way not the ones that used to have laces longer than the dresskamis

@ItsKipleting
Evolution started with Kamisi, to Biker and now it will in naked

@ThigaTabitha
kamisi
…Am here listening cz that thing has never touched my waist.

@ItsMwangiKelvyn
In kamisi,ladies couldn’t expose their thighs. That’s why no wearing of kamisi.

@Lucypau43921191
#MainaAndKingangi maina nowadays we don’t wear see me through dresses that why we don’t need kamisi any more ,ata bikers are soon following suit

@kimsyrose
@ItsMainaKageni
some things are just like waves,wave ya kamisi ilikuja na ikapita,ya biker ndiyo hiyo inapita.We don’t know what will be the next wave

@ItsKipleting
Kamisi Was a form of Inner Wear
Basically were of two types @MwalimChurchill

Long Kamisi worn during night acted as NIGHT DRESS.
Second type was a short kamisi worn to prevent showing of thighs

@pingache
Mother’s choice wives are too square. Hao ndio bado wanavaa kamisi in 2020
@realSheriff254 What was the purpose of Kamisi

@purity_ng
#MainaAndKingangi aki those things used to be irritating and we had to wear them because our primary dresses were very light you could see our body through…what sacked most is been bought a longer kamisi than your school dress

@KristophMutua
Kuvaa kamisi is the same as kuvaa kofia juu ya Helmet

 

Also read more here

Kenyans come to the defense of hawker arrested selling unique balls

 

A photo of a man in the streets of Nairobi hawking unique looking footballs gathered some quick interest with many curious how they were made. Unfortunately, soon thereafter news was dropped online by concerned Kenyans who said he was arrested by the City Council askaris.

One KOT pleaded for his contact to get him out and find him a stall to sell his items. Twitter user Rodgers Kipembe Mpuru
@RodgersKipembe said

I’m looking for this guy, I want to set a decent place for him to continue this creative venture, wasisumbuane na kanjo.
Kindly help me link up with him.

And you can trust KOT to respond.

George T. Dianoh™
@georgediano
Kindly share his contact. He used to sell those balls around ngara kwa jam. Very funny guy!! Nliona kanjo walimfanyia ile kitu bana.

@DLUDOGOLI
Guy was arrested by kanjos ..

ball guy arrested(1)
@mithamo_joe
Ako ndani brathy mabad mind walimuwai

@MdubowM
Kanjo should appreciate his job for doing better than them, those paperbags he recycled is the main culprit of sewer blockage in the city.

@jothamokech
Apparently the guy was caught by kanjo…very unfair

guy sellign balls cost
@KenyaAllance1
I tell you kanjo is killing businesses in Nairobi. They eat your sweat. You wake up very early in the morning,faida mnagawa na wao na Wako wengi Sana.
And they don’t agree to give you license.

 

Also read more here

Sisi ndo tuko! Woman’s rant on broke unromantic Kenyan men goes viral

Weekends are those days Kenyans spend reflecting on their baes or lack of relationships.

It hurts and one Kenyan lass thought it wise to express her opinion on just how Kenyan men don’t have a romantic bone. She also added that they are broke, and this was a conversation on Classic 105, where Maina told Kenyan women to avoid broke men who he said ‘will waste your time’.

So yes, her sentiments are in the right forum.

But men would not take her comments lying down. They came for her swiftly, saying her comments are misplaced.

Twitter user @Wahetoh shared her opinion on men saying

Kenyan men are the most broke men worldwide, plus they ain’t romantic.

She added a Pouting face emoji which resulted in all manner of responses below.

@brayomonty_02
We unadate wasee wa nduthi unamake assumptions

@DeChosen8
It’s will be good enough to create your own,
another thing how much do you have for you wanting a Kenyan man with money,have your own cash and be romantic then find a partner with same qualitiesupset kid meme

@blasiohg
Sorry, your sample field failed you. We are still many.

@MurungaDavid1
They aren’t romantic to u..maybe wewe ni mtaro

@jensenojago
NA SISI NDIO TUKO. ENDA UTAFUTE MWANAUME ZIMBABWE AMA SOMALIA

@jay_the_dealer
Men are not broke, we spend where we see value in

@Brian_Yego17
I wish you were beautiful,,, lakini on’gong’o ni nani
ati they ain’t romantic… Shenz weweshocked meme

@aruya_f
Najua unataka wale wa beb nmekutumia 10k ya shopping but wale wa kuja na farr yako ntakurwfund ndo tuko,

@Valdidoo
Sisi ndotukoo

@MSaceboi
Inauma but itabidii uzoe juu sisi ndio tuko

@Kemboikibett1
Sisi ndio tuko

@VeejayBrian
Usijali sisi ndo tuko, ama you want to marry joe biden

@Real_Bazenga
Lakini ni sisi tu ndio tuko

Also read more here

Endlessly entertaining! Kenyans say about DCI describing crimes

 

Police deal with serious situations in their career everyday and reporting incidences to Kenyans to inform or educate gets very interesting.

Kenyans on Twitter have taken note of what they say is the hilarious way the social media accounts DCI Kenya describe crimes and how officers on the ground dealt with it.

giphy(1)

Pendeni maisha yenu, is all I can tell you.

But really it is amusing how the DCI social media describe incidences.

From describing how they catch thieves red handed to approaching criminals to solve crimes, here are some hilarious reactions from KOT about the DCI comments.

@Owuorson
DCI twitter admin be like “He ran as fast as a cheetah and as swift a deer but our officers pursued him like a rat on highway!”

@oticero
Our boys, it’s always our boys!

@meljowi
“Our sleuths smoked out the perpetrators ” That’s blockbuster material right there

@E_nyatuga
The most incompetent department of I must say
then they use hearsays to solve cases I don’t if I am the one watching a lot of movies hence putting a lot of expectations in them

@dianakirui_
Anaandika kama composition bana

@KJMURIUKI
“Our hawk-eyed sleuths”

@TSetanei
“Our boys were too smart for them”.

If you aren’t following out, you are missing out on so much hilarious content.

Also read more here

Apologize like a Kenyan man! 30 painfully accurate ways bae says sorry

People are sharing examples of how Kenyan men apologize and it’s funny for those of us who continue to experience it.

The answers were prompted by a question from Twitter user @wamuyu_ke who asked her followers to tell how they “apologize like a man.”

This was not hard to do as the men gladly shared what they say to their bae, when ish hits the fan.

1. @MwakitawaRonny
Sasa unataka kulia

2. @Pinchezkn
Pole , ni shaitani ameniniingia …..ata sikuwa nataka kulala na yy , ile tu makosa hutokea

3. @Iggy82011847
Nimesikia

4. @mutangish
Leo mi ndio napika!!

5. @_o_tieno
Kam ivi mtaani

6. @Smarshmello2
Sawa imeisha,na haitaki makasiriko

7. @emmanuelxyze
lakini beb wewe ndio ulimtext wa kwanza na phone yangu

8. @EvansKe95777052
I’m sorry…nakaa utakikunisamee niambie

9. @StopSin3
Si unaniewa …wachanga za ovywo ….sa ni nn….si tuko fine. …

10. @Honmainanjenga
Sawa basi nimesema pole…tuta shinda kwa story moja..??

11. @FelixxAgolaa
Hautapata mwanaume kama Mimi

12. @JeffKaragu
Ati ile kiatu ulisema ni pesa ngapi?

13. @alexars254
Wewe nawe hutaki kunielewa,,si ukae

14. @Alekie72142248
Acha iyo risto ikae

15. @OkotsiCaleb
Am sorry, kelele sasa ni ya nini?

16. @MURIMINJAGI4
Ati ulisema shopping ni pesa ngapi

17. @gregwanjiru
Acha izo..unataka nini lunch?

18. @tonyeinstein6
“The devil made me do it”

19. @__ngatia_
Sawa nimeskia

20. @Itsdennohpap
Si imeisha

21. @mjbuguah
Ulisema unaenda salon when

22. @POKO_T_69
Okay nikubuyie nini nitume basi….

23. @_KariWayne
Wacha iyo iishie hapo

24. @Mourice57390340
Ni shetani tu tuache hizo

25. @kimotho_brian
Si uache ibaki story..

26. @TheEinsten
Na Btw mum amekusalimia

27. @Marlosteinfielt
Shida ni nini tena?

28. @mlevi_msexy
Babe hiyo ni story Mzee let’s focus on ourselves ndo tukue na future poa pliz

29. @kelvineleprints
Sasa utashindililia kitu moja

30. @RobertoNicholas
Iyo stori si tuimalize manze

Also read more here

Queens worldwide taking over the internet with the Buss it challenge

A song from an American singer named Erica Banks dubbed Buss It, has inspired women worldwide to try out the Buss it challenge.

The beat in the song samples singer Nelly’s song ‘Hot In Herr’ in which he says “Girl, I think my bu*t getting big”.

Some more lyrics used in the video include

“Drop it down low and pick it up, ayy/You know I don’t ever give a f**k, ayy/N*gga lookin’ at me in the club, ayy/He gon’ have to throw a couple dubs, ayy,”.

How it goes is that you’ll first see the woman dressed down in either home clothes like a bathrobe or tshirt. She fools around a bit, then drops it low to the lyrics where Nelly says “Girl, I think my but* getting big”  and she shows of her glitz look, twerking of course.

The kweens are blowing away our mind and the idea is to show off the best outfit and makeup and hair transformation and that also includes your best dance/twerk move.

 

Also read more here

Body count back to zero! Jokes about 2021 that will amuse you

 

It’s back to reality for many of us Kenyans as schools resume and workers return to their offices after a long holiday break.

But we do envy those who are still sleeping.

Anyway Kenyans have already started sharing jokes and funny thoughts about 2021 and we are here for it.

To begin with many are saying since it’s a new year, the official body count – if you know you know- goes back to zero.

What was done in 2020, remains there. Are we together?

joke 1

2.joke 1(1)

3.joke 2(1)

4.joke 3(1)

5.joke 4(1)

Have an awesome day won’t you?

also read more here