If you’ve recently suffered the sting of betrayal, you probably feel like your life is spinning out of control right now. Between your mind filling with madness and your emotions flipping from outrage to sadness, it’s natural to keep asking, “How could this happen to me?”
Between the tears, humiliation, and confusion, you may wonder how you’ll ever survive.
According to an article published on Eharmony, there are five crucial steps to successfully move forward and beat the bite of betrayal.
1. Practice Forgiveness
If your partner’s betrayal has you trapped in a prison of pain, blame, and resentment, it’s time to forgive yourself so that you can be free from the pain, confusion and anger. Yes, your life has been turned upside down, and yes, betrayal is unconscionably bad behavior. But until you can forgive yourself and at least consider forgiving your partner, your heart, soul, and body will become a toxic receptacle, holding onto all negativity like a sponge.
2. Give Yourself Permission To Heal
Instead of punishing yourself and hanging on to the “story” of your betrayal, give yourself permission to heal, starting right this minute. Sound impossible? It’s not. Start by turning down those obsessive thoughts about the past and what can’t be erased. Next, practice self-love, reminding yourself that you are a loving and caring individual who didn’t deserve to be betrayed. Next, start thinking about what you can learn from this agonizing experience.
3. Rebuild Trust
Projecting your fears will not help you heal. If you plan to stay with your partner, you’ll need to focus on rebuilding trust. If you can’t forgive, then don’t waste time staying in the relationship and trying to make your partner pay for their past transgressions. Instead, give yourself the opportunity to pick up the pieces and start again. Start by learning to trust yourself and your life choices. Plus, by slowly and steadily rebuilding trust with your partner (or simply with yourself if you leave the relationship), you’re better able to let go of fear, doubt, and insecurity.
4. Don’t Blame Yourself, Appreciate Your Worth
Instead of blaming yourself for your partners’ betrayal, appreciate your worth, know you are enough just as you are, and recognize the infidelity had nothing to do with you. On the flip side, if you’re stuck in a cycle of intense anger and blame towards your partner, you need to decide if you can start to let go and rebuild your relationship, or if it’s time to walk away and move on.
5. Don’t Punish Future Partners
After a betrayal, it’s all too easy to fall into a funk of doubt, anger, and uncertainty about the future. Still, now is the time to ask yourself if you plan on punishing future partners for your exe’s sins, or if you’ll be strong enough to give them the trust they deserve.
For example, if a future date says or does something that triggers a memory of betrayal, instead of treating them unfairly, accusing them of lying, and then pulling away without explanation, why not calmly and courageously express your fears and concerns? This way, you’ll maximize your chances of building an open and honest relationship.