Keep Your Chin Up: 13 Thoughts To Help You Recover From A Break-Up

As with love at first sight, the pain of rejection affects the same areas of the brain as cocaine.  Love can bring on cocaine-like high in a fifth of a second. Brain wave studies reported by Stephanic Ortigue, Ph.D., identified “the cortical networks associated with passionate love.” But the reaction to the break-up can last for days.  In addition to emotional highs and lows, it can even include symptoms so severe that women in particular may find themselves in the emergency room with symptoms mimicking a heart attack.

Heartbreak pain is triggered by a hormone experienced after the loss of a loved one, a traumatic ending to a love affair, or  divorce. This sends the heart’s pumping ability into a type of freeze mode affecting the left ventricle. Dr. Elizabeth Mostofsky in the cardiovascular epidemiology research unit at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston and Harvard explains that after the death of a loved one, the heart-attack risk is 21 times higher within 24 hours.

 After a breakup, long-term couples might feel as if they have lost a sense of self. Research by Dr. Celia Harris and colleagues at Macquarie University found that in terms of remembering by long term couples may develop interconnected or collaborative memories such as the names of musicals, vivid descriptions. Even if you are in a short term relationship, being left alone can  trigger anger, pain, and sadness. What is the solution?

13 Tips to Overcome Break-up Blues

After a breakup, even if you initiated the good-bye, you may find yourself crying more than usual and wishing you could crawl under the covers and stay there.  On the other hand, you may want to reach out to your friends and complain bitterly.  You may feel that you can never love again.  But love is always possible.  Here are some thoughts:

1. Start your days with gratitude:  By expressing gratitude you remind yourself of the good times you shared and how you have been freed to find a love who values you, a love whom you value.

2. Resist the temptation to talk unkindly about your ex-love: Speaking kindly will encourage you to maintain a positive focus.

3. Practice image replacement: If you find yourself feeling alone and falling into a dark hole, find a photo of yourself when you were happy and in love.  Focus on the inner you, the person you know to be lovable and deserving of new love.

4. Consider social media: If you go to a social media site and see someone who interests you, connect and be positive rather than recounting all the reasons for your recent break-up. Smile broadly and flirt.

5. Try using a gratitude journal:  Research from Gary Lewandowski (2009) has found that writing about positive aspects of a break-up increases feelings such as comfort, confidence, empowerment, energy, happiness, optimism, relief, satisfaction, thankfulness, and wisdom.

6. Be careful about expectations: When you meet someone new, be careful that you do not impose expectations upon the person. For example, if you wanted a more loving relationship because your previous relationship lacked warmth, do not see a romantic in someone who simply squeezes your hand.  And also watch for too much by way of public displays of affection.

7. Make a new relationship checklist:  Know the qualities you would like in a new partner. Think in terms of weighted averages.  If you find a new person who has everything you ever wanted on your wish list, but he/she is married for example, that one factor outweighs all the positives and that person should come off the list.

8. Guard against repeating the past:  A new person may have a different profession or different looks, but still have certain traits or characteristics of your past love, traits that precipitated a break-up. Look beyond looks.

9. Hug and be hugged:  Research has shown the value of hugs. If you have a friend in your life who gives good hugs — extend your arms, reach out, and ask.  That person may not be “the one” for you, or even “the one for now.”  However, the warm and loving arms of someone who is sensitive and caring by nature is like the sunshine – a little goes a long way.

10. Remain open to infatuation or even love at first sight with a careful eye: Keep in mind that you want a new friend or a new relationship rather than becoming what one friend refers to as “another notch on the bedpost of life.”

11. Make plans with friends who are upbeat, those who will encourage you to smile and embrace a new life about to unfold before you.

12. Embrace laughter: Before brooding about “alone on the holidays call a friend who makes you laugh until your sides ache. Keep in mind that laughter is attractive to both sexes.

13. Try mindfulness exercises: In “Three Mindfulness Exercises to Improve Your dating Life,” Ken Page who writes “Finding Love” at PsychologyToday.com advocates approaching dating as an adventure of self-discovery.
Psychologytoday

 

 

 

Here Is The 5-Step Forgiveness Guide After An Affair

When a partner cheats, trust is broken and the pain inflicted is huge. However many people will react differently to the situation. Some may decide to walk away, others may decide to forgive and move on.

It’s a decision that is hard but  achievable if you wish to take it upon yourself to see things through. Here is a simple 5 step guide to forgiveness;

1. Analyse the situation – Evaluate all aspects of the affair carefully and thoughtfully while managing angry emotions. Keeping a journal is important in this process, write your thoughts and emotions as they come in your thoughts. When evaluating, think of all involved who may be hurting and in what way, this will lessen the anger and increase empathy, essential in the forgiveness process.

2. Keep a clear perspective – When a spouse commits adultery, keep the perspective that their decision was not something they did to you, but something they did to themselves. Keeping a clear perspective will lessen anger and increase the forgiveness process. Do not ask yourself what you did wrong because it had nothing to do with you.

3. Inquire sincerely and keep an open mind – Find out what the offending spouse is missing in their life that contributed to the affair. The spouse may indicate behavior in you or lack of unfulfilled needs that contributed to their decision. Write these things in your journal and ponder on them so you can discuss them at a later time. Do not point fingers, rather discuss objectively and where possible give reasons for your behavior.

4. Don’t accept blame for the spouse’s decision to have an affair – If the offending spouse blames you for their affair without taking responsibility and accountability, communicate calmly to the offending spouse the importance of accountability and appropriate choices that could have been taken rather than the decision to have an affair. Separate your spouse’s decisions from yours. Recognize your spouse has the freedom to choose. Accept what influences may have contributed to the affair and write this in your journal. Writing these influences down and discussing them at a later time together, will help you know how to support one another more effectively and what circumstances the offending spouse may need, to avoid a future affair.

5. Ask your spouse what support they need during this time of recovery – Due to your spouse’s choice to be disloyal to the marriage their process of emotion will range from blame, self-loathing, anger, guilt, shame or remorse. It’s important to lovingly support them through this process. You will find your anger decreasing and understanding and love for the offending spouse will increase.

-Familyshare

Here’s A Guide To Dealing With The Menstrual Cycle

Monthly periods come with moods, irritability, lack of appetite , cravings etc. It’s enough for one not to be pregnant bu another thing to act like you are.

Many  women are usually unhappy during this time but that shouldn’t be the case, as this is a manageable thing.

Here is a guide to help you during your menses. 

To help prevent those  symptoms of PMS, like irritability, intense cramping, constipation and headaches, avoid sour salty and pungent-tasting foods. Examples of these include chili peppers, garlic, onions, ginger, excess salt, lemons, limes, sea vegetables and nuts.

Instead  try the sweeter options  such as lentils, carrots, beets, bananas, mangoes, spinach, kale, green cabbage, turmeric, zucchini, cranberries, pomegranates, pears, broccoli, cauliflower and asparagus.

You might also want to ditch the alcohol and caffeine as they will dehydrate you more. Instead take in more water to keep your body hydrated. This might work differently as for others caffeine works just fine and infact reduces lethargy.

Avoid stressful situations as much as you can because chances are you might make a wrong decision because of bad moods.

Eat small portions spread over the day as bloating is likely to occur if you over eat plus if you’re nauseous you might vomit.

If you have cravings for meat regularly, it might be an indication of anaemia so you might want a doctor to advice.

If you have cramps, keeping warm will help. You can use  Ointment and rub on your tummy, then place a hot water bottle and cover up.

You may also take pain killers, but remember to keep warm especially in cold seasons because the muscles in the uterus contract hence the cramps. Keeping warms makes the contractions less painful.

Keep lemon water on standby if you suffer from nausea.