REVEALED: Professor reveals how long it takes to turn an acquaintance into a true friend

Turning an acquaintance into a true friend takes between 80 and 100 hours, according to new research.

That means that if you take a four-day holiday with someone you’ve just met, the two of you might just be friends by the end of it.

Or, if that feels too ambitious, watching roughly 200 episodes of the TV show, Friends, together could do it.

Friendship – distinct even from romantic or familial relationships – has been shown to more life satisfaction, better health and overall well-being, time and time again.

Yet, a 2016 survey found that nearly three quarters of Americans feel lonely, raising their risks for Alzheimer’s and even premature death.

Time, may be the key, however, according to new research from the University of Kansas.

Some say we’re in the midst of a loneliness epidemic. Others say we are more connected by social media and more isolated from reality than over. Still others bemoan that making friends after age 30 feels close to impossible.

So much of the population seems to crave and recognize the need for friendship, and yet these lonely people aren’t finding it.

‘Given the importance and how important it is to have friends, I wondered: ‘”how much time does it take to actually make one?”‘ asked lead study author Dr Jeffrey Hall.

Coveted best friendships take work and time, unsurprisingly, and did not emerge until people had spent 300 hours together.

Not all time spent together was the same or had the same effect on the closeness people felt to others.

‘It’s not enough to just be in the company of someone…it matters how you spend the time,’ said Dr Hall.

-Dailymail

5 Reasons Why Brothers Are A Very Important Part Of The Family

Many people say their fathers are the most important men in their lives which is true, but no one really gives brothers credit for the things they do.

A brother will not just stick by you but keep your secrets safe with him and even protect you from making stupid mistakes especially when you are really close.

Well, how about we outline 5 reasons brothers are very important:

1. He can crack you up even in a bad mood
Your brother is one person that can make you laugh even when you are not in the mood. His facial expression or a sentence can really crack you up even in the midst of strangers.

2. He’ll love you despite your mistakes
Your parents certainly love you but a brother will always love you doesn’t matter what you do because he knows what you’ve been up to and hasn’t changed his mind. He’s knows your true personality.

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3. He has your back
He stands by and for you. Gets you out of trouble and will be willing to help you within a moment’s notice. He’s your knight in shining amour, no matter what you are going through.

4. You can talk with him forever
It may just be a funny conversation or a serious one you can’t even discuss with friends or your parents. The conversation can go on into the night but he doesn’t mind because he wants to listen to you.

5. He can share what he has with you
You might fight with him for it but he’ll definitely share and offer whatever he has. From his food to his T-shirt, to his car and money too.

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Pulse Ng

Good Or Bad Friend? 6 Ways To Tell If People Actually Think You Are A Good Friend

Friends are as important to your well-being – if not more so – than family. Studies show the strength of your closest relationships lays the foundation for how you handle everything else in your life, especially stress.

But would the people you consider your closest acquaintances call you a good friend? Well, here are six qualities that make for the best of friendships.

1. You’re dependable.
You don’t have a history of flaking at the last minute, always. No shame in needing to reschedule every so often. But a good friend shows up for commitments — or at least knows how to warn well in advance when she might not be able to make something.

2. You’re not constantly judging her.
You may think issuing your humble opinion on another friend’s life choices, wardrobe or appearance is helping her out. But in most cases, unsolicited opinions just make you seem judgmental, mean, and potentially threatening.

If you’re looking to keep more friends around (and help them feel comfortable being themselves around you) try reserving your judgments and accepting them how they are.

3. You make plans.
Taking initiative to lock down time to hang is key in keeping a friendship going. Don’t expect your gal pals to always be the ones reaching out.

Two friends laughing, arms around each other

 

4. You respect the fact that your friend has a life outside of you.
Accepting that your friend isn’t always going to be free when you want her to be (nor prioritize your needs above hers every day) is essential.

Not granting someone enough space nor respecting her needs for alone time or significant others, can make you come off as suffocating.

5. You’re willing to compromise.
A friendship is a two-way street, not a dictatorship. Sure, you thought spending the weekend in the country with a bunch of booze and no tech was ideal. But your friend may not have the funds to go in on a share-house.

Plus, she may want to do something closer to home. Being willing to find a mutually satisfying middle ground is a hallmark of a BFF.

6. You show your cards too.
A willingness to share personal information, like the hangups you’ve had since childhood or your hopes and dreams for the future, is essential to making and keeping fabulous friendships. This will also make your friends open up more and feel secure yo share secrets with you too.

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Cosmopolitan

Five People You Don’t Need In Your Life

We all have friends and we can all agree that the friends we keep are of different types right? There are work friends, business friends, neighborhood friends, BFF’s and even relatives. However friendship doesn’t always mean that you have to put up with negative habits from these people, if anything you need to drop them from your life.

We have identified some categories for you. Read on:

The pessimist – You find the day looks a little grayer after hanging out with this fellow. He has a habit of seeing the mud instead of the sun, and he tends to leave glasses half empty all over your house. His negativity is catching, so make sure to expel this friend from your life.

Symptoms of spending time with the pessimist are: loss of sunny attitude, prevalent dissatisfaction with daily activities, whiny voice and chronic complaining.

The envier – She can’t help but want what you have. This is the gal who starts telling you how great single life is as soon as you have a boyfriend or plays down the fact that you rocked it at work. Good friends are happy about your successes, but the envier is not a good friend.

Symptoms of having this character in your life: unusual dissatisfaction with and unwarranted guilt for things you were previously grateful for.

The gossiper – I’m not going to say there’s no satisfaction from gossiping, but at the end of the day, do you want to be a person who talks about others behind their backs? This friend makes all that dishing so easy—it’s practically inescapable. He thinks he’s making others look bad, but when all is said and done, the gossiper is the one who’s looking pretty awful.

Symptoms of chilling with your gossiper pal: increased unfair judgment, damaged friendships and loss of trust.

The victim – “Woe is me!” is the mantra of this friend. She doesn’t appreciate your advice because there’s obviously nothing she can do to fix the situation. I mean, it’s not like any of her life’s tragedies are her fault.

Symptoms of having a victim in your life: recurring pointed finger, loss of problem-solving skills and reduced motivation.

The backstabber – Let’s be real—Caesar didn’t seem too surprised when Brutus approached him with a knife. You know which friends you can trust and which you can’t. Don’t give someone trust they don’t deserve. The backstabber wants the upper hand, and staying friends with this character is just giving him the opportunity to take it.

Symptoms of developing a relationship with a backstabber: damaged reputation, diminished self-esteem and increased desire to grab knives.

Tosin

Things We Shouldn’t Do After Our Friends Breakup

Breakups are messy when you are the one involved but if it is two of your friends who have called it quits, it doesn’t affect you emotionally but it definitely makes friendship harder. It is hard to be objective when helping both your friends move past the relationship and not choosing any sides.

While some may say that your dating shouldn’t revolve around your inner circle sometimes dating within your social circle is inevitable. When a breakup happens everyone in the social circle is affected. So how do you make sure you are truly there for your two friends despite the fact that things have gone sour between them? Well, here is a list of 5 things you should never do.

1. Do not take sides
The lady may have been on the wrong and she knows it but for now, she just needs a friend to comfort her so stop rubbing it in telling her she may never find such an amazing man again. If he was that amazing, she will come back to her senses and they will get back together and you will move on back again to a blissful friendship. If you pick sides and the couple gets back together then you can bet that will be one awkward friendship.

2. Stop being a messenger between the two
If they really want to communicate to each other, then they do not need to send you so do not agree to be a messenger. The least you can do when one of the heartbroken members asks you to deliver a message to the other is sit them down together and teach them that they have to communicate if they have to move on from the heartbreak or get back together.

3. Do not be a snitch
Keeping secrets in such scenarios is hard because you sometimes feel you owe your allegiance to one party but that will only create a rift. If one of your friends told you something about the other person in confidence then treat it as just that, a secret. Going back and forth giving information to each parties that the other person said only creates a rift between the two of you.

4. Do not exclude them in your social events
Feeling that one person will feel weird if the other is invited is none of your business, so if they break up and you feel a meet up needs to happen then invite both of them and inform them that the other will be there. If they decide to opt-out then that is on  them not you.

5. Stop setting up blind dates for them
They broke up, it’s over, you love them both but maybe the relationship is not worthy, so stop wearing cupid’s boots. If they are meant to be they will be. Arranging for situations where they will both be present without their knowledge will only make them resent you making their mourning period harder.

 

7 Types Of Toxic Female Friends You Should Ditch

It’s a universal—if sometimes painful—truth: Not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime. It’s also true that many of us stay in friendships long after we should’ve said adios. Why? Because we rationalize and deny that the relationship makes us feel “less than.” We make excuses for the other person when we should be giving her the boot.
Ask yourself: do any of my galpals resemble the following? If so, it’s time to move on.

1. No-Call Nancy
She’s got all the latest in technology, but when you ask if she got your three voice mails last week, she says casually, “Oh, I never check my messages.” Excuse me???
“Don’t waste your energy on someone who’s too flaky or unengaged to be in touch,” says Nicole Zangara, LCSW, author of “Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.” Hard to reach people mentally weigh each contact attempt. When the scale tips in their favor, they act. When it doesn’t, they ignore. Learn your lesson: When there’s nothing in it for her, she’s less likely to respond to you, which doesn’t a friend make.

2. Brutally-Honest Betty
She tells you you’re a doormat at work, because you complained once or twice about not feeling appreciated. You let it pass. But when she bitches about friends who use her and you suggest she might be too available, she turns on the waterworks and you end up apologizing. She can dish it out, but can’t take it. Not exactly fair. “If you find yourself always begging forgiveness, while she’s free to say whatever she thinks,“ says Zangara, ”it’s time to ask yourself why you’re willing to keep playing by her lopsided rules.”

3. Gossip Gloria
We all enjoy a juicy tidbit now and then, but this pal thrives on dishing dirt. Be very wary. “The more dirt she gathers on others,“ says Carole Lieberman, M.D., a psychiatrist in Beverly Hills, CA., “the more superior she feels and the more leverage she has over others.” For her, knowledge is power, power is control, and she’s got control in spades. No one messes with her. And neither should you. (And, BTW, if she’s gossiping about other people, chances are, she’s gossiping about you behind your back!)

4. Passive-Aggressive Annie
This is a tricky one, because it goes to the heart of intentions—nice or otherwise. Example: Your friend throws you a surprise party even though she knows you hate surprise parties. You spend the night trying to be gracious in spite of your discomfort. She, on the other hand, revels in her hostess role. When she asks the next day what your problem was, and you tell her, she brushes you off with those seven cloying words: “I was just trying to be nice!” Really? “This is about ownership,“ says Zangara. “True friends fess up when things don’t turn out well and they are partly or wholly to blame. Then, they apologize.” Plus, they also try harder to listen to what you like and don’t like.

5. Cancel-Plans Polly
The scenario is always the same: You make a plans for lunch or the movies and like clockwork she calls the night before or day-of with some excuse or another about needing to cancel. Every one of us has had to change plans at some point, but this friend makes it an Olympic sport. She may just be flaky, or she may be manipulative—either way, she isn’t thinking about how her actions affect anyone else. And if you’ve mentioned the problem and it still persists, this is what she’s really telling you: “Too bad, so sad; I’m sorry you’re mad!” It’s time to call it a day with the friendship.

6. Putdown Paulette
She makes little jabs and digs, often in front of others, assured you won’t mind the “all-in-good-fun” insults. This is her way of making herself feel better—certainly better than you. But what every good pal knows is this, the cardinal rule of friendship: Friends don’t ever, ever, ever put each other down. And friendship is never about a superior/inferior dynamic.

7. Crisis Cathleen
Her life is one long soap opera, a mess of disappointments, letdowns, heartbreaks, and sadness. You are the therapist, confidante, and problem solver. Only, she’s not really interested in changing for the better; she’s more invested in keeping the drama running and having you as her travel mate. Why? Her problems are always so horrible, they take precedence. Your problems? Oh, puh-lease!

What To Do?
If you’re feeling assertive: Let your pal know what’s bothering you. Her response—and actions—will tell you if it’s time to move along.
If you’re feeling passive: Pull back, make fewer plans, be polite but not overly friendly. (In other words, don’t be dishonest.)
Either way: Cultivate new friends who make you feel enriched, enlivened and embraced, because that is what good friendships do.

-informationng