5 Times Getting Back With Your Ex Is Completely Worth It

You might have heard the line, “An ex is an ex for a reason.” Which is technically true. Never has a breakup occurred without some sort of rift, no matter how maturely you’ve worked through it since then. However, sometimes the reason your ex is an ex is entirely fixable. Maybe the timing was off, one of you needed to grow, or you needed perspective on the relationship—but overall, the two of you go together like peanut butter and jelly (Well, maybe.)

If those intense miss-your-ex vibes have started to creep into your brain, hold up a second before acting on those feelings. We asked a couples experts to break down the million-dollar question: When might getting back together with an ex actually work?

1. Your Timing Was Off
So cliche, yes, but timing is everything. Sometimes a person needs to hit some personal growth milestones, transition their career or location, or date around before they can ‘get there,’ so to speak. Beware, though: a fair amount of time needs to pass for this reason to be legit. Change doesn’t happen overnight.

2. You Were Emotionally Distracted When You Met
Whether you met while you were with another guy, or you were fresh out of a different relationship, you have to heal from a breakup before you can pursue a new beginning.

“You might have thought you were ready when you finally came together,” says dating coach Laurel House, author of Screwing the Rules. “But sometimes you’re emotionally tied to an unhealthy ex and not yet ready to open your heart to someone else—even if your ex was an a*s and the guy in front of you was pretty great.”

3. The Breakup Gave You a New Perspective
You thought meeting a new guy would be the key to your happiness. (Eureka!) But alas, such has not been the case, and you’re starting to seriously miss what your ex-added to your life.

“It can work if you’ve had a chance to step away and perhaps look more objectively at the relationship, as opposed to trying to do that when you’re in the middle of it—very difficult,” Steinberg says. “You may have tried dating other people and, through that process, have had epiphanies about your previous relationship.” In this case, absence may make the heart grow fonder…in a good, healthy way.

4. Your Priorities Were Off Balance
There are wants and there are needs. Needs are the items on your checklist you cannot live without, whereas wants are wish-list items. “Maybe you confused what you wanted—hot guy, lots of money, tons of fun—with what you needed, which is someone emotionally and financially supportive, nurturing, understanding,” House says. “Basically, your priorities were off.”

For instance, your ex’s perpetual spontaneity or unconventional career path may not be a deal breaker, but a difference. If your state of mind has evolved, and overall your ex made you really happy (and there weren’t other ticking bombs), the relationship may be worth rekindling.

5. You Were on a Strict Timeline
Life doesn’t happen in a series of A-B-C steps just because you want it to work that way. There’s also your timeline, his timeline, and then your couple timeline—and yours doesn’t get to win out.

“Perhaps you had a timeframe with certain critical, self-imposed, time-sensitive components in place, like proposal, marriage, and kids,” House says. “He wasn’t ready to move at your speed, so you left to find someone else who was on your schedule.” Except, no one compares to your ex, and you now believe that you left the guy who could have been The One. If you had a great relationship, and were possibly being unreasonable about something, take some time to consider whether you both ultimately want the same things—and are able to start fresh.

If you’ve decided that Round 2 with an ex is worth it, just make sure to approach the relationship with the right mindset. One partner leaving the other creates an environment of distrust, which will manifest itself in other issues “like a lack of emotional availability, coldness, a disinterest in what makes you happy, and the little niceties things that help maintain a relationship,” she explains. “Go down before you go up. Fix that problem before building your relationship back up. Yes, it might feel like you are taking 10 steps back in order to move one step forward, but that’s the healthy way to do it.”

This involves some honest talk about what went wrong the first time, why one person left, and how things will be different the second time. “If you’ve spent some time apart and had time to think about what the issues within you and within the relationship that were creating problems, and you are still convinced in your heart that this is the right guy for you, I think it could certainly be worth it to try a second time,” says Steinberg. “Just be ready to tackle those issues openly, honestly, and compassionately.”


The 10 Worst Reasons to Stay Friends With Your Ex

Why stay friends? Are there any good reasons to stay friends with your ex? Sure. If neither of you has ulterior motives like the ones listed below, and if your friendship doesn’t interfere with your current relationships—a good litmus test is whether you’re comfortable hanging out with your current partner and your ex together, and whether your ex’s partner is comfortable with you—it could very well work. Ulterior motives can be sneaky, though—our minds have ways of disguising them as more innocent aims. So make sure you are being honest with yourself about what your true intentions are.

10. You have the same friends.
Research suggests that if your friends and family (link is external) want you to stay friends with an ex, you are more likely to do so. But that doesn’t mean you have to. Staying friends with your ex for the sake of social harmony is a noble goal, but if it’s your only reason for maintaining the friendship, it can be problematic. You have a right to spend time with your friends without your ex present, and you also have a right to decline invitations to events that your ex is also attending. Even if you are okay running into the ex from time to time, this doesn’t mean you need to be friends. It may be hard to see your ex as just another acquaintance when you have so much history together, but over time that history won’t be in the foreground anymore.

9. You feel bad for them.
If you initiated the break-up and your ex is not taking it well, the last thing you probably want to do is hurt them even more by rejecting their friendship. But it’s not your responsibility to nurse them through their heartache, and your support may actually make them feel worse. Research suggests that people like to know that support is available if they need it, but they do not like to feel needy. In the moment, your ex may crave your comfort, but at the end of the day your support is unlikely to help them move on if they continue to feel dependent on you. Instead of shouldering the burden yourself, make sure they are getting support from other people in their life. And if you owe them an apology, give them a genuine one, but don’t drag it out.

8. You want to keep tabs on them.
Even if you know that a relationship wasn’t meant to be, it can still be painful to think of your ex finding happiness with someone else. Staying friends may allow you to stay in the loop about their dating life and even give you some influence over it—a tempting prospect. But becoming your ex’s confidant may not benefit either of you in the long run, especially if you have mixed feelings about their efforts to move on. Even just remaining Facebook friends can give you a window into your ex’s life, for better or worse: in a Men’s Health survey of 3,000 people, 85% admitted to checking an ex’s Facebook page (link is external), and 17% said they did it once a week. But Facebook “stalking” tends to increase anxiety and jealousy (link is external). If you have trouble resisting it, you may be better off de-friending your ex, both on and offline.

7. You’re lonely.
When you go through a break-up, it can feel like there’s a hole in your social life, and that hole can take time to fill. If you’re feeling lonely on a Saturday night, having your ex over for a movie and take-out might sound more appealing than making the effort to go out and meet new people. But it can also lead you onto the on-again/off-again relationship rollercoaster (link is external), which research suggests is characterized by lower satisfaction, less love, more uncertainty, and more communication problems. It’s understandable to miss the intimacy of a romantic relationship, but putting yourself in the danger zone of hooking up with an ex may not be worth the short-term comfort. When you’re feeling lonely, turn to friends and family instead, and find ways to make the most of your alone time.

6. You’re having “grass is greener” syndrome.
If you’re not totally satisfied in a new relationship (link is external), research suggests you may feel more interested in keeping up contacts with your ex. It’s easy to romanticize the person you’re not with, since you’re no longer regularly exposed to their irritating habits. But this way of thinking is a trap, because if the grass always seems greener somewhere else, you’ll never be satisfied wherever you are. If you’re unhappy in your current relationship, it’s worth trying to address those feelings with your current partner rather than turning to an ex for support or as an escape. Adding the ex to the mix when your relationship is already in a complicated spot is only likely to complicate things further.

5. You hope that maybe someday they will change.
Maybe you broke up because your ex was unfaithful or drank too much, but you’re holding out hope that they will learn from their mistakes and eventually grow into the kind of partner you want. By staying friends, you’re able to keep them in your life and maybe even help them make changes. In some cases, hope for reconciliation (link is external) can motivate people to improve, but if your ex senses that it won’t be so hard to win you back, they may be more focused on trying to prove that they have changed than on making real changes, and you may be setting yourself up for more disappointment.

4. You want to keep them on the back burner.
A more cynical version of the preceding item is this desire to keep your ex around just in case you can’t find someone better. Needless to say, this approach is unfair to your ex, but it can hold you back as well. As I wrote in a previous post, playing it safe is not always the best approach when it comes to love. Sometimes you have to close one door, and close it fully, if you want another door to open.

3. They won’t take no for an answer.
You might not want to stay friends, but what if an ex does, and won’t leave you alone? As stated above, you have every right to say no to friendship. Make sure that you are direct with your ex about your feelings (and don’t be afraid to get the police involved if they push things too far). While a little Facebook “stalking” may be relatively harmless, true stalking is scary and unacceptable. And it is surprisingly common. In one set of studies, 40% of college students surveyed reported engaging in at least one stalking behavior (link is external) following a break-up, and approximately 10% engaged in six or more. These behaviors included things like contacting an ex after being told not to, or showing up at an ex’s residence uninvited. Anger, jealousy, obsessiveness, and need for control all predicted greater stalking behavior, so beware of these traits.

2. They still love you.
If your ex is still in love with you and you don’t feel the same way, the best thing you can do for them is to let them go. Spending time with them might make you feel good about yourself—who doesn’t enjoy being adored?—but it could be painful and confusing for them, especially if it gives them false hope. Even if you make it clear that you just want to be friends, it may not be clear enough to your ex. People see what they want to see, and rest assured they will be on high alert for any sign of returned affection. Your best bet in this situation is probably to minimize contact and let your ex move on.

1. You still love them.
Being in love with your ex, and secretly hoping to win them back, can be a powerful motivation for staying friends with them, but it’s also unfortunately one of the most dangerous ones. If your ex doesn’t want to be with you, there is probably little you can do to change their mind. Trying in vain will only lead to repeated heartbreak and make you feel bad about yourself. Spend time with friends who make you feel loved and appreciated. This ex is probably not one of them.


Thinking About Dating a Friend’s Ex These 6 Guidelines Might Help

It’s pretty much a given in any social circle that dating a friend’s ex is off limits. There’s usually too much emotional baggage, unhealed pain, memories, and potential fights to make it worth your while. However, there is the occasional circumstance where someone feels like it’s their destiny to date someone who’s already been dated. If the feeling is mutual it can work, but you’ll need to follow these guidelines to override “The Ex-Code.”

1. Communicate With Every one
If you and your friend’s ex accidentally locked lips at a party last weekend, it can be tempting to move forward with the flirtation and keep her out of the loop. In reality you need to start communicating with both parties pretty quickly. For one thing, make sure you know what his intentions are because if he’s not actually interested you could end up no friend and no boyfriend.

If you and him are certain that this is a good idea then you’ll need to talk to your friend as soon as possible so that she doesn’t feel blindsided by the betrayal. Even if she just casually dated him and wasn’t interested she will wonder why you just weren’t honest from the start. Be brave and risk hearing her opinion on the matter instead of hiding out.

2. Accept that Some Exes Just Are Off Limits
In the case where you’ve fallen hard for your friend’s ex but she isn’t giving you the go ahead, you’ll have to consider which is more important, her friendship or your budding romance. That of course is for you to decide. In other cases where a friend broke up with a guy for reasons having to do with how he treated her (such as taking money, being emotional abusive, cheating), you’re better off leaving him in the off limits bin. Do you really want to break a friendship over a guy who probably won’t work out anyway?

3. Respect Her Boundaries
If your girl gives you the go ahead to date someone that she dated it doesn’t necessarily mean that she is going to up for hearing details about your sex life. Respect that TMI might really be a thing in this case.

You should also consider that she might not want to hang out when the two of you are together, but don’t assume that she doesn’t and skip invitations that might make her feel isolated from the friend group. Run your plans by her and mention that the ex will be there, and she can make up her own mind.

4. Don’t Compare Yourself to Her
Comparing yourself to a guy’s ex is tempting in any situation, but when you actually know her the obsession can go a whole other level. The thing is, you only risk driving yourself crazy by attempting to do so. Even though you’re both women, comparing yourselves is like apples and oranges.

You don’t want to create a competitive rift in your friendship where it doesn’t need to be there, and you also don’t want to come off as completely insecure to him. For all he cares he chose you, end of story. Asking him to stroke your ego to ensure that you’re the prettier friend is going to get old very fast.

5. Don’t Ask Her For Insights
Every relationship is completely different depending on the two people that are in it, so the highs and lows of her relationship with him are probably going to be different than the ones in yours. You might feel like you have access to a cheat sheet by asking her all about him and why they didn’t work out, but this is more likely to cause issues all around than to help your relationship in the long term. She might not love it, and he certainly won’t.

6. Don’t Be Paranoid About them Being Around Each Other
This is a tricky one. In general you probably wouldn’t be spending a lot of time with your boyfriend’s ex girlfriend, but in this situation it just might happen. The last thing you want to do is assume that you’re asking for trouble by letting them see each other. They probably broke up for a reason and unless they’re terrible friends they probably only agreed to this whole thing because they are confident in the fact that their history is over and that your potential is more important.


Woman rescued from chimney at Ex boyfriend’s house

According to a report by Metro , a woman was rescued after stripping and trying to climb down the chimney of her former boyfriend’s home.

Fire fighters in California were called  by the home owner who was woken up by his former lover’s cries for help.

The mother of his three children had tried to open the front door, but when the 35-year-old failed to gain entry she climbed to the roof, removed all her clothes and slid down the chimney.

However her plan didn’t go well as she got stuck  in the 12 x 12 in chute.

Fire fighters spent two-hours rescuing her and were forced to break the fireplace open.

She was taken to hospital with minor injuries and very sooty legs.