Akothee: It took me 6 years to heal from the trauma of my divorce

Akothee alias Madam Boss has for the first time opened up about the emotional damage her divorce had on her.

The outspoken lady always looks tough but not always.

In a candid post on her socials, Akothee revealed that it took her 6 years to heal from her divorce from her childhood sweetheart Jared.

It took me 6 years to heal, recover & move on from the shock & trauma of divorce. I learned that nothing was in my powers apart from my Life and the lives of my children.

I had only two things left, The power to collect myself and move on, or the power to give up my life & that of my children to the world and succumb to sympathy.”

Akothee says she chose to pick herself up and mend the broken pieces of her heart.

 “If I chose number two ❗️, I would be SIX FEET UNDER. I WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW and you won’t have known There was A girl From Migori County Called

Esther Akoth Kokeyo.”

Akothee was married to Jared who is the father to her daughters, Vesha, Rue Baby, and Fancy Makadia.

Akothee and Jared on their wedding day

The couple formalized their union at an SDA church years ago.

In a recent post, the single mother of five said she held a wedding since her then-husband required a marriage certificate to travel abroad.

She added that she was eagerly looking forward to going to America and so she had no option.

“I was broken before I was built! On my big wedding day! We had to do this wedding because my husband was to travel to the Bahamas! He wanted to go with our marriage certificate so it will be easy for him to invite us I was looking forward to stepping into AMERICA like this,” she said.

Akothee added that her wedding was a low-budget affair.

“My wedding cost 2000 ksh, we borrowed just one car from a friend and we were very much in marriage, we brought up our kids on a very strong church background.

Before adding,

“The only thing I don’t understand about this photo ( Why was I sad? On my big day. YOU ARE NOT UGLY! YOU ARE NOT HUMBLE! YOU ARE BROKE, but NOT Broken.”

The two have maintained a cordial relationship.

Jared was present during the launch of Akothee’s book last week.

Akothee was also present during the burial of Jared’s dad late last month (May 2022.)

Jared has since moved on and has a new family.

Read more stories below;

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Anerlisa’s ex tried to con her of Ksh3.5 million

Anerlisa Muigai has revealed how she got dumped by a guy after she refused to fund his lifestyle and open a business for him to sustain himself.

Through her socials Anerlisa says the guy got into the relationship expecting to reap the benefits of being wealthy.

“I don’t even know why this has just come up in my head. I have come to gather that most of the relationships fail because of (out of my experience)  you get into a relationship for your own selfish reason,” She said.

Adding, “Let me laugh, one of my exes once asked me this, ‘We have been together for more than a year now and you haven’t helped me?’ I asked, “What do you mean helped?”

He said;

“I mean you should have built me a house by now or even opened for me a company like yours…” I answered, ‘If you thought starting a relationship with me will make you rich, then you are in the wrong relationship’ my friend, I was dropped in less than a week.”

In another post, Anerlisa said another reason her relationships failed was that some men she dated felt entitled to her properties and life.

Anerlisa Muigai

Anerlisa said the ex wanted her to share her ATM pin with him.

She said;

“Feeling entitled to the other person’s things/life. There is this relationship I was in where the guy started to even ask me to show him my ATM pin, also when I was talking to my family, especially my mum, he wanted to hear and be part of the conversation e.g. Like dude, I have some personal things that need to be shared and discussed only with my family.”

Anerlisa also explained how she found her ex plotting to steal money from her with his friend on phone.

According to her, the ex was planning to steal $30,000 which is equivalent to sh 3.5M but found out before he succeeded and dumped him.

“Having secretive calls and your partner not knowing what you are up to daily. So, one day I was coming from work, I opened my apartment door and then I walked into a phone conversation (in one of the rooms) that was about a plot on how the person I was dating at the time was going to con me. The person he was talking to, was helping him with the “perfect” plan,( still to this day, I ask myself, how did this dude not hear me getting in ) It was too much I even started recording the whole conversation.”

She added;

“The amount they planned to take from me was $30,000 which they never succeed. And even if I hadn’t walked in on them, they still wouldn’t have succeeded because anyone who has dated me knows that I don’t hand out money.”

Anerlisa added that her exes leave with nothing but always remember her for her genuine love and experience.

“That’s why I laugh when I hear people say, ‘He dated her and left with nothing’, Yes they leave with nothing, the only thing you’ll remember is my genuine love and experience. Also, mind you I was only dating this person for less than a year and he had already come with his agenda.”

She noted that people should get into a relationship to only love and make each other better mentally and emotionally.

“You might have a plan but God is the one who approves it and no evil plans are approved by him.”

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My hubby regrets marrying me cause I gave birth to a disabled kid-Maina told

Kenyan women have told Maina Kageni they regret marrying their partners because of the constant madharau they are going through.

This was based on a video of a woman in Kitui ditching her wedding at the last minute.

Maina Kageni was curious to find out what would make one ditch their wedding and why some others went on with the plans when they had doubts from the word go.


A caller identified as Rose says her husband said he regrets marrying her after she bore him a disabled child.

“I did not regret my husband but he told me he regrets marrying me.
This is because I gave birth to a disabled child. He has told me of his regret not once nor twice.”

Rose says that her husband no longer supports her and their two kids

“He was very much sober when telling me those things. He doesn’t even care how the child survives.
He does not support our 2 kids.”


*Jane says she has to live with a man who openly disrespects her

“People are suffering out here. Imagine living where you are not wanted? The guys notice you have become big and they go for someone else. There is a time I wanted to give up and I told him I wanted out. To my surprise, he wanted the same thing. We had been married for 14 years.”

Adding


“I told him even if I was going he would be the one to be left with the kids. We stayed for a week and he told me to give him a week to let him think.
If you feel tired of the arguments and the behavior let him know,” she advised.


*Mwanaisha says she is happily married and wouldn’t change anything
“I do not regret marrying him, we have been married for many years. We have gone through storms but we are still together, marriage works. He also does not regret it. We agreed to grow old together even though our marriage is not perfect.

Sad woman

*Rose says that she is only in the marriage because of the kids, given a chance she would leave and never look back.

“I do regret marrying my husband. Some things you never know, if you knew
If time could be turned back I would never get married to this person. He doesn’t know, you just walk around knowing you made a mistake. I am basically in jail because of the kids. They don’t understand what I am going through.

Do you regret marrying your partner?

‘The pressure became too much’ – David Rudisha on battle with alcoholism

Double Olympic Champion David Rudisha has opened up on coping with personal tragedy and battle with divorce and alcohol in his career.

During a candid interview with the BBC, Rudisha vowed he has put all his challenges behind and is firmly focused on a full recovery.

Local celebrities whose careers took a nose dive due to their battle with alcoholism

Rudisha took to alcohol to try and overcome the myriad of challenges that were heavily stacking up in his life including being off the track and parting with his wife Elizabeth Naanyu in 2016.

“The pressure became too hard. I used to hang out with friends and party a lot,” Rudisha told BBC.

david-rudisha_1

Perhaps the most devastating and recent blow to the athlete came earlier this year in March when he lost his father, Daniel Rudisha, whom he described as his biggest source of inspiration in his career.

Local celebrities whose careers took a nose dive due to their battle with alcoholism

 He died two weeks ago from heart attack at Nakuru War Memorial Hospital. The elder Rudisha himself was a stellar athlete who represented Kenya at the highest level internationally.

The late Rudisha represented the country during the 1964 Commonwealth Games in 1964 in Kingston, Jamaica.

“He played a big role in my life. He gave me the passion to love the sport and taught me discipline and respect towards fellow athletes,” Rudisha said.

David Rudisha
David Rudisha and his dad

The Olympic champion said his father was his greatest strength and encouraged even when he failed – something which Rudisha says made him be the star he is today.

In 1968 alongside Hezekiah Nyamao, Charles Asati and the late Naftali Bon, Rudisha won silver in the 4×400 relay.

Daniel Rudisha’s greatest accolade came during the 1972 Olympic Games in Munich where he won gold with Charles Asati, Hezekiah Nyamao, Robert Ouko and the late Julius Sang in the relay event.

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Man stabs his estranged wife after she served him divorce papers

A Washington State man who is alleged to have stabbed his estranged wife and then abducted their five-year-old son has been located along with the boy, it has been reported.

Local authorities say that Justin P. Robertson, 41, stabbed his estranged wife, Melissa Robertson, sometime before dawn at a home in Spokane Valley.

Officers arrived at the residence after receiving a report of an emergency at around 5:00am on Tuesday.

Sheriff’s deputies with the Spokane County Sheriff’s Office rushed to the home, where they found Melissa Robertson inside screaming for help.

Melissa Robertson (left) was found stabbed in her Washington State home early Tuesday morning. She told deputies that her husband stabbed her after she served him divorce papers

Since the front door was locked, deputies rushed to the rear, where the door was wide open.

They entered the home and saw Melissa Robertson ‘bleeding profusely from what appeared to be stab wounds,’ the sheriff’s office said.

She told deputies that she recently served her husband, Justin Robertson, with divorce papers.

Melissa Robertson alleged that Justin Robertson stabbed her and then fled with their son, Ethan.

She was rushed to a local hospital with serious injuries, though they do not appear to be life threatening.

Washington State Patrol canceled an Amber Alert on Tuesday after Ethan and his father were located.

The alert was issued for Washington State, Oregon, and Idaho, KREM-TV.

Justin Robertson has a history of domestic violence that includes stalking and harassment, according to court documents.

Last December, Melissa Robertson filed a protection order in Spokane County Superior Court due to worries of ‘possible physical harm, injury or death’ to herself or her child, court documents show.

-Dailymail

Woman granted divorce for refusing to go on a threesome with her hubby and another woman

A 27-year-old woman who declined to perform sexual relations with her husband and another woman has been granted a divorce by a court.

The woman had gone to court complaining of cruelty experienced at the hands of her 75-year-old husband and sought the separation which was granted by Judge M Thande.

Delivering the judgement the  judge said

“The respondent (husband) cruelly treated her through physically assaulting her and introducing a third party to their matrimonial bed. I have no reason to doubt the testimony of the petitioner,”

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The couple who were referred by their initials in the suit papers got married on August 8, 2011, at the Registrar’s office in Mombasa.

The woman identified as NMM said two cohabited in Mtwapa after marriage. However, they later separated in July 2015.

The woman then filed for divorce as she wanted to move on with her life.

Chapter 52, Part 1, Section 8 of the Matrimonial Causes Act sets forth the grounds for a divorce in Kenya.

Basically, they are:

Adultery; desertion for at least 3 years preceding the filing of the divorce petition.

Cruelty; of incurably unsound mind and under continuous care and treatment for at least 5 years preceding the filing of the divorce petition, and if filed by the wife, that the husband has been guilty of rape, sodomy, or bestiality.

 

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Woman stabs boyfriend to death after quarrel over a mattress

Police in Mai Mahiu Naivasha are seeking a woman who went berserk and stabbed to death her boyfriend following a quarrel over a mattress.

The woman said to be in her late 40s stabbed the 22-year-old casual laborer on the chest before fleeing after learning of his death.

The man was confirmed dead on arrival at Mai Mahiu health center where he had been rushed for treatment following the 2am attack.

According to a witness John Njenga, the deceased arrived in the home of the woman drunk, and a quarrel ensued.

Njenga said that the man was demanding back his mattress after the woman threw him out of her house due to his drinking habits.

“The two have been cohabiting but fell out leading to the quarrel that resulted in the woman stabbing the man twice,” he said.

Njenga said that the woman rushed to Mai Mahiu police station where she reported that she had been beaten by the man only to learn later that he had passed on.

Naivasha OCPD Samuel Waweru confirmed the incident adding that they were seeking the woman who fled on learning that the man had died.

“The body was collected and taken to Naivasha mortuary and we seeking the woman so that she can record a statement over the incident,” he said.

Individuals open up on how therapists ruined their marriages and relationships with their better halves

A therapist is the last resort when things are not going right ,but some couples have lost their better halves to their therapists.

Individuals open up on how therapists who were supposed to be their saving grace turned out to be their worst nightmare .

One woman opens up on losing her husband to her therapist she says

“My  husband and i went to couple’s therapy and he ended up cheating on me with the therapist.”

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Another adds

“We started marriage counseling to make our marriage better but the counselor told me i should divorce or start grieving the fact that il never have a normal marriage.She just made things even worse.”

Just when you think that you have heard the worst a husband opens up on how he lost his wife after therapy failed .

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 “Marriage counseling brought out the worst in my wife .we tried it for three years and it got so ugly we decided to divorce.” he concludes

A heartbroken woman opens up on finding out about her husbands infidelity

“Its been an year since i found out that my husband was cheating on me ,my son caught him and told me.We tried therapy which made things worse so we separated.”

The last victim opens up on wanting to walk out on her husband

“Just told my husband i do not want to do couple’s therapy .He thinks things are getting better,I am packing my bags she says with finality.

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A dedicated husband says that what her wife said during therapy hurt him to his core “My wife and i went to couples therapy and she told the therapist all the things she hates about me .She hurt me a lot during the session and i don’t think i can live with her.”

 

Read more on https://classic105.com/latest/

 

Grandparents heartbreaking stories on being blocked from seeing their grandchildren

Grandparents are less considered when divorce between their children occur yet they are also victims whose pain is never talked about openly.

In some instances, divorce is inevitable especially in situations where physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and infidelity is involved but the society never thinks of what happens to the victims of the divorced couple.Margaret Atwood once said “Divorce is like an amputation, you survive but there is less of you.”

Grandparents are an integral part of children’s lives and when divorce happens they are also affected since they are separated from the kids as well thus  creating an emotional dent

Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, two families have shared their stories about what it’s like to have a relationship with a grandchild ‘switched off’ when a partnership turns sour.

Says Jenny: ‘My son and his wife split up when my grandchild was three. They went to court and everything was fine for ten years.

He had an order and would see her at weekends. Suddenly, she couldn’t come to see her father anymore, we were told she was “busy” and then she was bought a puppy and we were told she “couldn’t leave the puppy”

‘For two years, there’s been no contact. She’s nearly 15 now and she was nearly 13 when we last saw her. We’ve been back to court to try and gain access but the judge said she’s old enough to make her own decisions on whether she wants to see us.

‘We understand that she’s growing up and things would change but we send cards, we send presents, we send money and we don’t get anything back. There’s no contact at all.’

I’ve lost her. It’s so sad; we all get together and have a wonderful time. I take them all to dinner and she’s missing…
Related image

Great grandmother Edna, 93, reveals the impact not seeing the now teenager has had on her.

‘When we get all the children together at parties and it’s so hard. I’ve lost her. It’s so sad, we all get together and have a wonderful time.

‘I take them all to dinner and she’s missing. All my great grandchildren… and she’s not there.

‘At my age now, I want to see her. I see my grandson suffer. When he’s at these parties, he plays with the children but seeing him without his daughter…I go home and cry my eyes out.’

Adds Jenny. ‘We’ve always followed the rules. My son goes on, he’s okay but he’s very, very sad. He’s admitted to me that when he’s on his way to family get-togethers, he cries in the car. He puts on a brave face, but he has only one child and they were so close.’

She concludes: ‘The only way to try and get back in contact would be to go to the courts again and that means going through a solicitor, which costs thousands and thousands. If you’re rich, you’re fine but we can’t afford it.’

Related image

When a relationship painfully and irrevocably breaks down with children involved, the rights of grandparents are often low down the list when a warring couple comes to court.

According to Daily mail under the current Children’s Act, indirect relatives including grandparents, aunts and uncles must go through the costly legal system themselves if they want to seek a child arrangement order (CAO) – with fees often spiraling into thousands of pounds.

While the Act is under closer scrutiny; earlier this year MPs debated whether the rights of close family members should be protected by law, for now, grandparents are often left feeling helpless – and bereft – when they are abruptly cut off from a child they love.

Speaking exclusively to FEMAIL, two families have shared their stories about what it’s like to have a relationship with a grandchild ‘switched off’ when a partnership turns sour.

Related image‘It’s like a living bereavement’: Susan Stamper, 69, from Lowick, Northants, hasn’t seen her grandchild for 20 years. Jenny Browne, 72, and her mother, Edna Cosnett, 93, say family get-togethers are no longer the same since Jenny’s granddaughter decided to stop seeing them two years ago

In May this year, figures revealed almost 2,000 grandparents were forced to go to court to win the right to see their grandchildren in 2016 – up 25 per cent.

Campaign group Fathers4Justice is backing enshrining the rights of grandparents into the law, but told MailOnline it remains cynical that the ‘Stone Age’ system will ever change.

Matt O’Connor said: ‘There are currently around one million grandparents with contact issues in the UK.

‘Grandparents go through double the heartbreak; they go through it themselves but they also go through it for their children.

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How could a court system be so cruel to treat people who are coming to the end of their lives so disrespectfully by not letting them see their grandchildren?
 Matt O’Connor, Fathers4Justice

‘How could a court system be so cruel to treat people who are coming to the end of their lives so disrespectfully by not letting them see their grandchildren?

O’Connor said the group had surveyed 500 grandparents affected by contact issues and 53 percent hadn’t seen their grandchildren in the last year and 28 percent hadn’t seen them in five years or more.

He added that 90 percent said that not seeing them contributed to depression, stress, anxiety and health problems while 88 percent said they worried about dying without seeing their grandchildren.

Great grandmother Edna Cosnett, 93, and grandmother Jenny Browne, 72, from New Malden, haven’t seen Jenny’s son’s daughter for nearly two years. Jenny has 11 grandchildren aged from 11 to 22 and says it’s heartbreaking to see her son suffer life without his daughter… 

Says Jenny: ‘My son and his wife split up when my grandchild was three. They went to court and everything was fine for ten years.

He had an order and would see her at weekends. Suddenly, she couldn’t come to see her father anymore, we were told she was “busy” and then she was bought a puppy and we were told she “couldn’t leave the puppy”.

‘For two years, there’s been no contact. She’s nearly 15 now and she was nearly 13 when we last saw her. We’ve been back to court to try and gain access but the judge said she’s old enough to make her own decisions on whether she wants to see us.

HOW THE CURRENT DIVORCE LAWS AFFECT GRANDPARENTS

The Children Act 1989 gave step-parents who have lived as part of a family for three years the right to apply for contact, but did not extend the same right to grandparents.

That means grandparents have to apply to the courts even to be given permission to make a request for some sort of contact, a lengthy and expensive process.

However, in May this year, MPs discussed a legal change that would establish a ‘presumption’ that grandparents, uncles and aunts should have access to their grandchildren, nephews and nieces after the children’s parents split up.

The proposed amendment is supported by MPs from all parties, who said some grandparents were being accused of harassment for ‘trying to send birthday cards or Christmas gifts to their grandchildren’.

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BBC presenter Dame Esther Rantzen, who campaigns for grandparents’ rights, said any new legal right would be ‘wonderful news for grandchildren’.

She said: ‘It is a relationship that matters so much and I have heard tragic stories of grandparents forced to try to prove there is a relationship. The law needs to recognize this relationship which means so much.’

Supporting the reform is justice minister Lucy Frazer QC, who said reforms were needed: ‘It is clear that the system could work better and I am keen to look into how we can improve it.’

‘We understand that she’s growing up and things would change but we send cards, we send presents, we send money and we don’t get anything back. There’s no contact at all.’

I’ve lost her. It’s so sad; we all get together and have a wonderful time. I take them all to dinner and she’s missing…
Great grandmother Edna Cosnett, 93, on not seeing her granddaughter

Great grandmother Edna, 93, reveals the impact not seeing the now teenager has had on her.

‘When we get all the children together at parties and it’s so hard. I’ve lost her. It’s so sad, we all get together and have a wonderful time.

‘I take them all to dinner and she’s missing. All my great grandchildren… and she’s not there.

‘At my age now, I want to see her. I see my grandson suffer. When he’s at these parties, he plays with the children but seeing him without his daughter…I go home and cry my eyes out.’

Adds Jenny. ‘We’ve always followed the rules. My son goes on, he’s okay but he’s very, very sad. He’s admitted to me that when he’s on his way to family get-togethers, he cries in the car. He puts on a brave face, but he has only one child and they were so close.’

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She concludes: ‘The only way to try and get back in contact would be to go to the courts again and that means going through a solicitor, which costs thousands and thousands. If you’re rich, you’re fine but we can’t afford it.’

Susan and John Stamper, 69, from Lowick, Northants, haven’t seen their grown-up granddaughter since she was three. Susan, who volunteers in a local primary school, has spent much of the last 20 years trying to contact her…

Susan Stamper, 69, from Lowich, Northants, has spent two decades battling to see her granddaughter, who has expressed a desire not to see her father’s family

Susan’s son and his nephew; she says not seeing his daughter has often left him in ‘a dark place’.

‘My son had a daughter in 1995 after buying a house and moving in with his ex-partner. While it was never ‘happy families’, for three years we saw our granddaughter.

However, in July 1998, my son came home to us when the relationship broke down and I haven’t seen her since that day.

While my son initially had a little bit of contact, we were shut out of our granddaughter’s life.

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After she moved away from where we live, I’ve tried in various ways to contact her but have never been successful.

I’ve got ten grandchildren and it’s a living nightmare. It’s a bereavement you can’t draw a line under…
 Grandmother Susan Stamper

I’ve got ten grandchildren and it’s a living nightmare. It’s a bereavement you can’t draw a line under.

I’ve spent the last 20 years trying to make contact with her, from appearing on This Morning to contacting the Grandparents Association, my local MP and even writing her a letter on Facebook.

The Salvation Army did manage to make contact but she simply said she wanted nothing to do with us.

I’ve watched my son suffer for 20 years too. He’s struggled with money and although he’s been through the courts, my granddaughter is now an adult and there’s little we can do.

Last year, after a few drinks, he admitted to me that he was in “a really dark place”. He’s tried so much but it’s never worked. In the last couple of years, I’ve felt like I had to do something. Raising awareness helps me feel like I’m doing something.

I just want her to give us a chance, to meet us, to make our own mind up about her. I’ve got a case full of presents and money in the bank.

She’s missed out on so much, she’s got a huge family and because she was the first grandchild she will never be replaced, there has always been a gaping hole.’

 

 

Read more on https://classic105.com/latest/

Modern woman more accepting over husbands infidelity to avoid divorce

Marriages were meant to be for better for worse but an increase in the rate of divorce in Kenya has left many wondering if marriage is worth while.

Every marriage has its own struggles but with the increase in moral decay more and more cases of infidelity are arising each day with increased cases of murder ,physical abuse,sexual abuse and many other inhumane behaviours.

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According to Daily Mail  lawyers found out that Modern wives are more willing to ‘turn a blind eye’ to one-off lapses in their husband’s fidelity, Figures show there has been a 45 per cent decrease in the number of divorce petitions submitted by wives over nearly 25 years.

Women are said to increasingly reject the idea of divorce in favour of trying to rebuild a marriage – provided their ‘red line’ has not been crossed.

Red lines include when a husband repeatedly misbehaves or becomes too blatant in his transgressions.

Solicitors cited the example of an easygoing marriage that ended in divorce after the husband brought his long-term mistress back to the family home.

Another case involved an erring husband crossing his wife’s red line when his misuse of credit cards provoked a legal action.

Figures from the Office for National Statistics show that in 2006 in England and Wales the first move in the legal process of divorce was made by 90,375 wives, but by 2016 this had fallen to 65,290 – a drop of just under 28 per cent. The overall number of divorces in England and Wales has fallen by 35 per cent in nearly a quarter of a century, with fewer than 107,000 finalised in 2016.

The number of divorces in England and Wales has fallen by 35 per cent over a quarter of a century

Between 1993 – the year divorce reached a peak of 165,018 – and 2016, the number of wives petitioning dropped by 45 per cent.

Ellen Walker, of Hall Brown Family Law, which carried out the research, said women often found it possible to live with affairs, financial problems, substance abuse and even domestic violence until the issues became too severe or too obvious to others.

Women appeared more capable than men of putting up with marriage-threatening difficulties, she added. ‘We are surprised time and again by the ability of some men and women to almost turn a blind eye to their partner’s misbehaviour,’ Miss Walker said.

Modern women were said to be better than men at dealing with problems facing their marriage

 

According to lawyers, women are happy to remain married as long as 'red lines' are not crossed

The number of divorces in England and Wales has fallen by 35 per cent over a quarter of a century

‘I am not referring to single examples of infidelity or drunkenness but individuals who encounter frequent bad conduct and give their other halves another chance, mainly because of their commitment to a relationship.

‘However, the cases which we deal with illustrate how many people in such a situation find their patience ultimately exhausted, usually when the misconduct becomes too difficult for themselves and others to ignore.

‘In some cases, that means being told by friends or relatives about extramarital affairs which they were already aware of or discovering the true extent of a spouse’s financial difficulties and learning that they impact on a business as well as at home.’

She added: ‘Their partners are sometimes shocked to learn there is a limit, given the degree to which they had been forgiven before. These marital watershed moments, though, prove to be the point of no return for a couple and can rapidly result in divorce proceedings.’

Miss Walker said: ‘I have been told on many occasions that divorce was regarded as something of a last resort but there are few individuals, in my experience, who have proven willing or able to work through every difficulty which presents itself.’

In a report earlier this year, Hall Brown said the rise of ‘breadwinner wives’ was also putting women off divorce as the prospect of giving up some of their wealth to their husbands made them ‘realise the financial consequences of calling time on the marriage’.

Read more here

Tumechoka: This is why 99% of Kenyans who file for divorce are women

A report from the Chief Kadhi’s court shows 99 per cent of people who file for divorce are women.

Most of the cases are on grounds of maintenance, where the husband no longer takes care of his wife and children.

The other is desertion, where the man just walks out on his family and his whereabouts are unknown.

Kenya’s Chief Kadhi Ahmed Mohdhar said divorce cases these days have increased because people have renounced the culture of getting advice on marriage responsibilities before making this important commitment. Speaking on Wednesday he said in the past, culture guided people and they were trained on the importance of marriage.

Mohdhar said a third of people who get married get divorced.

The Chief Kadhi said some divorces are brought about by the perception that marriage is just about the wedding day celebrations.

“People should not have the perception that marriage is only the wedding, which involves partying. They have to be told that it is a long-term commitment,” he said.

Mohdhar said divorce hurts children and pushes some of them to crime. “A child raised by a single parent is not the same as the one raised by both parents,” he said.

Mohamed Suleiman, a Mombasa Kadhi, said to save marriages, Kenya should adopt Indonesia’s approach to pre-marriage counselling.

“In Indonesia, when one is about to get married, they are taken for a one-month training,” he said.

This, Suleiman said, helps couples know their responsibilities and reduces divorce cases.

He said divorces have increased at about the same rate as marriages.

Some rare divorce cases filed in the Kadhis’ Court, include those on the ground of lack of sexual satisfaction in marriage.

Is it fair to divide assets 50/50 in the event of a divorce? (Poll)

A divorce ruling has ended the era of the 50/50 division of assets.

If you are splitting up from your hubby, pole girls, you won’t be entitled to half the assets in your marriage.

The High Court has declared that couples whose marriages end in divorce are entitled to what they each contributed during the union.

Justice John Mativo, in a landmark ruling on Monday, rejected a bid for couples to share their acquisitions 50-50.

Fida had wanted section 45 (3 of the Marriage Act, that states couples should get what they contribute, declared unconstitutional.

But the judge said: “A person cannot walk into a marriage and then walk out with more than what they deserve.”

He said the provision was meant to curb situations where parties to a marriage would be left to settle debts incurred during the subsistence of the marriage.

The Federation of Women Lawyers had challenged the constitutionality of Section 7 of the Matrimonial Properties Act.

The organisation had alleged the section offends Article 45 (3) of the Constitution which provides that parties to a marriage are entitled to equal rights at the start, during and at the dissolution of marriage.

Fida had also argued that the law creates unfair discrimination against women, arguing that the gender suffers most after dissolution of marriage.

The contention  was that the law was passed by Parliament despite objections.

 


Courtesy the Star. Also read more here

Divorce, bereavement and financial hardship age people’s brains by 4 months

Divorce, bereavement and financial hardship age people’s brains by around four months, new research suggests.

A single ‘fateful life event’ (FLE), which may also include miscarriages, causes the regions of older men’s brains linked to memory, attention and thought to become thinner, a study found.

Study author Dr Sean Hatton, from the University of California, San Diego, said: ‘Having more midlife FLEs, particularly relating to divorce/separation or a family death, was associated with advanced predicted brain ageing.’

This is thought to be due to such incidents causing ‘internal’ stress, which leads to cell damage, reduced immunity and genetic changes, according to the researchers.

It is unclear whether such ‘older’ brains increase people’s risk of conditions like dementia or mental-health disorders.

Previous figures show between 40 and 50 percent of marriages in the US end in divorce.

How the research was carried out 

The researchers analysed 359 men aged between 57 and 66 years old who were participating in the Vietnam Era Twin Study of Aging.

The men were asked to record life-changing events that took place over the the past two years.

These were then compared against a similar list collected five years before the participants joined the study.

Within a month of completing the latter list, the men underwent MRI scans and other health assessments.

The researchers note the study was carried out on a snapshot of people, adding it is unclear if women or younger people are similarly affected by FLEs.

They add their findings may help people understand their brain health relative to their age.

-Dailymail

‘I regret educating my wife’ cries man as he shares traumatic experience of his wife’s abuse (AUDIO)

 

In the crazy Monday pullout, an article claims that empowerment has spoiled Kenyan women. Do women become a disaster when empowered?

We recently celebrated International Women’s day, and everyone made sure hey shared great messages for the women in their lives.

But one man was having a hard time. He seems to be going through torture after disclosing that he spent loads of cash educating his wife, only for her to change completely. He insists her attitude was good and pleasant when he met her, but it later changed and has been causing him grief.

He revealed saying;

I’m married and I don’t have a problem empowering women. My wife did her degree when we were married. typically our current woman, when you empower her she changes to something else. I can see what I can see from my wife. From what we had and what we have right now. after she is getting to una jua ile kuona kamwangaza kidogo. She has changed very much and still she hasn’t gone so far. So it means if she goes so far, more than she isi today, our lives would drastically change. I have no problem with that I will live with the pain, if it’s getting me to have anger I will be angry all my life, I won’t divorce her, I love my kids, I will keep her to what she will change to. She’s never so polite like she used to be, She becomes the man of the house, She can do anything on her own.

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would not take her to school. I would suggest we survive on what I am making even if it’s Sh500.

I will write books and do videos for my son, to teach him that women are monsters. I want to do it for my son, so that when they grow up they will read what I went through, women are monsters.

When you educate lover hoping to marry her only to be dumped after graduation

Another man said;

There is no bigger lie that has been told to people than women empowerment. Here’s why.

You see in the past a man would be educated then he would finish school, go back to the village and marry a woman, and perhaps take her for a small course or open a small business for her. That’s how life was.. Today the empowered girl will not even think of going back to where she is from a finding a partner from there, lifting them up from poverty.

In this modern era, if your from a poor background as a lady, the chances of a company CEO to marry you are nonexistent. So what do the poor women do? They end up in prostitution. Its a social norm, because the company CEO will probably not want a woman who doesn’t have a degree. Most of these ladies who have degrees are from middle class

Giving your woman education is ok. But being the man of the house, you must draw the lines, whether she is a CEO or whatever, make sure she knows you are the man’, declared anther man, who insisted that a woman must respect a man and he too will respect her.

 Also read more here

 

Farmer’s Son Spends Life Working On Late Dad’s Farm, Loses Everything To Mother And Sisters In Feud

A farmer’s son who devoted his entire working life to his father’s farm has been left with nothing after a court ruled his elderly mother and sisters should have the £3million estate.

Sam James, 60, claimed he worked long and hard for his father throughout his career on the ‘promise’ that one day the hundreds of valuable acres would be his.

But when his father Allen James died aged 81 in 2012 he was ‘completely cut out’ of the will, which instead gave his fortune to his mother Sandra, 79 and sisters Karen James, 58, and Serena Underwood, 58.

He contested it, claiming he was promised the land, but the High Court in London has ruled Mr James was well within his rights to leave his son out of his fortune.

In a judgement published yesterday, Judge Paul Matthews said: ‘In my judgment, Sam’s eagerness to inherit the farmland from his father has caused him to persuade himself that he was being promised something when he was not. Allen James did not intend his words in that way, and did not intend them to be relied upon subsequently by Sam.

Chinese court launches ‘divorce exam’ which couples must fail to end marriage

‘It is not consistent with the image of Mr James as someone who kept everything in his own hands and did not confide in others.’

The court heard Sam James left school early and worked for the family business on Pennymore Pitt Farm, near Gillingham, Dorset, for nearly 35 years.

He was an ‘absolute grafter’, who ‘worked his socks off’, said his barrister, Penelope Reed QC, during the case.

He worked increasingly hard as his dad grew older, eventually becoming the ‘driving force’ of the business, she claimed.

Mr James said that in 2004 his father, a ‘frugal’ man, gave instructions to his solicitor to draw up a will giving the hundreds of acres of lands, cows, sheep and farm buildings to him.

But his mother, who lives in a farmhouse on the land, ‘took exception to it’ and the document was never executed, Miss Reed said.

She claimed the farm should have been Sam Allen’s due to his father’s ‘assurances’ that he would inherit it.

And she said the ultimate will that disinherited him was signed when the elderly farmer lacked the legal capacity to make a valid will.

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Enough Is Enough! Murang’a woman, 73, seeks divorce from husband of 55 years

A 73-year-old woman has filed for divorce from her 76-year-old husband in Kangema, Murang’a, saying he abandoned her for a second wife.

They have been married for 55 years.

Wheelchair-bound Marcella Mukami told a Kangema court on Friday she wants a share of Peter Kinyugo’s property because they built businesses together.

She said she earns only Sh2,000 from her farm, her husband took her pension and does not support her.

Mukami from Kiru location in Mathioya constituency told the court she contributed to purchase of the family land and construction of their permanent home.

Marcella Mukami, 73, is wheeled into the Kangema law courts on Friday /ALICE WAITHERA
Marcella Mukami, 73, is wheeled into the Kangema law courts on Friday /ALICE WAITHERA

 

That’s when both were working as teachers. Mukami said when Kinyugo married his second wife, he gave the bigger chunk of their land to her, leaving her with a small parcel.

“I helped plant the tea he gave her and he left me without any. I had to plant tea afresh on the small land he gave me,” Mukami told the court.

How is Samantha the doll an option for Kenyan men asks Maina Kageni (AUDIO)

 Mukami was wheeled into court from Huruma Hospital in Nanyuki. She told senior resident magistrate Dennis Kivuti her marital issues worsened six years ago when her husband stopped visiting her.

Mukami said she built many businesses with Kinyugo and she wants a share of them.

She said her husband forced her to participate in his traditional wedding to his second wife and to live in the same house with her for a year.

Defence counsel Gichuki Waiganjo produced photos of Mukami and her co-wife during her dowry ceremony.

‘I want to move on’: Kibor, 86, says case to end 51-year marriage taking too long

Mukami saidher husband took her pension after she retired from teaching, adding they shared an account. “Just before I retired, I applied for a separate account but my pension still got into the joint account,” she said.

The hearing is continue on February 15, when Kinyugo will testify.

Read more here

Children of divorced parents who live with a step-mother or father may face greater mental health problems

Children of divorced parents who live with a step-mother or father may face greater mental health problems.

A new study shows such teenagers are more troubled than those who split their time between both of their parents.

They report more symptoms of mental health problems, such as depression and dishonesty, or being bullied at school.

Experts have suggested it is better for children from broken homes to have a step-parent, because it offers greater financial stability and another authoritative figure.

However, children also face the stress of a ‘new family structure’, according to Norwegian researchers.

How the research was carried out

They compared more than 7,700 teenagers, who lived with either single parents, step-parents, between their parents in joint custody or with both parents in a traditional family.

The results show children living with a stepfather have the worst mental health, although the difference between this and living with a single parent is not significant.

Children in a family with a step-parent have significantly more adjustment problems than those in nuclear families and those who spend time living with both parents.

The authors, led by Sondre Nilsen, from the Regional Centre for Child and Youth Mental Health and Child Welfare (RKBU) in Bergen, Norway, discuss previous research that children in stepfamilies do worse at school, have greater emotional problems and are at greater risk of depression.

Writing in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, they said: ‘An interpretation of these findings is that possible benefits of introducing a step-parent to the family (eg increased economical and parental resources) might be counteracted by the stress related to establishing a new family structure.’

DON’T GIVE IN TO CHILDREN’S ANXIETY, SAYS EXPERT

Anxiety is at an all-time high among children and teens, but experts warn that young, worried minds might be better off without comfort from their parents.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than one quarter of young people between 13 and 18 years old suffer from anxiety, and the Child Mind Institute estimates that nearly 32 percent of younger American children to do too.

With a constant stream of information and media, it is easy to ‘catch’ your child’s own anxieties over a world full of threats and discomforts.

But, New Hampshire-based psychotherapist, author and speaker Dr Lynn Lyons says parents must resist the urge and veer in the other direction, coaxing their children – and themselves – to approach challenges, rather than retreat from them.

To treat a family member’s anxiety, Dr Lyons says, you have to treat the whole family.

‘The more freaked out parents are, the more freaked out kids are, so stress in families is pretty contagious, and worry in society is pretty contagious,’ Lyons said earlier this month.

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Researchers established 16 to 19-year-olds’ mental health with questions including how worried they were, if they were often downhearted or tearful, were bad-tempered, restless or often lied or cheated.

A score from this Strengths and Difficulties Questionnaire was compared to their living arrangements.

The resulting poor scores for children with stepfamilies suggest that remarriage does not alleviate the negative effects of growing up with a single parent.

Around one in 10 families in England and Wales are stepfamilies with at least one child living in the house, but little research has been done on how this set-up affects children.

Men have a more uninvolved parenting style 

The difference in mental health between children living with stepfathers and stepmothers may be explained by evidence that men may monitor children less and have a generally more uninvolved parenting style.

It has been suggested that boys struggle more with a new stepmother, and girls more with a stepfather, but the latest results did not back this up.

The study shows that children with step-parents feel better off financially than those with single parents, but this did not appear to reflect on their mental health.

Those living with both parents were significantly more well-adjusted than those in stepfamilies, which could be because their parents got along better with this arrangement.

Lead author Mrs Nilsen said: ‘As we have measured family structure and levels of mental health problems at the same point in time, we cannot say that it is joint physical custody in itself that leads to the apparent better adjustment in this post-divorce living arrangement (compared to single parent and step-parent arrangements).

‘It could be that certain factors associated with better child adjustment and with living in joint physical custody (such as better family economy, less conflict between parents etc) that lead them to report lower levels of mental health problems.’

Read more: dailymail.

Kenyan Granny files for divorce after 55 years of marriage

A 73-year-old retired teacher has filed a petition in a Kangema court to end her marriage to her 76-year-old husband, citing his ‘neglect of matrimonial duties’.

Marcella Mukami from Kiru location in Mathioya constituency said Peter Kinyugo, her husband of 55 years, abandoned her after marrying a second wife.

Mukami accused Kinyugo, a retired chief, of neglecting her family since 1984, when he married Triza Mulinge.
“The problems in our marriage were aggravated six years ago when my husband started spending weeks at my co-wife’s home without paying me a visit,” Mukami told the court on Thursday.

She said when Kinyugo married a second wife, he moved her into a house they had converted into a cow pen.
Mukami and Kinyugo have one child. Kinyugo has three children with Mulinge.

Senior resident magistrate Dennis Kivuti adjourned the hearing after Mukami protested the production of her family photographs and NHIF documents contrary to the laid down procedures.

The magistrate scheduled the case for hearing on January 18 to give time to the two parties to exchange their details and documents to allow the suit to proceed.

Kinyugo had asked the court to allow the case to proceed, saying he produced the photographs to remind her of the family activities both Mukami and Mulinge were involved in.

But Mukami’s lawyer Margaret Nyang’ati objected the production of the documents in court, saying her husband was ambushing her instead of following the legal procedure.

Mukami, who uses a wheelchair, was taken to the court from Huruma Hospital in Nanyuki where she is admitted.

-The STAR/ Alice Waithera

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