My disabled hubby has become abusive and aggressive. Do I leave him?

It is every woman’s dream to live happily ever after settling down, but what if he gets into an accident and becomes disabled – would you stay?

That is the dilemma a woman has found herself in after her husband got involved in an accident which has robbed him of his esteem making him grumpy.

She wrote

“He does the worse things to me and I think I need to move on without him. The only reason I keep staying with him is this…We struggled a lot before having a child. It was four years into our marriage before I got pregnant. When finally the pregnancy came, he got transferred to another city for work.

But that didn’t change the joy of knowing I was pregnant. He came home every now and then to be with me and ensure the baby was growing just fine inside of me.And then finally I gave birth. He came home immediately after he heard the news and spent about a week with us.”

mum pregnant

And just when the couple were warming up to the idea of having a new member in the family, she continues

“His life changed the day he was returning back to work. He had a terrible accident and lost the use of his legs through that accident.

My life changed too. Before his accident, I was a nursing mother and a wife. After the accident, I became a nursing mother, a wife, and a caregiver to a man who has lost mobility.

True love transcends all, they say so I determined to walk through the thick and thin with him. I resolved to even be a better wife than I’ve been before. He’s a man with special needs now so I had to put on special strength to be able to care for him.

Six months into the accident, his company laid him off. That was expected so we were not surprised. We only had to plan and use the compensations given to him very well.

I became four things; a mother, a wife, a caregiver and the breadwinner of the house.That didn’t dim my spirit. I was determined to do my best. Every day and every time. And then the cracks began.”

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She goes on to explain how insecure her husband has become to an extent of questioning her work even though he knows too well what it entails.

She goes on with her narration

“I usually spend most times of the day at work so we hired a house-help. He started complaining about the time I come back home from work.I work at the bank and it’s difficult to have a specific closing time. Usually, we close late and due to traffic situations, I get home very late. I could understand his complaints but we needed the money from my work to survive.

I told him; “This has been the normal time I come home from work since we got married. I can understand why you complain now. You need me around but I’m trying…” I didn’t complete my statement when he snapped; “Stop patronizing me! You know my condition and as a wife, you should work something out to be home early.” Then he concluded nasally; “Only God knows the places you go after work.”

“You suspect me of something?” I asked. “You don’t trust me?” He rolled his wheelchair off leaving my questions unanswered.

I’m trying to keep the house but he sits at home and suspect me of wrong-doings. That night I didn’t sleep. I kept thinking of what he said and was very worried.”

‘Thank you for reaching out ‘ woman who published suicide note saved

She continues

“I woke up one dawn to see him going through my phone. He didn’t realize I was awake. I kept mute and watched him go through the phone all dawn and when he was done and putting the phone down, I asked, “Are you done? Did you find what you were looking for?” He responded, “You think I don’t know you delete your messages and call logs?”

Anytime I’m on the phone he wants to know who I’m speaking to and why I’m speaking to whom I’m speaking to. Sometimes, he would hid and eavesdrop on me. That didn’t bother me a lot because there was nothing to hide.

black-woman-cheating1

A cousin of mine got married recently and I told him weeks before the wedding that we would be going together. He declined so I said, “Ok, I would go and represent us and whatever gift I give would be in your name.” He agreed.

When I got back from the wedding I could sense his mood wasn’t right. I didn’t want to bother him so I went inside to change my cloth. He followed me and said, “Shame on you. You feel embarrassed to be out there with me in the public. But remember I once had legs.”

“What are you saying?” I asked.

“It’s clear you didn’t want to attend the wedding with me.”

“But I told you to go with me and you declined?”

“I declined and what did you do about it? Nothing! If you really had it in hearts to go with me, you would have persuaded me. You would have tried coercing me to go with you but no. Immediately I said I wasn’t going, you laughed on the inside and said: “Thank God this legless fellow isn’t going to follow me around.”

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Due to the emotional turmoil, the lady in question adds that she feels like she has reached her end, adding that

“I’ve endured worse but this really got to me so I cried. “Why is he trying to find fault with everything I do?” I thought to myself. I asked him, “Are you going to be like this for the rest of our lives? You were not like this. What happened? “You changed! That’s what happened!” He responded. I walked away in tears.

For the first time that day, I started thinking about life without him. I was worn out and wanted to flee. To experience a better aura somewhere he wouldn’t be there. I’m trying my best but nothing keeps him satisfied.

He’s become controlling, jealous and very possessive. I’m happy when I’m at work. I’m filled with fears anytime I close from work and going home. “What would he be tonight?”

People would judge me if I should leave him today. They would say I left when he needed me the most or worse still, I couldn’t stay through the worse. Not that I care about what people would say but I care about how he would survive when I’m gone. It’s been two years already and no family had come to ask how he’s faring or how we are surviving.”

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‘Look at God’ – Disabled cancer survivor graduates despite being discouraged by lecturer

A visually challenged girl has won the hearts of Twitter users after sharing her rise to triumph story.

M_Nyane has just graduated but it has not been an easy journey for her.

She is a student at the University of Johannesburg, and along the way has met hurdles that would have deterred others from completing their education.

She wrote

“On the first day I went to UJ, a lecturer told my parents and I that I wouldn’t make it because of my disability. But look at God, I made it. Never Give up on your goals!!!. #UJGraduate.”

 

ErickNjenga‏…Disability is not Inability

#HaveFaith (RiseAfrika).. And I bet they also never mentioned you’d feature, as part of the choir, on Simphiwe Dana’s Symphony Experience! Keep the faith, and may God’s blessings continue flowing to, and through, you

yolanda zwane‏ …When Jesus says yes nobody can say no Congrats dear

Ayanda Mnguni‏ ..You deserve it all and more. God is not done showing off with you. CONGRATULATIONS!

Pelisa_K …I wish I could like this status many times. You are the epitome of success and a living testimony that He alone holds our destinies Congratulations UJ Graduate.

Philisiwe‏ @CuteThotsi95….Congrats gals you did it even though they said you wouldn’t God is indeed with his people…… He had a purpose when he created you # keep on working # don’t forget to pray proud of you

Alicespringz01 …Congratulations dear. As a cancer survivor, you graduated against all odds and still made this lovely dress!!!!!!! This is 100% motivation for me.

Partners of people who are going deaf endure frustration – study

Going deaf makes life hard for the sufferer but it is tough on their husband or wife too.

The partners of people losing their hearing endure frustration, anger and upset, research shows.

They have to contend with a blaring television and must raise their voice and repeat themselves to be heard.

They also report becoming socially isolated or having to attend events alone, as their deaf spouse withdraws over fears they will be unable to hear.

They are forced to act as interpreter and field every telephone call. The effort of speaking loudly, repeating words and avoiding misunderstandings can be exhausting, they say.

Researchers at Nottingham University reviewed 78 studies about the impact of deafness on sufferers and those closest to them.

Lead researcher Venessa Vas said: ‘Hearing loss affects the whole family.’

Participants in the studies reviewed by the British researchers had an average age of 66. Only 11 studies related to the feelings of partners and 18 focused on both the partner and the person with deafness.

The results show families struggle with having to interpret for someone losing their hearing. One woman said: ‘By the time you’ve tried telling him what they have said, they’ve moved on.’

Another said it was harder to enjoy social occasions because of her partner’s hearing loss, adding: ‘He’s not participating in the actual conversation and there’s just all this noise going on around him – he just switches off.’

While those going deaf suffer embarrassment, worry and fear of rejection, both they and their partners experience frustration, anger and upset, says the review, published in the journal Trends In Hearing.

People with hearing loss say they feel left out and isolated, with even one-on-one conversations a problem.

The study quotes one sufferer who said: ‘When you’ve spent 40 years being able to converse easily and then one goes deaf, it’s very difficult to adjust.’

Another said: ‘My husband sometimes gets annoyed because he has to keep repeating.’

Hearing loss impacts on everyday life, from someone being unable to hear the doorbell or phone to needing the TV or radio blaring.

One said: ‘When it [the TV] gets up too high, it aggravates me. I don’t get any pleasure out of it.’

Read more: dailymail