Remember musician Mary J Blige’s confession on why her 11-year marriage to Kendu Isaacs has been so successful? The songstress said that her husband is not allowed to keep any female friends and she doesn’t keep any male friends either because platonic relationships with the opposite sex do not work well with marriage. Can men and women be just friends really?
Some people tend to think that having friends of the opposite sex ruins marriages. Platonic friendships between men and women are often looked at the key to sex. Add a marriage tag to that equation and it is unacceptable.
Why are there so many cases of married men with ‘mpango wa kandos’? It all starts with we are just friends. You will often hear a man saying how he has met this great friend who is an amazing listener, she is not as nagging as his wife, when he is hanging out with her he feels like he is with one of the boys. They will go for drinks together with his click, sometimes even for road trips because after all what are great friendships for? They should be enjoyed right? One thing leads to another and the woman has fallen for the man hook,line and sinker.
The man will be spending over at her house if he is unable to go home after a few drinks while exploring the great friendship and then lies will begin as soon as the sex happens. ‘ I am thinking of leaving my wife because I don’t love her any-more’ he will say just to make sure she doesn’t doubt her place in his heart. 3 years down the line she is still a ‘MWK’ and he has not left his wife and he is not planning to.
Women should not get overly excited by that man in a marriage band making moves at you, if he wants a platonic friendship, he should perhaps try his wife or wasn’t that the reason why they got married in the first place. The foundations of marriage should be friendships right?
Some men use friendships as the bait to trap women. You will always spot that coy one from a mile away. If you hint as to why he is getting too close, he will say I just want to be friends. He will even go to the extent of talking about you to his wife. Your friendship will not be a secret, sooner rather than later the woman will fall for him.
Friendships with the opposite sex do not work in marriage because with friends comes sharing and with sharing presents an opportunity for emotional attachment. He will always feel the need to talk to his friend because she ‘understands’, she doesn’t judge and she is a good listener. He may not purpose to have an affair but with emotional attachment comes compromise leading to a physical attachment.
What’s your opinion, can cross-gender friendships work in a marriage?