Tag: couples

Top 10 arguments couples have about money

Posted on by Michelle Wangari

Arguments about money hamper many marriages. In fact, couples fight about money twice as much as they fight about sex, according to a Money Magazine survey. And the challenges can actually start even before you say “I do.” Sometimes, when each spouse works and they can’t agree on financial issues, they decide to split the bills down the middle or allocate them out in some other fair and equitable manner. Once the bills are covered, each spouse can spend what they have left as they see fit. It sounds like a reasonable plan, but the process often builds resentment over the individual purchases made. It also divides the spending power, eliminating much of the financial value of marriage.

Below are the top arguments couples have about money

1. You spent how much? You might have bought a few too many things to make the house look more homely- stuff that you didn’t need but wanted. Was that ornament or decorative throw worth eating beans for a week? Probably not.

2. Take out– Neither of you can be bothered to cook and really want food to be prepared and delivered to your door. Then all you have to do is provide the glasses and sauce- but can you really afford it? Truth be told- no!

3. Back up– You use the joint as back up when your own money runs out. But when that lake runs dry you really are goosed.

4. Keeping track– Knowing when all your bills come out can be a challenge, if you get it wrong you run the risk of an overdraft fee and then the inevitable blame on whoever the designated accountant is.

5. Budgeting– A great way to cut back and live within your means if you have the discipline- if one or both of you don’t adopt this attitude- you will end up in debt.

6. Cash vs card– One of you will favour carrying cash around so you know exactly how much you’ve spent. The other is probably afraid of muggers to the point of always using plastic. Let the head butting begin.

7. Food- You can budget for this all you like, but no couple can live off one shop every fortnight or month- no- there are always the ‘fresh’ or ‘bitty’ purchases in between that upset the balance. Fruit and veg may be healthy but my word do they cause havoc when it comes to balancing the books.

8. Statements– There is no hiding from a statement- it’s like a list of guilty crimes over several sheets of paper. If you have made any unnecessary purchases on here- they stick out like a sore thumb.

9. Buffers– All couples should have a buffer for when the unexpected happens. An overdraft on top of an overdraft if you will, but if this slowly whittles down to nothing- there is hell to pay.

10. Occasions– Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries- who pays for what? The joint account, your separate account? Have, you/we spent equal amounts on everyone? Let the fighting commence.

-Femalefirst.co.uk

How To Fight Smart With Your Spouse

Posted on by Lourraine Chituyi

Fights don’t have to turn into something else they can always be resolved in calm ways with the issue at hand being settled and not having to go at each other. There are smart ways to fight and then there are destructive ways to fight. Destructive fights can lead to the downfall of a marriage. There are ways that you can have a smarter fight and save the relationship as well:

Remember that your partner is your best friend – Sometimes it can be hard to feel that way, especially when he is the one that you are mad at. There is a bond that married couples have that gives them not only a relationship but a deep friendship as well. When a fight comes around remember that he is the one that you can talk to about anything and everything. Even though you are fighting right now you will make up and get through it just as best friends do when they fight.

Keep eye contact -. This will let them know that you are listening to their concerns. Eye contact will build intimacy even when you are fighting.

Decisions – At the end of the fight, even if you still land on completely opposite sides, you need to feel good about the decisions that were made or the compromises that were proposed. If one person ends up with feelings of resentment after a fight another one is likely to follow. They will feel as though their issues are unresolved.

Be prepared for some give and take – One spouse cannot always have it their way. This will also lead to feelings of resentment. The other spouse will feel as though they don’t matter and their feelings are not worthy. Everything is about give and take and there will need to be compromise from both sides.

Keep calm – When an argument starts do not immediately go into yelling and screaming matches. Be playful and still have a lighthearted demeanor. The more intense that you are during a fight the worse it will be.

-Blackhealthywoman

Simple ways to minimise wedding costs

Posted on by Lourraine Chituyi

Many couples usually cringe at the thought of having a wedding because they are afraid of the costs that come with it. That doesn’t always have to be the case as there are ways in which you can minimise costs.

Here are a few tips to help you plan a wedding on a budget.

Go seasonal when it comes to flowers – Tell your florist which month you are getting married in and ask them to tell you the flowers that will be available seasonally without having to source blooms from overseas. Locally sourced flowers are better value as otherwise you will have to pay import costs.

Bouquets as table decorations – After the wedding ceremony, what happens to your bridal bouquet and the bouquets of your bridesmaids? Most of the times they go to waste. So get your bridal team to take them from you after the ceremony and use them as table decorations at your reception.

Personalised reception table pieces – If you can’t afford expensive flower table centres, why not do something that won’t cost much but will still look stylish and personal? Get photographs of you and your groom throughout your relationship and place them in photo frames.

Handwritten notes instead of gifts – Dispense with gifts and write handwritten notes to your guests that won’t cost you a penny. If you write a little note to each guest on why you are so happy that they are at your wedding, not only will they be deeply touched, but also it will avoid you having to splash out.

Use family heirlooms – Buying new jewellery for your wedding can be incredibly expensive. Instead of choosing just one item for your ‘something old,’ ask aunties/grandmas and mother-in-law to be if you could borrow earrings/bracelets/necklaces.

Find your wedding dress at a sale – You can still have a designer wedding dress if you are planning a wedding on a budget. Many bridal designers have sample sales at the end of the season where you can find gowns at a fraction of their original price.

Serve your wedding cake as a dessert – Not only will you save money by not having a stand-alone dessert, but the saving will allow you to splurge a little bit more on the style, flavours and fillings of your wedding cake.

Do your own wedding make up – Professional wedding make-up artists can be very expensive. However, if you pay a visit to a big name beauty counter at a department store, they can do your make up for free and give you tips and advice that you can use when doing your own bridal make up.

Have a mid-week wedding – The most popular weddings are at the weekend, so if you opt for a wedding in the week, they are about a third cheaper.

Borrow a car – Rather than hiring transport to the ceremony and reception, ask your friends and family if they have a luxury car you could borrow.

Share the cost of wedding flowers –If you know another couple who are having a wedding ceremony before or after yours, why not ask them if you could share the cost of wedding flowers? You can opt for classic flowers that will suit you both, and then you can split the cost between you.

Make the most of your friends – Your friends are one talented bunch, so make sure you make the most of them. If you have one who is a hairdresser, I am sure they would be happy to do your hair for free. Or, alternatively, perhaps you know someone who is great with flowers and could help create your bouquet and bridal arrangements at a reduced cost?

Get crafty – Ask your girlfriends over one evening for a ‘wedding craft’ evening, making decorations and favours. Not only will it be incredibly beneficial in terms of cost, but also it is a great excuse for a gossip.

–Metro

Why nights in with your partner are the best

Posted on by Michelle Wangari

Couple time is a very important aspect in any healthy relationship. A night in will serve as a perfect bonding moment for any couple. Instead of grabbing every opportunity you get to go out, invest in some creative ways to bond with your significant halfs at home. Here is the reason why?

Couple Time
It’s very rare during the week that you get time for just the both of you. You tend to talk about work when you come home, so you are on a constant high from remembering things or thinking about the next day. People call around unexpectedly or you try and cram in things you don’t want to do on the weekend- like the gym. On a weekend you can crack open a bottle of wine, lock the front door, get some snacky food or a take away and watch trash TV without a care in the world for a couple of days.

Time to Talk
During the week, there is time to talk, but you don’t. You are not in the frame of mind to focus on your feelings; you are simply programmed to think about work. All the touchy feely stuff comes out more freely when you are most relaxed. Nothing makes people talk more than bonding over some informal food, even if it’s between you on the couch rather than in front of you on a table.

Duvet Days
For those who spend their working week in a pant suit, kicking back in your pjs with a duvet is the best medicine. You don’t have to get up early to do your makeup or dry your hair and iron your shirt- you can get up and not worry about changing your attire or your appearance. Meal and snack times shift to later in the day to when you want them rather than when it’s scheduled in.

Cheap and Cheerful
Selecting a movie and grabbing something out the cupboard is much less stressful for your bank account- it can cost you nothing or a couple of notes for this type of night in with your partner. Going out for a meal is great, but there is all the fuss of getting dressed up, booking it, feeling uncomfortable because you don’t understand what’s on the menu, all the while worrying if you can afford the bill at the end. At home you can turn up to the table how you like and feel totally at ease while no worrying about the cost.

Off to bed
Bed is right there- so if either of you are feeling the energy rush from your food of choice and fancy some sexy time- there is nothing stopping you. Not the taxi-ride home, not the feeling of being too old to stay our any longer, not the worry about the bill and how you are going to pay for groceries this month. All of those stresses of a night out are gone and all you have to worry about is getting up the stairs and taking off your clothes.

Character traits of independent people in relationships

Posted on by Lourraine Chituyi

Dating does not necessarily mean that those involved should stop enjoying their lives as separate individuals. This doesn’t mean that they love their partners less, in fact it would be better if both partners are just as independent.

Here is how independent couples work:

Traveling solo – Travelling as a couple can be stressful and sometimes expensive. Besides, other people like to travel alone. A couple made up of two independent minds appreciates solo travels. It gives you a chance to recharge and an opportunity for you and your partner to miss each other. You will have lots to talk about when you get back.

venice
Image courtesy trafalgarblog.com

Standing up for themselves – An independent person has a very strong sense of who they are, and, therefore, a clear idea of what they want. When you really know yourself, you feel comfortable speaking up about what your desires and limits are.

They don’t rush to move in together – For some people, being in love means moving in together as quickly as possible. An independent couple is however more than happy to maintain separate living spaces. This doesn’t mean they love each other less, just that they like their own spaces where they can continue to have valuable alone time and maintain their own routines. When they eventually move in together it’s after a long and thought out process and agreement on how their cohabitation will work.

Couple relaxing with champagne by boxes in new home smiling
Image courtesy of kenyanlife.info

They don’t check in every time – Some couples like checking in with each other many times throughout the day—through email, texts, and lunch-hour phone calls. But for independent people, this kind of constant exchange feels unnecessary and irritating. They’re okay with letting a day or two pass without talking to their partners; the break means that they’re not struggling to create small talk with someone all the time, and when they do connect again, they have fun new things to talk about.

 They let their partners do their own thing – Independent people understand that just as they need time away from their partners, their partners also need to have their own separate identities. This approach can help the overall health of a relationship by allowing both parties maintain a clear sense of self. Being able to comfortably spend time apart is also an indication that you and your partner are secure in the relationship.

They like alone time – Some people love having time to themselves and for some, it’s an absolute necessity. They like having time alone at home, going to the movies by themselves etc . This desire for solitude doesn’t go away when they get into a relationship; instead, they learn to balance the time they spend with their partners with the much-valued time apart. This time away from each other can be a powerful component to keeping the relationship fresh, and keeping the couple from burning out on each other.

Sitting-in-Nature
Image courtesy of tinybuddha.com

They spend time with other people– Independent people maintain separate social lives from those of their partners. They have their own friends and attend their own social events, in addition to sharing some of those things with one another. Maintaining an independent social life is good for any romantic relationship because it’s simply too much to expect your romantic partner to fulfill all of your social needs. If you get to have fun hanging out with friends, you’ll put less pressure on your partner to be your end-all, be-all companion.

 

 

More phrases your partner would like to hear besides “I love you”

Posted on by Lourraine Chituyi

Some people may argue that if you love someone, some things will be part of that love.

That someone who loves you automatically sacrifices for you, respects you, forgives you, supports you, protects you and is committed to you.

Well that is true however your partner will want to hear you say them just for reassurance.

Phrases that couples should hear from each other

1. “I forgive you.”
I forgive you for all the things have done, or will do, that may hurt me. I forgive the way you may lash out when you are hungry, I forgive the things you may say when you’re tired after a long day. I forgive the times you didn’t even know you upset me. I forgive your big mistakes and the small ones. I forgive you for not knowing what I needed when I thought you would, or even expected you to know. I forgive you when you fall short, because I see how hard you are trying. I forgive you the way I hope you’ll forgive me because I know neither of us is perfect.

2. “I’ll sacrifice for you.”
I’ll sacrifice my time for you. I’ll be selfless for you. I’ll stay up late with you as you learn to care for our new baby, even though I have work in the morning. I’ll hold you when you’re sick. When you are weak, I will be your strength. I’ll be there for you at 3am as readily as I would at 7pm. I’ll be there when no one else is, and I’ll be there 100%. In sickness and in health, my willingness to be there won’t change. My sacrifice is not dependent on your state of being, but rather it is there because you exist and you are someone worth sacrificing for.

3. “I respect you.”
I respect you for who you are, and not for what I feel you deserve. I respect you because you deserve my respect, not because you earned it. I’ll respect your opinions and consider your feelings. I’ll treat you like a person with your own thoughts, hopes, dreams and desires. And those thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires will matter to me the way they matter to you.

4. “I’ll support you.”
I’ll support your hopes and your dreams. I will always have your back. You can rely on me. I’ll raise you up and never tear you down. I’ll always make sure you have what you need, physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I’ll lift you back up when you fall.

5. “I’ll protect you.”
I’ll protect you from harm. I’ll protect your heart from pain. I’ll protect the idea of us. I won’t demean you. I’ll treasure you and shield you from evil, bad and ugly. I won’t let others put you down. You will be safe in my arms, safe in my hands and safe in my heart. I’ll be your safe haven, your safety net, and someone you can always trust.

6. “I’m committed to you.”
I won’t leave you. I will be here for you again and again. I’ll make this work a priority in my life. I’ll look back on our beginning, I’ll work on our now and I’ll look forward to our future because we are something that I want to last forever.

 

His and hers dress ideas for a perfect valentine’s day photoshoot/date

Posted on by Michelle Wangari

Kenya’s leading male fashion blogger Kenyan Stylista in conjuction with fellow blogger Diana Machira are giving you tips on dress ideas for your valentine’s day date or photoshoot on his new website  http://kenyanstylista.com. In case you have that dinner and are not sure on what to wear, you need not to worry as he has ideas for both women and men. Check out the photos below and more he will be posting daily;

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Love Commandos helping Indian couples escape prejudice

Posted on by AFP

Vandna left everything behind when she fled her parents’ home in India to be with the man she loved, giving up family, friends and the studies she hoped would help her become a teacher.

It is only thanks to the Love Commandos, a New Delhi-based organisation that helps desperate couples who have defied their families, that the 22-year-old and her new husband have a roof over their heads.

The organisation is the brainchild of former journalist Sanjoy Sachdev, who launched it in 2010 after coming to the aid of a young man falsely accused of rape by the family of the woman he wanted to marry.

Since then, it has helped thousands of desperate couples in the socially conservative country, giving them sanctuary in safe houses and access to legal advice.

The organisation operates seven apartments in the Indian capital, but can also call on 300 couples to take in lovers fleeing relatives’ wrath for a short period.

“Some stay with us 14 months, others 14 hours,” said Sachdev.

Like many young women in India, Vandna was expected to marry a man chosen by her parents, who were furious when they discovered her relationship with Dilip, whom she married in July.

They first stopped her from going to college, where she was studying business and accountancy, and then hastily arranged a marriage to a male relative.

That was the final straw, and she fled the family home a day before the marriage was due to take place.

“I haven’t called my parents or my friends since I left,” Vandna told AFP, sitting beside her new husband in the modest apartment provided to the couple by the Love Commandos.

“I want to be a teacher and my husband wants to set up his business, but we don’t know when that is possible,” said the young woman, who rarely leaves their apartment.

– ‘Lovers’ rights’ –

India may be modernising rapidly, but Sachdev says that violence against young people who choose their partners against their parents’ wishes is still a big issue.

“Because of caste, religious, economic or social status issues, many times parents still oppose their children’s relationship,” he told AFP.

“A lot of young people try to convince their parents to accept their marriages, but that often ends with girls having their education stopped and being illegally detained. It can even end with honour killings.”

India has for centuries seen killings that target young couples whose families or communities disapprove of their relationships.

The killings are carried out by close relatives or village elders to protect what is seen as the family’s reputation and pride.

That was the fate of 21-year-old Bhawna Yadav, whose parents and uncle are accused of conspiring to kill her and dispose of her body after she married in secret.

Her family had wanted her to marry a man from the Yadav caste to which her husband Abhishek Seth did not belong.

When they learned of the secret marriage, Bhawna’s parents asked Seth to let her go back to the community for a celebration, which he agreed to do on the advice of friends. Shortly afterwards, he received a call from Bhawna’s cousin to say she had been killed and her body burned.

“We had so many plans,” Seth told AFP. “She wanted to go to Goa on holiday and for us to have our arms tattooed with a heart and our initials” — a promise that he has kept despite his wife’s death.

Love Commandos founder Sachdev says horrific incidents like these often go unreported, with even police sometimes happy to turn a blind eye.

He says the authorities need to do better at protecting young couples, and even calls on political parties to come up with an “agenda for the protection of lovers’ rights”.

In the meantime, he says more and more young people are finding the courage to marry for love, defying pressures of family and society and even the threat of violence.

And although the tradition of arranged marriages remains strong in India, experts say things are getting better.

“I think education leads to greater involvement of girls in their marriage arrangement,” sociology professor Sonalde Desai told AFP.

Photo Credits : AFP

How to tell if your spouse is having an affair

Posted on by Michelle Wangari

The major cause of breakup to any relationship is cheating. Many people consider it a betrayal and may often lead to break up or perhaps may strengthen the bond based on how much they love one another. You may cheat because you feel like something is missing and that you find it from someone else. If you are happy in the relationship you why then does someone still have an affair? Here are a few signs that can tell if your spouse is cheating:

1.) A major and spontaneous change in attitude and appearance.
There will be a sudden interest with regards to her appearance. She will visit the salon and buy more clothes be more interested on appearance and the way she dresses even though these things are not important before.

2.) The level of intimacy to you will be reduced
She may be distancing herself from you both mentally and emotionally, and you will notice this if you try to be intimate with her.

3.) Many secrets will be apparent.
Being withdrawn and not sharing the things what happens in the work or her everyday life. She will avoid you because she feels guilty about her actions.

4.) When there’s less fighting and arguing.
Before she would get mad angry if you do not want to take her and her pals. But of late, it is as if all is ok with her on all you do.

5.) He is always late.
He never came home late before but now this happens more often. The explanation is that he had to stay more at the office because he has a lot of work to do. This is a reason to doubt. Cheating men most times appear and behave guilty. They attempt to avoid meaningful talks.

5 Things That Make Love Last

Posted on by Fred Indimuli

I’ve posted before about John Gottman. He can listen to a couple for 5 minutes and determine, with 91% accuracy, whether they’ll divorce. He was featured in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink.

What system do they use in his lab for quickly telling who will stay together?

Via What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal:

READ MORE: http://time.com/3103909/5-things-that-make-love-last/