‘You have to be sensitive to your partners needs; Willis Raburu talks on what makes his marriage thrive

Media personality Willis Raburu has opened up on what his marriage to Marya Prude has taught him despite the ups and downs.

Raburu said that marriage is an amazing experience though challenging.

Speaking during an interview with The Star he said

“The biggest lesson I have learnt so far in marriage is to listen.

Sounds easy, huh? But we have to listen to not just each other’s voices but hearts as well,” he said.

“You have to know what your partner needs and to be sensitive to their needs. You have to communicate and grow together.”

The host with his wife
The host with his wifeRaburu

In one of her social media posts Marya praised Raburu for touching her soul and letting her feel like a little girl.

I have never met a man that I wanted to be his wife
And then he came along, it’s so natural to make a life
‘Cause he’s a perfect compliment, ’cause I’m a boss in my world
But when we’re together, he just makes me feel like his girl
He’s givin’ me love, so steady
He touches my heart, now I’m ready
He touches my soul and my spirit
He’s givin’ me love, so steady (love me so steady)”
#steadylove❤️

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If You Cheated, Here’s How To Break The News

If you cheat, would you want your partner to know? Would you tell them yourself? Cheating happens for various reasons and it is something that can wreck a relationship if your partner finds out. Chances of being forgiven may vary depending on the strength of your relationship.

What happens when you want to tell your partner that you cheated? How do you go about it? If you want to tell them, here are a few tips:

1. Compose yourself – When you are preparing yourself to say something to your partner, especially of this magnitude, it’s best to compose yourself. Do not start pulling theatrics, crying and throwing tantrums. Sit, relax and say what you have to say first, the emotions will come later.

2. Do it as soon as possible – The moment you start postponing the dates you will not tell them. Immediately you make a decision to tell your partner about your infidelity, tell me there and then. The longer you take to tell them, the harder it becomes.

3. Say the truth – Speak the truth and nothing but the truth, don’t give excuses for your behavior, own up to it. Accept your mistakes and deal with the repercussions that come along.

4. Do it privately – The last thing you need to do is talk to your partner in private. Such a lengthy and in depth conversation should be done in private. At home or somewhere that the two of you won’t be interrupted. You don’t need everyone to see your partner fire up or you being apologetic in public.

5. Give them time to process – It’s not automatic that your partner will want to sit and listen to the whole conversation, so give them time to deal with the issue at hand. If they need space allow them to have it, to think about things at their own pace.

 

10 Lessons On Happiness That All Women Turning 30 Should Know

You’ve probably turned 30 or are just about to next year.

Despite, getting elevated by that mere thought of turning 30, and planning to celebrate it in style, there are some things that, we, the soon-to-be-30 women, should need to remember. It doesn’t matter whether you are married and have kids, whether you are a successful entrepreneur, you are single, or are a housewife, whatever it is you are, you should always keep in mind that happiness should never, ever depart from your life. Sumaiya Kabir talks more on this on lifehack.

Some women who are yet to turn 30 simply get into some kind of “depression” in regards to their age. If you remind them of their upcoming birthday, they would say, “thanks for reminding me of my age! Grr!” To them, I would say, age is just a number. It is how you prefer to live your life, that matters. And to them, I would also say (as well as the rest of the near 30s women from round the globe) here are 10 lessons for you on happiness that you should know before (and maybe after) you turn 30.

1. Value your relationships.

By now, you are, more or less, settled in life. You have an amazing job, companionable colleagues, a sufficient amount of finances to live you off agreeably. Or, you have a house full of playful, tiny members, running around the house, and your time is spend cooking, cleaning, babysitting, and doing everything in between, leaving you totally exhausted at the end of the day. Despite your day starting at 6:00am and concluding at 10:00pm, don’t forget those valuable people who have moulded you the way you are. Call your parents, contact your siblings, and communicate with your friends. Try to make it regularly. Talking to them can relax your mind. Remember, they are the ones who stay with you through thick and thin.

2. Don’t rush, take it slowly.

This is in regards to everything in your life. Don’t be impatient. If you are dating someone, take your time to decide whether your partner is the right one for you, whether you want to spend the rest of your life with them. If you love doing something, do it. For example, don’t change your career because it will make you earn more. Do that thing which you love the most. Even if it takes time to grow into your choice of path, let it take time. Being 30 doesn’t mean you have solved the puzzle of your life. You are still young.

3. Everything is not about your work, you have a life, too!

Moulding up your career and life brings me to this point. There are so many of the young you’s out there who would dedicate their entire life to their work. And here, I am not talking about only office related services. It can be household chores, it can be anything that is monotonic. There’s a saying that all work but no play makes Jack a dull boy. We all need to play every now and then. Utilize one of your weekends and plan a day out with your pals. Watch movies, visit outskirts of your city, travel. Different activities will unclog your mind.

4. Money can’t buy happiness.

Women, you can contend that shopping is your happiness, and for that you need money. Can’t argue with this. But does happiness entirely depend on money? Not really. There are those little things in life that matters most. For example, a long phone conversation with your bestie. Those lazy vacations you spend with your family at home. Or bathing in the sun, reading your favorite book in your favorite park. The silly laughs and the lamest jokes. And no, just because you’re an “adult” doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy all these over and over again.

 5. No one’s picture perfect.

The models you adore on the glossy magazines are photoshopped. So don’t fret over making yourself copy the supermodels. They have flaws, too. And they are beautiful. So are you. Embrace yourself, embrace your flaws.

 6. Build your life on experiences.

Experience is the best way to learn new things in life. It is believed that through experiences, one can learn first-hand lessons, more important and valuable than what one learns at school or through text books. Traveling is one form of a first-hand experience. The more you travel, the more knowledge of the world you acquire. The more you taste various cuisines, the more you get to know about diverse cultures. The more you socialise, the more you can understand human nature. The more you show interest in miscellaneous topics, the more you get to expand your knowledge. So, the next time you want to learn dancing, go for it. Don’t stop yourself.

7. Comparisons create unnecessary pressure.

This is one thing, us who turn 30 soon do naturally. We try to compare ourselves with others our age. That is quite wrong, to be honest. It simply puts lots of pressure on yourself, leading you to depression, and frustration, and all those negativities. Why would you care if your friend is rich enough to spend thousands per month? Or if she is settled down in life with husband and kids? Everyone has their priorities. Everyone shapes their own life. You are doing it, too. Don’t grumble about what others have or do.

8. Failure is the pillar of success.

Nelson Mandela once said, “Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”

Aim for success, but don’t expect it to come to your door the very first time. You will always fall down. This will teach you what went wrong. That lesson will take you further in life. Picking up on your failures will eventually lead you to success.

 9. Allow your heart to talk once in a while.

By now, you are pretty much accustomed to seniors advising you to “use your brain, rather than your heart”. But sometimes it is also advisable to use your heart rather than your brain. For example, the other day, my daughter had fever early in the morning. By the time she had to go to daycare, her fever was gone and she was playing. My brain was telling me that she is fine and you can go to work. But my heart didn’t want to leave her. I ended up listening to my brain (it’s wise, right?). By the fourth hour at my office, a call came that my daughter’s fever rose again and that I should come immediately. Little decisions like this in life need the heart, too.If your heart says do this, I think you can always give it a go. See where it takes you.

10. Don’t forget to laugh out loud (lol)

Cracking jokes, laughing hard till you snort, this is an important part of life. You have enough time to enjoy life. Being 30 is never ever considered to be old enough to take life seriously. You can easily be silly in public with your people. Do whatever makes you laugh, makes you fall in love with life. We are still young to rejoice life to the fullest!

Tips On How You Should/Not Speak To Your Partner

Whether in a relationship or not, human beings often have outbursts and end up saying things that should have ideally not been spoken aloud in anger. Such statements usually end up escalating the fight and hurting someone’s feelings especially since you can’t take back those hurtful words.

When fighting or arguing with the person you are dating or are married to, it becomes trickier because when that special someone takes that something you said in the wrong way, you will regret those hurtful words.

Sam Owen, a relationship coach and psychologist, has some top tips on the type of language you shouldn’t use around your partner via The independent.

 

Don’t repeatedly affirm anything you don’t want to come true – Words are instructions to the brain, they focus our thoughts, decisions and actions accordingly. So, for example, you don’t want to repeatedly affirm that they are still in love with their ex-partner because you’re then instructing their brain to think in this way and to make it a reality. Instead, use your words to focus their mind in the direction of your relationship goals.

 

Don’t use unnecessary ultimatums that come from a place of insecurity or lack of trust, e.g. “Your friends or me!” If the insecurity or unprovoked lack of trust come from you rather than your current partner or the relationship then the solution isn’t the ultimatum, it’s addressing your insecurities and anxieties.

 

Don’t say “your family isn’t important to me”; if your partner’s family is important to them, it ought to be important to you.  If you have difficulties around your relationship with your in-laws then address them for the sake of all concerned.

 

Avoid universal statements such as “You always…” or “You only…”, because such statements are rarely true and just inflame a situation. Aim to be more realistic by using phrases like “often” or “more often than not” or “about 80% of the time”. This will result in fewer arguments about the wording used than the actual point you’re trying to make.

 

Statements can be deemed as though you’ve made your mind up so it’s better to ask clarifying questions, or to say how you’re experiencing something, to highlight what you want to convey in a positive way.  For example, “You’re distracted when you come home from work so I don’t know when it’s a good time to talk to you about this stuff,” could be better worded as “I feel like you’re distracted when you come home from work so…” or “I worry that you’re distracted when you come home from work so when do you think is a good time for me to talk to you about this stuff?”

Learn what triggers arguments and try as much as you can to avoid them or discuss them when tempers are at a low.

Tips On How To Be A Better Communicator

Communication is essential to all kinds of relationships, from business to personal ones. Many of us are yet to master the art of communication especially when it comes to intimate relationships. We tend to avoid situations where we have to be true to ourselves and reveal our emotions or be vulnerable.

We tend to hide behind technology and social media, update statuses, subtweet or post memes instead of talking to our partners and addressing the issues. However communication can be simplified in a few ways:

1. Don’t Lie Nothing” is probably the commonest lie told in every relationship. Many people use “nothing” to avoid dealing with their feelings. The longer you hide behind “nothing” when you are angry, disappointed, sad, jealous or anxious about something, the quicker the communication lines between you and your partner deteriorate. When you share your feelings with your partner, you remove many of the risks of being misunderstood. Being true to your feelings and sharing them honestly with your partner allows your partner to know what is going on inside of you, and he or she is more likely to understand you. In any given situation, pleasant or not, you must be aware of your emotions and must be willing to learn about your partner’s feelings to be able to communicate effectively.

2. Don’t yell Nobody likes being yelled at and it is unlikely that one will consider being yelled at as an invitation to listen. Often, we yell out of frustration. We want to be heard, we feel that our thoughts and feelings are being ignored and so we scream hoping that it will make a difference. Unfortunately, it often worsens the situation as the one being yelled at feels attacked and is likely to yell back.

So, nothing either of you is saying will be heard. In the end it just becomes a battle of angry faces and loud voices trying to diminish each other. No matter how much a situation pushes you to yell, consider taking a deep breath and then say what you would want to communicate in your head before you let it out of your mouth in a more clear and acceptable way. Remember, you are talking to someone you claim to care about, how is yelling even an option?

3. Listen Poor listening leads to a break-down in communication. Your ability and willingness to express yourself is as important as your ability and willingness to listen. Listening takes a lot of effort especially in a situation where you are hurt, upset or confused, yet it is one sure way to give yourself the chance to understand what is happening. When you listen attentively, it informs the way you respond to a situation. Paying attention to the words, the tone and the body language of your partner will enable you understand or at least give you clues about what is happening with him or her.

Is your partner tired, angry, hungry, frustrated, feeling ignored? You are better positioned to answer that and also make your partner feel that his or her thoughts or feelings have been heard and possibly understood. Any efforts to improve listening will make your relationship stronger. When you listen to your partner, you are also telling them that you care about them and what they have to say, you respect their feelings and their thoughts even if you disagree with them.

Try these and you will put yourself and your partner in a better position to live in harmony

.-Pulsegh

Maina and King’ang’i left speechless by arrogant husband

Yesterday in our morning conversation with Maina and King’ang’i, you can listen to it HERE we were discussing men who run their marriages like a dictatorship where he is king and the wife is the subject. The kind of husband who hasn’t been home for 3 days and when he returns, he says “usiniulize maswali!”. The ‘usiniulize maswali husbands’ returned today when a man with similar sentiments called in saying that his wife should never question his decisions the same way he never questions how she spends his wealth.

The man said that he can basically come home at any time, disappear for as long as he pleases and expects no questions as long he is head of his house .  Is this a stone age way of dealing with relationships? Listen to the outrageous call and the interesting discussion that followed  (a woman even confesses she hasn’t seen her husband since Friday yet valentine’s day is over).