What would you do if you find out your partner is gay?

“I walked out of the relationship immediately. If he was cheating on me with a woman, maybe I could have understood. But that my husband was the ‘woman’ in our own bedroom no way!”

This is the confession of Jane Muigai (not her real name).

Jane (37) discovered that her husband was a closet homosexual after 15 years and three lovely children.

“It was in 2015  when a missed flight at the airport saw me returning home. On arrival, I  was confronted by the reality of my man’s double life,” she recounts.

She said her seeing her then  ‘love of her life’ having a romp with another man left her speechless, sick and confused.

Asked whether she had her suspicions before?

“Well, most of his phone conversations were with men. We also had not had intercourse in years but it did not occur to me he would be gay,” she said.

Jane said her husband was a ‘staunch’ Christian who strongly condemned any hint of homosexuality.

Four years after the breakup, Jane boasts of a better relationship.

“I am happily remarried. This time I am very keen. Once bitten twice shy,” she said.

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The revelation can be particularly difficult for older women who imagined a peaceful retirement, spending their golden years alongside their partner, enjoying visits from grandchildren.

For Mary Akinyi (not her real name) she decided to stay in the relationship.

Akinyi (57) discovered his husband was gay in 2013 after 22 years in marriage.

“We have not had sex in years, but I cannot leave him. I also love my children and I can never think of telling them that their father, whom they look up to and love, is gay,” she said.

Despite an outward display of being a happy family woman, deep inside Akinyi is afraid he may never find real love.

As a 57-year-old straight woman in a heterosexual marriage, she has resigned himself to meeting people who want to blackmail her with threats of exposing her husband’s secret something which she says has happened on three occasions.


It is not just married women who discover their spouses playing for the wrong team. Men too have caught their wives red-handed with women lovers.

Mark Mutiso (not his real name), discovered that the woman he was cohabiting with and considering tying the knot with was actually turned on by other women.

“We had to call it quits since I  did not want drama in my life. Where I am fighting fellow ladies for a woman,” Mutiso said.


Whereas Mutiso could not share his woman with another woman, Kevin (not real name), a chef, does not mind a three-way relationship with his Burundian wife, Diana.

Kevin who runs a restaurant in one of Nairobi’s leafy suburbs has no qualms when his wife brings women to their matrimonial bed.

“It spices up our intercourse life and besides, which man would resist two women in his bed,” poses Francis.

“I don’t think this is cheating because my wife does the hunting,” he adds.

Moving forward

As partners ‘come out’, many partners find themselves shoved in the closet. Experts advise that one should seek immediate counselling services.

What will you do when you find out the love of your life is attracted to the same sex?

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