Tips On How To Deal With A Breakup Without Alcohol

For many people the first thing they do after a breakup is go to the nearest bar and cry their hearts out as they drink, or lock themselves up at home with a bottle of wine and drink themselves silly. The truth of the matter is that it may feel right for that moment but in the long run it does nothing to help you deal with the pain.

According to various studies, how you treat yourself after a heartbreak will determine how fast or slow your healing process will take. This is because heartbreak is just as painful as physical pain. Instead of depending on the bottle to deal with the pain, here’s how to deal with it soberly.

AliKiba comes clean on relationship with Diamond’s baby mama Hamisa

1Avoid contact – By this I mean, keep off all the places you used to hangout or all the places where you know you are bound to find your ex. Avoiding contact means that you should not call, text, email or snapchat them.


2. Get rid of things that remind you of them – For you to move forward you need to get rid of things that will remind you of them. Pictures, clothes, gifts and many more. You need to move on and the first step is to get rid of memorabilia. In fact studies have shown that unfriending/ unfollowing your ex on social media is a good step towards healing.


3. Talk to someone – Be it an aunt, friend or even a counselor if you may. Find someone who will be a the voice of reason that you need. This will not only help you in moving on but will assist in rebuilding your self esteem and confidence as well.

4.  Use your friends – When you are heartbroken there is one thing you need for sure; your friends. This is because you will need a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen and not judge and someone to be objective. Besides that you will need a team of people to surround yourself with to keep things off your mind and to simply give you a reason to smile.

5. Celebrate – Go out have fun, dance and don’t indulge in alcohol because chances are you will drunk dial or text them. Go on a vacation if you want to celebrate your single status. You only have one life, so why spend it in tears? Celebrate the new found freedom because it will be there for a while.


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‘I was dumped for being too nice,’ cries Classic 105 host Terry Muikamba

We have all been dumped at some point in life. What is more hurting though is the flimsy excuses that are given by our better halves as the reason for the break-up.

During the show

I was once dumped because I was too nice.

According to the guy our relationship had no drama and he wanted that in the relationship.

‘I have undergone 21 surgeries so far,’ Njambi Koikai tells Ellen Degeneres

Terry Muikamba
Terry Muikamba

Mike and Terry gave their fans a chance to narrate what was the silliest excuse that got them dumped and the responses were hilarious.

I got dumped because I was too nice.

What I did not know at the time was that she wanted someone who was a bit rough in bed.

According to her I wasn’t.

Mike Mondo also confessed to being dumped reason being,

I was dumped because I was not a member of the choir. She frankly told me that she felt that our ‘spiritual paths’ did not match.

Robert Burale and his Instagram Brother finally meet (photos)

Another fan adds,

That I was too clean and he felt uncomfortable cause he was not that clean.

Another fan adds that he was dumped after he ate avocados belonging to his then bae.

I ate her two avocados while she was at work, she came back and said am capable of murder and that’s how my sorry a*s was dumped.


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‘The woman I loved was in love with someone else’ Cries Mungala Mbuvi

Classic 105 radio presenter Mungala Mbuvi has opened up on how he loved a woman who could never love him back.

According to Mbuvi his crush loved another.

In the 1990’s I was in love with a woman named Samantha. I really loved her but she was in a love with a guy called Eric. I guess I was just unlucky in love.

She was lightskin, beautiful but sadly she never loved me.

I do not know why I have bad luck with chicks. Samantha had a friend named Maureen and she was beautiful .

‘I was earning 50k,’ Mike Mondo reveals woman rejected him over ‘little’ salary

Well Mbuvi has since moved on from the heartbreak.

Mike Mondo has also in the past talked about how he was dumped for earning too little.

According to Mike the woman felt the Ksh 50,000 he was making was peanuts.

I have been left because of how much I make. It was kidogo. When I started doing radio I used to make 50 g’s a month. This lady I was seeing told me that that was too little telling me that she couldn’t be with a man that was making that little.

And she refused me for that. She left. Now every once in a while she sends messages telling me that we should catch up.

Mike Mondo and his bae

Terry Muikamba had also confessed that she was once dumped for being too nice.

I was once dumped because I was too nice.

According to the guy our relationship had no drama and he wanted that in the relationship.


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A list of the pettiest things men and women have done to each other after a break-up

What’s the pettiest thing you’ve done after a break-up?

People out here are savage. They are not afraid of doing anything bad and if you thought its only women who overreact after a break-up, you’re wrong. Men are the worst.

BreakUp. photo credit: newspatrolling

Well, both men and women have come out to reveal the pettiest things they’ve ever done after a break-up and below are some of the comments.

Rita: I popped out the ball from his roll on deodorant poured it out replaced it with bleach & put the ball back on then I scrubbed the toilet with his toothbrush & sprayed pledge on his hairbrush not to mention I cut up all the clothes I bought him.

Brookie: His friend gave me bond money to get him out. I decided to go shopping instead

Viral _Video

Royalrobin: I took all the thread out of the seams of his jeans. So when he stepped into them they split apart. I also took all his stuff and placed it in the front yard and the garbage man took it for me. 😂 When his new phone came in the mail I put a virus on it.

Ichangedmynameagain: I drank a lot of water for a couple of days until my urine was clear and peed in the ice trays when I went back to get my things from the house

Giovanavilar: Changed the content of his whey protein fro baby formula powder. Dude got fat.

Sulleb: He was asleep and his side chic was texting him. I was texting back acting like I was him and invited her over. When he woke up we were both standing over him. He thought he was dreaming.

Ifeemster: I put cooking grease in his hair food. He had patches of hair missing weeks later. Rubbed his toothbrush under the toilet rim, put clothes outside and had a hood sale. Everything was free. I bleached his clothe, put water inside his Xbox, and smashed his car windows.

Girltoria: Cut the right sleeve off all his dress shirts and hung them back up in the closet with the left side showing so he wouldn’t know.

Kamra: My ex is a diabetic so i unplugged the fridge and got all his insulin hot.

That_privilegething: Busted his windows out but only on the driver side so he’d have to drive with his head out the window like Ace Ventura…. Put my foot in his car tv and he just bought it.

Rubadub: I put vick’s vapor rub in the body wash 😈

Hauteinbarbie: Remove all them car handles except for the back left

Beautiful.disaster: I went on the multiple dating sites he was on and switched it to male seeking male with a very detailed description of what he wanted done to him.

Scarletstar: Took all the furniture out the house. Even the refrigerator and gave it all to random family members and moved to a diff state all while he thought he was giving me time to cool down

Roselatina: Used his toothbrush to slay my edges

Boosheone: Poured a bag of sugar in his bed, made it up nice and pretty, then left. lls He had ants for years…

Co_0p: I needed a new tablet so i went to best buy and used his credit card that was on file and sent him the receipt via email

Craigdabaker: I’m color blind so I have had tags on my suits to indicate what matched. She gave me my suits but took out the tags!! I looked like a clown for months!!

Goddesspoetree: Not proud of it now but was at the time…. I popped holes in all four corners of his water bed n lured him out for the evening. By the time he returned at 3am, he layer back in his bed and almost drowned. We laughed about it later.

Clmoore: Reported fraud to the unemployment agency for him to have to repay it four times the amount he was given 40bands..

Cruzandoc: Traded in her brand new fully loaded suv for a smaller basic car

Bdr5518: I threw some of his closes away before I put him out!

Queenzanzan: Told him he wasn’t ready for where my life was about to go, took back clothes I had gotten him that still had the tags on, and flattened his little fence

Kai_quadir: Cut slits in his mattress and poured spoiled apple juice in the slits I made. Ninja won’t be pleasing no other chick on that mattress 🔪🥃🛏

Would you ever do any of the above to your partner after break-up?

A gallery of BRUTAL online breakups that will make yours seem amicable

Breaking up with someone is hard enough as it is, but for these unlucky lovers it was a total nightmare.

A new online gallery has revealed some of the most brutal break-ups on the web, that make a text dumping seem tame.

In many cases scorned lovers have chosen to publicly humiliate an ex  with one choosing to publicize their break up in a shop window of a store called ‘Little Willys’ while another hired a billboard to advertise their infidelity.

Read more here

Elsewhere others have found the perfect way to take revenge on a cheating partner with one burning an ex’s favourite shirt and another coating a former flame’s car in plastic wrap.

 Whether they make you laugh or cringe, these photos are sure to act as a reminder to not tick off a partner.  
RIP, Ted: This girl clearly no longer has any use for this once cherished memento 

Either Jennifer did something very wrong, or her now ex has a sick sense of humour

One woman found the most irritating for of revenge possible when they wrapped an ex's car in plastic wrap 

Following their split, one man found a way to reinvent his tattoo of a former flame 

No matter what celebrity couple she referred to Lyndsie's boyfriend just didn't seem to get the message 

One woman decided to humiliate her husband by advertising his infidelity 

Taking revenge on a partner this woman burned his favourite clothes 

This woman took her breakup to a whole new level by publishing it in the local paper 

One woman found a rather novel way of telling her partner that he is a chauvinistic pig 

One publicized their break up in the shop window of a store named 'Little Willys'

In a bold move a scorned wife spent her joint savings on shaming her cheating husband in billboard form

Dave is sure to be left red faced when he comes to find the note left on his parked car

While the pizza will likely be appreciated the breakup message will probably not be 

After filling a trailer with her husband's belongings one woman wanted to make sure everyone knew her motive 

One woman found the perfect way to get rid of her partner's things after discovering he had been unfaithful 

This brutal man chose to dump his former flame for her sister in the form of Snapchat 

Read more: dailymail

Do You Want Back Your Ex-Boyfriend After A Breakup? Here’s How To Go About It

Let’s say you realised after breaking up with your boyfriend that he was worth holding on to and you want him back in your life.

The circumstances surrounding your split matters a lot, but in general, it takes a while to move on after a split so there may be a good chance that your boyfriend could be back in your arms in no time.

How about we take a look at 10 tips on how to get your partner back after a split:


1. Be strong:
If you are in talks with your ex, or giving him time to consider it, then leave him alone. Don’t stalk him, or send constant texts or voicemails. Show him you don’t need him back, but you want him back. Being clingy will often push men further away.

2. What went wrong?
If you’ve split up, it happened for a reason. Repeating history isn’t a good idea, so it’s important that you determine what went wrong, and see how you can solve the problem in the future. For example, if either of you cheated, think about why and whether you can forgive each other and move on.

3. Meet up:
Go to a restaurant, or a coffee shop. Seeing him again might be emotional, so be prepared, and try to stay composed. Think about where to hold the meet up. Pick somewhere you can talk. It’s generally a better idea to meet in public so that you don’t get carried away either emotionally or physically. Remember you are here to resolve your issues. Remain cool-headed too.

4. Talk it over:
Brushing the issue under the carpet never lasts long. Get to the point and talk about how unhappy you are, and what went wrong. Be mature, calm and attentive, and actually, listen. For the relationship to be worth fixing, you both need to put effort in. If somebody cheated, listen to their reasons why, and if they regretted it.

5. Dress to impress:
While wearing your lowest cut top and shortest mini isn’t the best idea, wearing the top he loved and the jeans he couldn’t resist is! Wear sexy lingerie to boost your confidence, and spend time doing your hair and make-up. Show him what he is letting go, and you’ll feel much more confident.

6.Leave the past:
Agree to discuss the past one last time, and then to move on. Bringing up past negatives doesn’t do any good, and just damages the relationship more. Say what you need to say, let him have a say, and then forget about it.

7. Admit it when you are wrong:
If he says you never listen, and you actually don’t, apologize. Denying it will convince him you won’t change, even if you will. Talk about why you aren’t happy, and accept the things that you do wrong. Nobody is perfect!

8. Give him space:
If he needs time to think, give it to him. Clouding his vision will either cause him to reject you outright, or to agree and then change his mind. You want him to be as committed as you, so take a chance and let him think.

9. Don’t try and make him jealous:
Agree to discuss the past one last time, and then to move on. Bringing up past negatives doesn’t do any good, and just damages the relationship more. Say what you need to say, let him have a say, and then forget about it.

10. Move on:
If you aren’t getting anywhere, give up and get over it. You don’t need him, however much you might feel like it right now. Keep your head up, and remember that you are an amazing person, and you’ll find someone better. And delete his number, so that you don’t drunk text!






Pulse Ng

How You Handle A Breakup Says A Lot About You : Research

No one likes dealing with a breakup no matter how “cordial” it may have happened. The pain and drama in some cases is simply unthinkable as it will affect you one way or another. While some chose to end it in drama, others ghost and others simply talk. Research now shows that the way you end things has an impact on you more than the other person.

A report published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, involving a series of studies where researchers asked 891 people about their personalities, as well as how they handle romantic rejection, concluded that the way you explain a breakup to yourself will determine how you move on.

Participants were also asked  how their view of themselves changed because someone broke up with them. Scientists discovered that those who think people’s personality traits don’t change and that it played a part in their breakup had a hard time moving on after a relationship ended. They also felt more haunted by past breakups years later.

According to the study feelings of rejection can cause problems in future relationships, because the people believed that they had been rejected because of their flaws. That thinking could affect their future relations as they thought of their flaws as “permanent”.

Signs Your Woman Has Given Up On You

Unlike men, women like to talk about any and everything from love, sex, shoes, food, movies etc. If your woman suddenly goes quiet just know something is up. It may just be for a small period of time but if it continues she may actually be planning to end the relationship.
If you have noticed any of these signs, then you need to be on the look out or rather make things right.
1. She Is Irritable Often – It is not PMS every other day. If she is short and snappy with you, she is upset about something. Irritability can be excused from time to time, but you need to be aware of how long her short fuse is lasting. Most men like to avoid confrontation, but that will be the silent killer of your relationship. You want to sit her down and get to the cause of what is setting off her sensor.
2. She Is Working More – An ambitious, driven woman is going to bring a lot of value to your table, including a nice paycheck. You don’t want to mistake what her sudden long days at work mean. A woman who does not feel like she is being appreciated at home will take her career into over drive because it comes with more validation and less of you.
3. Her Social Life Does Not Include You – You should be alarmed if you used to go to social events together and now her schedule consists only of drinks with her co-workers after work and happy hour with her girlfriends. She is not trying to do you a favor because you don’t like to go out much anyway; she is using that to her advantage. You need to understand that she is filling a void by filling up her martini glass with everyone else besides you.
4. Your Opinion Does Not Matter – Even an independent woman still values the opinion of her man. If you are trying to give input, and she shuts you down quickly, she is telling you loud and clear that she does not care. Be careful not to let this reaction make you think it is a good thing because she is taking on more herself. You are a team, and teams make decisions together.
5. She Does Not Argue Anymore – A woman who speaks up is a woman who is fighting for her relationship. It might seem nice to not have her sharing her difference of opinion with you anymore, but that means she doesn’t feel like the relationship is worth it. If she is not speaking up about her feelings, the first thing you need to do is find out why.
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship, which is great to know, but it is not an easy task to conquer. It is important to figure out how to hear what she is saying, and follow through with what you can do to support her.


Signs You’re Going To Break Up

Sometimes people wonder why their relationships ended yet it was clear that things were heading south only that they chose not to pay attention. The signs present themselves but we chose to ignore or we brush them off…. Once you notice these signs, you can make the decision to address your issues before it’s too late, or you can turn the tables and end the relationship first, on your terms.

1. Distance either physically or emotionally – The first red flag is any kind of distancing behavior, either physical or emotional. “Physical distancing” occurs when your partner seems to be making less and less time for you. All of a sudden, he may seem to be avoiding the typical “couple” activities you’re used to doing together.

Emotional distancing” is a much stronger indicator that things are heading south . Have you noticed any changes in the way that your partner communicates with you, such as a lack of eye contact or a different voice tone? Does he avoid discussing future plans for the two of you? These are all good signs that your partner’s emotional investment in the relationship is starting to rapidly deteriorate.

2. Big changes to his daily routine – One of the most obvious signs of a troubled relationship is when your partner has rearranged his entire schedule in order to spend less time with you. Now, sometimes a promotion at work, for instance, might be to blame but if you find that he’s consistently “stuck at the office” until the wee hours of the morning, there might be something else going on.

Another thing to watch out for is when your partner starts spending time with a new group of friends.

The bottom line is our friends have more influence over us than we might think, so beware when your man starts hanging out with a bunch of womanizing ex-cons who are prone to nosebleeds and take frequent “business” trips to Thailand.

3. You notice a change in the frequency of your arguments – Constant fighting hardly has any perks or benefits. But don’t be so quick to rejoice when your daily arguments seem to disappear completely. A sudden reduction in the amount of fights and arguments in your relationship could mean that your partner has started to minimize his emotional investment. Withdrawing quickly from confrontations is a common behavior of those who are either incredibly frustrated with their partners or have stopped caring completely.

And of course, the exact opposite can also be a warning sign. Since most people dislike the guilt that comes along with being “the bad guy,” one very common behavior is the act of purposely starting petty fights and pushing your partner’s buttons in the hopes that they’ll flip out and say or do something that would make them look like the bad guy. Once this happens, the instigator will have an excuse to justify their desire to leave the relationship.


You Know It’s Time To Break Up When…

Relationships are not the easiest things to deal with and sometimes they end up dying slow natural deaths yet we either choose to hold on.
How do you really know when it’s time to break up? Are there valid reasons to run in the opposite direction? If your relationship has one or several of these problems, you may need to end it sooner rather than later.

1. No support for your goals – A major part of a relationship, especially a marriage or one that is heading towards marriage, is supporting each other. If you have a goal that your significant other is not supportive of, you may need to look closely at the rest of the relationship. Long-term romantic relationships generally lead to getting married, but if they don’t want to help you achieve your goals, you’ll be missing the person who should be your number one cheerleader. And they will more likely be a roadblock to your future.

2. No Trust – This is a huge red flag. Trust is one of the most important factors in a relationship. If you suspect he’s lying to you about where he’s been or how he spends his time, he probably is. If you can’t trust your girlfriend or boyfriend, you’re always going to be suspicious, and that will hinder your relationship.

3. Cheating – If you think cheating is a “one-time thing,” you’re more than likely wrong. Cheating is habitual. If you can’t be loyal when you’re dating, you won’t be loyal after you’re married either. The reason for cheating has very little to do with you, and everything to do with the cheater. Nothing you do is going to make him or her stop — that decision has to be made by him or herself.

4. Abuse – If you are being abused in any form in your relationship, you need to LEAVE — NOW. You don’t deserve to be hit, yelled at, defiled or belittled. Relationships demand mutual respect and love, even if you have occasional arguments. Do not think for a minute that you deserve to be abused or that it’s your fault. Find a friend or family member who can help you escape this terrible situation. Do not be fooled into thinking an apology is the end of abuse. It WILL happen again.

5. You don’t share goals – If you want a family and she doesn’t; if he doesn’t want marriage and you do; or if any of your most important life choices don’t line up, the two of you may not be a good match. One of you will always end up disappointed and unfulfilled. You can’t change someone to bend to your will and you shouldn’t have to sacrifice those things that are most important to you.

6. Gut feeling – Listen to your own inner voice. If it’s telling you something is off, or doesn’t feel right, that’s probably the case. Maybe it’s not really love or perhaps you feel like you’re settling out of fear that you will be alone for the rest of your life. Maybe there is some other unknown factor that your intuition is trying to warn you about. We have our intuition to protect us from potentially dangerous situations. It’s best to listen to it even if you can’t see a valid reason right now.


3 Sad Ways You Dumped YOURSELF (Long Before He Broke Up With You!)

You’re sitting around after a huge breakup, waiting for your ex to come back. You fantasize about running into him at the grocery store, about his number appearing on your caller ID, about an e-mail telling you he’s made a mistake and wants you back.

Top relationship coach Clayton Olson  tells you the harsh truth you haven’t faced yet — you broke up with yourself LONG before your ex ever dumped you. Yes, seriously. Why? Because most people who get dumped lost themselves first in the relationship.

So, if you want your relationship back (or you want a new relationship that lasts next time), you need to come back to yourself first! This breakup is a true test of your character. When your world falls apart, who are you in the midst of this failed fairytale?

The bad news is — there isn’t a Google maps “best route” for easily navigating your way out of a breakup. The good news is — since you’re reading this, you’ve actually already taken the first step. It’s reality check time! Here are the 3 sad ways you broke up with yourself before your ex even had a chance to dump you (and how to reclaim the healthy, happy version of you before).

1. You stopped taking care of yourself
Maybe you stopped going to the gym. Or maybe that punch card to dance class started collecting dust in your dresser drawer. Rather than running on Sunday mornings, perhaps you decided to stay in bed to text your then boyfriend (or stalk him on Facebook). The point is, you let yourself go.

What would happen if you used the powerful emotions of this breakup as fuel to get back in the best shape of your life?The food you eat and the amount of physical exercise you gift your body often suffer after a breakup (even during a relationship). It’s time to turn that around.

The first thing your ex will notice is your physical appearance (yes, this is true even if your ex is a woman), but how you look attests to more than just attractiveness — it’s also a symbol of your mental strength and sense of self-worth. Did you let the breakup “break you” or did you rise in the face of loss with resilience and a great outlook?

2. You stopped being interesting
Listen, he fell for you because you had a life of your own. You had friends you cared about, activities that excited and inspired you. You were interesting, and that life of your own added a little mystery that he found appealing.

But then you gave it all up. Made him your entire world and there was nothing new to discover about you.

So, get back to spending time with your friends. This doesn’t mean you need to get your high school garage band back together. It simply means inviting people back into your life that you used to enjoy. The friends that remember the woman your ex fell in love with, the interesting, capable person you stopped being along the way.

Recruiting a network of friends during a breakup is equivalent to constructing a life raft next to a sinking ship. It can save you from the sinking into the depths of self-doubt and hopelessness.

3. You forgot who you are (and what you want to be)
Once upon a time, you had goals. But during your relationship, the two of you became “comfortable” with each other. Perhaps a little too much so.

You forgot what made you happy when you were single, and as a result, also said goodbye to the core confidence that following your own path to happiness unlocked.

You broke up with the vision of who you wanted to be to shape-shift into what you thought your boyfriend wanted (forgetting he picked you for being you from the start). You left you long before your ex walked out the door. Your ex just followed your lead.

I repeat — he was attracted and fell in love with the person you already were (not the one you changed into trying to make your world all about him and the relationship).

If this story sounds like your story, it’s important to know: It’s not your fault (at least, not entirely).

Losing yourself can happen in all kinds of relationships, even the best of them. Often it infects couples over and over again until they finally become aware of the pattern and break it.

It may sound heartless, but it’s human nature. People are magnetically attracted to those who can thrive amidst adversity and uncertainty, someone who demonstrates spiritual and emotional fortitude. When you’re truly connected to yourself, you naturally radiate this grace. You once did, before you met your ex (that’s why he noticed you), and you can do it again.

A second chance only becomes possible when your partner gets to see your core again, the woman who once swept him off his feet. If you don’t, ANYTHING you say or do to win him back won’t have any power. Until the true you is authentically shining through again, all he’ll see is the fearful echo of a woman you’ve become.

As you begin to reclaim your sense of self, getting your ex back and possibly starting over naturally becomes easier. And more importantly, any relationship you create from the place of being connected to SELF begins from a place of empowerment rather than desperation.

No relationship is worth losing yourself over. So, before you even think of giving your ex a second change … please, give YOURSELF one first!

Don’t Say These Things To Someone That You Love

After dating for a while couples tend to get comfortable with each other and can be able to just chill without make up, go to the bathroom and sit without locking the door, brush your teeth as you chat and many more.

However just because you have reached this phase doesn’t give you the right to talk to your partner in just any way. There should be a line drawn on where and what you should say.

If you say any of these things you should stop before your relationship ends:

  1. “That guy/girl is fine” – While it is ok to admire beautiful and handsome people, it’s rude to do it in the presence of your partner. The person you’ve seen may be the most beautiful but saying that out loud will make your partner feel bad. It may even bring about self esteem issues as your partner will think that you find them less attractive. Keep your thoughts in your mind to be safe.
  2. “You’re always …” or “You never …” – If you keep pointing your fingers at your partner for things that may have been done in the past. In as much as you may want to put out a point, referring to past mistakes will only make your partner defensive. Instead of passing blame, express yourself well by using “I feel that you offended me by …….” that way you will make the situation known.
  3. “I hate you!”‘I love you” have equally powerful reactions so be cautious of how you use them. When you’re angry don’t say things that you cannot take back. Words will not be reversed once they come out of your mouth and their impact may last for years because of the way you made someone feel.
  4. Using trigger words – These are words that cause a certain reaction, either anger of joy, but in most cases they are negative reactions. When we get intimate with someone we let our guard down and expose our vulnerabilities, in doing this we share experiences both good and bad but this info should not be used to hurt either one of us.
  5. “If you really loved me … ” This line is mostly used when one is about to manipulate you into doing something for them. People who are manipulative are usually emotionally abusive and arm-twist their partners into doing things for them. Unless you stand your ground, it will spiral out of control.
  6. “You’re just like my ex.” – Talking about past relationships is a normal part of every relationship, but it’s important not to compare your partner to someone who was in your past. If the script was flipped you would probably raise hell…so why do it?

Is there a right way to dump someone?

Since 2005 the Pew Research Center’s Internet Project – based in the US – has been conducting a national survey regarding dating and relationship habits in the digital era. Amongst many fascinating insights into the modern romantic mind the data, released in 2013, reveals that one in six Americans have dumped someone by text, e-mail, or online message.

But is there a right way to dump someone? A 2012 study published in the Journal of Research in Personality has narrowed it down to seven in the digital age. They are:

1. Avoidance and withdrawal (not answering the phone etc);

2. Positive tone or self-blame (making your partner feel better about breaking up);

3. Open confrontation (candidly expressing your feelings and reasons for the break-up);

4. Cost escalation (deliberately picking fights with your partner so that you drive them away);

5. Manipulation (telling mutual friends how unhappy you are to bring the situation to a head);

6. Distant/mediated communication (splitting up with someone via e-mail, text message or Facebook); and

7. De-escalation (saying you just want a break when you really want to end it).

But, says Ilana Gershon – Professor of Communication and Culture at Indiana University and the author of the 2010 book, The Breakup 2.0: Disconnecting over New Media – the “how” is often used to occlude the “why”.

For example, if a person is dumped via what is generally considered the worst possible way – the text or e-mail – then the dumper’s lack of tact makes them the “bad guy”.

Faceless splitting up denies closure. Not only is the dumper saying “I don’t want you any more”, but also “I don’t care how you feel about it” and that has a huge emotional impact.


Top 10 Survival Tips After A Break Up

When a relationship is over, feelings of rejection can numb your sense of self and wreck your balance. For many jilted lovers, the first impulse is to try to fix what’s broken or recover what was lost. But often, the beloved has moved on and reconciliation is not possible. And still you persist. How can you ever move on?

1. Accept whatever you feel.
Feelings aren’t good or bad, they just are. Realize that the “withdrawal” you are going through is akin to withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Practice kindness, empathy and compassion with yourself.

2. Don’t isolate yourself.
Start getting in touch with your family and friends who you think will understand what you are going through.

3. Get your diary out and filling it in with different activities, especially on the weekend.
Initially, you may not enjoy it, but now is the time to keep busy and be with your friends.

4. Get rid of the relationship reminders.
The pictures, cards and letters, gifts. If you don’t want to throw them out, give it to a friend to hold for you.

5. Break away completely from each other right after the breakup.
This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook and no IMs. Just until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (like getting back together).

6. Stay away from the places you used to go to.
And don’t listen to “your love songs.” Listen to songs about surviving and feeling strong.

7. Keep a journal.
Write down all the things that were wrong with the relationship and the things that used to irritate you … especially when it is tempting to remember the relationship with rose-tinted glasses.

8. Keep reminding yourself that your happiness isn’t dependent on your ex.
Focus on finding happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family or signing up for that class you’ve always wanted to take, try new adventures. Do things that you couldn’t do while you were in the relationship.

9. Try to view the breakup as a chance for a new beginning.
Clean, clear and organize your personal space. As you let go of the old, you are creating space for the new things to come.

10. Focus on being in the present.
Every time you start obsessing about your ex, stop, ground yourself in the present by feeling your feet on the ground, listen to your breathing, be aware of the sights, smells and sounds around you. Start off doing this for 30 seconds and gradually build up the amount of time you can do this. You will start feeling more in control of your life, when you can take control of your thoughts.

You know that you are healing when your thoughts, behaviors and actions become more focused on you and less on him and when you are living more in the present and less in the past. As you move on with your life as a single individual, look for the best in people and you’ll find it. Fall in love with life and you will find that it will love you back!


Things We Shouldn’t Do After Our Friends Breakup

Breakups are messy when you are the one involved but if it is two of your friends who have called it quits, it doesn’t affect you emotionally but it definitely makes friendship harder. It is hard to be objective when helping both your friends move past the relationship and not choosing any sides.

While some may say that your dating shouldn’t revolve around your inner circle sometimes dating within your social circle is inevitable. When a breakup happens everyone in the social circle is affected. So how do you make sure you are truly there for your two friends despite the fact that things have gone sour between them? Well, here is a list of 5 things you should never do.

1. Do not take sides
The lady may have been on the wrong and she knows it but for now, she just needs a friend to comfort her so stop rubbing it in telling her she may never find such an amazing man again. If he was that amazing, she will come back to her senses and they will get back together and you will move on back again to a blissful friendship. If you pick sides and the couple gets back together then you can bet that will be one awkward friendship.

2. Stop being a messenger between the two
If they really want to communicate to each other, then they do not need to send you so do not agree to be a messenger. The least you can do when one of the heartbroken members asks you to deliver a message to the other is sit them down together and teach them that they have to communicate if they have to move on from the heartbreak or get back together.

3. Do not be a snitch
Keeping secrets in such scenarios is hard because you sometimes feel you owe your allegiance to one party but that will only create a rift. If one of your friends told you something about the other person in confidence then treat it as just that, a secret. Going back and forth giving information to each parties that the other person said only creates a rift between the two of you.

4. Do not exclude them in your social events
Feeling that one person will feel weird if the other is invited is none of your business, so if they break up and you feel a meet up needs to happen then invite both of them and inform them that the other will be there. If they decide to opt-out then that is on  them not you.

5. Stop setting up blind dates for them
They broke up, it’s over, you love them both but maybe the relationship is not worthy, so stop wearing cupid’s boots. If they are meant to be they will be. Arranging for situations where they will both be present without their knowledge will only make them resent you making their mourning period harder.


Breaking up when you’re still in love

Many people break up through long distance or for the sake of the ‘right thing’ but that doesn’t mean the love goes along with it. We take a look at some of the things couples who are parting ways do before they call it a day.

Discuss if it’s really mutual- You second guess your decision and theirs- do you both really want this?!

Fantasize about it working- You come up with as many reasons to stay together as you can but you both ultimately know that it won’t work out because you will end up resenting each other.

Vow to not see each other- Because you think it will make things easier.

You feel you have no choice- Which is your justification for doing it.

Still share happy times- because you are both in the habit of being overjoyed by each other’s successes.

Talk about what you won’t miss- So you don’t have to focus on the things you will.

You avoid contact/ sex- Because you know you will fall right back into the rhythm of being a couple.

Talk about future relationships- Hoping that it will make you think forward not backwards.

You hug for a really long time- Because a kiss is too inappropriate at this stage.

Wear his shirt- It smells like happier times.

You avoid kisses on text- Because one of you will read too much into it.


How To Breakup Gracefully

Breakups are not easy for anyone so long as feelings are involved because one person is likely to get hurt, that doesn’t mean it’s easy on the other person. Some breakups are dramatic and end up in fights, verbal exchange and sometimes they become police cases.

That doesn’t have to be the case, there are cordial ways to break up without the drama.

Realize that All Relationships are Different – Every relationship, and every person in a relationship, is different. There is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to breaking up. This is why it is important to take the particulars of your relationship into account before deciding on what to do next.

Dramatic breakups may make good television and movie plots, but they seldom work in real life. Instead, figure out how you (and the other person) define your “relationship.” Have you gone on a few dates or have you been a couple for years? These elements dictate the level of detail and strategy you need when approaching a breakup. Sending an email to a guy you met online and saw twice is acceptable. Emailing your boyfriend of two years is not

Take the High Road – There are a lot of reasons that relationships don’t work out, but trying to blame someone for them is an exercise in futility. If you are truly done with a relationship, it makes no sense to try to pin the problems that led to your breakup onto the other person. In other words, the “if you did this, things would have been different” conversation is not helpful at this point.

Similarly, keep your feelings about the relationship to yourself and your intimates. Avoid rumors, online posts, and other outlets to discredit your ex. Not only is this the opposite of grace and maturity, it says a lot more about you than it does about him

 Focus on Yourself – After breaking off a relationship, especially a long term one, taking time to be single is important. Do not jump into another relationship, no matter how tempting it may seem. Regardless of how “right” you and this new person are for one another, you need to take time to heal and reassess yourself before moving on to a new relationship.

Try new things, push the limits of your comfort zone, and take time to reflect on yourself and your role in your now-defunct relationship. By looking inward you not only give yourself space, but you take the time to mature even more and enter your next relationship with renewed perspective and, hopefully, more success.

Practice Forgiveness – No matter what events led to the end of your relationship, you need to learn to forgive, both yourself and your ex, for what took place if you want to move on. This does not mean you need to condone what happened, particularly if cheating or abuse was involved, but it does mean that you take the time to acknowledge what took place and move on from it. This process of casting out the negativity will allow you to approach new relationships with a better attitude as well as continue to deal with your ex (if need be) without the risk of reopening old wounds.

Moving on Gracefully – Exercising self-control through the end of a relationship (i.e. responding with grace and maturity) is not only the “right” way to break up, but also an important step in moving on. When you approach the end of one of life’s cycles, in this case a relationship, with grace, you open yourself up to the beginning of life’s next cycle with a better perspective and an open heart. Indeed, the key to moving on with your life at the end of a relationship is learning to get through it with grace.


How to Deal: When Your Partner Says ‘I Need Space’

“I need space.” It can be very hard to hear those three little words from your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or partner. They are of course not the three little words you want to be hearing. For many people, this tiny phrase triggers fear and insecurity, for others defensiveness or sadness. It might even lead you to worry the end is near.

There is no right or wrong way to feel, but by being careful with your response and yourself, you can be assured to walk away (whether together or separately) with your head held high. So what should you do? Try the suggestions below and let us know how it works for you in the comments section.

1. Take them at face value.
Your partner is telling you they need something, so it’s time to listen carefully. They aren’t making a personal attack — they’re asking for something they need. Remember it’s not about you but them. Do your best not to interpret this and take it personally. It will help you keep a level head through this time.

2. Get clear.
Ask them what they mean when they say “space?” Do they need 30 minutes or three weeks? Do they want to break up? What does this mean for your monogamous or open relationship agreements? How will you alter your living arrangements (if at all)? Do they want to communicate via text, phone, email, or not at all? Discuss any upcoming plans you have already made — how does this change your plans? Is there anything they want from you during that time? Doing this will give you solace and answers that you need to feel more secure after those dreadful words are uttered.

3. Be clear.
It’s also important to be clear on your end of the conversation. How are you feeling? What do you want? Tell your partner what is going on for you in an honest, direct way. What do you want them to know before you begin your time apart? How do you want them to remember you while they take some space? Honesty is the best policy in this situation.

4. Stay grounded.
Stay in touch with your core and be the best self you can be. Stay true to your integrity through being honest, kind, strong, and respectful. Remember that even if this causes you worry or sadness, you will get through this and the behavior you choose when times are difficult will heavily impact the future course of your relationship. If you begin to feel flooded take a few deep breaths and stay focused. You can also return to the conversation later.

5. Respect their boundaries.
When they say they don’t want to text, don’t text. If they need two weeks, respect their request for two weeks. Don’t drive by their house late at night, or “accidentally” run into them at work. Set clear social media use parameters so you don’t punish yourself with Facebook. Make a plan on your own to connect with friends who support you in doing something else when you have a hard time not reaching out to your partner during their space-time. This may be hard but it will only help.

6. Take care of yourself.
Take advantage of the free time and energy to invest in your other relationships, friendships, family, work, and play. In moments when you are lonely, be especially kind to yourself, take a long run or a hot bath, call a friend, watch a movie, eat something good for you. This can also be a great time to work with a therapist or coach to get clear about what you want on your own. Treat yourself with great kindness.

Taking space can be a very healthy thing for partners to do, even with some frequency. It is important to be compassionate, honest, and to act with high integrity in order to get through the time together. You can and will get through this time.