Don’t Say Sorry When Rejecting Somebody, Please Don’t! Scientists Explain Why

Getting out of lunch with a work colleague, or skipping Friday-night drinks with your flatmate, is usually as easy as saying ‘I’m sorry’.

But a recent study found that apologising can make rejection feel worse, even thought it may make you feel better.

Researchers at Dartmouth College discovered that saying sorry can make the rejected person feel like they should offer forgiveness, even if their feelings don’t match up.
And the wounded party is more likely to take revenge.

The study’s authors examined more than 1000 participants, to understand how different individuals reacted to being snubbed.

Firstly, the participants, including 600 members of the public and more than 480 psychology students, were asked to respond to various situations in which they would reject a social invitation
For all the situations, participants had to come up with a good way of rejecting Taylor.

breakup

The researchers then had volunteers read the rejections and evaluate how hurtful each response was.

They found that 39 percent of participants were found to have issued an apology in their rejections, which were found to increase hurt feelings.

Apologies for the lunch and roommate scenarios, in particular, made volunteers feel worse.

Their feelings were only marginally hurt in the party scenario, and not at all in the date rejection.

In another experiment, researchers tested whether people would seek revenge after a rejection.

The team had 135 participants meet face-to-face after they had been rejected by a planted volunteer, who they were set up to work with on a series of group tasks.

The volunteer would politely reject the participants’ request to work on the group task, with some participants receiving an apology and some not.

One of the group tasks involved a hot sauce taste test, and rejected participants were asked to decide how much hot sauce the group had to taste.

In some instances, the planted volunteer would say that they hated spicy food before leaving the room.

Those who received an apology were more likely to take revenge and give the group more hot sauce, even if they knew that their peer hated the condiment.

‘We know that people often don’t want to admit that they have hurt feelings, so in some of the studies, we looked at how much people wanted to seek revenge,’ explained lead researcher Dr. Gili Freedman

‘As predicted, rejections that contained the words ‘I’m sorry’ led to worse outcomes than rejections without apologies; participants allocated more hot sauce,’ the authors wrote.

‘The participants believed the confederate did not like spicy food and, therefore, the greater allocation likely reflected a hostile act designed to hurt the confederate.’

Finally, researchers tested whether rejections with apologies affect forgiveness.

Participants were shown videos of real-life rejections, some with apologies and some not.

The study found that people were more likely to feel as if the rejected party should express forgiveness if an apology was given.

While an apology may have good intentions, the researchers believe it can also be a selfish act.

Dr Freedman said: ‘It is possible that rejectors may feel better about themselves if they apologize.

‘We intend to examine when rejectors are motivated to feel better about themselves and when they would rather put the rejectee’s needs ahead of their own.’

The study’s findings were published last month in the journal Frontiers in Psychology.

Source

Dr Ofweneke’s EX Fiancée Nicah Shows Him What He’s MISSING As She Steps Out Looking Sizzling HOT, Shows Off Her Tender Thighs (PHOTOS)

Top comedian Dr Ofweneke’s ex-fiancee Nicah seems to be doing just fine after he dumped her and two daughters back in September 2016.

Ofweneke and his then lover, Nicah The Queen had one child together at that time, while the other child was from previous relationship years back before the two met.

Has Comedian Dr Ofweneke Abandoned His Daughter? His Ex Fiancée NICAH Reveals The TRUTH (EXCLUSIVE AUDIO)

Nicah The Queen, real name, Veronica Wanja would, later on, reveal in a post online attributing their split to having to deal with physical abuse from the comedian. A claim that Dr Ofweneke vehemently denied.

 

Dr-Ofwenekes-woman2

Dr Ofweneke, real name, Sande Bush had been dating the singer for years and in June 2016, he went down on one knee to propose and in fact, fans and friends were waiting for wedding bells this year, sadly, this will never pass.

‘When People Walk Away, Let Them’: Dr Ofweneke’s Ex Fiancée Nicah Has No Regrets After Being Dumped By The Comedian

The couple had been rumored to have marital issues even at the end of last year, allegations Ofweneke vehemently denied but when love is dead, you can’t hide it for long.

After coming out clean about their broken relationship, Dr Ofweneke and Nicah have not seen eye to eye and a few weeks back, the comedian was captured on video getting excessively drunk. Stress maybe.

nicah-the-queen-beautiful-kenyan-female-gospel-artiste-photos

On the other hand, Nicah, seems to have found herself and is back to working as she revealed she revived her business and on top of that, she’s been getting her sexy back too.

Moving On Swiftly! Dr Ofweneke’s Ex Fiancée Nicah Gets Her Sexy BACK After Being Brutally Dumped By The Comedian (PHOTOS)

She recently shared photos while she was stepping out in booty shorts, showing off her thighs and cleavage, and for some reason, she looks happy and content.

“She is Royal. Her eyes so big she can see tomorrow,” she captioned the photos.

Check them out below.

Isn’t she lovely?

 

Mapenzi Tu! Former Tahidi High Actress And Hey Z Da Brand’s Ex Fiancée Flaunts Her New BOO After Cheating Claims (PHOTOS)

A break-up is the worst thing anyone can go through, especially if one of the partners is accused of cheating.

Gospel singer Hey Z Da Brand knows to well the pain of losing a loved one and the mother of your child because of infidelity claims.

The artiste, real name, Daniel Ng’ang’a Heho broke up with his fiancee and baby mama Mercy Njoki late last year after it emerged that she was having an affair with her boss.

HEY-Z-MERXY-SON

Hey Z had proposed to Mercy aka Melody of Tahidi High TV series in January 2016 and the two had dated for about 6 years and had a handsome baby boy together, but as it would turn out, they would not live to see a happily-ever-after.

Mercy Njoki is a popular actress known for her role on local TV drama, Tahidi High a few years back and after accusations that she left Hey Z for another man, she never commented on the issue.

But months after their break up, she seems very comfortable revealing her new man, the same lad she was accused of cheating on her man with, by the name Bob Muriithi, and the two seem to be very happy and doing very well.

IZAREEH-BOB-HEY-Z-EX-1

Mercy Njoki has been dating Bob for months now and from the time gap, it looks like they knew each other before separating from Hey Da Brand. The lovebirds have been hanging out and could have even have moved in together.

Moved On! Gospel Singer Hey Z’s Ex Girlfriend, Who Allegedly Cheated On Him, Cuddles Up With Her New Man (PHOTO)

Mercy and Bob also hang out a lot with former Tahidi High crew, Jackie Matubia, Abel Mutua and Phillip Karanja. Recently, the cute couple went for a romantic date. The actress shared sweet photos with her man, who she has confessed be in love with.

Check out Hey Z Da Brand’s ex-girlfriend with her new boo below.

mercy-hey-z-brand

mercy-hey-z-ex

mercy-hey-z-ex-3

 

 

DRAMA! Vera And Her Ex Have An Explosive Fight As She Owns Up To Leaked Nude Photos

Vera Sidika sent her bae or should I say “ex” are currently embroiled in an epic digital fight of mythical proportions.

You see, Vera’s ex decided to expose her nude photos to the public after her love “showed him pepe” and I kid you not, that is an actual quote from the lad called Yommy or Yommy Jones if you will.

Vera decided to shame the grown man by posting screenshots of how he begged her not to leave and when she left, he begged her to return if only so he could continue to sneak into heaven via the gate that lies between her thighs.

Vera was having none of it and decided to stand her ground. On his part (and this is according to her) Yommy leaked photos of her perfectly sculpted breasts. And my word, I have to commend her dermatologist, he managed to bleach even her areola and nipples. He’s perfected his art.
vera-sidika-and-boyfriend-2

Anyway, Yommy jumped in on her comments and demanded to know why she was faking the entire saga because according to him, he has never received any nudes. He challenged Vera to post the exact portion of their conversation where she sent him her nudes.

I don’t know anyone who can tolerate B.S like I did, get publicly ridiculed over a lie & still ignore it all!
I have tried so hard to be calm. I had promised myself a peaceful & calm break up I remember telling my ex I don’t want drama just want us to go separate ways peacefully without social media bUllshit. But nope! his aim was this! To drag my name & image. I remember him saying he will make my life miserable. I remember him saying he will do drama. I remember him saying he’s gonna use people, my enemies etc for drama to bring me down coz doing it himself would make him look bad. I never wanted to believe all this until I got numerous screenshots a week back that he’s being going about blogs claiming he dumped me. Which is a lie. I ended the relationship. But that doesn’t matter, that’s why I ignored when people sent me the story. But dude! I shared images with u in confidence & u do this? 😳😡😤 really! Honestly, wether u leaked my nude pics to blogs or sent to your friends who passed it around & it ended up on blogs. It’s just WRONG!! Nobody should do such to someone they claim they once loved. No one! I was minding my business. I was calm. But u just pressed the wrong button!
All I wanted was to ignore & let it fade away but I think the world deserves to know the TRUTH!
I officially ended my relationship on May 11th as you can see & it’s been nothing but hell for me. Deep in my mind I slowly wanted out. when I left dubai in January I got back to kenya the first thing I did was delete pics from IG coz I felt I have sacrificed enough & cant continue doing so for someone that doesn’t appreciate it. No relationship is easy. May-This was the time I wanted no more & after my break up when asked on a tv interview if I’m in a relationship all I did was say I’m single! That’s when drama started. My ex started sending me texts claiming I publicly embarrassed him for saying I’m single! In an interview done 2 weeks after. I still don’t know his motives but whatever it is. This was part of his plan.

 

Oh No! Popular TV Presenter BREAKS UP With Fiancée After 7 Years Of Dating. Check Out Their Cute PHOTOS Before The Separation

I am a lover of love, and I hate to see a cute couple break up after years of putting so much into a relationship, but I guess that’s how love goes at times.

Popular reggae TV presenter Coco Soboo has revealed that he has broken up with his fiancée Shiro, after being together for 7 years.

Coco also happens to be related (a cousin) to former Tahidi High actress and TV presenter Sarah Hassan, who walked down the aisle in February 2017.

COCO-shiro

The One Love show host proposed to the love of his life back in September 2015 and everyone who knew them was waiting for the big day, their wedding, but sadly, this was not meant to be.

Coco real name, Dominic K. Ngori cited irreconcilable differences as the main reason why they decided to call it quits, but added there is no bad blood between them.

The reggae emcee revealed that he does not have any resentment or animosity towards Shiro, in fact, he confessed that he still misses her, saying that she’s the most amazing woman he’s ever met.

coco-sarah

Coco Soboo also revealed he used to call his ex-fiancée ’empress’ saying that she was his queen. The hunk wishes her all the best as she starts over, urging her not to be sad.

He went on to add that Shiro gave him the best 7 years of his life, making her the man he is now, and if you knew the couple or follow them on social media, you would never think they could break up.

Coco

They were a match made in heaven, but at times things just don’t go as planned and life has to move on.

”My ex-was the most amazing woman turned empress I have ever met. I owe everything I am and have to her patience, grace and understanding. We broke up because sometimes in life you don’t always get what you want and life must continue. I refer to her as empress, my best friend, I miss her madly. She was my queen and still is. I urge her to keep smiling. I learnt so much from her; I tell Shiro asante for feeding, loving and caring for Rasta,” said Coco to Edaily reporter.

Check out more photos of Coco and his ex-fiancée below. They were such a cute couple.

MARRIAGE IS TOUGH! Here Are 3 Things We’ve Learned From Dr Ofweneke’s Break Up With His Baby Mama Nicah

There’s nothing sad like seeing a lovely couple going through a nasty break up.

Celebrated comedian Dr Ofweneke real name, Sande Bush, has been the talk of the week after he revealed that he had separated with his fiancée and baby mama Nicah after speculation arose on their relationship.

LOVE GONE SOUR! Top Comedian Dr Ofweneke Officially Confirms That He’s Separated From Singer Wife

Dr Ofweneke and his gospel singer wife Nicah The Queen had dated for years, and most fans were actually waiting for a wedding this year after the popular MC went down on one knee back in June 2016.

The estranged couple was blessed with one child, though Nicah has another child from a previous relationship, who Ofweneke gladly took in and accepted as his own and things were just fine until he started beating her, according to Nicah.

dr.ofweneke

In a recent social media revelation, Nicah, born, Victoria Wanja exposed Ofweneke as a wife batterer, confessing that they actually separated back in September 2016 after he beat her up and left their matrimonial home.

Nicah recently revealed that she’s stranded now that she’s a single mother of two with no source of income as Ofweneke provided financial support, which was one of the reasons she persevered the domestic violence.nicah-beating

But through all this drama, I’m sure we have learned one or two things from this break up. Here are 3 big lessons we can gather from the saga.

1. Independence Works
I won’t even sugar coat this, every woman should get a job should the relationship not work out, which ensures she’s financially stable. In this instance, Nicah depended fianncially on her man as her music career wasn’t doing well, and now she’s left to fend for herself. Ladies, even if your man supports you, have something on the side you can hold on to incase of any unforeseen events.

WHEN LOVE TURNS TO HATE! 5 Of The Biggest And Nastiest Break Ups In The Kenyan GOSPEL Industry

2. A Violent Marriage Never Works
Nicah accused her ex-boyfriend of beating her up and even shared a photo of her bruised face and what’s worse is this wasn’t the first time she had been beaten. If a man or woman hits his partner, most of the time the victim will end up walking away from the marriage but before that happens, the situation is always nasty. If your lover beats you up, just walk away the first time, because it’s likely to get worse.

“He Infected Me With STDs” Nigerian Actress Tonto Dikeh Reveals Why She Stayed With Her Abusive And Cheating Husband (VIDEO)

3. Cheating Has Become The Biggest Factor In Break Ups
If you do research on most broken marriages or relationships, it’s about unfaithfulness. In this case, Nicah was accused of cheating while other sources reveal that it was Ofweneke who cheated first, but none of them will talk about that part. It’s the same thing that happened to Saumu Mbuvi who revealed that she had left her baby daddy for cheating with another politician’s daughter.

MOVING ON! After Dumping Her Wealthy Cheating Boyfriend, Saumu Mbuvi Shares Heart-Warming Family Photos

 

Mariah Carey’s Fiance Jealous Of Hunk Backup Dancer

James Packer was ‘jealous’ of Mariah Carey’s backup dancer and choreographer Bryan Tanaka, a new report claims in the wake of the news of the celebrity couple’s dramatic split.

TMZ claimed Thursday night that ‘sources connected with Mariah’ had revealed the tension between the Australian billionaire and Tanaka that led to a showdown last June.

Bottoms up! Mariah spent plenty of time with back-up dancer Brian on tour, but it has been claimed that James was worried about how close the pair were getting 

The website claims that following a loud argument between the two men, ‘Packer used his casino ties to get Tanaka banned from Caesar’s Palace’, where the songstress has a residency.

It has become a very messy and dramatic end to the love story between the 46-year-old songstress and the 48-year-old businessman.

The couple have not seen each other in over a month after a fight while on a romantic European vacation, her spokesperson has said.

The pair’s engagement unraveled during a stay on a luxury yacht in Greece in September.

TMZ reported Packer allegedly did ‘something really bad’ that involved Carey’s assistant and there are other allegations about his behavior.

Tense: The pair were on a romantic trip to  Mykonos, Greece, in September but their relationship apparently unraveled after a row

Her spokesperson has denied speculation the split was over infidelity and insists the 46-year-old singer’s excessive spending was not to blame.

‘Mariah and James had a fight in Greece, and have not seen each other since. The fight was not because of any cheating allegations or excessive spending by Mariah,’ her spokesperson told ET exclusively.

‘James is one of the most successful businessmen in the world. They are trying to work it out, the spokesperson continued.

‘Right now, they’re not sure if they will stay together. They are discussing it, and plan to release an official statement together about their future.’

-DailyMail

Jennifer Lopez ‘Is Still On Friendly Terms With Casper Smart Following Split… But Her Ex Is In Denial About Break-Up’

They were alleged to have split when he went on a boys’ night out at a UFC fight instead of joining her at a charity weekend.

But it seems Jennifer Lopez and Casper Smart are still on good terms, with sources telling TMZ the pair are talking and are still very ‘amicable’.

The 47-year-old singer is said to have made it clear to him that they’re no longer a couple, but 29-year-old choreographer Casper is allegedly in ‘denial’.

No going back: Jennifer Lopez is reportedly 'resolute' in her decision to break-up with Casper Smart, but the 29-year-old choreographer is said to be in denial

The website reports that JLo is ‘resolute’ in her decision, while Casper is hopeful he can make up for missing the Hamptons fundraiser.

Casper is said to have flown to New York City in a bid to make amends with Jennifer, who has been filming her police drama Shades Of Blue in the city.

The two stars were seen on separate outings in New York City on Thursday – and one definitely appeared to be in better spirits than the other.

Meeting up: Casper is said to have flown to New York City in a bid to make amends with Jennifer, who has been filming her police drama Shades Of Blue in the city

No wonder JLo was in good spirits as she looked fantastic on her outing in a casual chic look.

She sported a denim button-down top over a white shirt, blue patterned joggers and a pair of brown leather workboots.

Casual cool: No wonder she was in good spirits as JLo looked stylish as she  sported a denim button-down top over a white shirt, matching joggers and a pair of brown leather workboots

Her brunette tresses were in a messy bun as she let her natural evergreen beauty show by going make-up free.

Casper had a sad expression on his face as he kept his head down while covering up in a hood, baseball cap and shades.

Aww: Casper had a sad expression on his face as he kept his head down while covering up in a hood, baseball cap and shades

Kenyan Men Reveal How Mother-In-Laws Are Ruining Marriages For Them (Audio)

There was an interesting discussion on the morning conversation with Maina Kageni after a certain feature revealed that parents are encouraging their children to walk out of marriages at the slight sign of trouble.

This was in comparison to parents of the old times who encouraged their children to persevere despite issues or challenges that may arise in wedlock, because marriage in not a bed of roses.

Apparently, mothers are encouraging women to leave their husbands if they are not happy or stressed in the marriage, especially if they can support themselves financially.

This brought about a big debate as callers gave their two-cents about this worrying trend. Listen to the audio below to find out how it all went down on the Classic 105 breakfast show. Here, men made real life confessions about their mother-in-laws.

Is Your Ex All Over Your Facebook Feed? Here’s How To Deal With It

One of the most confusing side effects of ending a relationship is navigating social media etiquette.

Facebook recently created a tool that will help exes limit how much interaction they have on the networking platform – without forcing either party to make any rash decisions involving un-friending or blocking.

facebook-exes

According to this upgrade by Facebook, users will be given the opt-in to use its new features as soon as their relationship status involving another Facebook user has changed. Here’s what you’ll be able to do:

1. Limit how much news you see about the other person. “See less of a former partner’s name and profile picture around Facebook without having to un-friend or block them.

facebook-exes2

Their posts won’t show up in News Feed, and their name won’t be suggested when people write a new message or tag friends in photos.”

2. Limit what the other person can see about you. “Limit the photos, videos or status updates that a former partner will see.”

facebook-exes3

3. Disentangle your social media past. “Edit who can see their past posts with a former partner and un-tag themselves from posts with that person.”

facebook-exes4

 

These Facebook tools were created to help people end relationships on Facebook with greater ease, comfort and sense of control.

why_women_cant_get_over_an_ex_easily_post_1344331848

 

 

 

Glamour

Signs That You Are Ready To Mingle After A Breakup

It’s pretty natural for one to feel sad and broken when a relationship ends, in fact for some it may take years to move on and start afresh.

But once you put your mind to it, you can move on with your life. How do you tell that you have gotten over your ex and are really ready to start dating?

Here are the signs that you are ready to mingle:

You Feel Flirty Again: When we’re depressed, the world looks barren and gray. Then, when we’re on our way to healing we experience rebirth, its like things are coming back into technicolor. Many of my coaching clients describe their feeling of coming out of a breakdown that they weren’t aware was even happening to them. That said, there’s nothing like a little rebound loving to light your spark again. Be open to introductions, and give that cute guy at Starbucks a coy smile.

You’re Over Trashing Your Ex To Everyone Else: “He did this, then I said that.” After a heartbreak, our edition of what happened becomes our favorite thing to talk about. It’s easy to fall into a sense of victimization, especially if there was a betrayal like infidelity. When your default mode is no longer, “Let me tell you what happened to me,” you’re getting over your ex.

You Don’t Want Revenge: You’re no Dexter, but when your wounds were fresh, you imagined seven different ways to make that loser pay for what happened. The only reason you didn’t exert some kind of punishment on your ex is that you believe in karma; plus who wants to go to jail? Take a breath, bombshell. Everyone did the best they could with what they knew at the time. When you no longer fantasize about getting him fired, kidnapping his dog, calling his mom or telling all on Facebook, you’ve moved on.

You’re No Longer Bawling: Raise your hand if you’ve ever been curled up in a ball on your kitchen floor in tears. Yup. We’ve all been there at some point or another. Pain is inevitable if we live long enough. It’s the suffering that’s optional. If you can mention your ex without getting teary-eyed, and you’re no longer crying on a daily basis, you’re probably on your way to better things.

You Forgive The Past: Forgiveness is the most powerful piece in the love puzzle. Who should you forgive for optimal healing? Forgive everyone. Forgive yourself and your ex. Forgive the circumstances. Let go of the hope, wish and idea that the past could have been any different. OK, it happened and it sucked. What’s the lesson from the situation? When a breakup happens, you should allow yourself to go through the full range of emotions. You have a right to feel angry, sad or however you feel. You can unfriend him on social networks, sure, but slashing tires is not allowed — except in your imagination. Yes, you’ve had your heart broken but you’re still your wonderful, beautiful self. As Pink once said, “So what? You’re still a rock star!” The most important lesson of all? You are worthy of being loved and you are enough. Now get out there and show the dating world what you’ve got!

-Goodmenproject

 

Signs that she is about to break up with you

When you are in a relationship  its not easy to say some things to your partner especially when you know that they will be hurt.

This is especially common with women, they will show you subtle signs trying to communicate their intentions.

You have to learn to read the signs, don’t assume all is well when she stops doing certain things as it is probably a sign that she is tired of the relationship.

Withdrawal
Of the times you spend together you’re always so connected, chatting and sharing your daily experiences but of late she seems distant. Her concentration on you is not the same. She gives little attention to small things and there is a distance and discord in the way things are done from her end.

Absent minded
When it comes to getting intimate, she will do it but not with much zeal and with less connection to you.  This is probably the easiest way to tell so keep your eyes open.

Cancelling or bringing extras to dates
Before you used to enjoy dinners or nights out together. That has since changed as she will either cancel the plan or “conveniently” bump into a friend and invite tag her along. This is a hint that she is no longer interested in the intimate moments for the two of you.

No jealousy
While you are still in-love, she would often be concerned about who called especially when you’re giggling or probably because you took so long. Right now she isn’t even concerned when you take two hours on a phone call. Infact even when you go out she isn’t concerned about which girl says hi while flirting with you.

Goodbye
Mostly goodbyes, no matter even if they are only for the night, are done in certain ways. But when you see her goodbyes dying down, you should know it’s time to be more careful. Given a she would probably let you leave without saying goodbye and it wouldn’t really matter.

 

The Author, Ms. Chituyi is a relationship expert