Mental health activist Nelius Mwaura has advised people to stop assuming people who commit suicide are selfish. She says such people fight internal battles every day.
The mother of three was reacting to a story in which a nurse in Gatundu committed suicide. Margaret Wamatu hanged herself and alleged that evil spirits had led her to end her life.
Nelius has in the past battled depression and thus she understands the struggle well.
“Do you know that feeling? When everything you do seems like a struggle. Where you don’t wanna leave the house because you know everyone is judging you? Where you cant even ask for directions in fear that they criticize you. Where everyone always seems to be picking out your flaws. That feeling where you feel so damn sick for no reason.”
Nelius says sometimes people with suicidal thoughts struggle with body image issues such as excess weight etc.
“Do you know that feeling where you look in the mirror and completely hate what you see? When you grab handfuls and handfuls of fat and just want to cut it all off. That feeling when you see other beautiful girls and just wish you looked like them. When you compare yourself to everyone you meet. When you realize why no one ever showed interest in you. “
“That feeling where you become so self-conscious you don’t even turn up at school.
That feeling when you feel so disappointed in who you are and everything you have become.
That feeling when every bite makes you wanna be sick. When hunger is more satisfying than food. The feeling of failure when you eat a meal.”
The outspoken lady says people who commit suicide are not weak or selfish.
“Do you know that feeling when you can’t run as far as your class? Fear knowing that everyone thinks of you as the”Unfit FAT BITCH” That feeling when you just wanna let it all out but you don’t wanna look weak.
The fear you have in class when you don’t understand something but your too afraid to ask for help. The feeling of being too ashamed to stand up for yourself.”
She says some of these struggles become worse when people ‘confirm’ the fears victims have.
In conclusion, she said,
“Do you know what it feels like to just want to give up? When do you just want all the pain to end but you want it to continue?
In a world where we can be anything, let’s be Kinder.”
Counselors, medics, and psychologists advise that you can always reach out for help when experiencing any mental health issues. Call Kenya Red Cross toll-free hotline, 1199 for support.