At some point in your late 20s or 30s, you’ll be skeedaddling along, enjoying life, and finally feeling satisfied in your marriage or relationship. Inevitably, some guy from your past will choose that exact moment in time to decide he needs to soul-search because things, perhaps, didn’t turn out quite the way he had planned. In his quest to find himself, he’ll contact you. He’ll remind you that you were once such good friends. You’ll reluctantly, politely, agree to write back because you’re a nice person.
And, just like that, you’ve been sucked into his sad vortex of doom and despair — one that will threaten to blast your current, wonderful relationship to smithereens. Three words: Don’t go there.
Things will start off slowly — innocently. He’ll “like” photos of you on Facebook and pay special attention to the ones you took with your children (Hidden meaning: “Gee, wouldn’t I have been a great dad?”).
He’ll send you a personal message that contains what you assume is a harmless question: “Didn’t we visit the Central Park Zoo that one time? And you told me you were afraid of monkeys. Are you still afraid of monkeys?”
Here’s what he’s really trying to say: “Crap, I can’t maintain any semblance of a relationship and I’m 35. Is it because I never listened to you back then? Is it because I didn’t treat you well? Are you the one who got away and, if so, can you convince me that it was all your fault? Pretty, pretty, please, just tell me you were intimidated by me and you didn’t feel good enough for me and I promise it will satisfy my ego and make me go away!”