Many couples are unhappy and it’s not because of things that they can’t change, it’s because of issues that they bring upon themselves. Sometimes it’s done knowingly sometimes it’s not.
Have a look at these habits and see how they affect your relationships plus how you can work them out.
They compare their behavior now to their behavior when they dated.
In the early days, months, years of the relationship, couples are usually more romantic (or PDA-inclined) than much later on. With time some of the romance will fade over time — and while it’s important to address it, bringing up the past rarely helps the matter. According to Anne Crowley a Texas-based psychologist, Instead of getting bogged down in the past, see what happens when you tell your spouse you miss them. Often times it is intimacy that we are seeking with our spouse and anger only serves to push them away. Communication is the bridge to intimacy. When we feel connected with our spouse, we feel loved and valued.
They are pros at passive aggressive – According to Marina Sbrochi, a relationship expert and the author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Find the Love of Your Life. “If your partner models contemptuous behavior, you’ll most likely pick up that vibe and escalate the issue,” she said. “You’ll both walk away silently cursing each other.”
To put an end to the silent treatment, you need to get smarter with your argument style. “The next time you argue, take note of how one person’s attitude is contagious,” she said. “Instead of matching attitude, stop the bad-attitude train. Listen respectively and try to figure out what exactly your partner is trying to say to you.”
They can’t agree on who’s right and who’s wrong – How does it feel to date someone who wants to have the last say and wants to always be right? It must be exhausting. Partners who need to be right at the expense of their loved one’s feelings push each other away, said LiYana Silver, a relationship expert and coach.
“They try to get the other person to submit by shaming them, bullying them, out-smarting them or shutting them out,” she said. “If you’re a partner who constantly needs to be right, ask yourself: ‘What’s so important to my partner about this issue? What about it am I not seeing?’ This will shift the dynamic from adversarial to allied and genuine curiosity in a relationship is disarming and heart-opening. It will put you back on the same team.”
They allow their relationship to grow stale – If you want a long-term relationship to last, making an effort to share new and exciting experiences is essential. When couples fall into ruts and routines, they stop growing together and run the risk of growing apart.
If you find yourself bored by your partner, try something new together: tackle that recipe you found on Pinterest, go for a hike or schedule date nights again.
They lose sight of their partnership – Your partner should be your ride-or-die bestie, your partner in crime. One thing unhappy couples have in common is losing sight of that unbreakable partnership. Life changes when we marry or get serious. We start to go through the motions and we don’t feel bonded or connected anymore. To regain that sense of partnership, try to actively show your partner how much you appreciate them