Covid has brought with it an end to many relationships and the confessions on Classic 105 about spouses being left during hard times is evidence enough.
When a spouse leaves or indicates they are leaving we search for the right words to keep them from leaving hoping they will listen.
Here is a list of things one should not tell their spouse if they are leaving or sadly have left.
- Yelling, begging and crying: We ususally hope that making them seeing our emotional pain will guilt trip them into staying, but actually serves to push them further away.
2. Issuing idle threats: We tend to give ultimatums to anyone leavign that if they walk out the door, they shouldn’t even think about returning, yet in actual sense we are silently begging them to stay. They will run very far with the threats.
3. Empty promises: We tell our spouses we will reform, we will change so that they can stay. Question is, will it be temporary changes and then how will the spouse feel about being cheated> Only worse.
4. Guilty tripping them: Trying to flip the switch by making them feel they are responsible for the divorce won’t work. Perhaps you may accuse them of being with a secret boyfriend or girlfriend thus their reason for leaving, hoping they will admit to it and promise to leave that new relationship to work things out with you. It won’t work.
5. Going DCI on her/him: Snooping to find out the reason behind leaving your marriage is a no no. We also snoop on their social media with the hopes of landing that screenshot to prove something. Focus on you and work on yourself.
The spouse leaving has already made up their mind and will go regardless. This in no way should you blame yourself.
You are not to blame for anything
No one is perfect and like above, work on yourself to become a better spouse. When they see the effort, genuine effort, they may reconsider.