Death leaves a heartache no one can understand, but memories to be treasured forever. And yet there is nothing as hard as being a young widow/widower.
Even though death is inevitable one is never fully prepared for it and it is not easy moving on. There is no standard way of mourning a loved one thus everyone’s journey is different. So many people are hurting today over the loss of a loved one
John Keats once said “Land, sea, weakness and decline are the greatest but death is the greatest divorcer for ever.” Even though the lives of those left behind continue it can never really be the same.
Music producer Ted Josiah is among the many people who have been robbed of a loved one and he shares his story. Speaking to the Nairobian Tedd opened up and said that it has not been easy being a widower. He lost his lovely wife Regina Katar after a short illness leaving behind an adorable daughter.
“Imagine calling someone your everything – home, safe place, your all – and watching them slowly fade away on their deathbed in less than an hour. I was left on a free fall and lost. In many ways, Regina was my anchor. I have to make a lot of adjustments; I am more hands-on with my baby. I have to wash her, clean, cook, feed and be always there for her,” explains Josiah. “I am lucky my office is in my home so I can spend all the time I need with her,” he explains.
Though it is hard for him to raise his daughter alone, he is thankful that the in-laws have been supportive.
Ted is among the people who are lucky enough to receive help from people around him including close relatives, he only wishes that “there were support systems that are more robust in this country. If I was still living in the UK, I would be able to take some time off work and still have an allowance to take care of the baby, and though it wouldn’t be much, it would mean we have a roof over our heads and food to eat as she grows to the age of attending school.
On taking care of his daughter he says “children are very sensitive to people and people’s moods, so it’s been important that I keep my daughters environment as peaceful and positive as possible.” He hasn’t forgotten his wife as he is still grieving and misses the good times he shared with Regina. The scar of that loss is quite obvious, proof that there is such a thing as true love. “Losing someone you love isn’t easy, especially if it was real love. They say that love never dies, so imagine the confusion in my mind on some days. The loss in my mind. The heaviness in my heart just thinking about the fun times and wishing she’d pop out from behind the door and scream ‘boo!’ and scare me. That’s what we used to do to each other… and listening to a beautiful song and wishing I could share that with her. But she’s not here.
Ted says that to keep his wife’s memories alive he chose to keep all her stuff “I kept it all. Some precious stuff will stay with me until my daughter is old enough to inherit it all…to let my little Jay know that her mom was loved, her memory was kept safe, but so were her valuable things.” Unlike most couples whose marriage physically signified by wedding bands, Josiah says “I never had a wedding band. I had a watch. And yes, I keep it with me, and always will.”
Like many widowers Ted confesses that falling in love is not on his mind as per now since it is only God who knows the plans he has for him “At this point, my heart has too many mixed emotions.” He advises other widowers to mourn their loved ones and stop trying to be heroes as “a man who has lost his wife should mourn the way he knows best. Let yourself feel the pain and sorrow.
He advises men against trying to be super heroes by bottling up emotions since it can break them
None of us are built strong enough to ignore the pain of loss. It makes men turn to alcohol and other things for a temporary high and to try to forget.” He adds: “If you’ve got kids, cuddle them and walk this journey together. You need each other. God is able. He will renew me every day and He will take my ashes and give me beauty. I have learnt to depend on God more.”