emotional bag

3 types of emotional baggage that affects relationships

At one point in your dating life, you have had a partner who had some issues that you probably thought were going to change with time but didn’t. Don’t worry because it happens to the best of us.

Dating someone with baggage is a bit hard, yes everyone has some form of baggage however there are those that you should spot from a mile away and walk through the next available exit.

This is because they will do you no good and will in fact destroy your relationship.

Major problems with the family

Regardless of whether your date is 20 or 50, they may have emotional baggage related to dysfunction stemming from the family he or she was born into. If you date someone who has significant issues with their family, it’s often with the parents. Yet sometimes he or she will have a sibling that brings major stress or emotional tumult into their lives.

How to spot it: She has extreme anger toward one or both parents; she has fairly frequent blowouts with family members at family dinners, reunions or other events; she has a parent or sibling who is an active addict whom the family is always worried about; or he was emotionally, physically or verbally abused by one or both parents.

Depression

I know a lot of people believe that depression is more of a female problem, which is a very wrong assumption as it affects both sexes. Simply put, both women and men can carry the baggage of depression into a relationship.

How to spot it: He is moody; doesn’t feel like being social with others; has a low self-esteem and is critical of themselves; has lost interest in activities that used to make her happy; complains a lot and has a pessimistic view of the future; gets irritated easily and excels at starting arguments; and cries once in a while for no particular reason.

The ex factor

When you first start dating someone, ask yourself the following questions: Is this person still in contact with his or her ex? Has the person you’re dating fully closed the romantic/need-for-attention door with the ex, or has that door been left slightly ajar? If you breathe even the slightest whiff of unfinished business with your date’s ex, you will make your life easier by heading towards the nearest exit sign. People should give themselves a good six months or longer before even considering starting a new relationship. The reality: If the last relationship ended in a nasty or messy way, a person needs a year or longer to heal before being able to start a healthy relationship – which means not carrying baggage into the next one.

How to spot it: In the first month or two of dating, he mentions his ex at least once per week; she still keeps pictures around or other mementos of the ex; you hear him mention the ex’s name when he’s talking to friends; he tries to get together with the ex for coffee or a meal so soon after the breakup; or she compares you in any way to the ex.

Conclusion                                                                                 

By the time we reach adulthood, we all inevitably carry some sort of emotional baggage with us. The question becomes, is the baggage severe enough to negatively affect a new relationship? Whom you seek out is your choice, but you must remember that warning signs don’t lie!

Credits :Dr. Seth is a licensed clinical psychologist

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