When it comes to recovering from a divorce, a man may go over what went wrong in his relationship. But the conclusion often puts most, if not all, the blame on his former beloved. But somewhere out there a man is ready to take an honest look at where he fell short. And when he does, he will undoubtedly find a few characteristics in common with most of his ex-husband cohorts.
1. Fighting unfair
Personal attacks are almost always a sign of a deteriorating marriage. If a man is guilty of bullying, intimidation or generally making his wife feel unsafe and insecure on a regular basis, there’s no doubt he will one day be a divorcé.
2. Always the critic
Constant criticism is a common factor among many men’s divorces. He may not see pointing out flaws in his wife or in his life, and focusing on the negative as a destructive force in his relationship at the time. But most ex-husbands have a bad habit of focusing their attention on everything that goes or could go wrong.
3. Poor partner picker
On a 2010’s episode of the reality TV hit Divorce Court, a complainant quoted his father, who advised him, “Women are all the same, just pick one.” Judge Lynn Toler schooled him with something along the lines of, “That’s a surefire way you’ll pick the wrong one!”
A man who can’t admit he has a problem picking the right “one” is a man who will find himself unhappy and divorced again and again.
4. Don’t let go
A marriage should be a sanctuary in which you can be your most authentic self. That doesn’t mean you can completely let yourself fall into destructive patterns or forget what made you marriage material in the first place.
A divorced man is likely someone who let himself go; a little too far, and a little too fast! Whether he packed on the pounds, forgot basic hygiene, or insisted on wearing those old, ratty sweatpants to dinner every night, a divorce man almost certainly let something go.
5. Bottom priorities
A divorced man probably didn’t see caring for his wife, his family or his household as a priority; financially, emotionally or otherwise.
Some men see his financial obligations as the only obligations, or while others completely fail at providing for the household at all. Ask an ex-wife about her former husband and she’ll likely find somewhere he fell short.
6. Part time partner
Divorced men often take frequent vacations from life and marriage, although not always physically. They put leisurely pursuits, recreational activities, electronic or motor interests, and spending time with friends above being a full-time husband and father. These exes often leave behind disgruntled tech or hobby “widows.”
7. Unable to adapt
An unhappy and eventually divorced man will marry a woman expecting her to stay the same as the day he married her, or expecting her to change and grow out of the things he doesn’t like about her. A man who is unable to accept his wife as she is and grow and adapt with her through the journey of marriage won’t be calling her his wife for long.
8. Lazy days
Being lazy in marriage, in fatherhood, and around the house is a common contention among divorcing couples. Not helping with housework or with the children can cause a huge rift in a marriage, and affect everything from the bedroom to the dinner table. A man who doesn’t pull his weight and do his fair share in the home may not have one very long.
9. Emotionally unavailable
An insensitive and unsupportive husband often finds himself at the receiving end of divorce papers. Many men, married or not, are guilty of being emotionally disconnected, lacking compassion, and ignoring their partners’ needs. But a marriage certificate won’t keep these men safe from being thrown back into the dating pool.
10. Know it all
A divorced man doesn’t listen to long and happily married men or other divorcees when the end is in sight for his own marriage. An ex-husband usually tries to handle things on his own, and is unwilling to listen to the wisdom of his peers or professionals in the marriage business. An ex-husband knows it all, and doesn’t ask for or accept help.
These are some of the many unpleasant characteristic men who’ve ended their marriages seem to have in common. If you want to make sure your marriage has a fighting chance, or see a loved one heading this way, let him know what pitfalls he is facing and how to avoid those dreaded papers at the end of the day